SIR ROGER CASEMENT, it appears, landed in Ireland from a collapsible
boat. And by a strange coincidence his arrival synchronised with the
outbreak of a collapsible rebellion.
***
Hard soap can now be obtained in Germany only by those who purchase
bread tickets. The soft variety cannot be obtained at all, the whole
supply, it seems, having been commandeered by the Imperial Government
for export to the United States.
***
£175 worth of radium was lost last week in Dundee. The ease with which
bar radium can be melted down and remoulded in the form of cheap
jewellery affords, according to the local police, a clear indication
that this was the work of thieves.
***
A conscientious objector has stated that he had even given up fishing on
humanitarian grounds. We fear that his fish stories may have caused some
fatal attacks of apoplexy among his audiences.
***
According to Sir THOMAS BARLOW "the importation of bananas has had a
far-reaching effect on the digestion of our children." Only last Monday
week the importation of six bananas had just that kind of effect on the
digestion of our own dear little Percy.
***
Portugal has decided to expel German sympathisers of whatever
nationality. Other clubs please copy.
***
From the Eastern Counties comes news that in last week's Zeppelin raid
twenty turnips were "completely destroyed." And so the grim work of
starving England into submission goes relentlessly on.
***
"That boy there," said the LORD MAYOR at the Mansion House, in
addressing some children from an orphanage, "can easily become a Lord
Mayor." Cases of this sort are really not hard to diagnose when you are
familiar with the symptoms, and the LORD MAYOR had, of course, noticed
the hearty manner in which the lad was attacking his food.
***
The latest Shakspearean discovery announced by Sir SIDNEY LEE is that
the Bard was a successful man of business; but the really nice people
who have lately taken him up have resolved not to let the fact prejudice
them against him after all these years.
***
"Absence of the Polecat from Ireland" is the title of a vigorous article
in the current number of _The Field_. While agreeing in substance with
the writer, we cannot refrain from commenting on this unexpected
departure of a peculiarly moderate organ from its customary restraint in
dealing with the political questions of the day.
***
The Editor of _The Angler's News_ makes public the request that
fishermen will provide him with the particulars of any exceptionally big
fish which they may catch. Strangely enough he does not suggest that the
data should be accompanied, for purposes of verification, by the fish
themselves. It is refreshing to know that there is a man left here and
there who is not trying to make something out of the War.
***
One of the Zeppelins that recently visited England dropped one hundred
bombs without causing a single casualty, and a movement is on foot to
present the Commander with a pair of white gloves.
***
"What I wish to show Mr. Norman," says Mr. G. K. CHESTERTON in _The New
Witness_, "is that the fantastic pursuit of the _idée fixe_ ... leads to
a _reductio ad absurdum_." One has often had occasion to notice the
rapidity with which a young _idée fixe_ will dart down a convenient
_reductio ad absurdum_ when closely pursued.
***
A writer in the current number of _The Fortnightly Review_ has
elaborated the theory that the War can be won without difficulty by
breaking through the German line in the West. It is the ability to grasp
these simple but fundamental truths that distinguishes the military
genius from the War Office hack.
***
The majority of the larger railways have now announced their intention
of serving no more meals on trains. While the reason has not been
officially stated the authorities are said to be of the opinion that
Zeppelins have on several occasions been able to reach important termini
by following the smell of cookery.
* * * * *
The Perils of the Tyne.
"A ship's apprentice who attempted the rescue of a man in
shark-infested waters to-day, at Newcastle, received the
Shipping Federation's diploma and medal."
_Morning Paper._
* * * * *
The Infallible Experts.
"In general (continued Count Andrassy), the battle has ceased to
be of the nature of a siege, as it was intended to be at the
beginning. It is a long-drawn-out and deadly combat between the
French and German armies, and the victory of one will
undoubtedly be the defeat of the other."--_Yorkshire Post._
"It is a reasonable conclusion from these facts that ... the
principal attack, supposing that it should actually have taken
place, has already been made."
_Col. FEYLER in "The Sunday Times."_
* * * * *
Delphinium Hybrids.
"What looks much handsomer than a sow of Delphiniums in the
borders of your garden, and once planted they are always
there."--_Garden Work for Amateurs._
The only drawback is that it is apt to make such a litter.
* * * * *
"Before we are through with it, we may be obliged to have a war
outright with Mexico, because the Defacto Government is none too
friendly to us."--_Bournemouth Guardian._
It is not perhaps generally known that President Defacto is a direct
descendant of that well-known ruler, Señor A. Priori.
* * * * *
"Outside Dublin the county is tranquil. Mr. Asquith, and three
minor cases of disturbance are reported."--_Evening News._
We deprecate this attempt to import political prejudice into the
situation.
* * * * *
"Two ladies obliged to remain in furnished house, Bournemouth,
till let, offer free weekly accommodation to middle-aged healthy
lady and dog in difficulties through war."
_The Common Cause._
Even the pets are feeling the pinch of the Common Cause.
* * * * *