staircase harder to ascend. It was not because her weight was
increasing, but because my strength failed me as soon as I took her in
my arms. At first I did not understand it; then I reproached myself
bitterly; but my emotion was insurmountable. That willowy and voluptuous
figure which abandoned itself to me, that charming face almost touching
mine, that alabaster arm around my bare and burning neck, that perfumed
hair mingling with mine--it was too much for a lad of seventeen. It was
impossible for her not to feel the hurried beating of my heart, and read
in my eyes the disturbance that she caused in my senses. "I tire you,"
she would sometimes say with a languishing air. I could not reply to
that sarcasm; my head would begin to whirl, and I was forced to run away
as soon as I had placed her in her chair. One day it happened that
Salomé was not, as usual, in her cabinet to receive her. I had some
difficulty in arranging the cushions so that she could sit comfortably.
My arms met around her waist. I found myself at her feet, my dizzy head
resting on her knees. She ran her fingers through my hair. The sudden
quivering of that hand revealed to me that of which I had had no
conception. I was not the only one who was moved; I was not the only one
on the point of giving way. We were no longer servant and mistress,
gondolier and signora; we were a young man and a young woman who loved
each other. A sudden light flashed through my mind and darted from my
eyes. She hastily pushed me away, and exclaimed, in a stifled voice:
"_Go_!" I obeyed, but as a conqueror. I was no longer the servant
receiving an order, but the lover making a sacrifice.
Thereupon blind desire took possession of my whole being. I did not
reflect; I felt neither fear nor scruple nor doubt. I had but one fixed
idea, to be alone with Bianca. But that was more difficult than one
might presume from her independent position. It seemed as if Salomé
divined the danger, and had taken upon herself the task of protecting
her mistress from it. She never left her, except sometimes at night when
little Alezia wanted to go to bed at the hour when her mother went out
in the gondola. At such times Mandola inevitably accompanied us on the
lagoons. I saw plainly enough, by the signora's expression and her
uneasiness, that she could not help desiring a tête-à-tête with me;
but she was too weak either to seek it or to avoid it. I did not lack
boldness or resolution, but not for anything under heaven would I have
compromised her; and furthermore, so long as I had not actually won a
victory in that delicate condition of affairs, my rôle might well be
supremely ridiculous, even contemptible, in the eyes of the signora's
other servants.
Luckily honest Mandola, who was not devoid of penetration, had for me an
affection which never wavered. I should not be surprised, although he
never gave me the right to assert it, if love had sometimes made a soft
heart beat fast beneath that rough bark, when he carried the signora in
his arms. It was extremely imprudent for a young woman to betray the
secret of her love-affairs to two young men of our age, and almost
flaunt them in our faces; and it was impossible for us to be witnesses
of the good fortune of other men, for two years, without being unduly
tempted. However that may be, I find it difficult to believe that
Mandola would have detected so readily what was taking place in my
heart, if something of the same sort had not taken place in his. One
evening, as I sat at the bow of the gondola, lost in thought, my face
hidden in my hands, waiting for the signora to send for us, he said to
me: "_Nello! Nello_!!!"--nothing more, but in a tone which seemed to me
to mean so much that I raised my head and looked at him with a sort of
terror, as if my fate were in his hands.--He stifled something like a
sigh, as he added the popular saying: "_Sara quel che sara_!"
"What do you mean?" I cried, rising and grasping his arm.
"Nello! Nello!" he repeated, shaking his head. At that moment they came
to tell me to go up and bring the signora to the gondola; but Mandola's
meaning glance followed me up the steps and moved me strangely.
That same day Mandola applied to Signora Aldini for a week's leave of
absence, to go and see his sick father. Bianca seemed surprised and
dismayed by the request; but she granted it at once, adding: "But who
will row my gondola?"--"Nello," Mandola replied, watching me closely.
"But he cannot row alone," rejoined the signora. "No matter, take me
home, to-morrow we will look for a temporary substitute. Go to see your
father, and take good care of him; I will pray for him."
The next day the signora sent for me, and asked me if I had made
inquiries for a gondolier. I replied only by an audacious smile. The
signora turned pale and said to me in a trembling voice: "You will
attend to it to-morrow; I shall not go out to-day."
I realized my mistake; but the signora had shown more fear than anger,
and my hope augmented my insolence. Toward evening I went and asked her
if I should bring the gondola to the steps. She replied coldly: "I told
you this morning that I should not go out." I did not lose courage. "The
weather has changed, signora," I said, "the wind is as warm as the
sirocco. It is fine weather for you to-night." She bestowed a withering
glance upon me, saying: "I didn't ask you what the weather is. How long
has it been your place to advise me?" The battle was on, I did not
retreat. "Since you have seemed disposed to allow yourself to die," I
replied vehemently. She seemed to yield to some magnetic force; for she
languidly dropped her head on her hand, and in a faint voice bade me
bring the gondola.
I carried her down to it. Salomé attempted to accompany her. I took it
upon myself to say to her in an imperative tone that her mistress
ordered her to remain with Signora Alezia. I saw the blood come and go
in the signora's cheeks as I took the oar and eagerly pushed against the
marble steps which seemed to flee behind us.
When I was a few rods from the palace, it seemed to me that I had
conquered the world, and that my victory was assured, all inconvenient
witnesses being out of the way. I rowed furiously out into the middle of
the lagoons, without turning my head, without speaking a word, without
stopping for breath. I had the appearance of a lover carrying off his
mistress much more than of a gondolier rowing his employer. When we were
quite alone, I dropped my oar and let the boat drift; but at that point
all my courage abandoned me; it was impossible for me to speak to the
signora, I dared not even look at her. She gave me no encouragement, and
I rowed her back to the palace, mortified enough to have resumed the
trade of boatman without obtaining the reward I hoped for.
Salomé showed some temper with me, and humiliated me several times,
accusing me of having a surly and preoccupied air. I could never say a
word to the signora without a rebuke from the maid, who always declared
that I did not express myself respectfully. The signora, who usually
defended me, did not even seem to notice the mortifications to which I
was subjected that evening. I was incensed beyond words. For the first
time I was really ashamed of my position, and I should have thought
seriously of quitting it, if the irresistible magnet of desire had not
kept me in bondage.
For several days I suffered tortures. The signora pitilessly allowed me
to exhaust my strength rowing her about at midday, in the dry, intensely
hot, autumn weather, before the eyes of the whole city, who had seen me
for a long time previously seated in her gondola, at her feet, almost at
her side, and who saw me now, dripping with perspiration, fallen from
the sublime profession of troubadour to the laborious trade of
gondolier. My love changed to wrath. Two or three times I felt a
shameful temptation to treat her disrespectfully in public; then I was
ashamed of myself and my dejection became the more complete.
One morning, the fancy seized her to go ashore on the Lido. The shore
was deserted, the sand sparkled in the sunlight; my head was burning
hot, the perspiration was running down my breast in streams. As I
stooped to lift Signora Aldini, she passed her silk handkerchief over my
dripping forehead, and gazed at me with a sort of loving compassion.
"_Poveretto_!" she said, "you are not made for the trade to which I
condemn you!"
"I would go to the galleys for you," I replied hotly.
"And sacrifice your beautiful voice," she rejoined, "and the great
talent you may acquire, and the noble profession of musical artist to
which you may attain?"
"Everything!" I replied, dropping on my knees before her.
"You do not mean it!" she retorted, with a melancholy air. "Return to
your place," she added, pointing to the bow. "I wish to rest a while
here."
I returned to the bow, but I left the door of the _camerino_ open. I
could see her lying on the black cushions, fair and pale, wrapped in her
black cape, buried and, as it were hidden in the black velvet of that
mysterious bower, which seems made for stealthy pleasures and forbidden
joys. She resembled a beautiful swan which swims into a dark grotto to
avoid the hunter. I felt that my reason was abandoning me; I crept to
her side and fell on my knees. To give her a kiss and then die in
expiation of my crime was my whole thought. Her eyes were closed, she
pretended to be asleep, but she felt the fire of my breath. Then she
called to me aloud, as if she believed me to be at a distance, and
pretended to wake gradually, to give me time to go away. She bade me go
to the _bottega_ on the Lido to fetch her some lemonade, then closed her
eyes again. I put one foot on shore, and that was all. I stepped back
into the gondola and stood still, gazing at her. She opened her eyes,
and her glance seemed to draw me to her by a thousand chains of steel
and diamond. I took one step toward her, she closed her eyes again; I
took another step, and she opened them, assuming an expression of
contemptuous surprise. I went ashore again, then returned to the
gondola. This cruel game lasted several minutes. She attracted and
spurned me as the hawk plays with the mortally wounded sparrow. Anger
took possession of me; I slammed the door of the _camerino_ so violently
that the glass was shivered. She uttered a cry which I did not deign to
notice, but rushed ashore, singing in a voice of thunder, which I
thought reckless and devil-may-care:
"La Biondina in gondoleta
L'altra sera mi o mena;
Dal piazer la povareta
La x' a in boto adormenta.
E la dormiva su sto bracio
Me intanto la svegliava;
E la barca che ninava
La tornava a adormenzar."
I sat down upon one of the Jewish tombstones on the Lido, and remained
there a long while; I purposely compelled her to wait for me. Then, of a
sudden, thinking that she might be suffering with thirst, I ran,
stricken with remorse, to fetch the drink for which she had asked me,
and carried it to her with deep solicitude. And yet I hoped that she
would reprimand me; I would have liked to be dismissed from my
employment, for it had become intolerable to me. She received me with no
trace of anger; indeed she thanked me sweetly as she took the glass I
handed her. Thereupon I saw that her hand was bleeding, it had been cut
by the broken glass. I could not restrain my tears. I saw that hers were
flowing too; but she did not speak to me, and I dared not break that
silence, fraught with loving reproaches and timid passion.
I determined to stamp out my insane love and to leave Venice. I tried to
persuade myself that the signora had never returned it, and that I had
flattered myself with an impertinent hope; but every moment her glance,
her tone of voice, her gesture, even her sadness, which seemed to
increase and decrease with mine, all combined to revive my insane
confidence and to lead me to dangerous dreams.
Fate seemed determined to deprive us of what little strength we still
retained. Mandola did not return. I was a very indifferent oarsman,
despite my zeal and strength; I was not familiar with the lagoons, I had
always been so absorbed by my own thoughts as I went in and out among
them! One evening I went astray in the salt marshes that stretch from
the St. George canal to the Marana canal. The rising tide covered those
vast plains of sand and seaweed; but it began to fall again before I
succeeded in rowing back into clear water; I could see the tops of the
aquatic plants moving in the breeze amid the foam. I pulled hard, but in
vain. The ebb tide laid bare a vast expanse of marsh, and the gondola
stranded gently on a bed of seaweed and shells. Night had spread its
veil over the sky and the waters, the sea-birds lighted all around us,
by thousands, filling the air with their plaintive cries. I called for a
long time, but my voice was lost in space; no fishing vessel chanced to
be at anchor near the marsh, no craft of any sort approached us. We must
needs resign ourselves to the necessity of awaiting some chance succor
or the next morning's tide. This last alternative was exceedingly
disquieting; I dreaded the cold night air for my mistress's sake, and
above all, the unhealthy vapors that rise from the marshes at daybreak;
I tried in vain to pull the gondola to a pool of water. Aside from the
fact that we should simply have gained a very few feet, it would have
taken more than six men to raise the boat from the bed she had made for
herself. Thereupon I determined to wade through the swamp, up to my
waist in mud, until I reached the channel, and to swim across in quest
of help. It was an insane undertaking; for I did not know the lay of the
land, and where the fishermen adroitly walk about to gather _sea-fruit_,
I should have been lost in bogs and quick-sands after a very few steps.
When the signora saw that I was inclined to resist her prohibition, and
was about to take the risk, she sprang to her feet, and, mustering
strength to remain in that position for an instant, she threw her arms
about me and fell back, almost pressing me to her heart. Thereupon I
forgot all my anxiety, and cried frantically: "Yes! yes! let us stay
here; let us never leave this spot; let us die here of joy and love, and
may the Adriatic not wake to-morrow to rescue us!"
In the first moment of emotion she was very near abandoning herself to
my transports; but she soon recovered the strength with which she had
armed herself.
"Well, yes," she said, kissing me on the forehead; "yes, I love you, and
I have loved you for a long while. It was because I loved you that I
refused to marry Lanfranchi, for I could not make up my mind to place an
everlasting obstacle between you and me. It was because I loved you that
I endured Montalegri's love, fearing that I might succumb to my passion
for you, and being determined to combat it; it was because I loved you
that I sent him away, being unable to endure longer that love which I
did not share; it is because I love you that I am still determined not
to give way to what I feel to-day; for I propose to give you proofs of a
veritable love, and I owe to your pride, so long humbled, some other
recompense than vain caresses, another title than that of lover."
I did not understand that language. What other title than that of lover
could I desire, what greater happiness than that of possessing such a
mistress? I had had some absurd moments of pride and frenzy, but at that
time I was unhappy, I did not think that she loved me.
"So long as you do love me," I cried; "so long as you tell me so as you
do now, in the mystery of darkness, and every evening, out of sight of
the curious and envious, give me a kiss as you did just now; so long as
you are mine in secret, in God's bosom, shall I not be prouder and
happier than the Doge of Venice? What more do I need than to live beside
you and to know that you belong to me? Ah! let all the world remain in
ignorance of it; I do not need to make others jealous in order to be
happy beyond words, and the opinion of other people is not necessary to
the pride and joy of my heart."
"And yet," replied Bianca, "it will humiliate you to be my servant after
this, will it not?"
"I was humiliated this morning," I cried; "to-morrow I shall be proud of
it."
"What!" she said, "would you not despise me if, after abandoning myself
to your love, I should leave you in a state of degradation?"
"There can be no degradation in serving one who loves me," I replied.
"If you were my wife, do you think that I would allow anybody but myself
to carry you? Could I think of anything except taking care of you and
amusing you? Salomé is not humiliated to be in your service, and yet
you do not love her as much as you love me, _signora mia_?"
"O my noble-hearted boy!" cried Bianca, pressing my head against her
breast with deep emotion; "O pure and unselfish soul! Who will dare now
to say that there are no great hearts save those that are born in
palaces! Who will dare deny the honor and saintliness of these plebeian
natures, ranked so low by our hateful prejudices and our absurd disdain!
You are the only man who ever loved me for myself alone, the only man
whose aim was not my rank or my fortune!--Very well! you shall share
them both, you shall make me forget the miseries of my first marriage,
and replace with your rustic name the hateful name of Aldini, which I
bear with regret! You shall command my vassals and be at once the lord
of my estates and the master of my life. Nello, will you marry me?"
If the earth had opened under my feet, or if the skies had fallen on my
head, I could not have experienced a more violent shock of amazement
than that which struck me dumb in the face of such a question. When I
had recovered somewhat from my stupefaction, I do not know what reply I
made, for my head was going round, and it was impossible for me to think
coherently. All that my natural good sense could do was to put aside
honors too heavy for my age and my inexperience. Bianca insisted.
"Listen," she said; "I am not happy. My cheerfulness has long been a
cloak for intense suffering, until now, as you see, I am ill and can no
longer conceal my ennui. My position in society is false and very
distasteful to me; my position in my own esteem is worse still, and God
is dissatisfied with me. You know that I am not of patrician descent.
Torquato Aldini married me on account of the great fortune my father had
amassed in business. That haughty nobleman never saw in me anything more
than the instrument of his fortune, he never deigned to treat me as his
equal; some of his relatives encouraged him in maintaining the absurd
and cruel attitude of lord and master which he assumed toward me at the
outset; others blamed him severely for having contracted a misalliance
in order to pay his debts, and treated him coldly after his marriage.
After his death they all refused to see me, and I found myself without
any family; for by entering the family of a noble I had forfeited the
esteem and affection of my own people. I had married Torquato for love,
and those of my relatives who did not consider me insane believed me to
be guided by foolish vanity and vile ambition. That is why, despite my
wealth and my youth and an obliging and inoffensive disposition, you see
my salons almost empty and my social circle so restricted. I have some
warm friends, and their company satisfies my heart. But I am entirely
unfamiliar with the intoxication of society at large, and it has not
treated me so well that I am called upon to sacrifice my happiness to
it. I know that by marrying you I shall draw down upon myself not its
indifference simply but its irrevocable malediction. Do not be alarmed;
you see that it is a very trifling sacrifice on my part."
"But why marry me?" said I. "Why invite that malediction to no purpose?
for I do not need your fortune to be happy, nor do you need a solemn
contract on my part to be sure that I shall love you forever."
"Whether you are my husband or my lover," Bianca replied, "the world
will find it out all the same, and I shall be cursed and despised none
the less. Since your love must necessarily, in one way or the other,
separate me altogether from society, I desire at least to be reconciled
to God, and to find in this love of mine, sanctified by the Church, the
strength to despise society as it despises me. I have lived in sin for a
long while, I have sinned without adding to my happiness, I have risked
my salvation and have not found gladness of heart. Now I have found it
and I wish to enjoy it, stainless and cloudless; I wish to sleep, free
from remorse, on the bosom of the man I love; I wish to be able to say
to the world: 'It is you who destroy and corrupt hearts. Nello's love
has saved and purified me, and I have a refuge against you; God
permitted me to love Nello, and bids me love him until death.'"
Bianca talked to me a long while in this strain. There was weakness,
childishness and pure goodness in these ingenuous plottings of her
pride, her love and her piety. I was not very strong myself. It was not
long since I had been accustomed to kneel, night and morning, on my
father's boat, before the image of St. Anthony painted on the sail; and
although the beautiful women of Venice diverted my thoughts sadly in the
basilica, I never missed attending mass, and I still had on my neck the
scapulary my mother hung there as she gave me her blessing on the day I
left Chioggia. So I allowed Signora Aldini to triumph over my scruples
and persuade me; and without further resistance or promises, I passed
the night at her feet, as submissive as a child to her religious
scruples, intoxicated with the pleasure of simply kissing her hand and
inhaling the perfume of her fan. It was a lovely night. The twinkling
stars trembled in the little pools which the tide had left on the marsh;
the breeze murmured in the green grasses. From time to time we saw in
the distance the light of a gondola gliding over the waves, but it did
not occur to us to call for help. The voice of the Adriatic breaking on
the farther shore of the Lido reached our ears, monotonous and majestic.
We indulged in countless enchanting dreams; we formed countless
deliciously trivial plans. The moon sank slowly and was shrouded in the
dark waves on the horizon, like a chaste virgin in her winding-sheet. We
were as chaste as she, and she seemed to glance at us with a friendly
expression before plunging into the sea.
But soon the cold made itself felt, and a sheet of white mist spread
over the marsh. I closed the _camerino_ and wrapped Bianca in my red
cape. I sat down beside her, put my arms about her to shelter her, and
warmed her arms and hands with my breath. A delicious calm seemed to
have descended upon her heart since she had almost extorted from me a
promise to marry her. She rested her head lightly on my shoulder. The
night was far advanced; for more than six hours we had poured forth the
ardent love of our hearts in tender and impassioned words. A pleasant
sensation of weariness stole over me as well, and we fell asleep in each
other's arms, as pure as the dawn that was beginning to appear on the
horizon. It was our wedding-night--our only night of love; a spotless
night, which was never repeated, and its memory never marred.
Loud voices woke me. I ran to the bow of the gondola and saw several men
approaching us. At the usual time of starting out to fish, a family of
fishermen had discovered the stranded craft, and they assisted me to
drag her to the Marana Canal, whence I rowed rapidly to the palace.
How happy I was as I placed my foot on the first step! I thought no more
of the palace than of Bianca's fortune; but I had her in my arms who
thenceforth was my property, my life, my mistress in the noble and
blessed sense of the word! But my joy ended there. Salomé appeared in
the doorway of that terror-stricken house, where no one had closed an
eye during the night. Salomé was pale, and it was evident that she had
been weeping; it was probably the only time in her life. She did not
venture to question her mistress: perhaps she had already read upon my
brow the reason why the night had seemed so short to me. It had been
long enough to all the occupants of the palace. They all believed that
some horrible accident had befallen their dear mistress. A number of
them had wandered about all night, looking for us; others had passed the
time in prayer, burning little tapers before the image of the Virgin.
When their anxiety was allayed and their curiosity gratified, I noticed
that their thoughts took another direction and their faces a different
expression. They scrutinized my face--the women especially--with
insulting eagerness. As for Salomé's expression, it was so withering
that I could not endure it. Mandola arrived from the country in the
midst of the commotion. He understood in an instant what was going on,
and, putting his mouth to my ear, begged me to be prudent. I pretended
not to know what he meant; I did my best to submit with an air of
innocence to the investigations of the others. But in a few moments I
was unable to endure my anxiety, and I went into Bianca's room.