_The Scene is the same as in the preceding Acts._
_It is the night of the same day as that on which takes place the
action of the second Act._
_CHAMPION-CHENEY and ARNOLD, both in dinner jackets, are discovered.
CHAMPION-CHENEY is seated. ARNOLD walks restlessly up and down the
room._
C.-C. I think, if you'll follow my advice to the letter, you'll
probably work the trick.
ARNOLD. I don't like it, you know. It's against all my principles.
C.-C. My dear Arnold, we all hope that you have before you a
distinguished political career. You can't learn too soon that the most
useful thing about a principle is that it can always be sacrificed to
expediency.
ARNOLD. But supposing it doesn't come off? Women are incalculable.
C.-C. Nonsense! Men are romantic. A woman will always sacrifice
herself if you give her the opportunity. It is her favourite form of
self-indulgence.
ARNOLD. I never know whether you're a humorist or a cynic, father.
C.-C. I'm neither, my dear boy; I'm merely a very truthful man. But
people are so unused to the truth that they're apt to mistake it for a
joke or a sneer.
ARNOLD. [_Irritably._] It seems so unfair that this should happen to
me.
C.-C. Keep your head, my boy, and do what I tell you.
[_LADY KITTY and ELIZABETH come in. LADY KITTY is in a gorgeous
evening gown._
ELIZABETH. Where is Lord Porteous?
C.-C. He's on the terrace. He's smoking a cigar. [_Going to window._]
Hughie!
[_PORTEOUS comes in._
PORTEOUS. [_With a grunt._] Yes? Where's Mrs. Shenstone?
ELIZABETH. Oh, she had a headache. She's gone to bed.
[_When PORTEOUS comes in LADY KITTY with a very haughty air purses her
lips and takes up an illustrated paper. PORTEOUS gives her an
irritated look, takes another illustrated paper and sits himself down
at the other end of the room. They are not on speaking terms._
C.-C. Arnold and I have just been down to my cottage.
ELIZABETH. I wondered where you'd gone.
C.-C. I came across an old photograph album this afternoon. I meant to
bring it along before dinner, but I forgot, so we went and fetched it.
ELIZABETH. Oh, do let me see it! I love old photographs.
[_He gives her the album, and she, sitting down, puts it on her knees
and begins to turn over the pages. He stands over her. LADY KITTY and
PORTEOUS take surreptitious glances at one another._
C.-C. I thought it might amuse you to see what pretty women looked
like five-and-thirty years ago. That was the day of beautiful women.
ELIZABETH. Do you think they were more beautiful then than they are
now?
C.-C. Oh, much. Now you see lots of pretty little things, but very few
beautiful women.
ELIZABETH. Aren't their clothes funny?
C.-C. [_Pointing to a photograph._] That's Mrs. Langtry.
ELIZABETH. She has a lovely nose.
C.-C. She was the most wonderful thing you ever saw. Dowagers used to
jump on chairs in order to get a good look at her when she came into a
drawing-room. I was riding with her once, and we had to have the gates
of the livery stable closed when she was getting on her horse because
the crowd was so great.
ELIZABETH. And who's that?
C.-C. Lady Lonsdale. That's Lady Dudley.
ELIZABETH. This is an actress, isn't it?
C.-C. It is, indeed. Ellen Terry. By George! how I loved that woman!
ELIZABETH. [_With a smile._] Dear Ellen Terry!
C.-C. That's Bwabs. I never saw a smarter man in my life. And Oliver
Montagu. Henry Manners with his eye-glass.
ELIZABETH. Nice-looking, isn't he? And this?
C.-C. That's Mary Anderson. I wish you could have seen her in "A
Winter's Tale." Her beauty just took your breath away. And look!
There's Lady Randolph. Bernal Osborne--the wittiest man I ever knew.
ELIZABETH. I think it's too sweet. I love their absurd bustles and
those tight sleeves.
C.-C. What figures they had! In those days a woman wasn't supposed to
be as thin as a rail and as flat as a pancake.
ELIZABETH. Oh, but aren't they laced in? How could they bear it?
C.-C. They didn't play golf then, and nonsense like that, you know.
They hunted, in a tall hat and a long black habit, and they were very
gracious and charitable to the poor in the village.
ELIZABETH. Did the poor like it?
C.-C. They had a very thin time if they didn't. When they were in
London they drove in the Park every afternoon, and they went to
ten-course dinners, where they never met anybody they didn't know. And
they had their box at the opera when Patti was singing or Madame
Albani.
ELIZABETH. Oh, what a lovely little thing! Who on earth is that?
C.-C. That?
ELIZABETH. She looks so fragile, like a piece of exquisite china, with
all those furs on and her face up against her muff, and the snow
falling.
C.-C. Yes, there was quite a rage at that time for being taken in an
artificial snowstorm.
ELIZABETH. What a sweet smile, so roguish and frank, and debonair! Oh,
I wish I looked like that! Do tell me who it is!
C.-C. Don't you know?
ELIZABETH. No.
C.-C. Why--it's Kitty.
ELIZABETH. Lady Kitty! [_To LADY KITTY._] Oh, my dear, do look! It's
too ravishing. [_She takes the album over to her impulsively._] Why
didn't you tell me you looked like that? Everybody must have been in
love with you.
[_LADY KITTY takes the album and looks at it. Then she lets it slip
from her hands and covers her face with her hands. She is crying._
[_In consternation._] My dear, what's the matter? Oh, what have I
done? I'm so sorry.
LADY KITTY. Don't, don't talk to me. Leave me alone. It's stupid of
me.
[_ELIZABETH looks at her for a moment perplexed, then, turning round,
slips her arm in CHAMPION-CHENEY's and leads him out on to the
terrace._
ELIZABETH. [_As they are going, in a whisper._] Did you do that on
purpose?
[_PORTEOUS gets up and goes over to LADY KITTY. He puts his hand on
her shoulder. They remain thus for a little while._
PORTEOUS. I'm afraid I was very rude to you before dinner, Kitty.
LADY KITTY. [_Taking his hand which is on her shoulder._] It doesn't
matter. I'm sure I was very exasperating.
PORTEOUS. I didn't mean what I said, you know.
LADY KITTY. Neither did I.
PORTEOUS. Of course I know that I'd never have been Prime Minister.
LADY KITTY. How can you talk such nonsense, Hughie? No one would have
had a chance if you'd remained in politics.
PORTEOUS. I haven't the character.
LADY KITTY. You have more character than anyone I've ever met.
PORTEOUS. Besides, I don't know that I much wanted to be Prime
Minister.
LADY KITTY. Oh, but I should have been so proud of you. Of course
you'd have been Prime Minister.
PORTEOUS. I'd have given you India, you know. I think it would have
been a very popular appointment.
LADY KITTY. I don't care twopence about India. I'd have been quite
content with Western Australia.
PORTEOUS. My dear, you don't think I'd have let you bury yourself in
Western Australia?
LADY KITTY. Or Barbadoes.
PORTEOUS. Never. It sounds like a cure for flat feet. I'd have kept
you in London.
[_He picks up the album and is about to look at the photograph of LADY
KITTY. She puts her hand over it._
LADY KITTY. No, don't look.
[_He takes her hand away._
PORTEOUS. Don't be so silly.
LADY KITTY. Isn't it hateful to grow old?
PORTEOUS. You know, you haven't changed much.
LADY KITTY. [_Enchanted._] Oh, Hughie, how can you talk such nonsense?
PORTEOUS. Of course you're a little more mature, but that's all. A
woman's all the better for being rather mature.
LADY KITTY. Do you really think that?
PORTEOUS. Upon my soul I do.
LADY KITTY. You're not saying it just to please me?
PORTEOUS. No, no.
LADY KITTY. Let me look at the photograph again.
[_She takes the album and looks at the photograph complacently._
The fact is, if your bones are good, age doesn't really matter. You'll
always be beautiful.
PORTEOUS. [_With a little smile, almost as if he were talking to a
child._] It was silly of you to cry.
LADY KITTY. It hasn't made my eyelashes run, has it?
PORTEOUS. Not a bit.
LADY KITTY. It's very good stuff I use now. They don't stick together
either.
PORTEOUS. Look here, Kitty, how much longer do you want to stay here?
LADY KITTY. Oh, I'm quite ready to go whenever you like.
PORTEOUS. Clive gets on my nerves. I don't like the way he keeps
hanging about you.
LADY KITTY. [_Surprised, rather amused, and delighted._] Hughie, you
don't mean to say you're jealous of poor Clive?
PORTEOUS. Of course I'm not jealous of him, but he does look at you in
a way that I can't help thinking rather objectionable.
LADY KITTY. Hughie, you may throw me downstairs like Amy Robsart; you
may drag me about the floor by the hair of my head; I don't care,
you're jealous. I shall never grow old.
PORTEOUS. Damn it all, the man was your husband.
LADY KITTY. My dear Hughie, he never had your style. Why, the moment
you come into a room everyone looks and says: "Who the devil is that?"
PORTEOUS. What? You think that, do you? Well, I daresay there's
something in what you say. These damned Radicals can say what they
like, but, by God, Kitty! when a man's a gentleman--well, damn it all,
you know what I mean.
LADY KITTY. I think Clive has degenerated dreadfully since we left
him.
PORTEOUS. What do you say to making a bee-line for Italy and going to
San Michele?
LADY KITTY. Oh, Hughie! It's years since we were there.
PORTEOUS. Wouldn't you like to see it again--just once more?
LADY KITTY. Do you remember the first time we went? It was the most
heavenly place I'd ever seen. We'd only left England a month, and I
said I'd like to spend all my life there.
PORTEOUS. Of course I remember. And in a fortnight it was yours, lock,
stock and barrel.
LADY KITTY. We were very happy there, Hughie.
PORTEOUS. Let's go back once more.
LADY KITTY. I daren't. It must be all peopled with the ghosts of our
past. One should never go again to a place where one has been happy.
It would break my heart.
PORTEOUS. Do you remember how we used to sit on the terrace of the old
castle and look at the Adriatic? We might have been the only people in
the world, you and I, Kitty.
LADY KITTY. [_Tragically._] And we thought our love would last for
ever.
[_Enter CHAMPION-CHENEY._
PORTEOUS. Is there any chance of bridge this evening?
C.-C. I don't think we can make up a four.
PORTEOUS. What a nuisance that boy went away like that! He wasn't a
bad player.
C.-C. Teddie Luton?
LADY KITTY. I think it was very funny his going without saying
good-bye to anyone.
C.-C. The young men of the present day are very casual.
PORTEOUS. I thought there was no train in the evening.
C.-C. There isn't. The last train leaves at 5.45.
PORTEOUS. How did he go then?
C.-C. He went.
PORTEOUS. Damned selfish I call it.
LADY KITTY. [_Intrigued._] Why did he go, Clive?
[_CHAMPION-CHENEY looks at her for a moment reflectively._
C.-C. I have something very grave to say to you. Elizabeth wants to
leave Arnold.
LADY KITTY. Clive! What on earth for?
C.-C. She's in love with Teddie Luton. That's why he went. The men of
my family are really very unfortunate.
PORTEOUS. Does she want to run away with him?
LADY KITTY. [_With consternation._] My dear, what's to be done?
C.-C. I think you can do a great deal.
LADY KITTY. I? What?
C.-C. Tell her, tell her what it means.
[_He looks at her fixedly. She stares at him._
LADY KITTY. Oh, no, no!
C.-C. She's a child. Not for Arnold's sake. For her sake. You must.
LADY KITTY. You don't know what you're asking.
C.-C. Yes, I do.
LADY KITTY. Hughie, what shall I do?
PORTEOUS. Do what you like. I shall never blame you for anything.
[_The FOOTMAN comes in with a letter on a salver. He hesitates on
seeing that ELIZABETH is not in the room._
C.-C. What is it?
FOOTMAN. I was looking for Mrs. Champion-Cheney, sir.
C.-C. She's not here. Is that a letter?