KALAMAZOO
I had but one reason for visiting Kalamazoo: the name has always
fascinated me with its zoological suggestion and even more with its
rich, rhythmic measure. Indian names containing "K's" are almost always
striking: Kenosha, Kewanee, Kokomo, Keokuk, Kankakee. Of these, the last
two, having the most "K's" are most effective. Next comes Kokomo with
two "K's." But Kalamazoo, though it has but one "K," seems to me to take
first place among them all, phonetically, because of the finely assorted
sound contained in its four syllables. There is a kick in its "K," a
ring in its "L," a buzz in its "Z," and a glorious hoot in its two final
"O's."
I wish here to protest against the abbreviated title frequently bestowed
upon the town by newspapers in Detroit and other neighboring cities.
They call it "Ka'zoo."
Ka'zoo, indeed! For shame! How can men take so fine a name and treat it
lightly? True, it is a little long for easy handling in a headline, but
that does not justify indignity. If headline writers cannot handle it
conveniently they should not change the name, but rather change their
type, or make-up. If I owned a newspaper, and there arose a question of
giving space to this majestic name, I should cheerfully drop out a
baseball story, or the love letters in some divorce case, or even an
advertisement, in order to display it as it deserves to be displayed.
Kalamazoo (I love to write it out!) Kalamazoo, I say, is also sometimes
known familiarly as "Celery Town"--the growing of this crisp and
succulent vegetable being a large local industry. Also, I was informed,
more paper is made there than in any other city in the world. I do not
know if that is true, I only know that if there is not more _something_
in Kalamazoo than there is in any other city, the place is unique in my
experience.
From my own observations, made during an evening walk through the
agreeable, tree-bordered streets of Kalamazoo, I should have said that
it led in quite a different field. I have never been in any town where
so many people failed to draw their window shades, or owned green
reading lamps, or sat by those green-shaded lamps and read. I looked
into almost every house I passed, and in all but two, I think, I saw the
self-same picture of calm, literary domesticity.
One family, living in a large and rather new-looking house on Main
Street, did not seem to be at home. The shades were up but no one was
sitting by the lamp. And, more, the lamp itself was different. Instead
of a plain green shade it had a shade with pictures in the glass, and
red bead fringe. Later I found out where the people were. They were
playing bridge across the street. They must have been the people from
that house, because there were two in all the other houses, whereas
there were four in the house where bridge was being played.
I stood and watched them. The woman from across the street--being the
guest, she was in evening dress--was dummy. She was sitting back
stiffly, her mouth pursed, her eyes staring at the cards her partner
played. And she was saying to herself (and, unconsciously, to us,
through the window): "If _I_ had played that hand, I never should have
done it _that_ way!"
* * * * *
Kalamazoo has a Commercial Club. What place hasn't? And the Commercial
Club has issued a booklet. What Commercial Club hasn't? This one bears
the somewhat fanciful title "The Lure of Kalamazoo."
"The Lure of Kalamazoo" is written in that peculiarly chaste style
characteristic of Chamber of Commerce "literature"--a style comparable
only with that of railway folders and summer hotel booklets. It is the
"Here-all-nature-seems-to-be-rejoicing" school. Let me present an
extract:
Kalamazoo is peculiarly a city of homes--homes varying in cost from
the modest cottage of the laborer to the palatial house of the
wealthy manufacturer.
The only place in which the man who wrote that slipped up, was in
referring to the wealthy manufacturer's "house." Obviously the word
called for there is "mansion." However, in justice to this man, and to
Kalamazoo, I ought to add that the town seemed to be rather free from
"mansions." That is one of the pleasantest things about it. It is just a
pretty, unpretentious place. Perhaps he actually meant to say "house,"
but I doubt it. I think he missed a trick. I think he failed to get the
right word, just as if he had been writing about brooks, and had
forgotten to say "purling."
But if I saw no "mansions," I did see one building in Kalamazoo the
architecture of which was distinguished. That was the building of the
Western Michigan Normal School--a long, low structure of classical
design, with three fine porticos.
* * * * *
Having a Commercial Club, Kalamazoo quite naturally has a "slogan," too.
(A "slogan," by the way, is the war cry or gathering cry of a Highland
clan--but that makes no difference to a Commercial Club.) It is: "In
Kalamazoo We Do."
This battle cry "did" very well up to less than a year ago; then it
suddenly began to languish. There was a company in Kalamazoo called the
Michigan Buggy Company, and this company had a very sour failure last
year, their figures varying from fact to the extent of about a million
and a half dollars. Not satisfied with dummy accounts and padded
statements, they had, also, what was called a "velvet pay roll." And,
when it all blew up, the whole of Michigan was shaken by the shock.
Since that time, I am informed, the "slogan" "In Kalamazoo We Do" has
not been in high favor.
[Illustration: She was saying to herself (and, unconsciously, to us,
through the window): "If _I_ had played that hand, I never should have
done it _that_ way!"]
* * * * *
Among the "lures" presented in the Commercial Club's booklet are four
hundred and fifty-six lakes within a radius of fifty miles of the city.
I didn't count the lakes myself. I didn't count the people either--not
all of them.
The "World Almanac" gives the population of the place as just under
forty thousand, but some one in Kalamazoo--and I think he was a member
of the Commercial Club--told me that fifty thousand was the correct
figure.
Now, I ask you, is it not reasonable to suppose that the Commercial
Club, being right _in_ Kalamazoo, where it can count the people every
day, should be more accurate in its figures than the Almanac, which is
published in far-away New York? Errors like this on the part of the
Almanac might be excused, once or twice, on the ground of human
fallibility or occasional misprint, but when the Almanac keeps on
cutting down the figures given by the Commercial Clubs and Chambers of
Commerce of town after town, it begins to look like wilful
misrepresentation if not actual spitework.
That, to tell the truth, was the reason I walked around and looked in
all the windows. I decided to get at the bottom of this matter--to find
out the cause for these discrepancies, and if I caught the Almanac in
what appeared to be a deliberate lie, to expose it, here. With this in
view, I started to count the people myself. Unfortunately, however, I
did not start early enough in the evening. When I had only a little more
than half of them counted, they began to put out their lights and go
upstairs to bed. And, oddly enough, though they leave their parlor
shades up, they have a way of drawing those in their bedrooms. I was,
therefore, forced to stop counting.
I do not attempt to explain this Kalamazoo custom with regard to window
shades. All I can say is that, for whatever reason they follow it, their
custom is not metropolitan. New Yorkers do things just the other way
around. They pull down their parlor shades, but leave their bedroom
shades up. Any one who has lived in a New York apartment house in summer
can testify to that. Probably it is all accounted for by the fact that
in a relatively small city, like Kalamazoo, the census takers go around
and count the people in the early evening, whereas in New York it is
necessary for those who make the reckoning to work all night in order
to--as one might say--get all the figures.