Ashurst Rectory, in a green seclusion of vines and creepers, stood close
to the lane,--Strawberry Lane it was called, because of a tradition that
wild strawberries grew there. The richness of the garden was scarcely
kept in bounds by its high fence; the tops of the bushes looked over it,
and climbing roses shed their petals on the path below, and cherries,
blossoms, and fruit were picked by the passer-by. "There is enough for us
inside," said the rector.
The house itself was of gray stone, which seemed to have caught, where it
was not hidden by Virginia creepers and wistaria, the mellow coloring of
the sunset light, which flooded it from a gap in the western hills. Its
dormer-windows, their roofs like brown caps bent about their ears, had
lattices opening outward; and from one of these Lois Howe, on the evening
of Helen's wedding day, had seen her father wandering about the garden,
with the red setter at his heels, and had gone down to join him.
"I wonder," she said, as she wound her round young arm in his, which was
behind him, and held his stick, "if John Ward has a garden? I hope so;
Helen is so fond of flowers. But he never said anything about it; he just
went around as though he was in a dream. He was perfectly happy if he
could only look at Helen!"
"Well, that's right," said the rector; "that's proper. What else would
you have? The fact is, Lois, you don't like Ward. Now, he is a good
fellow; yes, good is just the word for him. Bless my soul, there's a
pitch of virtue about him that is exhausting. But that's our fault," he
added candidly.
"Oh, I'll like him," Lois said quickly, "if he will just make Helen
happy."
The rector shook his head. "I know how you feel," he said, "and I
acknowledge he is odd; that talk of his last night about slavery being
a righteous institution"--
"Oh, he didn't say that, father," Lois interrupted.
--"was preposterous," continued Dr. Howe, not noticing her; "but
he's earnest, he's sincere, and I have a great deal of respect for
earnestness. And look here, Lois, you must not let anybody see you are
not in sympathy with Helen's choice; be careful of that tongue of yours,
child. It's bad taste to make one's private disappointments public. I
wouldn't speak of it even to your aunt Deely, if I were you."
He stooped down to pull some matted grass from about the roots of a
laburnum-tree, whose dark leaves were lighted by golden loops of
blossoms, "Thirty-eight years ago," he said, "your mother and I planted
this; we had just come home from our wedding journey, and she had brought
this slip from her mother's garden in Virginia. But dear me, I suppose
I've told you that a dozen times. What? How to-day brings back that trip
of ours! We came through Lockhaven, but it was by stage-coach. I remember
we thought we were so fortunate because the other two passengers got out
there, and we had the coach to ourselves. Your mother had a striped
ribbon, or gauze,--I don't know what you call it,--on her bonnet, and it
kept blowing out of the window of the coach, like a little flag. You
young people can go further in less time, when you travel, but you will
never know the charm of staging it through the mountains. I declare, I
haven't thought of it for years, but to-day brings it all back to me!"
They had reached the rectory porch, and Dr. Howe settled himself in his
wicker chair and lighted his cigar, while Lois sat down on the steps, and
began to dig small holes in the gravel with the stick her father had
resigned to her.
The flood of soft lamplight from the open hall door threw the portly
figure of the rector into full relief, and, touching Lois's head, as she
sat in the shadow at the foot of the steps, with a faint aureole, fell in
a broad bright square on the lawn in front of the house. They had begun
to speak again of the wedding, when the click of the gate latch and the
swinging glimmer of a lantern through the lilacs and syringas warned them
that some one was coming, and in another moment the Misses Woodhouse
and their nephew stepped across the square of light.
Miss Deborah and Miss Ruth were quite unconscious that they gave the
impression of carrying Gifford about with them, rather than of being
supported by him, for each little lady had passed a determined arm
through one of his, and instead of letting her small hand, incased in its
black silk mitt, rest upon his sleeve, pressed it firmly to her breast.
Ashurst was a place where friendships grew in simplicity as well as
strength with the years, and because these three people had been most of
the morning at the rectory, arranging flowers, or moving furniture about,
or helping with some dainty cooking, and then had gone to the church at
noon for the wedding, they saw no reason why they should not come again
in the evening. So the sisters had put on their second-best black silks,
and, summoning Gifford, had walked through the twilight to the rectory.
Miss Deborah Woodhouse had a genius for economy, which gave her great
pleasure and involved but slight extra expense to the household, and she
would have felt it a shocking extravagance to have kept on the dress she
had worn to the wedding. Miss Ruth, who was an artist, the sisters said,
and fond of pretty things, reluctantly followed her example.
They sat down now on the rectory porch, and began to talk, in their
eager, delicate little voices, of the day's doings. They scarcely noticed
that their nephew and Lois had gone into the fragrant dusk of the garden.
It did not interest them that the young people should wish to see, as
Gifford had said, how the sunset light lingered behind the hills; and
when they had exhausted the subject of the wedding, Miss Ruth was anxious
to ask the rector about his greenhouse and the relative value of leaf
mould and bone dressing, so they gave no thought to the two who still
delayed among the flowers.
This was not surprising. Gifford and Lois had known each other all their
lives. They had quarreled and made up with kisses, and later on had
quarreled and made up without the kisses, but they had always felt
themselves the most cordial and simple friends. Then had come the time
when Gifford must go to college, and Lois had only seen him in his short
vacations; and these gradually became far from pleasant. "Gifford has
changed," she said petulantly. "He is so polite to me," she complained to
Helen; not that Gifford had ever been rude, but he had been brotherly.
He once asked her for a rose from a bunch she had fastened in her dress.
"Why don't you pick one yourself, Giff?" she said simply; and afterwards,
with a sparkle of indignant tears in her eyes and with a quick impatience
which made her an amusing copy of her father, she said to Helen, "I
suppose he meant to treat me as though I was some fine young lady. Why
can't he be just the old Giff?" And when he came back from Europe, she
declared he was still worse.
Yet even in their estrangement they united in devotion to Helen. It was
to Helen they appealed in all their differences, which were many, and her
judgment was final; Lois never doubted it, even though Helen generally
thought Gifford was in the right. So now, when her cousin had left her,
she was at least sure of the young man's sympathy.
She was glad that he was going to practice in Lockhaven; he would be near
Helen, and make the new place less lonely for her, she said, once. And
Helen had smiled, as though she could be lonely where John was!
They walked now between the borders, where old-fashioned flowers crowded
together, towards the stone bench. This was a slab of sandstone, worn and
flaked by weather, and set on two low posts; it leaned a little against
the trunk of a silver-poplar tree, which served for a back, and it looked
like an altar ready for the sacrifice. The thick blossoming grass, which
the mower's scythe had been unable to reach, grew high about the corners;
three or four stone steps led up to it, but they had been laid so long
ago they were sunken at one side or the other, and almost hidden by moss
and wild violets. Quite close to the bench a spring bubbled out of the
hill-side, and ran singing through a hollowed locust log, which was mossy
green where the water had over-flowed, with a musical drip, upon the
grass underneath.
They stood a moment looking towards the west, where a golden dust seemed
blown across the sky, up into the darkness; then Lois took her seat upon
the bench. "When do you think you will get off, Giff?" she said.
"I'm not quite sure," he answered; he was sitting on one of the lower
steps, and leaning on his elbow in the grass, so that he might see her
face. "I suppose it will take a fortnight to arrange everything."
"I'm sorry for that," Lois said, disappointedly. "I thought you would go
in a few days."
Gifford was silent, and began to pick three long stems of grass and braid
them together. Lois sat absently twisting the fringe on one end of the
soft scarf of yellow crepe, which was knotted across her bosom, and fell
almost to the hem of her white dress.
"I mean," she said, "I'm sorry Helen won't have you in Lockhaven. Of
course Ashurst will miss you. Oh, dear! how horrid it will be not to
have Helen here!"
"Yes," said Gifford sympathetically, "you'll be awfully lonely."
They were silent for a little while. Some white phlox in the girl's bosom
glimmered faintly, and its heavy fragrance stole out upon the warm air.
She pulled off a cluster of the star-like blossoms, and held them
absently against her lips. "You don't seem at all impatient to get away
from Ashurst, Giff," she said. "If I had been you, I should have gone to
Lockhaven a month ago; everything is so sleepy here. Oh, if I were a man,
wouldn't I just go out into the world!"
"Well, Lockhaven can scarcely be called the world," Gifford answered in
his slow way.
"But I should think you would want to go because it will be such a
pleasure to Helen to have you there," she said.
Gifford smiled; he had twisted his braid of grass into a ring, and
had pushed it on the smallest of his big fingers, and was turning it
thoughtfully about. "I don't believe," he said, "that it will make the
slightest difference to Helen whether I am there or not. She has Mr.
Ward."
"Oh," Lois said, "I hardly think even Mr. Ward can take the place of
father, and the rectory, and me. I know it will make Helen happier to
have somebody from home near her."
"No," the young man said, with a quiet persistence, "it won't make the
slightest difference, Lois. She'll have the person she loves best in the
world; and with the person one loves best one could be content in the
desert of Sahara."
"You seem to have a very high opinion of John Ward," Lois said, a thread
of anger in her voice.
"I have," said Gifford; "but that isn't what I mean. It's love, not John
Ward, which means content. But you don't have a very high opinion of
him?"
"Oh, yes, I have," Lois said quickly; "only he isn't good enough for
Helen. I suppose, though, I'd say that of anybody. And he irritates me,
he is so different from other people. I don't think I do--adore him!"
Gifford did not speak; he took another strand of grass, and began to
weave it round and round his little ring, to make it smaller.
"Perhaps I ought not to say that," she added; "of course I wouldn't to
any one but you."
"You ought not to say it to me, Lois," he said.
"Why? Isn't it true?" she said. "I don't think it is wrong to say he's
different; it's certainly true!" Gifford was silent. "Do you?" she
demanded.
"Yes," Gifford answered quietly; "and somehow it doesn't seem fair, don't
you know, to say anything about them, they are so happy; it seems as
though we ought not even to speak of them."
Lois was divided between indignation at being found fault with and
admiration for the sentiment. "Well," she said, rather meekly for her, "I
won't say anything more; no doubt I'll like him when I know him better."
"See if that fits your finger, Lois," her companion said, sitting up, and
handing her the little grass ring. She took it, smiling, and tried it on.
Gifford watched her with an intentness which made him frown; her bending
head was like a shadowy silhouette against the pale sky, and the little
curls caught the light in soft mist around her forehead.
"But I'm glad for my own part, then," she went on, "to think of you with
Helen. You must tell me everything about her and about her life, when
you write; she won't do it herself."
"I will," he answered, "if you let me write to you."
Lois opened her eyes with surprise; here was this annoying formality
again, which Gifford's fault-finding seemed to have banished. "Let you
write?" she said impatiently. "Why, you know I depended on your writing,
Giff, and you must tell me everything you can think of. What's the good
of having a friend in Lockhaven, if you don't?"
She had clasped her hands lightly on her knees, and was leaning forward a
little, looking at him; for he had turned away from her, and was pulling
at a bunch of violets. "I tell you what it is, Lois," he said; "I cannot
go away, and write to you, and not--and not tell you. I suppose I'm a
fool to tell you, but I can't help it."
"Tell me what?" Lois asked, bewildered.
"Oh," Gifford burst out, rising, and standing beside her, his big figure
looming up in the darkness, "it's this talk of friendship, Lois, that I
cannot stand. You see, I love you."
There was silence for one long moment. It was so still they could hear
the bubbling of the spring, like a soft voice, complaining in the
darkness. Then Lois said, under her breath, "Oh, Gifford!"
"Yes, I do," he went on, desperately. "I know you've never thought of
such a thing; somehow, I could not seem to make you see it,--you wouldn't
see it; but I do love you, and--and, Lois--if you could care, just a
little? I've loved you so long."
Lois shrank back against the silver-poplar tree, and put her hands up to
her face. In a moment tenderness made the young man forget his anxiety.
"Did I startle you?" he said, sitting down beside her; but he did not
take her hand, as he might have done in their old frank friendship. "I'm
so sorry, but I couldn't help telling you. I know you've been unconscious
of it, but how could a fellow help loving you, Lois? And I couldn't go
away to Lockhaven and not know if there was any chance for me. Can you
care, a--little?"
She did not speak until he said again, his voice trembling with a sudden
hope, "Won't you say one word, Lois?"
"Why, Giff," she said, sitting up very straight, and looking at him, her
wet eyes shining in the darkness, "you know I care--I've always cared,
but not that way--and--and--you don't, Giff, you don't really--it's just
a fancy."
"It is not a fancy," he answered quietly. "I knew I loved you that first
time I came home from college. But you were too young; it would not have
been right. And then before I went abroad, I tried to tell you once; but
I thought from the way you spoke you did not care. So I didn't say
anything more; but I love you, and I always shall."
"Oh, Gifford," Lois cried, with a voice full of distress, "you _mustn't_!
Why, don't you see? You're just like my brother. Oh, do please let us
forget all this, and let's be just as we used to be."
"We cannot," he said gently. "But I won't make you unhappy; I won't speak
if you tell me to be silent."
"Indeed, I do tell you to be silent," she said, in a relieved tone.
"I--could not, Giff. So we'll just forget it. Promise me you will forget
it?"
He shook his head, with a slow smile. "You must forget it, if it will
make you any happier; but you cannot ask me to forget. I am happier to
remember. I shall always love you, Lois."
"But you mustn't!" she cried again. "Why can't we have just the old
friendship? Indeed--indeed, it never could be anything else; and," with a
sudden break of tenderness in her voice, "I--I really am so fond of you,
Giff!"
Here the young man smiled a little bitterly. Friendship separated them as
inexorably as though it had been hate!
"And," the girl went on, gaining confidence as she spoke, for argument
cleared the air of sentiment, in which she felt as awkward as she was
unkind, "and you know there are a good many things you don't like in me;
you think I have lots of faults,--you know you do."
"I suppose I do, in a way," he acknowledged; "but if I didn't love you so
much, Lois, I would not notice them."
Lois held her head a little higher, but did not speak. He watched her
twist her fingers nervously together; she had forgotten to take off the
little ring of braided grass.
"I am so sorry, Giff," she said, to break the silence,--"oh, so sorry.
I--I can't forgive myself."
"There is nothing to forgive," he answered gently; "and you must not
distress yourself by thinking that I am unhappy. I am better, Lois, yes,
and happier, because I love you. It shall be an inspiration to me all my
life, even if you should forget all about me. But I want you to make me
one promise, will you?"
She hesitated. "If I can, Giff;" and then, with sudden trustfulness, she
added, "Yes, I will. What is it?"
She had risen, and was standing on the step above him. He looked at her
nervous little hands a moment, but did not touch them, and then he said,
"If the time ever comes when you can love me, tell me so. I ask you this,
Lois, because I cannot bear to distress you again by speaking words of
love you do not want to hear, and yet I can't help hoping; and I shall
always love you, but it shall be in silence. So if the day ever does come
when you can love me, promise to tell me."
"Oh, yes," she said, glad to grant something. "But, Gifford, dear, it
will never come; I must say that now."
"But you promise?"
"Yes," she answered, soberly. "I promise."
He looked at her steadily a moment. "God bless you, dear," he said.
"Oh, Gifford!" cried the girl, and with a sudden impulse she stooped and
kissed his forehead; then, half frightened at what she had done, but not
yet regretting it, she brushed past him, and went swiftly up the path to
the rectory.
The young man stood quite still a moment, with reverent head bent as
though he had received a benediction, and then turned and followed her.