They were the family of William, one of our club waiters who had been
disappointing me grievously of late. Many a time have I deferred dining
several minutes that I might have the attendance of this ingrate. His
efforts to reserve the window-table for me were satisfactory, and I
used to allow him privileges, as to suggest dishes; I have given him
information, as that someone had startled me in the reading-room by
slamming a door; I have shown him how I cut my finger with a piece
of string. William was none of your assertive waiters. We could have
plotted a murder safely before him. It was one member who said to him
that Saucy Sarah would win the Derby and another who said that Saucy
Sarah had no chance, but it was William who agreed with both. The
excellent fellow (as I thought him) was like a cheroot which may be
smoked from either end.
I date his lapse from one evening when I was dining by the window. I had
to repeat my order “Devilled kidney,” and instead of answering brightly,
“Yes, sir,” as if my selection of devilled kidney was a personal
gratification to him, which is the manner one expects of a waiter, he
gazed eagerly out at the window, and then, starting, asked, “Did you
say devilled kidney, sir?” A few minutes afterward I became aware that
someone was leaning over the back of my chair, and you may conceive my
indignation on discovering that this rude person was William. Let me
tell, in the measured words of one describing a past incident, what next
took place. To get nearer the window he pressed heavily on my shoulder.
“William,” I said, “you are not attending to me!”
To be fair to him, he shook, but never shall I forget his audacious
apology, “Beg pardon, sir, but I was thinking of something else.”
And immediately his eyes resought the window, and this burst from him
passionately, “For God's sake, sir, as we are man and man, tell me if
you have seen a little girl looking up at the club-windows.”
Man and man! But he had been a good waiter once, so I pointed out the
girl to him. As soon as she saw William she ran into the middle of Pall
Mall, regardless of hansoms (many of which seemed to pass over her),
nodded her head significantly three times and then disappeared (probably
on a stretcher). She was the tawdriest little Arab of about ten years,
but seemed to have brought relief to William. “Thank God!” said he
fervently, and in the worst taste.
I was as much horrified as if he had dropped a plate on my toes. “Bread,
William,” I said sharply.
“You are not vexed with me, sir?” he had the hardihood to whisper.
“It was a liberty,” I said.
“I know, sir, but I was beside myself.”
“That was a liberty again.”
“It is my wife, sir, she--”
So William, whom I had favoured in so many ways, was a married man. I
felt that this was the greatest liberty of all.
I gathered that the troublesome woman was ailing, and as one who likes
after dinner to believe that there is no distress in the world, I
desired to be told by William that the signals meant her return to
health. He answered inconsiderately, however, that the doctor feared the
worst.
“Bah, the doctor,” I said in a rage.
“Yes, sir,” said William.
“What is her confounded ailment?”
“She was allus one of the delicate kind, but full of spirit, and you
see, sir, she has had a baby-girl lately--”
“William, how dare you,” I said, but in the same moment I saw that this
father might be useful to me. “How does your baby sleep, William?” I
asked in a low voice, “how does she wake up? what do you put in her
bath?”
I saw surprise in his face, so I hurried on without waiting for an
answer. “That little girl comes here with a message from your wife?”
“Yes, sir, every evening; she's my eldest, and three nods from her means
that the missus is a little better.”
“There were three nods to-day?”
“Yes, sir.
“I suppose you live in some low part, William?”
The impudent fellow looked as if he could have struck me. “Off Drury
Lane,” he said, flushing, “but it isn't low. And now,” he groaned,
“she's afeared she will die without my being there to hold her hand.”
“She should not say such things.”
“She never says them, sir. She allus pretends to be feeling stronger.
But I knows what is in her mind when I am leaving the house in the
morning, for then she looks at me from her bed, and I looks at her from
the door--oh, my God, sir!”
“William!”
At last he saw that I was angry, and it was characteristic of him to beg
my pardon and withdraw his wife as if she were some unsuccessful dish.
I tried to forget his vulgar story in billiards, but he had spoiled
my game, and next day to punish him I gave my orders through another
waiter. As I had the window-seat, however, I could not but see that the
little girl was late, and though this mattered nothing to me and I had
finished my dinner, I lingered till she came. She not only nodded three
times but waved her hat, and I arose, having now finished my dinner.
William came stealthily toward me. “Her temperature has gone down, sir,”
he said, rubbing his hands together.
“To whom are you referring?” I asked coldly, and retired to the
billiard-room, where I played a capital game.
I took pains to show William that I had forgotten his maunderings, but
I observed the girl nightly, and once, instead of nodding, she shook her
head, and that evening I could not get into a pocket. Next evening
there was no William in the dining-room, and I thought I knew what had
happened. But, chancing to enter the library rather miserably, I
was surprised to see him on a ladder dusting books. We had the room
practically to ourselves, for though several members sat on chairs
holding books in their hands they were all asleep, and William descended
the ladder to tell me his blasting tale. He had sworn at a member!
“I hardly knew what I was doing all day, sir, for I had left her so
weakly that--”