TEDDIE. I meant it.
ELIZABETH. Your voice sounded as if you meant it, you perfect duck!
TEDDIE. Really, Elizabeth, you're intolerable.
ELIZABETH. I'm doing nothing.
TEDDIE. Yes, you are, you're putting me off my blow. What I want to
say is perfectly simple. I'm a very ordinary business man.
ELIZABETH. You've said that before.
TEDDIE. [_Angrily._] Shut up. I haven't got a bob besides what I earn.
I've got no position. I'm nothing. You're rich and you're a big pot
and you've got everything that anyone can want. It's awful cheek my
saying anything to you at all. But after all there's only one thing
that really matters in the world, and that's love. I love you. Chuck
all this, Elizabeth, and come to me.
ELIZABETH. Are you cross with me?
TEDDIE. Furious.
ELIZABETH. Darling!
TEDDIE. If you don't want me tell me so at once and let me get out
quickly.
ELIZABETH. Teddie, nothing in the world matters anything to me but
you. I'll go wherever you take me. I love you.
TEDDIE. [_All to pieces._] Oh, my God!
ELIZABETH. Does it mean as much to you as that? Oh, Teddie!
TEDDIE. [_Trying to control himself._] Don't be a fool, Elizabeth.
ELIZABETH. It's you're the fool. You're making me cry.
TEDDIE. You're so damned emotional.
ELIZABETH. Damned emotional yourself. I'm sure you're a rotten
business man.
TEDDIE. I don't care what you think. You've made me so awfully happy.
I say, what a lark life's going to be!
ELIZABETH. Teddie, you are an angel.
TEDDIE. Let's get out quick. It's no good wasting time. Elizabeth.
ELIZABETH. What?
TEDDIE. Nothing. I just like to say Elizabeth.
ELIZABETH. You fool!
TEDDIE. I say, can you shoot?
ELIZABETH. No.
TEDDIE. I'll teach you. You don't know how ripping it is to start out
from your camp at dawn and travel through the jungle. And you're so
tired at night and the sky's all starry. It's a fair treat. Of course
I didn't want to say anything about all that till you'd decided. I'd
made up my mind to be absolutely practical.
ELIZABETH. [_Chaffing him._] The only practical thing you said was
that love is the only thing that really matters.
TEDDIE. [_Happily._] Pull the other leg next time, will you? I should
have to have one longer than the other.
ELIZABETH. Isn't it fun being in love with some one who's in love with
you?
TEDDIE. I say, I think I'd better clear out at once, don't you? It
seems rather rotten to stay on in--in this house.
ELIZABETH. You can't go to-night. There's no train.
TEDDIE. I'll go to-morrow. I'll wait in London till you're ready to
join me.
ELIZABETH. I'm not going to leave a note on the pincushion like Lady
Kitty, you know. I'm going to tell Arnold.
TEDDIE. Are you? Don't you think there'll be an awful bother?
ELIZABETH. I must face it. I should hate to be sly and deceitful.
TEDDIE. Well, then, let's face it together.
ELIZABETH. No, I'll talk to Arnold by myself.
TEDDIE. You won't let anyone influence you?
ELIZABETH. No.
[_He holds out his hand and she takes it. They look into one another's
eyes with grave, almost solemn affection. There is the sound outside
of a car driving up._
ELIZABETH. There's the car. Arnold's come back. I must go and bathe my
eyes. I don't want them to see I've been crying.
TEDDIE. All right. [_As she is going._] Elizabeth.
ELIZABETH. [_Stopping._] What?
TEDDIE. Bless you.
ELIZABETH. [_Affectionately._] Idiot!
[_She goes out of the door and TEDDIE through the French window into
the garden. For an instant the room is empty. ARNOLD comes in. He sits
down and takes some papers out of his despatch-case. LADY KITTY
enters. He gets up._
LADY KITTY. I saw you come in. Oh, my dear, don't get up. There's no
reason why you should be so dreadfully polite to me.
ARNOLD. I've just rung for a cup of tea.
LADY KITTY. Perhaps we shall have the chance of a little talk. We
don't seem to have had five minutes by ourselves. I want to make your
acquaintance, you know.
ARNOLD. I should like you to know that it's not by my wish that my
father is here.
LADY KITTY. But I'm so interested to see him.
ARNOLD. I was afraid that you and Lord Porteous must find it
embarrassing.
LADY KITTY. Oh, no. Hughie was his greatest friend. They were at Eton
and Oxford together. I think your father has improved so much since I
saw him last. He wasn't good-looking as a young man, but now he's
quite handsome.
[_The FOOTMAN brings in a tray on which are tea-things._
LADY KITTY. Shall I pour it out for you?
ARNOLD. Thank you very much.
LADY KITTY. Do you take sugar?
ARNOLD. No. I gave it up during the war.
LADY KITTY. So wise of you. It's so bad for the figure. Besides being
patriotic, of course. Isn't it absurd that I should ask my son if he
takes sugar or not? Life is really very quaint. Sad, of course, but
oh, so quaint! Often I lie in bed at night and have a good laugh to
myself as I think how quaint life is.
ARNOLD. I'm afraid I'm a very serious person.
LADY KITTY. How old are you now, Arnold?
ARNOLD. Thirty-five.
LADY KITTY. Are you really? Of course, I was a child when I married
your father.
ARNOLD. Really. He always told me you were twenty-two.
LADY KITTY. Oh, what nonsense! Why, I was married out of the nursery.
I put my hair up for the first time on my wedding-day.
ARNOLD. Where is Lord Porteous?
LADY KITTY. My dear, it sounds too absurd to hear you call him Lord
Porteous. Why don't you call him--Uncle Hughie?
ARNOLD. He doesn't happen to be my uncle.
LADY KITTY. No, but he's your godfather. You know, I'm sure you'll
like him when you know him better. I'm so hoping that you and
Elizabeth will come and stay with us in Florence. I simply adore
Elizabeth. She's too beautiful.
ARNOLD. Her hair is very pretty.
LADY KITTY. It's not touched up, is it?
ARNOLD. Oh, no.
LADY KITTY. I just wondered. It's rather a coincidence that her hair
should be the same colour as mine. I suppose it shows that your father
and you are attracted by just the same thing. So interesting,
heredity, isn't it?
ARNOLD. Very.
LADY KITTY. Of course, since I joined the Catholic Church I don't
believe in it any more. Darwin and all that sort of thing. Too
dreadful. Wicked, you know. Besides, it's not very good form, is it?
[_CHAMPION-CHENEY comes in from the garden._
C.-C. Do I intrude?
LADY KITTY. Come in, Clive. Arnold and I have been having such a
wonderful heart-to-heart talk.
C.-C. Very nice.
ARNOLD. Father, I stepped in for a moment at the Harveys' on my way
back. It's simply criminal what they're doing with that house.
C.-C. What are they doing?
ARNOLD. It's an almost perfect Georgian house and they've got a lot of
dreadful Victorian furniture. I gave them my ideas on the subject, but
it's quite hopeless. They said they were attached to their furniture.
C.-C. Arnold should have been an interior decorator.
LADY KITTY. He has wonderful taste. He gets that from me.
ARNOLD. I suppose I have a certain _flair._ I have a passion for
decorating houses.
LADY KITTY. You've made this one charming.
C.-C. D'you remember, we just had chintzes and comfortable chairs when
we lived here, Kitty.
LADY KITTY. Perfectly hideous, wasn't it?
C.-C. In those days gentlemen and ladies were not expected to have
taste.
ARNOLD. You know, I've been looking at this chair again. Since Lord
Porteous said the legs weren't right I've been very uneasy.
LADY KITTY. He only said that because he was in a bad temper.
C.-C. His temper seems to me very short these days, Kitty.
LADY KITTY. Oh, it is.
ARNOLD. You feel he knows what he's talking about. I gave seventy-five
pounds for that chair. I'm very seldom taken in. I always think if a
thing's right you feel it.
C.-C. Well, don't let it disturb your night's rest.
ARNOLD. But, my dear father, that's just what it does. I had a most
horrible dream about it last night.
LADY KITTY. Here is Hughie.
ARNOLD. I'm going to fetch a book I have on Old English furniture.
There's an illustration of a chair which is almost identical with this
one.
[_PORTEOUS comes in._
PORTEOUS. Quite a family gathering, by George!
C.-C. I was thinking just now we'd make a very pleasing picture of a
typical English home.
ARNOLD. I'll be back in five minutes. There's something I want to show
you, Lord Porteous.
[_He goes out._
C.-C. Would you like to play piquet with me, Hughie?
PORTEOUS. Not particularly.
C.-C. You were never much of a piquet player, were you?
PORTEOUS. My dear Clive, you people don't know what piquet is in
England.
C.-C. Let's have a game then. You may make money.
PORTEOUS. I don't want to play with you.
LADY KITTY. I don't know why not, Hughie.
PORTEOUS. Let me tell you that I don't like your manner.
C.-C. I'm sorry for that. I'm afraid I can't offer to change it at my
age.
PORTEOUS. I don't know what you want to be hanging around here for.
C.-C. A natural attachment to my home.
PORTEOUS. If you'd had any tact you'd have kept out of the way while
we were here.
C.-C. My dear Hughie, I don't understand your attitude at all. If I'm
willing to let bygones be bygones why should you object?
PORTEOUS. Damn it all, they're not bygones.
C.-C. After all, I am the injured party.
PORTEOUS. How the devil are you the injured party?
C.-C. Well, you did run away with my wife, didn't you?
LADY KITTY. Now, don't let's go into ancient history. I can't see why
we shouldn't all be friends.
PORTEOUS. I beg you not to interfere, Kitty.
LADY KITTY. I'm very fond of Clive.
PORTEOUS. You never cared two straws for Clive. You only say that to
irritate me.
LADY KITTY. Not at all. I don't see why he shouldn't come and stay
with us.
C.-C. I'd love to. I think Florence in spring-time is delightful. Have
you central heating?
PORTEOUS. I never liked you, I don't like you now, and I never shall
like you.
C.-C. How very unfortunate! because I liked you, I like you now, and I
shall continue to like you.
LADY KITTY. There's something very nice about you, Clive.
PORTEOUS. If you think that, why the devil did you leave him?
LADY KITTY. Are you going to reproach me because I loved you? How
utterly, utterly, utterly detestable you are!
C.-C. Now, now, don't quarrel with one another.
LADY KITTY. It's all his fault. I'm the easiest person in the world to
live with. But really he'd try the patience of a saint.
C.-C. Come, come, don't get upset, Kitty. When two people live
together there must be a certain amount of give and take.
PORTEOUS. I don't know what the devil you're talking about.
C.-C. It hasn't escaped my observation that you are a little inclined
to frip. Many couples are. I think it's a pity.
PORTEOUS. Would you have the very great kindness to mind your own
business?
LADY KITTY. It is his business. He naturally wants me to be happy.
C.-C. I have the very greatest affection for Kitty.
PORTEOUS. Then why the devil didn't you look after her properly?
C.-C. My dear Hughie, you were my greatest friend. I trusted you. It
may have been rash.
PORTEOUS. It was inexcusable.
LADY KITTY. I don't know what you mean by that, Hughie.
PORTEOUS. Don't, don't, don't try and bully me, Kitty.
LADY KITTY. Oh, I know what you mean.
PORTEOUS. Then why the devil did you say you didn't?
LADY KITTY. When I think that I sacrificed everything for that man!
And for thirty years I've had to live in a filthy marble palace with
no sanitary conveniences.
C.-C. D'you mean to say you haven't got a bathroom?
LADY KITTY. I've had to wash in a tub.
C.-C. My poor Kitty, how you've suffered!
PORTEOUS. Really, Kitty, I'm sick of hearing of the sacrifices you
made. I suppose you think I sacrificed nothing. I should have been
Prime Minister by now if it hadn't been for you.
LADY KITTY. Nonsense!
PORTEOUS. What do you mean by that? Everyone said I should be Prime
Minister. Shouldn't I have been Prime Minister, Clive?
C.-C. It was certainly the general expectation.
PORTEOUS. I was the most promising young man of my day. I was bound to
get a seat in the Cabinet at the next election.
LADY KITTY. They'd have found you out just as I've found you out. I'm
sick of hearing that I ruined your career. You never had a career to
ruin. Prime Minister! You haven't the brain. You haven't the
character.
C.-C. Cheek, push, and a gift of the gab will serve very well instead,
you know.
LADY KITTY. Besides, in politics it's not the men that matter. It's
the women at the back of them. I could have made Clive a Cabinet
Minister if I'd wanted to.
PORTEOUS. Clive?
LADY KITTY. With my beauty, my charm, my force of character, my wit, I
could have done anything.
PORTEOUS. Clive was nothing but my political secretary. When I was
Prime Minister I might have made him Governor of some Colony or other.
Western Australia, say. Out of pure kindliness.
LADY KITTY. [_With flashing eyes._] D'you think I would have buried
myself in Western Australia? With my beauty? My charm?
PORTEOUS. Or Barbadoes, perhaps.
LADY KITTY. [_Furiously._] Barbadoes! Barbadoes can go to--Barbadoes.
PORTEOUS. That's all you'd have got.
LADY KITTY. Nonsense! I'd have India.
PORTEOUS. I would never have given you India.
LADY KITTY. You would have given me India.
PORTEOUS. I tell you I wouldn't.
LADY KITTY. The King would have given me India. The nation would have
insisted on my having India. I would have been a vice-reine or
nothing.
PORTEOUS. I tell you that as long as the interests of the British
Empire--Damn it all, my teeth are coming out!
[_He hurries from the room._
LADY KITTY. It's too much. I can't bear it any more. I've put up with
him for thirty years and now I'm at the end of my tether.
C.-C. Calm yourself, my dear Kitty.
LADY KITTY. I won't listen to a word. I've quite made up my mind. It's
finished, finished, finished. [_With a change of tone._] I was so
touched when I heard that you never lived in this house again after I
left it.
C.-C. The cuckoos have always been very plentiful. Their note has a
personal application which, I must say, I have found extremely
offensive.
LADY KITTY. When I saw that you didn't marry again I couldn't help
thinking that you still loved me.
C.-C. I am one of the few men I know who is able to profit by
experience.
LADY KITTY. In the eyes of the Church I am still your wife. The Church
is so wise. It knows that in the end a woman always comes back to her
first love. Clive, I am willing to return to you.
C.-C. My dear Kitty, I couldn't take advantage of your momentary
vexation with Hughie to let you take a step which I know you would
bitterly regret.
LADY KITTY. You've waited for me a long time. For Arnold's sake.
C.-C. Do you think we really need bother about Arnold? In the last
thirty years he's had time to grow used to the situation.
LADY KITTY. [_With a little smile._] I think I've sown my wild oats,
Clive.
C.-C. I haven't. I was a good young man, Kitty.
LADY KITTY. I know.
C.-C. And I'm very glad, because it has enabled me to be a wicked old
one.
LADY KITTY. I beg your pardon.
[_ARNOLD comes in with a large book in his hand._
ARNOLD. I say, I've found the book I was hunting for. Oh! isn't Lord
Porteous here?
LADY KITTY. One moment, Arnold. Your father and I are busy.
ARNOLD. I'm so sorry.
[_He goes out into the garden._
LADY KITTY. Explain yourself, Clive.
C.-C. When you ran away from me, Kitty, I was sore and angry and
miserable. But above all I felt a fool.
LADY KITTY. Men are so vain.
C.-C. But I was a student of history, and presently I reflected that I
shared my misfortune with very nearly all the greatest men.
LADY KITTY. I'm a great reader myself. It has always struck me as
peculiar.
C.-C. The explanation is very simple. Women dislike intelligence, and
when they find it in their husbands they revenge themselves on them in
the only way they can, by making them--well, what you made me.
LADY KITTY. It's ingenious. It may be true.
C.-C. I felt I had done my duty by society and I determined to devote
the rest of my life to my own entertainment. The House of Commons had
always bored me excessively and the scandal of our divorce gave me an
opportunity to resign my seat. I have been relieved to find that the
country got on perfectly well without me.
LADY KITTY. But has love never entered your life?
C.-C. Tell me frankly, Kitty, don't you think people make a lot of
unnecessary fuss about love?
LADY KITTY. It's the most wonderful thing in the world.
C.-C. You're incorrigible. Do you really think it was worth
sacrificing so much for?
LADY KITTY. My dear Clive, I don't mind telling you that if I had my
time over again I should be unfaithful to you, but I should not leave
you.
C.-C. For some years I was notoriously the prey of a secret sorrow.
But I found so many charming creatures who were anxious to console
that in the end it grew rather fatiguing. Out of regard to my health I
ceased to frequent the drawing-rooms of Mayfair.
LADY KITTY. And since then?
C.-C. Since then I have allowed myself the luxury of assisting
financially a succession of dear little things, in a somewhat humble
sphere, between the ages of twenty and twenty-five.
LADY KITTY. I cannot understand the infatuation of men for young
girls. I think they're so dull.
C.-C. It's a matter of taste. I love old wine, old friends and old
books, but I like young women. On their twenty-fifth birthday I give
them a diamond ring and tell them they must no longer waste their
youth and beauty on an old fogey like me. We have a most affecting
scene, my technique on these occasions is perfect, and then I start
all over again.
LADY KITTY. You're a wicked old man, Clive.
C.-C. That's what I told you. But, by George! I'm a happy one.
LADY KITTY. There's only one course open to me now.
C.-C. What is that?
LADY KITTY. [_With a flashing smile._] To go and dress for dinner.
C.-C. Capital. I will follow your example.
[_As LADY KITTY goes out ELIZABETH comes in._
ELIZABETH. Where is Arnold?
C.-C. He's on the terrace. I'll call him.
ELIZABETH. Don't bother.
C.-C. I was just strolling along to my cottage to put on a dinner
jacket. [_As he goes out._] Arnold.
[_Exit C.-C._
ARNOLD. Hulloa! [_He comes in._] Oh, Elizabeth, I've found an
illustration here of a chair which is almost identical with mine. It's
dated 1750. Look!
ELIZABETH. That's very interesting.
ARNOLD. I want to show it to Porteous. [_Moving a chair which has been
misplaced._] You know, it does exasperate me the way people will not
leave things alone. I no sooner put a thing in its place than somebody
moves it.
ELIZABETH. It must be maddening for you.
ARNOLD. It is. You are the worst offender. I can't think why you don't
take the pride that I do in the house. After all, it's one of the show
places in the county.
ELIZABETH. I'm afraid you find me very unsatisfactory.
ARNOLD. [_Good-humouredly._] I don't know about that. But my two
subjects are politics and decoration. I should be a perfect fool if I
didn't see that you don't care two straws about either.
ELIZABETH. We haven't very much in common, Arnold, have we?
ARNOLD. I don't think you can blame me for that.
ELIZABETH. I don't. I blame you for nothing. I have no fault to find
with you.
ARNOLD. [_Surprised at her significant tone._] Good gracious me!
what's the meaning of all this?
ELIZABETH. Well, I don't think there's any object in beating about the
bush. I want you to let me go.
ARNOLD. Go where?
ELIZABETH. Away. For always.
ARNOLD. My dear child, what _are_ you talking about?
ELIZABETH. I want to be free.
ARNOLD. [_Amused rather than disconcerted._] Don't be ridiculous,
darling. I daresay you're run down and want a change. I'll take you
over to Paris for a fortnight if you like.
ELIZABETH. I shouldn't have spoken to you if I hadn't quite made up my
mind. We've been married for three years and I don't think it's been a
great success. I'm frankly bored by the life you want me to lead.
ARNOLD. Well, if you'll allow me to say so, the fault is yours. We
lead a very distinguished, useful life. We know a lot of extremely
nice people.
ELIZABETH. I'm quite willing to allow that the fault is mine. But how
does that make it any better? I'm only twenty-five. If I've made a
mistake I have time to correct it.
ARNOLD. I can't bring myself to take you very seriously.
ELIZABETH. You see, I don't love you.
ARNOLD. Well, I'm awfully sorry. But you weren't obliged to marry me.
You've made your bed and I'm afraid you must lie on it.
ELIZABETH. That's one of the falsest proverbs in the English language.
Why should you lie on the bed you've made if you don't want to?
There's always the floor.
ARNOLD. For goodness' sake don't be funny, Elizabeth.
ELIZABETH. I've quite made up my mind to leave you, Arnold.
ARNOLD. Come, come, Elizabeth, you must be sensible. You haven't any
reason to leave me.
ELIZABETH. Why should you wish to keep a woman tied to you who wants
to be free?
ARNOLD. I happen to be in love with you.
ELIZABETH. You might have said that before.
ARNOLD. I thought you'd take it for granted. You can't expect a man to
go on making love to his wife after three years. I'm very busy. I'm
awfully keen on politics and I've worked like a dog to make this house
a thing of beauty. After all, a man marries to have a home, but also
because he doesn't want to be bothered with sex and all that sort of
thing. I fell in love with you the first time I saw you and I've been
in love ever since.
ELIZABETH. I'm sorry, but if you're not in love with a man his love
doesn't mean very much to you.
ARNOLD. It's so ungrateful. I've done everything in the world for you.
ELIZABETH. You've been very kind to me. But you've asked me to lead a
life I don't like and that I'm not suited for. I'm awfully sorry to
cause you pain, but now you must let me go.
ARNOLD. Nonsense! I'm a good deal older than you are and I think I
have a little more sense. In your interests as well as in mine I'm not
going to do anything of the sort.
ELIZABETH. [_With a smile._] How can you prevent me? You can't keep me
under lock and key.
ARNOLD. Please don't talk to me as if I were a foolish child. You're
my wife and you're going to remain my wife.
ELIZABETH. What sort of a life do you think we should lead? Do you
think there'd be any more happiness for you than for me?
ARNOLD. But what is it precisely that you suggest?
ELIZABETH. Well, I want you to let me divorce you.
ARNOLD. [_Astounded._] Me? Thank you very much. Are you under the
impression I'm going to sacrifice my career for a whim of yours?
ELIZABETH. How will it do that?
ARNOLD. My seat's wobbly enough as it is. Do you think I'd be able to
hold it if I were in a divorce case? Even if it were a put-up job, as
most divorces are nowadays, it would damn me.
ELIZABETH. It's rather hard on a woman to be divorced.
ARNOLD. [_With sudden suspicion._] What do you mean by that? Are you
in love with some one?
ELIZABETH. Yes.
ARNOLD. Who?
ELIZABETH. Teddie Luton.
[_He is astonished for a moment, then bursts into a laugh._
ARNOLD. My poor child, how can you be so ridiculous? Why, he hasn't a
bob. He's a perfectly commonplace young man. It's so absurd I can't
even be angry with you.
ELIZABETH. I've fallen desperately in love with him, Arnold.
ARNOLD. Well, you'd better fall desperately out.
ELIZABETH. He wants to marry me.
ARNOLD. I daresay he does. He can go to hell.
ELIZABETH. It's no good talking like that.
ARNOLD. Is he your lover?
ELIZABETH. No, certainly not.
ARNOLD. It shows that he's a mean skunk to take advantage of my
hospitality to make love to you.
ELIZABETH. He's never even kissed me.
ARNOLD. I'd try telling that to the horse marines if I were you.
ELIZABETH. It's because I wanted to do nothing shabby that I told you
straight out how things were.
ARNOLD. How long have you been thinking of this?
ELIZABETH. I've been in love with Teddie ever since I knew him.
ARNOLD. And you never thought of me at all, I suppose.
ELIZABETH. Oh, yes, I did. I was miserable. But I can't help myself. I
wish I loved you, but I don't.
ARNOLD. I recommend you to think very carefully before you do anything
foolish.
ELIZABETH. I have thought very carefully.
ARNOLD. By God! I don't know why I don't give you a sound hiding. I'm
not sure if that wouldn't be the best thing to bring you to your
senses.
ELIZABETH. Oh, Arnold, don't take it like that.
ARNOLD. How do you expect me to take it? You come to me quite calmly
and say: "I've had enough of you. We've been married three years and I
think I'd like to marry somebody else now. Shall I break up your home?
What a bore for you! Do you mind my divorcing you? It'll smash up your
career, will it? What a pity!" Oh, no, my girl, I may be a fool, but
I'm not a damned fool.
ELIZABETH. Teddie is leaving here by the first train to-morrow. I warn
you that I mean to join him as soon as he can make the necessary
arrangements.
ARNOLD. Where is he?
ELIZABETH. I don't know. I suppose he's in his room.
[_ARNOLD goes to the door and calls._
ARNOLD. George!
[_For a moment he walks up and down the room impatiently. ELIZABETH
watches him. The FOOTMAN comes in._
FOOTMAN. Yes, sir.
ARNOLD. Tell Mr. Luton to come here at once.
ELIZABETH. Ask Mr. Luton if he wouldn't mind coming here for a moment.
FOOTMAN. Very good, madam.
[_Exit FOOTMAN._
ELIZABETH. What are you going to say to him?
ARNOLD. That's my business.
ELIZABETH. I wouldn't make a scene if I were you.
ARNOLD. I'm not going to make a scene.
[_They wait in silence._
Why did you insist on my mother coming here?
ELIZABETH. It seemed to me rather absurd to take up the attitude that
I should be contaminated by her when . . .
ARNOLD. [_Interrupting._] When you were proposing to do exactly the
same thing. Well, now you've seen her what do you think of her? Do you
think it's been a success? Is that the sort of woman a man would like
his mother to be?
ELIZABETH. I've been ashamed. I've been so sorry. It all seemed
dreadful and horrible. This morning I happened to notice a rose in the
garden. It was all overblown and bedraggled. It looked like a painted
old woman. And I remembered that I'd looked at it a day or two ago. It
was lovely then, fresh and blooming and fragrant. It may be hideous
now, but that doesn't take away from the beauty it had once. That was
real.
ARNOLD. Poetry, by God! As if this were the moment for poetry!
[_TEDDIE comes in. He has changed into a dinner jacket._
TEDDIE. [_To ELIZABETH._] Did you want me?
ARNOLD. _I_ sent for you.
[_TEDDIE looks from ARNOLD to ELIZABETH. He sees that something has
happened._
When would it be convenient for you to leave this house?
TEDDIE. I was proposing to go to-morrow morning. But I can very well
go at once if you like.
ARNOLD. I do like.
TEDDIE. Very well. Is there anything else you wish to say to me?
ARNOLD. Do you think it was a very honourable thing to come down here
and make love to my wife?
TEDDIE. No, I don't. I haven't been very happy about it. That's why I
wanted to go away.
ARNOLD. Upon my word you're cool.
TEDDIE. I'm afraid it's no good saying I'm sorry and that sort of
thing. You know what the situation is.
ARNOLD. Is it true that you want to marry Elizabeth?
TEDDIE. Yes. I should like to marry her as soon as ever I can.
ARNOLD. Have you thought of me at all? Has it struck you that you're
destroying my home and breaking up my happiness?
TEDDIE. I don't see how there could be much happiness for you if
Elizabeth doesn't care for you.
ARNOLD. Let me tell you that I refuse to have my home broken up by a
twopenny-halfpenny adventurer who takes advantage of a foolish woman.
I refuse to allow myself to be divorced. I can't prevent my wife from
going off with you if she's determined to make a damned fool of
herself, but this I tell you: nothing will induce me to divorce her.
ELIZABETH. Arnold, that would be monstrous.
TEDDIE. We could force you.
ARNOLD. How?
TEDDIE. If we went away together openly you'd have to bring an action.
ARNOLD. Twenty-four hours after you leave this house I shall go down
to Brighton with a chorus-girl. And neither you nor I will be able to
get a divorce. We've had enough divorces in our family. And now get
out, get out, get out!
[_TEDDIE looks uncertainly at ELIZABETH._
ELIZABETH. [_With a little smile._] Don't bother about me. I shall be
all right.
ARNOLD. Get out! Get out!