I
The light shore breeze of a September morning was dying out across the
bay. The wide Atlantic beyond it seemed flat as a floor of sapphire
inlaid with pale veins of green. The sky was without a cloud; and the
sun filled the unstirred silence with a clear golden heat.
The high gray cliffs that held the bay, hid, at either end, the land
beyond it; half hid even, by a curve of their contour, the entrance to
Ballindra River, so that no sign of habitation was to be seen along the
shore.
The blue spaces of the sea were empty, save for a little lug-rigged
boat which had slipped out of the river while the mists still slept
upon it, and had spent the morning creeping with each soft breath of
air to the northern border of the bay.
It was now close to land, so close that the object of its journey could
be plainly seen.
Before it, cradled, under the cliffs, between the serried ledges of
rock, was a tiny beach.
It was in shape like a young moon, paved in silvery pink and pearl by
milk-white pebbles and delicate shells, with shelving wings of stone
thrust out and bent inward from either side into the sea.
The long ledges of rock were of a dark lavender, and from them a
brilliant yellow weed dripped and swung in the transparent pool of
purple and emerald, which throbbed softly against the pearly crescent
of the shore.
East and west, so far as eye could reach, the sea pushed a sparkling
shoulder against the sheer front of the cliffs. Nowhere else in the
whole bay was there a foot's breadth of beach, and there was clearly no
outlet landwards even from the slender strand towards which the boat
was heading.
A girl with fair hair and luminous gray eyes was steering, and a man of
about thirty sat upon the opposite gunwale with the slack sheet in his
hand. She looked up at the flapping leech, and then with a whimsical
smile into his face.
"You'll have to row in," she said.
"Not I," he protested airily; "we're going to sail."
She laughed a low contented laugh at his perversity.
"Like this?" she enquired, tilting her head at the empty canvas.
"Give the wind time," he replied, with a glance across the bay and a
big indrawn breath of complete satisfaction; "we've the whole day
before us."
"We haven't the whole channel, though," she said, nodding to starboard,
where a black fin of rock cut suddenly in the clear water a little
whispering ring of foam.
"Phew!" exclaimed the man, screwing round on the gunwale as the black
fin disappeared. "Many like that?"
"Plenty, plenty!" laughed the girl. "Are you going to row?"
He shook his head. Then, with an effect of having completely forgotten
her, stared eagerly across that wavering jewel of water at the rose and
silver of the beach, and down through the transparent purple depths
beneath him at the sand and the rocks and the waving yellow weed.
She watched his face brighten with their beauty, as though somehow he
had absorbed it, and his grave good looks take on a boyish lightness,
as his eyes turned from colour to colour, or followed the sea-fern
streaming in the pulse of the tide. Leaning forward with a smile she
laid her hand on the cleat in front of her and let the halyard go. The
brown sail ran down till the parrel jammed, and Maurice Caragh faced
round reproachfully.
"Why don't you want to row?" she cried. "It isn't a hundred yards."
"No, I know," he sighed, as he freed the clip of the traveller and
gathered in the bunt; "but a sail looks so much more adventurous."
"Even in a calm?" she smiled.
"Oh, yes, most in a calm," he replied, seating himself disconsolately
on the thwart in front of her, and slowly pushing out a sweep.
"Adventure's nothing with a full sail, but all the fear of the sea is
in the flat one. Look here!" he continued, without change of tone,
"the rowlocks are gone."
She thrust out the point of a little white shoe at the place where they
lay beneath his thwart, and he pushed them resignedly into their
chocks, and pulled for the shore; Lettice Nevern standing up with her
finger tips on the tiller behind her, and her eye intent upon the
channel.
Her quick emphatic directions amused the man who was rowing, as the
boat wound through the invisible maze.
"Goodness!" he exclaimed, backing hard with his left, "I shouldn't care
to bring a boat in here with a bit of wind."
"You couldn't," she replied, "with any wind but what we've got. That's
what I like about it. There are not ten days in the year you can dare
to land here. But this half tide is the worst; it's easier with less
or more water."
"Do you ever come here by yourself?" he asked, resting on the oars.
"I've always come by myself," she answered, looking down into his face,
"that's why"--she hesitated for a moment--"that's why I didn't bring
you before."
The reason might not have seemed explicit to another, but it carried a
sense of privilege to Caragh's mind that troubled the look with which
he acknowledged it.
"I hope I mayn't prove unworthy of it," he said gravely.
"I don't know," she answered, with an absent glance at him: "it's a
very dear little beach."
He was willing to admit, when he landed, that it might be anything she
pleased to call it, but there was chiefly wonder in his eye. The bands
of tiny white and silver pebbles, and of tinier pink shells, made a
floor so delicate, so incredibly dainty as seemed, in that land of
legend, proof sufficient of a fairy's treading.
The water lay so still and clear against it that only by the brighter
tint of the covered pebbles could the margin of the sea be told, and
the moving tide that swayed the weed made all along the curved strand a
little whispering song, unlike any other music in the world.
Lettice enjoyed Caragh's bewilderment for a moment, but stopped him as
he was bringing the cable ashore.
"You must moor her out," she said.
"Oh, no!" he pleaded, "the tide's rising, and she'll look so jolly and
so impossible nosing along the shore with all that water under her, on
the very edge of an ocean."
But Lettice was inflexible. The tide would be lower she said by the
time they started; and Maurice had to shove the boat out again, and
succeeded, after a couple of vain attempts, in jerking the anchor off
her bow on to a holding bottom.
"Oh, well," he said cheerfully, eyeing the result of his labour, while
he unpacked the luncheon, "she looks very well out there; only I wish
I'd put up the sail."
"Are you quite mad to-day?" the girl asked.
She sat watching him with an air of grave amusement; her feet drawn up
and her hands clasped below her knees. She wore a white serge coat and
skirt, with a biscuit-coloured silk shirt and a ribbon of the same
shade round her sailor hat. She looked much younger than her
twenty-three years, though the baby-fairness of her hair and skin were
sobered by the quiet depths of her gray eyes.
"I'm never mad," said Caragh to her question, holding up the red length
of a lobster against the sky, "but sometimes, with you, I'm less
distressingly sane than usual."
Lettice, her hands fallen to her ankles, watched him sideways, with one
temple resting on her knee.
"That's the reflection of my foolishness, I suppose?" she said.
"Possibly!" he assented; "I'm very highly polished."
He was sitting with his feet towards the sea, unpacking the hamper on
to a spread cloth beside him. He viewed the result appreciatively.
"Two bells!" he announced to Lettice. "We're going to do ourselves
well."
His prediction, however, only applied to himself, for Lettice ate even
less than usual; an amount, he had once declared, absurdly incompatible
with her splendid air of health.
She offered him no assistance in clearing up, but he showed a proper
sense of his privilege, by refusing even to throw the lobster claws
into the sea. Lettice smiled at the chaos of fragments he insisted on
repacking.
"Bridget will have ideas of your economy when she opens that," she
suggested.
"She'll guess perhaps that we lunched in Paradise," he said.
They walked to the limits of it when he had finished, and sat on the
outermost spur of rock.
The ocean was like glass; yet the water pulsed to and fro past them
between the long limestone ledges, as it rose and fell with the breath
of the sleeping blue breast of the sea.
And the tender sounds of it never ceased. Soft thumps in the blind
tunnels beneath them, a crystal kiss that whitened an edge of stone,
the whisper of clear rillets that ran up and tinkled down again,
finding no pool to hold them; and, under all, the brushing, backwards
and forwards in the moving water, of the yellow tangle of weed.
Caragh remained but a short time in the seat he had chosen. Rising, he
stood at the margin of the sea, shifting his footing now and then, to
scan some fresh wonder of colour, and with his ears intent on the soft
complexity of sound. He seemed entirely to have forgotten his
companion's presence, and Lettice watched him with an interest which
became annoyed.
"One would think you had never seen such a thing before," she said.
He turned at the sound of her words, but came more slowly to their
meaning.
"Oh, one never has seen, or heard, anything before; it's always
different," he replied, smiling. "Just listen to that little pool
emptying; it runs up a whole octave, but such a queer scale! yet a
minute ago I couldn't hear it! And the comic cadence of the water in
that gully, it almost makes one laugh. How old Bach would have played
with it. But you don't hear?"
"Not a note," she said with tight lips; "but I've no ear."
Caragh caught the tone of grievance. He smiled across at her.
"It's sheer vanity to say that," he tossed back; "but I'll admit if
your ears were smaller no one could see them."
He stepped over the intervening ledges, and they picked their way side
by side to the beach.
"But it is wonderful," he continued, "that there's a whole world round
us that we listen to and look at for years and years, yet never either
hear or see till some strange fortunate moment." He put his hand under
her outstretched arm as her balance wavered upon a ridge. "Why, this
may be Paradise after all, only we don't notice the angels."
His fingers closed on her elbow as she slipped upon a piece of weed.
"You shouldn't avow it, though you do ignore me," she said
reproachfully.
"Ah," he sighed, as they stepped down upon the strand, "you do no
justice to my plural. I wasn't thinking of the sort of paradise that
may be made by one pair of wings. All the same," he went on
reflectively, throwing himself upon the beach beside her, "it isn't as
an angel that I've ever thought of you."
The tide was almost at its full, and the clear deep water with its thin
crystal lip, which opened and shut upon the stones, was only a yard or
two from Miss Nevern's feet.
Her little white shoes were thrust out straight before her, heels
together, pointing to the sky, and she leaned forward looking over them
across the bay.
At Caragh's words she turned her face towards him, with the vague
depths of some conjecture in her eyes, as though disposed to ask him
how, if not as an angel, he had ever thought of her. But she turned
her eyes again, without speaking, to the topaz hills beyond the bay.
Maurice lay a moment looking at her silent profile, then, standing in
front of her, he spread out the wide white skirt fan-wise on either
side of her feet.
"Now you're perfectly symmetrical," he said, contemplating her from
above.
She lifted her eyes to his from the distant hills with a smile.
"It would make a charming thing in marble," he continued; "almost
Egyptian and yet so immensely modern. Only some fool of a critic would
be certain to ask what it meant."
"And what would you say?"
He gave the statue a moment's further consideration.
"Well, that it wasn't meant for him, anyway," he replied, dropping down
again beside her.
"Could you tell him what it meant for you?" she enquired, without
moving.
"Not to save my life," he said at once; adding, as if to reassure
himself, "but I know."
"You could tell me, perhaps?" she suggested presently.
"Heavens, no!" he exclaimed. "You least of all. You'd think me crazy."
"Oh, I think you that as it is," she admitted thoughtfully.
He laughed, but with his eyes still occupied with the beauty of her
bent figure.
He filled his left hand absently with the little shells on which he
lay, shaking them up and down on his open palm, till only a few were
left between his fingers. As he dropped these into the other hand, his
eye fell upon them.
"I say! what dear little things!" he exclaimed enthusiastically. "Why
didn't you tell me about them?"
Lettice turned her head.
"I thought you'd seen them," she said indifferently.
"They're quite incredible," he went on, too absorbed in his discovery
to notice her tone; "how is it that, with an ocean falling on them
here, they're not ground to gruel. They make me feel more than ever an
interloper. You should have moored me out in the boat: this floor was
laid for naiads and fays and pixies; for nothing so heavy-footed as a
man."
"Or a woman," Lettice suggested, still seated as he had posed her, but
watching his search among the pebbles with her chin against her
shoulder.
"Cover those number threes!" he said, without looking up from it,
picking out the tiniest shells into a little pink heap upon his hand.
"They're not number threes," she retorted; "and they have to carry
_me_. You'd find them heavy enough if you were under them."
He glanced up quickly at the half-hidden outline of the face behind her
shoulder.
"I daresay," he murmured.
Something in the manner of his agreement brought the colour into her
cheek, and, perhaps to hide it, she leant over towards him, and,
propped on one elbow, began to search for the little shells and drop
them into his hand.
She noticed, as she had never before had opportunity, the suggestion of
a fine capacity in the shape of his open hand, and the sharp decision
of its rare creases.
"How deep your lines are!" she said.
He looked with enquiry at the darkened features which were bent above
his hand, and in reply she raked with a nail, as pink as and more
polished than they, the little pile of shells back towards his thumb.
"Oh, that!" he exclaimed, as she ran the tip of her finger along the
furrow. "It's wonderful, isn't it? I never saw a heart line on any
hand that filled me with such respect. Cut evidently by one of those
obstinately permanent affections that make one gasp in books. Let's
look at yours?"
She opened, smiling, on a very rosy palm, a network of slender lines,
grated and interlaced.
"Oh, shut it up!" he frowned. "Hide it from your dearest friend. Ah,
my simplicity which thought you so different from all that!"
She laughed, and screwing up her hand looked down into its little cup.
"Well," she said; "tell me what you see in it."
But he shook his head.
"I shut my eyes," he declared solemnly. "Hold it a little further off."
"I shan't," she said.
"I mean," he explained, "that a yard away it's everything that one
could wish."
She surveyed her hand reflectively. There had been those who wished it
a good deal nearer than that; and who had wished in vain.
"At what people call a safe distance, I suppose," she said. "I think
you're very fond of safe distances."
He almost started at the touch of scornful provocation in the words and
in the tone. A delightful indifference to what he was or wasn't fond
of had made hitherto, by its very exclusions, so much possible between
them.
"Do you?" he replied, his eyes still upon her bent figure. "Why?"
"You weren't aware of it?" she asked.
"I wasn't. I haven't been told of it before."
"Perhaps, it's only with me?" she suggested.
"Perhaps, it's only with you," he smiled. "How does it show?"
She made, with her slender nail, little moons in the sand.
"It doesn't show," she said, looking down at her finger; "one feels it."
"A general attitude of caution," he suggested playfully; "such as this."
"As what?" she enquired.
"Oh!" he said, with a wave of his hand at the enclosing wall of cliff
and the empty vastness of the sea, "this teeming beach, the fashionable
resort behind it, the chaperon at our elbow!"
She glanced at him with a shy smile.
"Oh, not in that way," she said; "besides you couldn't help yourself;
you were brought. No, one sees it mostly in the things you say."
"In the things I say?"
"Well, no! perhaps, in the things you don't say."
"I see!" he mused, with the same air of banter, "the desert areas of
omission! Others made them blossom for you like the rose? I don't
succeed in even expressing things that were commonplaces with them?"
"What sort of things?" she asked, her eyes again upon the sand.
"Oh, you know them probably, better than I," he said; "being a woman
and used to them."
"To what?"
"To the ordinary masculine fatuities of admiration, for instance."
"No," she said reflectively; "you don't succeed in expressing those.
Do you try?"
"Not much, I'm afraid. They offend me."
"_You!_" she exclaimed, surprised into facing him with lifted brows,
"you might have said they would offend a woman."
"I might have, years and years ago!" he replied; "but that passed with
other elevating superstitions of one's youth. Since then I've observed
an unpleasant variety in admirations, but have yet to meet the offended
woman. No, a woman may call you a fool for your flummery, or even
think you one; but she'll give you every opening to repeat the folly."
The surprise in Lettice Nevern's eyes grew more serious.
"You think a man should never tell a woman that he admires her?" she
said.
"He needn't appraise her to her face like a fat ox in a show-pen!
unless--oh, well, unless, I suppose, she likes it."
"And then?"
He shrugged his shoulders.
"Oh, then, one might say, she's qualified for the show-pen. Let him
tie on the ticket."
A stain of duller red upon the girl's cheek would have betrayed some
quickening of her thought, had he been looking at her, instead of out
across the purple level of the sea, where, above Ballindra, the harbour
hills were turning in the slanting sunlight from topaz to amethyst.
The smile of humorous toleration with which Maurice Caragh accepted
half the perplexities of life had always seemed to her so completely to
reveal his mind--like the pool before them, through which the light
filtered to the very floor--that this dark humour of depreciation let
out the sounding line through her fingers into unanchorable depths.
"I think you're a little hard," she said slowly; "women aren't vain, as
a rule; at least not like that. It's their humility that makes them
care so much to be admired."
"I see," he smiled. "But I don't object to the admiration; that's
inevitable; only to the way it's paid."
"But how is a woman to know if you don't tell her?"
"Do you ask?" he said.
"I?" she questioned. "Why?"
"I thought the last fortnight would have taught you that," he said
quietly.
Her eyes flashed upon him ere she could prevent them, and from the
flash her cheeks took colour as though they faced a flame.
But she was playing with the shells in her hand again before he noticed
that she had moved her head, but the tip of her forefinger trembled as
she pushed the tiny pink heap across her palm.
"Taught me what?" she murmured.
"What I couldn't say," he replied, adding determinedly, as she would
not help him, "how much I admired you."
She turned her face half way towards him with a little pathetic
distrustful smile.
"Couldn't you see it?" he said.
Her under lip quivered as her mouth moved to answer him; then, as
though afraid to trust the simplest word to it, she shook her head.
Caragh saw the quiver, and every fibre in him seemed resonant with that
vibration; seemed to ring with pity and tenderness and shame, as a bell
reverberates to a mere thread of sound.
The thing was happening which had never happened to him before; with
which, in a varied adventure with women, he had never had to charge his
soul; for, until to-day, he had not stolen wittingly a girl's love.
"I thought it was plain enough," he went on warily; "I couldn't have
given my eyes much more to say."
"Oh, your eyes!" came her deprecation.
He waited a second.
"Well, you see," he temporized, "I'm shy, and I didn't know how else to
say it, but I hoped you'd understand."
He let the vague uncommitting words slip slowly from him, as a man pays
out a cable which he cannot make fast, with rocks astern of him, and
the last fathom at any moment in his fingers. Would she come to his
help, he wondered, with a laugh or a light word, or must he go on to
the inevitable end.
Lettice said nothing; her glance, lifted from her hand, looked away
past him absently across the bay. But in its aversion he read that she
understood--more even than he asked; understood that a man may be
craven enough to let his eyes do what his lips dare not. She was not
coming to his help; but he might, so her silence said, jump overboard
and save himself, and let her and his honour go together upon the rocks.
"Well!" he went on in lighter tones, as though to suggest their
adoption, "I'm afraid my mute eloquence was wasted. Must I stoop to
speech?"
The girl's eyes still gazed dreamily across the water.
"What for?" she said.
She might, as many a woman would, have left his hesitation no
alternative; have given with some touch of tenderness, of reluctance,
even of acerbity, that hint of the expected from which, for his honour,
there could be no appeal. But she chose not to. Perhaps it was her
diffidence that decided, perhaps her pride.
Anyway she left to him the freedom of his embarrassment, such as it was.
He must extricate himself, but he himself should choose how. It was
clear that he had not chosen when he spoke again.
"You see," he said, with the same airy extenuation; "I'm such a bad
talker that I leave as little as possible to my tongue. It is so
often, to my thought, like the nervous listener who insists on
supplying the last word to a sentence; the wrong word, but the word one
has, out of good manners, to use."
She was looking at him now, but with no meaning in her eyes.
"That's why," he continued, "I couldn't trust it to say how ... how
grateful I was for you."
"_For_ me?" she questioned.
"You see I can't trust it yet," he pleaded ruefully. "Yes, _for_ you:
for everything about you that's so delightful and unlooked for; the
charm----"
At that her eyes stopped him. He had looked up suddenly as though he
felt the blaze of them hot upon his face.
"Am _I_ in the show-pen?" she said quietly.
That settled it, he felt. Well, she had every right to her challenge;
he had put it into her mouth.
It was characteristic, curiously enough, of his fortuitous nature,
that, despite the unedifying fashion in which his intention had
hitherto hung and veered--nosing, as it were, the wind of opportunity
for a flaw that suited it--he put his helm over now with irrevocable
decision.
"You've cause to ask that," he said with a smile, "since I left out the
only reason that seems to make admiration speakable."
"Yes?" she asked simply. "What is it?"
He raised himself from his elbow, on to his wrist, with one knee
beneath him, straightening himself with respectful homage to the
occasion.
"Adoration!" he replied. "No man's eulogies can be an insult to the
woman he adores."
Her eyes, brave enough before, would not meet that, and he saw the vain
attempt to steady the rebellious tenderness of her lips. Their tremor
touched him as it had before; his voice lost its little air of drama
and dropped into the boyish plainness which so well became it.
"Please," he explained, "I should have said that first: only I didn't,
because I thought you knew it. I'm not silly enough to suppose it
matters whether I adore you or not, except just as an apology, the only
apology for what I oughtn't to have said."
She was looking down deliberately at the hand on which she leant, and
even her lips were hid from him. He bent towards her and put his hand
over hers upon the sand.
"Dear," he said humbly, "it seems so idle to say I love you, that I
only dare to say it--as an excuse. Will you let it stand at that, and
forgive me just because of it? You needn't tell me that I have no
claim, and never had the least encouragement to speak of such a thing.
I know that. It's inconsiderate and presumptuous, and there's only me
to blame. But some day, perhaps, you won't mind remembering that I
worshipped you, and try to be a little sorry for me after all."
But what she tried, not over successfully, was to say his name. Yet
her lips proclaimed it with such a tremulous appropriation as to answer
all his other questions.