PENELOPE'S EXPERIENCES IN SCOTLAND
Being extracts from the commonplace book of Penelope Hamilton
By Kate Douglas Wiggin
1913 Gay and Hancock edition
To G.C.R.
Contents.
Part First--In Town.
I. A Triangular Alliance.
II. Edina, Scotia's Darling Seat.
III. A Vision in Princes Street.
IV. Susanna Crum cudna say.
V. We emulate the Jackdaw.
VI. Edinburgh society, past and present.
VII. Francesca meets th' unconquer'd Scot.
VIII. 'What made th' Assembly shine?'.
IX. Omnia presbyteria est divisa in partes tres.
X. Mrs. M'Collop as a sermon-taster.
XI. Holyrood awakens.
XII. Farewell to Edinburgh.
XIII. The spell of Scotland.
Part Second--In the Country.
XIV. The wee theekit hoosie in the loaning.
XV. Jane Grieve and her grievances.
XVI. The path that led to Crummylowe.
XVII. Playing 'Sir Patrick Spens.'
XVIII. Paris comes to Pettybaw.
XIX. Fowk o' Fife.
XX. A Fifeshire tea-party.
XXI. International bickering.
XXII. Francesca entertains the green-eyed monster.
XXIII. Ballad revels at Rowardennan.
XXIV. Old songs and modern instances.
XXV. A treaty between nations.
XXVI. 'Scotland's burning! Look out!.'
XXVII. Three magpies and a marriage.
Chapter I. A Triangular Alliance.
'Edina, Scotia's Darling seat!
All hail thy palaces and towers!'
Edinburgh, April 189-.
22 Breadalbane Terrace.
We have travelled together before, Salemina, Francesca, and I, and we
know the very worst there is to know about one another. After this point
has been reached, it is as if a triangular marriage had taken place,
and, with the honeymoon comfortably over, we slip along in thoroughly
friendly fashion. I use no warmer word than'friendly' because, in the
first place, the highest tides of feeling do not visit the coasts of
triangular alliances; and because, in the second place, 'friendly' is
a word capable of putting to the blush many a more passionate and
endearing one.
Every one knows of our experiences in England, for we wrote volumes
of letters concerning them, the which were widely circulated among
our friends at the time, and read aloud under the evening lamps in the
several cities of our residence.
Since then few striking changes have taken place in our history.
Salemina returned to Boston for the winter, to find, to her amazement,
that for forty odd years she had been rather overestimating it.
On arriving in New York, Francesca discovered that the young lawyer whom
for six months she had been advising to marry somebody more worthy than
herself was at last about to do it. This was somewhat in the nature of
a shock, for Francesca had been in the habit, ever since she was
seventeen, of giving her lovers similar advice, and up to this time no
one of them has ever taken it. She therefore has had the not unnatural
hope, I think, of organising at one time or another all these
disappointed and faithful swains into a celibate brotherhood; and
perhaps of driving by the interesting monastery with her husband and
calling his attention modestly to the fact that these poor monks were
filling their barren lives with deeds of piety, trying to remember their
Creator with such assiduity that they might, in time, forget Her.
Her chagrin was all the keener at losing this last aspirant to her hand
in that she had almost persuaded herself that she was as fond of him as
she was likely to be of anybody, and that on the whole she had better
marry him and save his life and reason.
Fortunately she had not communicated this gleam of hope by letter,
feeling, I suppose, that she would like to see for herself the light
of joy breaking over his pale cheek. The scene would have been rather
pretty and touching, but meantime the Worm had turned and despatched a
letter to the Majestic at the quarantine station, telling her that he
had found a less reluctant bride in the person of her intimate friend
Miss Rosa Van Brunt; and so Francesca's dream of duty and sacrifice was
over.
Salemina says she was somewhat constrained for a week and a trifle
cynical for a fortnight, but that afterwards her spirits mounted on ever
ascending spirals to impossible heights, where they have since remained.
It appears from all this that although she was piqued at being taken at
her word, her heart was not in the least damaged. It never was one of
those fragile things which have to be wrapped in cotton, and preserved
from the slightest blow--Francesca's heart. It is made of excellent
stout, durable material, and I often tell her with the care she takes of
it, and the moderate strain to which it is subjected, it ought to be as
good as new a hundred years hence.
As for me, the scene of my own love-story is laid in America and
England, and has nought to do with Edinburgh. It is far from finished;
indeed, I hope it will be the longest serial on record, one of those
charming tales that grow in interest as chapter after chapter unfolds,
until at the end we feel as if we could never part with the delightful
people.
I should be, at this very moment, Mrs. William Beresford, a highly
respectable young matron who painted rather good pictures in her
spinster days, when she was Penelope Hamilton of the great American
working-class, Unlimited; but first Mrs. Beresford's dangerous illness
and then her death, have kept my dear boy a willing prisoner in Cannes,
his heart sadly torn betwixt his love and duty to his mother and his
desire to be with me. The separation is virtually over now, and we two,
alas! have ne'er a mother or a father between us, so we shall not wait
many months before beginning to comfort each other in good earnest.
Meantime Salemina and Francesca have persuaded me to join their forces,
and Mr. Beresford will follow us to Scotland in a few short weeks, when
we shall have established ourselves in the country.
We are overjoyed at being together again, we three women folk. As I said
before, we know the worst of one another, and the future has no terrors.
We have learned, for example, that--
Francesca does not like an early morning start. Salemina refuses to
arrive late anywhere. Penelope prefers to stay behind and follow next
day.
Francesca scorns to travel third class. So does Salemina, but she will
if urged.
Penelope hates a four-wheeler. Salemina is nervous in a hansom.
Francesca prefers a barouche or a landau.
Salemina likes a steady fire in the grate. Penelope opens a window and
fans herself.
Salemina inclines to instructive and profitable expeditions. Francesca
loves processions and sightseeing. Penelope abhors all of these equally.
Salemina likes history. Francesca loves fiction. Penelope adores poetry
and detests facts.
Penelope likes substantial breakfasts. Francesca dislikes the sight of
food in the morning.
In the matter of breakfasts, when we have leisure to assert our
individual tastes, Salemina prefers tea, Francesca cocoa, and I, coffee.
We can never, therefore, be served with a large comfortable pot of
anything, but are confronted instead with a caravan of silver jugs,
china jugs, bowls of hard and soft sugar, hot milk, cold milk, hot
water, and cream, while each in her secret heart wishes that the other
two were less exigeante in the matter of diet and beverages.
This does not sound promising, but it works perfectly well in practice
by the exercise of a little flexibility.
As we left dear old Dovermarle Street and Smith's Private Hotel behind,
and drove to the station to take the Flying Scotsman, we indulged in
floods of reminiscence over the joys of travel we had tasted together
in the past, and talked with lively anticipation of the new experiences
awaiting us in the land of heather.
While Salemina went to purchase the three first-class tickets, I
superintended the porters as they disposed our luggage in the van, and
in so doing my eye lighted upon a third-class carriage which was, for
a wonder, clean, comfortable, and vacant. Comparing it hastily with
the first-class compartment being held by Francesca, I found that it
differed only in having no carpet on the floor, and a smaller number
of buttons in the upholstering. This was really heartrending when the
difference in fare for three persons would be at least twenty dollars.
What a delightful sum to put aside for a rainy day!--that is, be it
understood, what a delightful sum to put aside and spend on the first
rainy day! for that is the way we always interpret the expression.
When Salemina returned with the tickets, she found me, as usual,
bewailing our extravagance.
Francesca descended suddenly from her post, and, wresting the tickets
from her duenna, exclaimed, “'I know that I can save the country, and I
know no other man can!' as William Pitt said to the Duke of Devonshire.
I have had enough of this argument. For six months of last year we
discussed travelling third class and continued to travel first. Get
into that clean hard-seated, ill-upholstered third-class carriage
immediately, both of you; save room enough for a mother with two babies,
and man carrying a basket of fish, and an old woman with five pieces of
hand-luggage and a dog; meanwhile I will exchange the tickets.”
So saying, she disappeared rapidly among the throng of passengers,
guards, porters, newspaper boys, golfers with bags of clubs, young
ladies with bicycles, and old ladies with tin hat-boxes.
“What decision, what swiftness of judgment, what courage and energy!”
murmured Salemina. “Isn't she wonderfully improved since that unexpected
turning of the Worm?”
Francesca rejoined us just as the guard was about to lock us in, and
flung herself down, quite breathless from her unusual exertion.
“Well, we are travelling third for once, and the money is saved, or
at least it is ready to spend again at the first opportunity. The man
didn't wish to exchange the tickets at all. He says it is never done. I
told him they were bought by a very inexperienced American lady (that is
you, Salemina) who knew almost nothing of the distinctions between first
and third class, and naturally took the best, believing it to be none
too good for a citizen of the greatest republic on the face of the
earth. He said the tickets had been stamped on. I said so should I be
if I returned without exchanging them. He was a very dense person, and
didn't see my joke at all, but then, it is true, there were thirteen men
in line behind me, with the train starting in three minutes, and there
is nothing so debilitating to a naturally weak sense of humour as
selling tickets behind a grating, so I am not really vexed with him.
There! we are quite comfortable, pending the arrival of the babies, the
dog, and the fish, and certainly no vendor of periodic literature will
dare approach us while we keep these books in evidence.”
She had Laurence Hutton's Literary Landmarks and Royal Edinburgh, by
Mrs. Oliphant; I had Lord Cockburn's Memorials of his Time; and
somebody had given Salemina, at the moment of leaving London, a work on
'Scotias's darling seat,' in three huge volumes. When all this printed
matter was heaped on the top of Salemina's hold-all on the platform, the
guard had asked, “Do you belong to these books, ma'am?”
“We may consider ourselves injured in going from London to Edinburgh in
a third-class carriage in eight or ten hours, but listen to this,” said
Salemina, who had opened one of her large volumes at random when the
train started.
“'The Edinburgh and London Stage-coach begins on Monday, 13th October
1712. All that desire... let them repair to the Coach and Horses at the
head of the Canongate every Saturday, or the Black Swan in Holborn every
other Monday, at both of which places they may be received in a coach
which performs the whole journey in thirteen days without any stoppage
(if God permits) having eighty able horses. Each passenger paying 4
pounds, 10 shillings for the whole journey, allowing each 20 lbs. weight
and all above to pay 6 pence per lb. The coach sets off at six in the
morning' (you could never have caught it, Francesca!), 'and is performed
by Henry Harrison.' And here is a 'modern improvement,' forty-two years
later. In July 1754, the Edinburgh Courant advertises the stage-coach
drawn by six horses, with a postilion on one of the leaders, as a 'new,
genteel, two-end glass machine, hung on steel springs, exceedingly light
and easy, to go in ten days in summer and twelve in winter. Passengers
to pay as usual. Performed (if God permits) by your dutiful servant,
Hosea Eastgate. CARE IS TAKEN OF SMALL PARCELS ACCORDING TO THEIR
VALUE.'”
“It would have been a long, wearisome journey,” said I contemplatively;
“but, nevertheless, I wish we were making it in 1712 instead of a
century and three-quarters later.”
“What would have been happening, Salemina?” asked Francesca politely,
but with no real desire to know.
“The Union had been already established five years,” began Salemina
intelligently.
“Which Union?”
“Whose Union?”
Salemina is used to these interruptions and eruptions of illiteracy on
our part. I think she rather enjoys them, as in the presence of such
complete ignorance as ours her lamp of knowledge burns all the brighter.
“Anne was on the throne,” she went on, with serene dignity.
“What Anne?”
“I know all about Anne!” exclaimed Francesca. “She came from the
Midnight Sun country, or up that way. She was very extravagant, and had
something to do with Jingling Geordie in The Fortunes of Nigel. It is
marvellous how one's history comes back to one!”
“Quite marvellous,” said Salemina dryly; “or at least the state in which
it comes back is marvellous. I am not a stickler for dates, as you
know, but if you could only contrive to fix a few periods in your minds,
girls, just in a general way, you would not be so shamefully befogged.
Your Anne of Denmark, Francesca, was the wife of James VI. of Scotland,
who was James I. of England, and she died a hundred years before the
Anne I mean,--the last of the Stuarts, you know. My Anne came after
William and Mary, and before the Georges.”
“Which William and Mary?”
“What Georges?”
But this was too much even for Salemina's equanimity, and she retired
behind her book in dignified displeasure, while Francesca and I meekly
looked up the Annes in a genealogical table, and tried to decide whether
'b.1665' meant born or beheaded.