WHAT IS TO BE DONE.
But above stairs it was different. One day, for instance, after
breakfast, the king went into his counting-house, and counted out his
money. The operation gave him no pleasure.
"'To think,' said he to himself, 'that every one of these gold
sovereigns weighs a quarter of an ounce, and my real, live flesh-and-
blood princess, weighs nothing at all!'
"And he hated his gold sovereigns, as they lay with a broad smile of
self-satisfaction all over their yellow faces.
"The queen was in the parlor, eating bread and honey. But at the second
mouthful, she burst out crying, and could not swallow it. The king
heard her sobbing. Glad of anybody, but especially of his queen, to
quarrel with, he dashed his gold sovereigns into his money-box, clapped
his crown on his head, and rushed into the parlor.
"'What is all this about?' exclaimed he. 'What are you crying for,
queen?'
"'I can't eat it,' said the queen, looking ruefully it the honey-pot.
"'No wonder!' retorted the king. 'You've just eaten your breakfast,--
two turkey eggs, and three anchovies.'
"'Oh! that's not it!' sobbed her majesty. It's my child, my child!'
"' Well, what's the matter with your child? She's neither up the
chimney nor down the draw-well. Just hear her laughing. Yet the king
could not help a sigh, which he tried to turn into a cough, saying:--
"'It is a good thing to be light-hearted, I am sure, whether she be
ours or not.'
"'It is a bad thing to be light-headed, answered the queen, looking,
with prophetic soul, far into the future.
"'Tis a good thing to be light-handed,' said the king.
"'Tis a bad thing to be light-fingered,' answered the queen.
"'Tis a good thing to be light-footed,' said the king.
"'Tis a bad thing,' began the queen; but the king interrupted her.
"'In fact.' said he, with the tone of one who concludes an argument in
which he has had only imaginary opponents, and in which, therefore, he
has come off triumphant,--'in fact, it is a good thing altogether to be
light-bodied.'
"'But it is a bad thing altogether to be light-minded.' retorted the
queen, who was beginning to lose her temper.
"This last answer quite discomfited his majesty, who turned on his
heel, and betook himself to his counting-house again. But he was not
half-way towards it, when the voice of his queen, overtook him:--
"'And it's a bad thing to be light-haired," screamed she, determined to
have more last words, now that her spirit was roused.
"The queen's hair was black as night; and the king's had been, and his
daughter's was golden as morning. But it was not this reflection on his
hair that troubled him; it was the doubled use of the word _light_. For
the king hated all witticisms, and punning especially. And besides he
could not tell whether the queen meant light-_haired_ or light-_heired_;
for why might she not aspirate her vowels when she was ex-asperated
herself?"
"He turned upon his other heel, and rejoined her. She looked angry
still, because she knew that she was guilty, or, what was much the
same, knew that he thought so.
"'My dear queen,' said he, 'duplicity of any sort is exceedingly
objectionable between married people, of any rank, not to say kings and
queens; and the most objectionable form it can assume is that of
punning.'
"'There!' said the queen, 'I never made a jest, but I broke it in the
making. I am the most unfortunate woman in the world!'
"She looked so rueful, that the king took her in his arms; and they sat
down to consult.
"'Can you bear this?' said the king.
"'No I can't,' said the queen.
"'Well, what is to be done?' said the king.
"'I'm sure I don't know,' said the queen. 'But might you not try an
apology?'
"To my old sister, I suppose you mean?' said the king.
"'Yes,' said the queen.
"'Well, I don't mind,' said the king.
"So he went the next morning to the garret of the princess, and, making
a very humble apology, begged her to undo the spell. But the princess
declared, with a very grave face, that she knew nothing at all about
it. Her eyes, however, shone pink, which was a sign that she was not
happy. She advised the king and queen to have patience, and to mend
their ways. The king returned disconsolate. The queen tried to comfort
him.
"'We will wait till she is older. She may then be able to suggest
something. She will know at least how she feels, and explain things to
us.
"'But what if she should marry!' exclaimed the king, in sudden
consternation at the idea.
"'Well, what of that?' rejoined the queen.
"'Just think? If she were to have any children! In the course of a
hundred years the air might be as full of floating children as of
gossamers in autumn.'
"'That is no business of ours,' replied the queen. 'Besides, by that
time, they will have learned to take care of themselves.'
"A sigh was the king's only answer.
"He would have consulted the court physicians; but he was afraid they
would try experiments upon her."