with the fashionable world, that looks upon all sociability as an affair
of manner, and manner as but one branch of costume--the mere dress of the
tongue and eyes and looks. Let manner be respected, as it should be, yet
what is it in its best estate but the simple and thoughtful expression of
a gentle heart and a noble mind? It cannot be put on like a cloak, but
must grow out as foliage and bloom from the life. It is so generally with
manners in promiscuous society, but especially so between friends. They
must be sincere alike for the sake of giving and of gaining the true goods
of friendship. The heart itself thus acts happily, delighting in the free
utterance of its convictions away from the world's folly and harshness. It
craves a congenial sphere to breathe freely and fully. Sincere alike in
his playful talk and serious conservation, a man finds his nature
expanding as his life opens under genial influences refreshing as sunshine
and dew. Sincerity indeed needs a grain of caution, and a thoughtful
person will not tell his whole mind always. But judicious reserve need not
be won at the cost of truth or by the sin of hypocrisy. Taught discretion
by some experience of the ridicule or the deceit in store for garrulous
frankness, a true friend will be sincere always, yet need not feel
himself called upon to open his whole heart to those unable or unwilling
to give his confidence hospitality. His spirit will not be without answer.
Truth will sit upon his lips and win truth for him. The true will find the
true.
But not only are we to be sincere for the vast comfort and gain of free,
genial companionship, but for its direct service to others. If we wish to
know ourselves, we should be willing to help others know themselves by
telling them the truth. Says Lord Bacon, "there is no such flatterer as a
man's self, and there is no such remedy against flattery of a man's self
as the liberty of a friend." It is easy enough to get more or less than
the truth regarding our failings, and friends often fret and spoil each
other by a mutual retail of compliments and scandals which they make a
business of collecting to be used in congratulation or condolement. What
is better in view of such tale-bearing than a sincere counsellor, who at
due times will tell the simple and entire truth, and above flattery and
calumny will give honest advice upon faults of character and errors of
conduct,--mingling kindness with caution, and never so encouraging as when
thoroughly frank? This is a nice point, and one full of difficulties, yet
the point is a main one, and a brave, generous heart need not fear the
difficulties. No man is a true friend, who is not ready to be a faithful
adviser, willing to wound self-love in its tenderest part, and give
passing pain for the sake of lasting blessing. Not often and never with
any assumption must he do this, but humbly as before the searcher of
hearts, and in view of the benign and majestic being who washed his
disciples' feet before telling them of their defects, and opening to them
the fulness of his wisdom and love.
Again, friends should be earnest as well as sincere--earnest not merely in
feeling or temperament, but in the aims of life. What are we good for to
others, unless we have heart ourselves for what is worthy, and are trying
to be and do something for whatsoever is true, honest, pure and lovely,
and of good report? A man is worth little or nothing to others unless he
is earnest for worth in itself. What more frequent cause is there of the
too frequent flatness of what passes for society, than the want of
earnestness in its members, the prevalence of a monotonous mediocrity of
thought and manner, which makes people uninteresting because they are not
interested in much of any thing sensible or elevating? How much power
there is in the true companionship to which each brings the zest of his
own pursuit, the enthusiasm of his own favorite aim, and all are made
wiser and happier by the thought and spirit of each. Part of the influence
of such friendship is seen at once in cheerful looks and renewed courage.
The better part is not seen, for wherever persons really in earnest meet
together, no matter what their calling or topic may be, there is a power
among them, that brings their heart into closer relation with the eternal
heart, and whether conscious of it or not, men go away confirmed in
faith--deepened, whatever their creed, in the sense that God is, and his
spirit is abroad among his people.
The nobler their pursuit or their habitual aims, the greater power do
friends give and take by their earnestness--the better the spirit which
they bring to their personal intercourse. They are more interesting as
individuals, as they are mutually interested in matters above themselves,
and instructive and attractive to each other. Every honorable interest
unites those who cherish it, and beautifully has Jeremy Taylor said, "He
that does a base thing in zeal for his friend, burns the golden thread
that ties their hearts together." Of every honorable interest the quaint
old poet's saying upon honor itself holds good:--
I could not love thee, dear, so much,
Loved I not honor more.
What earnestness for every generous aim filled the heart of him who sat at
the table of communion, inflamed the earthly minds around with heavenly
faith and fervor, as he bade them be one with him in God, after he had
said, "I have called you friends." Blessing repeated in some measure where
any sincere and earnest people interchange thoughts and feelings! Blessing
written on all true companionship since Jesus lived and died!
Need we add kindness to sincerity and earnestness as essentials of
friendship, for is it not implied? Implied, certainly, although there is a
certain kind of earnest sincerity, that lacks the tenderness which this
word expresses. It expresses none other than the crowning grace of charity
in its familiar application. Kindness, genuine and between persons of
congenial minds, watchful to yield its balms and dews, when fortune is
sharp or the world is a weariness, instant ever with a sympathy unaffected
and unobtrusive in trouble and in joy--living commentary upon the sacred
sentence:--
"A faithful friend is the medicine of life,
And they that fear the Lord shall find him."
Then griefs by being communicated are less and joys greater. "Indeed,"
says South, "sorrow like a stream loses itself in many channels, and joy,
like a ray of the sun, reflects with a greater ardor and quickness when it
rebounds upon a man from the breast of a friend."
In such kindness there will be an element of magnanimity which will check
the selfish calculation that measures regard by gold, and exchanges
relations of affinity for bonds of profit and loss. We will not say there
is no friendship in trade, but that it is incongruous to make trade of
friendship. The more the relation is one of reciprocal sentiment, and the
less it is unbalanced by patronage or dependence, the more it moves in its
own element and yields its own reward.
The more likely too it is to be lasting, and crown sincerity, earnestness,
and kindness, with constancy. Too many things there are to break the unity
of our lives, and scatter into fragments our book of experience. Yet some
ties we need, and may have, that run their silken thread through its
various chapters, and make a volume of the leaves else fragmentary as the
Sibyl's. True friends are such ties, and whether of our kindred or not,
they can be won by friendliness and kept only by constancy. Some deemed
such may fall off and become indifferent, perhaps false, but who that has
any heart cannot feel happy in some form of constant kindness, and say
with the Scripture and from experience:
"A friend loveth at all times,
And a brother is born for adversity."
Happiness indeed, when as we go through life and take its ups and downs,
and look upon its ever-enlarging horizon, we can meet betimes and often
some one or more whom we have known from youth, and whose very faces and
voices express our best remembrances and hopes. As rising above dull
etiquette, we call them by their familiar names, and say William, or
Henry, or Mary, or Ellen, grim time seems to drop his inexorable scythe,
and the roses that appeared withered in our path bloom out as amaranths of
immortality. Power, as well as pleasure, comes from the interview,
especially if, under the incentive, noble friendship gives its
fascinations to wisdom, and thus stirred we review our lives closely,
scrutinize our ways seriously, and our whole experience rises up under a
new charm to warn us of evil and urge us to good, ready to say
religiously:
"Change not a friend for any good, by no means,
Neither a faithful brother for the gold of Ophir."
Do we think enough of this whole subject of companionship--enough of it
for ourselves and our children? In some way, perhaps, we may think enough
of being in society, and we may have a sharp eye on our list of
acquaintance, be eager enough for the silly race of ostentatious eating,
drinking, and dressing, that is the life of our semi-barbarous fashion, or
for the frivolous social circles, where friendship is part of the play,
and they who flatter each other to the face, laugh at each other as soon
as the back is turned; and in perhaps honeyed words character is depicted
as sharply as if cannibals had but changed their policy, and brought their
teeth to bear in a different way, not upon the flesh but upon the life.
Perhaps we have a better ambition, and desire for ourselves and our
children the society of the refined, and wise, and good. This is well, but
one point must not be overlooked. There is no getting into really good
society but by growing into it. We may win entrance to the houses and
tables of distinguished people perhaps, but our real friendship with
persons of sterling character must depend on our character and culture.
Ask honestly--what are we, what have we made and are making of ourselves
and our children? And our worth will be the precise measure of the
friendship we deserve and are likely to have. Here is motive for the best
culture of the mind and heart. A man's own essential character--what he
thinks, knows, is, and can do,--it is this that opens to him true
companionship, and by a law as universal as that of specific gravity, he
rises or falls to his own level. Is it not worth a life's effort to be
worthy to win and enjoy the intimate companionship of choice minds?
Do we think of this in the training of our children? Do we try to educate
their social affections morally and intellectually--strive to make our
houses attractive to sensible people, to give our sons distaste for
profligates, and our daughters disgust for fops and fools? Are we laying
the foundations of sincere and elevating relations that shall put the due
check upon the evil communications that so corrupt good manners? If not,
think seriously of the neglect, and do better, as you fear God and love
the best in the life he has given us.
Cheerfully, gratefully, leave the subject as we consider what He has done
for us, and ask His blessing on all whom we hold dear. God bless our
friends! Bless them all in their widest and their inmost circle; bless all
the kindly people with whom we have interchanged pleasant words, and who
more than the landscape have reflected in any way his light and love;
bless all who from age or wisdom have taught us truth and reverence,
instructors, guardians, counsellors, pastors, on earth or gone from the
earth; bless those nearer sharers of our lot, sincere, earnest, tender,
constant companions, whose names are familiar at our table and sacred in
our prayers; bless Him, whose gospel crowns all good will with its divine
love, and calling all friends who lived in God's love, leaves to all the
benediction of His parting prayer: "Holy Father! keep through thine own
name those whom thou hast given me, that they may be one, as we are."
Master and Servant.
MASTER AND SERVANT.
We are careful how we treat our equals--very careful how we treat our
superiors. Do we think seriously enough of our treatment of inferiors? We
ought to think of this, for their sake and our own--for their sake,
because they are so much under our own influence; for our own sake,
because we deserve just such treatment from those above us as we give to
those beneath us? Do any try to escape the latter inference by denying the
premises and saying that they are their own masters and ask no favors from
any one? This will not do, nor will any petulant rhetoric change the
solemn facts of the Divine government. We all have superiors as well as
inferiors; in some points we are all masters, in some points all servants.
* * * * *
It is the law of God certainly, that there should be inequalities of
gifts, and from these diverse gifts, whether of talent or opportunity or
both, come varieties of place and influence. There is no such thing as
perfect equality in the universe, except in the mathematician's calculus,
or the metaphysician's theory. Neither God nor man has ever made two
things exactly alike, and the diversity that appears between two blades of
grass from the same stalk, or two needles from the same mechanism, is of
course greater as we rise in the scale to creatures, so various and
complex in faculties and discipline as mankind. Think not, however, that
this inequality favors pride on the one hand, and sycophancy on the other.
The Creator has more wisely adjusted the checks and balances of his
government. In some respects, he has made every man dependent upon his
fellows. The greatest sage needs to learn something from the peasant, and
to receive much from his toil. The king must serve the country which he
professes to rule, and the best wisdom of his counsellors must serve the
throne. The merest glance at society round us shows an endless gradation
of varied service. The ablest lawyer is quite as much bound to devote his
talents to his client's cause, as his client is bound to requite his
labor. The merchant prince, creditor to many, has creditors also of his
own. He that is called in the Lord, being a servant, is the Lord's
freeman; likewise also, he that is called, being free, is Christ's
servant. In some sense, then, every man is a servant, and in some sense,
too, every servant is a master, or in something commands.
Is not this arrangement well? The fact that it is so essential to the
Divine government would prove this; but can we not see its good fruits?
The difference of relation calls out the various faculties of our being,
and life, like nature itself, teaches us to use our eyes and minds by
looking and striving above, below, and around. If we would bring out the
skill and strength of the hand, we must lift up, as well as hold on, and
so, by dealing with things high and low its muscles are pliant and strong.
It is the same with all our powers, and there is no man, who is thoroughly
educated or brought out, who does not obey as well as command. The motto
of the Black Prince, "Ich Dien," "I serve," is written on every true man's
standard, and no man is fit to rule who has not learned to obey.
Society in all ages, and especially in our own, has been testing this
truth, and nothing is more obvious now than the general striving after a
truer adjustment of mutual service. It haunts us at every turn. In the
topic of work and wages, it is the problem of the political economist,--in
the relation of people and ruler, it agitates every government on
earth,--in the question of master and servant, it comes home to every
family. Our position towards it now is a very simple and practical one.
Carrying out our plan of treating home duties, we come now to the
treatment of inferiors, especially those of our own household, or the
relation of masters and servants.
* * * * *
We start with a clear principle, that defines at once the sentiment that
belongs to this relation. Both parties have the same essential nature, and
we use the term inferiors simply as denoting the fact of service, and the
attendants of that fact. The servant may be, and often is, a better man
than his master--sometimes a wiser one. Yet his position, in a very
obvious sense, is inferior, and whilst having privileges of his own, he
is subject in his sphere of service to his master's orders. This
subjection implies no surrender of moral dignity. The service should be
given as from man to man, and so received; and the difference of position
affects the office, and not the moral worth of the parties. Even the bond
servant, according to St. Paul, is not to be deprived of his moral
dignity, but is to be treated as under God a serving brother. As much as
this is asserted now by the moralists of slavery, such as Dr. Thornwell
and his school, who maintain that purchase does not make the buyer owner
of the slave, but merely of his labor. Surely less than this position,
which is so speciously assumed to justify bond-service, should not be
allowed to the servant who is freely such. Let the service be what it may,
and implying whatever lowliness of gifts, so long as it can be honestly
rendered, it implies no degradation; and a good servant is morally to be
respected as much as his master. Premising this, and remembering that
whatever is said of one kind of service has a bearing upon all kinds, we
are ready to look practically upon the duties of the relation.
* * * * *
It is most profitable for us, in addressing a community who employ so many
people in their homes and business, to treat the subject chiefly as it
bears upon masters or employers, although in doing this the duty of
servants must needs be implied. This is implied, certainly, in the
position which we lay down at starting, when we say, that it is the
master's duty first of all, to have in himself the fidelity which he
requires from his servant. Here both parties meet, and are called to be
trusty. The best examples and the plainest reasonings establish this
ground. Does a great commander, like Washington, send an officer or
soldier upon some difficult expedition, he asks of his inferior to be true
to the principle which he accepts, and his whole tone and manner says, "I
serve the country in my way, and so do you under my orders and in your
way." Our Saviour himself cherished the very allegiance which he required
of his followers; nay, he grounded its obligation upon the very nature of
the Divine mind, when he bade them work, while it is day, and said, "My
Father worketh hitherto, and I work." Whenever a master or employer takes
lower ground than that of mutual trust, he puts himself below his servant.
If he professes only to follow his own caprices, and yet asks his servant
to be faithful, he exacts fidelity, whilst he cherishes caprice, and so in
the moral scale takes a place below his inferior.
He thus fails of setting the true example of trustiness to his servant,
and of having, by due fellow feeling, proper consideration for him. He is
like the harsh creditor in the parable, who, having first been a reckless
defaulter to the king, after having begged forgiveness for the enormous
debt of fifteen millions, turned at once upon his poor fellow-servant,
took him by the throat, and had him cast into prison for the paltry sum of
about fourteen dollars. He was a treacherous man, and so could neither
reasonably demand fidelity, nor have fellow feeling for honest misfortune.
His lot is due to every man who repudiates his solemn responsibility to
God and his neighbor, yet insists upon utter deference from those beneath
him in a capricious tyranny, which is far beneath faithful service. Every
household should learn the lesson, and wherever its most favored members
do not feel the solemn obligations of life, and live for objects beyond
their own caprices, they are rebuked by their very exactions, and should
be shamed by the very fidelity they ask. A true family will set this
matter right by teaching practically, that no wealth, nor station, nor
elegance, nullifies responsibility, and its daily method will prove that
the doctrine of stewardship is accepted in parlor and chamber before it is
preached to the basement and attic. In fact, no true man will be content
with being less useful than his servants, and certainly many an affluent
and high-minded master meets an amount of responsibility, and does an
amount of labor, chiefly mental, perhaps, compared with which the round of
domestic service is light. He is in his way trusty, and may well ask his
inferiors to be so. It is this spirit only that will effectually procure
the service we need, and provide domestics who will be friends instead of
mere hirelings; helpers in the care of our children, instead of debasers
of their speech and manners; specimens of the good servant, who, says an
old author, "is one that out of a good conscience serves God in his
master, and so hath the principle of obedience in himself."
Stating thus a duty common to both parties, we pass on to a second point,
pressing more directly upon one of them, however, and carrying out the
idea already presented. The apostle's words urge it best when he says:
"Masters, give unto your servants that which is just and equal; knowing
that ye also have a Master in heaven." It is probably needless to urge
this point here in its external sense, and insist upon giving fair wages
and punctual payment. It may be important for some persons, however, who
are so absorbed in their own comfort as to be almost unaware that poor
people can suffer from a cause to themselves so trifling, to be reminded
that, in dealing with the poor, small sums affect great interests, and
that great wrong is done by overlooking the value of a few days of time or
wages to people in their employ. A dollar withheld for a week from a needy
seamstress, may be a greater harm than the non-payment of thousands to
creditors rolling in wealth.
But there is a higher sense of just and equal due. Character is a great
thing, and quite as much to servant as to master. Character in service
should be sacredly respected, and it is shamefully wronged when men pass
sweeping judgment upon a whole class because they have been duped by a
portion, or, when in a feeble good nature, they are as tolerant of
falsehood as truth, of fraud as honesty. There is, indeed, sad want of
veracity and fidelity in the class most frequent in our domestic
service--the class by religion and associations almost a distinct caste in
our nation. There is also among them much kindness and industry--sometimes
wonderful self-sacrifice, and, with all their failings, their place could
not well be supplied. The greater their ignorance and obtuseness, the
more need of training them to a sense of right by setting a bounty upon
good character. It is a foul wrong to commend the thievish or lazy, in
order to be rid of them, or withhold due name to the faithful, in the hope
of retaining their services. Certainly the ages in which loyalty was the
crowning virtue have abounded in examples of devoted service, and our own
anomalous and unsettled times are not without countless instances of like
temper. Now, as of old, the apostle's word is remembered by many:
"Whatsoever ye do, do it heartily as unto the Lord, and not unto men;
knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance.
But he that doeth wrong shall receive for the wrong which he hath done,
and there is no respect of persons."