'IS THAT LETTER FOR ME, AUNT MILLY?'
'When dark days have come, and friendship
Worthless seemed, and life in vain,
That bright friendly smile has sent me
Boldly to my task again;
It has smiled on my successes,
Raised me when my hopes were low,
And by turns has looked upon me
With all the loving eyes I know.'
Adelaide Anne Procter.
There was a long troubled talk between Mildred and Richard that night.
Richard, who had borne his own disappointment so bravely, seemed utterly
downcast on his brother's account.
'I would rather have had this happen to any of us but Roy,' he said,
walking up and down Mildred's room that night.
'Hush, Richard, she will hear us,' returned Mildred, anxiously; and then
he came and rested his elbow on the sill beside her, and they talked in
a low subdued key, looking over the shadowy fells and the broad level of
moonlight that lay beneath them.
'You do not know Roy as well as I do. I believe he is physically as well
as morally unfit to cope with a great sorrow; where other men fight, he
succumbs too readily.'
'You have your trouble too, Cardie; he should remember that.'
'I have not lost hope, Aunt Milly,' he returned, gravely. 'I am happier
than Rex--far happier; for it is no wrong for me to love Ethel. I have a
right to love her, so long as no one else wins her. Roy will have it
Polly has jilted him for Heriot.'
'Jilted him! that child!'
'Yes, he maintains that she loves him best, only that she is unconscious
of her own feelings. He declares that to his belief she has never really
given her heart to Heriot. I am afraid he is right in declaring the
whole thing has been patched up too hastily. It has always seemed to me
as though Polly were too young to know her own mind.'
'Some girls are married at eighteen.'
'Yes, but not Polly; look what a child she is, and how quiet a life she
has led for the last three years; she has seen no one but ourselves,
Marsden, and Heriot; do you know, gentle as he is, she seems half afraid
of him.'
'That is only natural in her position.'
'You think it does not augur want of love? Well, you may be right; I
only profess to understand one girl,'--with a sigh--'and I can read her
like a book; but Roy, Aunt Milly--what must we do about Roy?'
Mildred shook her head dejectedly.
'He must not come here under the circumstances, it would not be possible
or right; he has done mischief enough already.'
'Surely he did not betray himself?' in Richard's sternest voice; 'he
assured me over and over again that he had not said a word which Dr.
Heriot might not hear.'
'No; he commanded himself wonderfully; he only forgot himself once, and
then, poor lad, he recollected himself in time,--but she must have
noticed how badly it went with him--there was heart-break in his face.'
'I had sad work with him for the first two miles,' returned Richard. 'I
was half afraid of leaving him at all, he looked and spoke so wildly,
only my threat of telling my father brought him to reason; he begged--he
implored me to keep his secret, and that no one but you and I should
ever know of his madness.'
'There would be nothing gained by telling my brother,' returned Mildred.
'Certainly not; it would be perfectly useless, and fret him beyond
measure; he would take Roy's trouble to heart, and have no pleasure in
anything. How thankful I am, Aunt Milly, that I have already planned my
London journey for the day after to-morrow.'
'Yes, indeed, I shall feel easier when he is under your care.'
'I must invent some excuse for being absent most of the day to-morrow; I
cannot bear to think of him shut up in that wretched inn, and unable to
stir out for fear of being recognised. He was very lame, I remember; I
must find out if he has really injured his foot.'
'Do you think I might go with you, Cardie?' for Mildred was secretly
yearning to comfort her boy, but Richard instantly put a veto on her
proposal.
'It would not be safe, Aunt Milly; it will excite less questioning if I
go alone; you must be content to trust him to me. I will bring you a
faithful report to-morrow evening;' and as Mildred saw the wisdom of the
reasoning she resolved to abide by it.
But she passed a miserable night. Roy's haggard face and fierce reckless
speeches haunted her. She dreaded to think of the time when Richard
would be obliged to return to Oxford, and leave Roy to battle alone with
his misery. She wondered what Richard would think if she were to propose
going up to him for a month or two; she was becoming conscious herself
of a need of change,--a growing irritability of the nerves chafed her
calm spirit, daily suffering and suppression were wearing the brave
heart sadly. Mildred, who ailed nothing ordinarily, had secret attacks
of palpitation and faintness, which would have caused alarm if any one
had guessed it, but she kept her own counsel.
Once, indeed, Dr. Heriot had questioned her. 'You do not look as well as
you used, Miss Lambert; but I suppose I am not to be consulted?' and
Mildred had shaken her head laughingly. But here was work for the
ministering woman--to forget her own strange sorrow in caring for
another;--Roy needed her more than any one; Olive could be safely left
in charge of the others. Mildred fell asleep at last planning long
winter evenings in the young artist's studio.
The next day seemed more than usually long. Polly, who looked as though
she had not slept all night, spent her time in listlessly wandering
about the house and garden, much to Olive's mild wonder.
'I do wish you would get something to do, Polly,' she said more than
once, looking up from her writing-table at the sound of the tapping
heels; 'you have not practised those pieces Dr. John ordered from
London.'
'Olive is right; you should try and occupy yourself, my dear,' observed
Mildred, looking up from her marking; piles of socks lay neatly beside
her, Mr. Lambert's half-stitched wrist-band was in her lap. She looked
with soft reproving eyes at poor restless Polly, her heart all the time
very full of pity.
'How can you ask me to play?' returned Polly, in a resentful tone. 'Play
when Roy was ill or in some dreadful trouble--was that their love for
him? When Mildred next looked up the girl was no longer standing
watching her with sad eyes; across the beck, through the trees, she
could see the shimmer of a blue dress; a forlorn young figure strolled
aimlessly down the field path and paused by the weir. Of what was she
thinking? Were her thoughts at all near the truth--'Don't forget me;
think of your old friend Roy!'--were those words, said in the saddest
voice she had ever heard, still ringing in her ears.
It was late in the evening when Richard returned, and he beckoned
Mildred softly out of the room. Polly, who was sitting beside Dr.
Heriot, followed them with wistful eyes, but neither of them noticed
her.
Richard gave a very unsatisfactory report. He found Roy looking ill in
body as well as in mind, and suffering great pain from his foot, which
was severely contused, though he obstinately refused to believe anything
was really the matter, and had firmly declared his intention of
accompanying his brother to London. His excitement had quite subsided,
but the consequent depression was very great. Richard believed he had
not slept, from the pain of his foot and mental worry, and being so near
home only made his desolation harder to bear.
He had pencilled a little line to Polly, which he had begged Richard to
bring with his love, and at the same time declared he would never see
her again when she was once Dr. Heriot's wife; and, when Richard had
remonstrated against the weakness and moral cowardice of adopting such a
line of action, had flamed up into his old fierceness; she had made him
an exile from his home and all that he loved, he had no heart now for
his profession, he knew his very hand had lost its cunning; but not for
that could he love her the less or wish her ill. 'She is Polly after
all,' he had finished piteously, 'the only girl I ever loved or cared to
love, and now she is going near to spoil my whole life!'
'It was useless to argue with him,' Richard said; 'everything like
advice seemed to irritate him, and no amount of sympathy could lull the
intolerable pain.' He found it answer better to remain silent and let
him talk out his trouble, without trying to stem the bitter current. It
went to Mildred's heart to hear how the poor lad at the last had broken
down utterly at bidding his brother good-bye.
'Don't leave me, Dick; I am not fit to be left,' he had said; and then
he had thrown himself down on the miserable couch, and had hidden his
face in his arms.
'And the note, Richard?'
'Here it is; he said you might read it, that there was not a word in it
that the whole world might not see--she could show it to Heriot if she
liked.'
'All the same, I wish he had not written it,' returned Mildred,
doubtfully, as she unfolded the slip of paper.
'Dear Polly,' it began, 'I fear you must have thought me very strange
and unkind last evening--your reproachful eyes are haunting me now. I
cannot bear you to misunderstand me. "No one shall come between us." Ah,
I remember you said that; it was so like you, dear--so like my Polly!
Now you must try not to think hardly of me--a great trouble has befallen
me, as Aunt Milly and Richard know, and I must go away to bear it; no
one can help me to bear it; your little fingers cannot lighten it,
Polly--your sympathy could not avail me; it is my own burden, and I must
bear it alone. You must not fret if we do not meet for some time--it is
better so, far better. I have my work; and, dear, I pray that you may be
very happy with the man you love (if he be the one you love, Polly).'
'Oh, Richard, he ought not to have said that!'
'She will not understand; go on, Aunt Milly.'
'But there can be no doubt of that, he is a good man, almost worthy of
my Polly; but I must not say that any longer, for you are Heriot's Polly
now, are you not? but whose ever you are, God bless you, dear.--Roy.'
Mildred folded the letter sadly.
'He has betrayed himself in every line,' she said, slowly and
thoughtfully. 'Richard, it will break my heart to do it, but I think
Polly ought not to see this; we must keep it from her, and one day we
must tell Roy.'
'I was afraid you might say so, but if you knew how he pleaded that this
might be given to her; he seemed to think it would hinder her fretting.
"She cares for me more than any of you know--more than she knows
herself," he said, as he urged me to take it.'
'What must we do? I It will set her thinking. No, Richard, it is too
venturesome an experiment.'
But Mildred's wise precautions were doomed to be frustrated, for at that
moment Polly quietly opened the door and confronted them.
The two conspirators moved apart somewhat guiltily.
'Am I interrupting you? I knocked, but no one answered. Aunt Milly looks
disconcerted,' said Polly, eyeing them both with keen inquisitive
glance. 'I--I only wanted to know if Richard has brought me a message or
note from Roy?'
Richard hesitated and looked at Mildred. This business was making him
anxious; he would fain wash his hands of it.
'Why do you not answer?' continued the girl, palpitating a little. 'Is
that letter for me, Aunt Milly?' and as Mildred reluctantly handed it to
her, a reproachful colour overspread Polly's face.
'Were you keeping this from me? I thought people's letters were sacred
property,' continued the little lady, proudly. 'I did not think you
could do such a thing, Aunt Milly.'
'Dear Polly!' remonstrated Richard; but Mildred interposed with quiet
dignity--
'Polly should be just, even though she is unhappy. Roy wished me to read
his letter, and I have done so.'
'Forgive me!' returned Polly, almost melting into tears. 'I know I ought
not to have spoken so, but it has been such a miserable day,' and she
leant against Mildred as she read the note.
She read it once--twice--without comment, and then her features began to
work.
'Dear Aunt Milly, how unhappy he is--he--Roy; he cannot have done
anything wrong?'
'No, no, my precious; of course not!'
'Then why must we not help him to bear it?'
'We can pray for him, Polly.'
'Yes, yes, but I cannot understand it,' piteously. 'I have always been
Roy's friend--always, and now he has made Richard and you his
confidants.'
'We are older and wiser, you see,' began Richard, with glib hypocrisy,
which did not become him.
Polly stamped her little foot with impatience.
'Don't, Richard. I will not have you talk to me as though I were a
child. I have a right to know this; you are all treating me badly. Roy
would have told me, I know he would, if Aunt Milly had not come between
us!' and she darted a quick reproachful look at Mildred.
'It is Polly who is hard on us, I think,' returned Mildred, putting her
arm gently round the excited girl; and at the fond tone Polly's brief
wrath evaporated.
'I cannot help it,' she returned, hiding her face on Mildred's shoulder;
'it is all so wretched, everything is spoiled. Roy is not pleased that I
am going to be married, he seems angry--put out about it; it is not
that--it cannot be that that is the matter with him? Why do you not
answer?' she continued, impatiently, looking at them both with wide-open
innocent eyes. 'Roy cannot be jealous?'
Mildred would have given worlds to have been able to answer No, but,
unused to evasion of any kind, the prudent falsehood died a natural
death upon her lips.
'My dear Polly, what makes you so fanciful?' she began with difficulty;
but it was enough,--Mildred's face could not deceive, and that moment's
hesitating silence revealed the truth to the startled girl; her faithful
friend was hurt, jealous.
'You see yourself that Rex wants you to be happy,' continued Mildred,
somewhat inconsequently.
'I shall be happy if he be so--not unless,' replied the girl, a little
sadly.
Her pretty pink colour had faded, her hands dropped from Mildred's
shoulder; she stood for a long time quiet with her lips apart, her young
head drooping almost to her breast.
'Shall you answer his letter, Polly?' asked Richard at last, trying to
rouse her.
'Yes--no,' she faltered, turning very pale. 'Give my love to him,
Richard--my dear love. I--I will write presently,' and so saying, she
slowly and dejectedly left the room.
'Aunt Milly, do you think she guesses?' whispered Richard, when she had
gone.
'Heaven only knows, Richard! This is a wretched business; there seems
nothing but trouble everywhere,' and Mildred almost wrung her hands.
Richard thought he had never seen her so agitated--so unlike herself.
The days and weeks that followed tried Mildred sorely; heavy autumnal
rains had set in; wet grass, dripping foliage, heaps of rotting leaves
saturated with moisture, met her eyes daily. A sunless, lurid atmosphere
surrounded everything; by and by the rain ceased, and a merciless wind
drove across the fells, drying up the soddened pools, whirling the last
red leaves from the bare stems, and threatening to beat in the vicarage
windows.
A terrible scarping wind, whose very breath was bitterness to flesh and
blood, blatant and unresting, filled the valley with a strange voice and
life.
The river was full to the brim now; the brown water that rushed below
the terrace carried away sticks and branches, and light eddying leaves;
great fires roared up the vicarage chimneys, while the girls sat and
shivered beside them.
Those nights were terrible to Mildred--the wild stir and tumult, the
fury of the great rushing wind, fevered her blood with strange
excitement, and drove sleep from her pillow, or, when weariness overcame
her, haunted her brain with painful images.
Never had the tranquil soul so lacked tranquillity, never had daily
life, never had the many-folded hours, held such torture for her.
'I must have change, or I shall be ill,' she thought, as she
contemplated her wan and bloodless exterior morning after morning.
'Anything but that--anything but having him pitying me.'
Relief by his hand might be sweet indeed; but a doubt of her own power
of self-control, should weakness seize upon her, oppressed her like a
nightmare, and the longing to escape from her daily ordeal of suffering
amounted to actual agony.
Morning after morning she opened Richard's letters, in the hope that her
proposal had been accepted, but each morning some new delay or object
fretted her.
Richard had remained in London up to the last possible moment. Roy's
injured foot had rendered him dependent on his brother's nursing; his
obstinacy had led to a great deal of unnecessary delay and suffering;
wakeful and harassed nights had undermined his strength, and made him so
nervous and irritable by day, that only patience and firm management
could effect any improvement; he was so reckless that it required
coaxing to induce him to take the proper remedies, or to exert himself
in the least; he had not yet roused himself, or resumed his painting,
and all remonstrances were at present unavailing.
Mildred sighed over this fresh evidence of Roy's weakness and
instability of purpose, and then she remembered that he was suffering,
perhaps ill. No one knew better than herself the paralysing effects on
will and brain caused by anxiety and want of sleep; some stimulus,
stronger than she or Richard could administer, was needful to rouse
Roy's dormant energies.
Help came when they had least looked for it.
'Is Roy painting anything now?' asked Polly suddenly, one day, when she
was alone with Mildred.
[Mildred was writing to Richard; his last letter lay open beside her on
the table. Polly had glanced at it once or twice, but she had not
questioned Mildred concerning its contents. Polly had fallen into very
quiet ways lately; the pretty pink colour had never returned to her
face, the light footstep was slower now, the merry laugh was less often
heard, a sweet wistful smile had replaced it; she was still the same
busy active Polly, gentle and affectionate, as of old, but some change,
subtle yet undefinable, had passed over the girl. Dr. Heriot liked the
difference, even though he marvelled at it. 'Polly is looking quite the
woman,' he would say presently. Mildred paused, a little startled over
Polly's abrupt question.]
'Richard does not say; it is not in his letter, my dear,' she stammered.
'Not in this one, perhaps, but in his last,' persisted Polly. 'Try to
remember, Aunt Milly; how does Richard say that Rex occupies himself?'
'I am afraid he is very idle,' returned Mildred, reluctantly.
Polly coloured, and looked distressed.
'But his foot is better; he is able to stand, is he not?'
'I believe so. Richard certainly said as much as that.'
'Then it is very wrong for him to be losing time like this; he will not
have his picture in the Academy after all. Some one ought to write and
remind him,' faltered Polly, with a little heat.
'I have done so more than once, and Richard is for ever lecturing. Roy
is terribly desultory, I am afraid.'
'Indeed you are wrong, Aunt Milly,' persisted the girl earnestly. 'Roy
loves his work--dearly--dearly--it is only his foot, and--' she broke
down, recovered herself, and hurried on--
'I think it would be a good thing if Dad Fabian were to go and talk to
him. I will write to him--yes, and I will write to Roy.'
Mildred did not venture to dissuade her; she had a notion that perhaps
Polly's persuasion might be more efficacious than Richard's arguments.
She took it quite as a matter of course, when, half an hour later, Polly
laid the little note down beside her.
'There, you may read it,' she said, hurriedly. 'Let it go in Richard's
letter; he may read it too, if he likes.'
It was very short, and covered the tiniest sheet of note-paper; the
pretty handwriting was not quite so steady as usual.
'My dearest brother Roy,' it began--never had she called him that
before--'I have never written to thank you for your note. It was a dear,
kind note, and I love you for writing it; do not be afraid of my
misunderstanding or thinking you unkind; you could not be that to any
one. I am so thankful your poor foot is better; it has been terrible to
think of your suffering all this time. I am so afraid it must have
interfered with your painting, and that you have not got on well with
the picture you began when you were here. Roy, dear, you must promise to
work at it harder than ever, and as soon as you are able. I am sure it
will be the best picture you have ever done, and I have set my heart on
seeing it in the Academy next year; but unless you work your hardest,
there will be no chance of that. I have asked Dad Fabian to come and
lecture you. You and he must have one of your clever art-talks, and then
you must get out your palette and brushes, and set to work on that
pretty little girl's red cloak.
'Do, Roy--do, my dear brother. Your loving friend, POLLY.
'Be kind to Dad Fabian. Make much of the dear old man. Remember he is
Polly's friend.'
It was the morning after the receipt of this letter, so Richard informed
Mildred, that Roy crept languidly from the sofa, where he spent most of
his days, and sat for a long time fixedly regarding the unfinished
canvas before him.
Richard made no observation, and shortly left the room. When he returned
an hour afterwards, Roy was working at a child's drapery, with
compressed lips and frowning brow.
He tossed back his fair hair with the old irritable movement as his
brother smiled approval.
'Well done, Roy; there is nothing like making a beginning after all.'
'I hate it as much as ever,' was the sullen answer. 'I am only doing it
because--she told me--and I don't mean to disappoint her. I am her
slave; she might put her pretty foot on my neck if she liked. Ah, Polly,
Polly, what a poor fool you have made of me.' And Roy put his head on
the easel, and fairly groaned.
But there was no shirking labour after that. Roy spent long moody hours
over his work, while Richard sat by with his books. An almost unbroken
silence prevailed in the young artist's studio. 'The sweet whistler' in
Dr. Heriot's little glass-house no longer existed; a half-stifled sigh,
or an ejaculation of impatience, only reached Richard's ears from time
to time; but Roy seemed to have no heart for conversation,--nothing
interested him, his attention flagged after the first few minutes.
Richard was obliged to go back to Oxford at the beginning of the term;
but Dad Fabian took his place. Mildred learnt to her dismay that the old
man was located at the cottage, at Roy's own wish, and was likely to
remain for some weeks. How Mildred's heart sank at the news; her plan
had fallen to the ground; the change and quiet for which she was pining
were indefinitely postponed.
No one but Dr. Heriot guessed how Mildred's strength was failing; but
his well-meant inquiries were evidently so unpalatable that he forbore
to press them. Only once or twice he hinted to Mr. Lambert that he
thought his sister was looking less strong than usual, and wanted change
of air.
'Heriot tells me that you are not looking well--that you want a change,
Mildred,' her brother said to her one day, and, to his surprise, she
looked annoyed, and answered more hastily than her wont--
'There is nothing the matter with me, at least nothing of consequence. I
am not one of those who are always fancying themselves ill.'
'But you are thinner. Yes, I am sure he is right; you are thinner,
Mildred.'
'What nonsense, Arnold; he has put that in your head.
By and by I shall be glad of a little change, I daresay. When Mr. Fabian
leaves Roy, I mean to take his place.'
'A good idea,' responded Mr. Lambert, warmly; 'it will be a treat for
Rex, and will do you good at the same time. I was thinking of running up
myself after Christmas. One sees so little of the boy, and his letters
are so short and unsatisfactory; he seems a little dull, I fancy.'
'Mr. Fabian will cheer him up,' replied Mildred, evasively. She was
thankful when her brother went back to his study. She felt more than
usually oppressed and languid that day, though she would not own it to
herself; her work wearied her, and the least effort to talk jarred the
edge of her nerves.
'How dreadful it is to feel so irritable and cross, as I have done
lately,' she thought. 'Perhaps after all he is right, and I am not so
strong as usual; but I cannot have them all fancying me ill. The bare
idea is intolerable. If I am going to be ill, I hope I may know it, that
I may get away somewhere, where his kindness will not kill me.'
She shivered here, partly from the thought, and partly from the opening
of the door. A keen wind whistled through the passage, a rush of cold
air followed Polly as she entered. Dr. Heriot was with her.
His cordial greeting was as hearty as ever.
'All alone, and in the dark, and positively doing nothing; how unlike
Aunt Milly,' he said, in his cheerful quizzical voice; and kneeling down
on the rug, he stirred the fire, and threw on another log, rousing a
flame that lighted up the old china and played on the ebony chairs and
cabinet.
The shadows had all fled now, the firelight gleamed warmly on the couch,
where Mildred was sitting in her blue dress, and on Dr. Heriot's dark
face as he threw himself down in the easy-chair that, as he said, looked
so inviting.
'Polly is tired, and so am I. We have been having an argument that
lasted us all the way from Appleby.' And he leant back his head on the
cushions, and looked up lazily at Polly as she stood beside him in her
soft furs, swinging her hat in her hand and gazing into the fire.
'Polly, do be reasonable and sit down!' he exclaimed, coaxingly.
'I cannot, I shall be late for tea; I--I--do not wish to say anything
more about it,' she panted, somewhat unsteadily.
'Nay, Heartsease,' he returned, gravely, 'this is hardly using me well;
let us refer the case to Aunt Milly. This naughty child,' he continued,
imprisoning her hand, as she still stood beside him--and Mildred noticed
now that she seemed to lean against the chair for support--'this naughty
Polly of ours is giving me trouble; she will have it she is too young to
be married.'
Mildred put her hand suddenly to her heart; a troublesome palpitation
oppressed her breathing. Polly hung her head, and then a sudden
resolution seized her.
'Let me go to Aunt Milly. I want to speak to her,' she said, wrenching
herself gently from his hold; and as he set her free, she dropped on the
rug at Mildred's side.
'You must not come to me to help you, Polly,' said Mildred, with a faint
smile; 'you must be guided in this by Dr. Heriot's wishes.'
'Ah, I knew you would be on my side, Miss Lambert; but you have no idea
how obstinate she is. She declares that nothing will induce her to marry
until her nineteenth birthday.'
'A whole year!' repeated Mildred, in surprise. She felt like a prisoner,
to whom the bitterness of death was past, exposed to the torturing
suspense of a long reprieve.
'Oh, Aunt Milly, ask him not to press me,' pleaded the girl; 'he is so
good and patient in everything else, but he will not listen to me in
this; he wants me to go home to him now, this Christmas.'
'Why should we wait?' replied Dr. Heriot, with an unusual touch of
bitterness in his voice. 'I shall never grow younger; my home is
solitary enough, Heaven knows; and in spite of all my kind friends here,
I have to endure many lonely hours. Polly, if you loved me, I think you
would hardly refuse.'
'He says right,' whispered Mildred, laying her cold hand on the girl's
head. 'It is your duty; he has need of you.'
'I cannot,' replied Polly, in a choked voice; but as she saw the cloud
over her lover's brow, she came again to his side, and knelt down beside
him.
'I did not mean to grieve you, dear; but you will wait, will you not?'
'For what reason, Polly?' in a sterner voice than she had ever heard
from him before.
'For many reasons; because--because--' she hesitated, 'I am young, and
want to grow older and wiser for your sake; because--' and now a low sob
interrupted her words, 'though I love you--dearly--ah, so dearly--I want
to love you more, as I know I shall every day. You must not be angry
with me if I try your patience a little.'
'I am not angry,' he repeated, slowly, 'but your manner troubles me. Are
you sure you do not repent our engagement--that you love me, Polly?'
'Yes, yes; please do not say such things,' clinging to him, and crying
as though her heart would break.
They had almost forgotten Mildred, shrinking back in the corner of her
couch.
'Hush! Heartsease, my darling--hush! you distress me,' soothing her with
the utmost tenderness. 'We will talk of this again; you shall not be
hampered or vexed by me. I am not so selfish as that, Polly.'
'No, you are goodness itself,' she replied, remorsefully; and now she
kissed his hand--oh, so gratefully. 'But you must never say that
again--never--never.'
'What?'
'That I do not love you; it is not the truth; it cannot be, you know.
You do not think it?' looking up fearfully into his face.
'I think you love me a little,' he answered, lightly--too lightly,
Mildred thought, for the gloomy look had not passed away from his eyes.
'He is disappointed; he thinks as I do, that perfect love ought to cast
out fear,' she said to herself.
But whatever were his thoughts, he did not give utterance to them, but
only seemed bent on soothing Polly's agitation. When he had succeeded,
he sent her away, to get rid of all traces of tears, as he said, but as
the door closed on her, Mildred noticed a weary look crossed his face.
How her heart yearned to comfort him!
'Right or wrong, I suppose I must abide by her decision, he said at
last, speaking more to himself than to her. That roused her.
'I do not think so,' she returned, speaking with her old energy. 'Give
her a little time to get used to the idea, and then speak to her again.
The thought of Christmas has startled her. Perhaps Easter would frighten
her less.'
'That is just it. Why should it frighten her?' he returned, doubtfully.
'She has known me now for three years. I am no stranger to her; she has
always been fond of me; she has told me so over and over again. No,' he
continued, decidedly, 'I will not press her to come till she wishes it.
I am no boy that cannot bear a disappointment. I ought to be used to
loneliness by this time.'
'No, no; she shall not treat you so, Dr. Heriot. I will not have it.
I--some one will prevent it; you shall not be left lonely for another
year--you, so good and so unselfish.' But here Mildred's excitement
failed; a curious numb feeling crept over her; she fancied she saw a
surprised look on Dr. Heriot's face, that he uttered an exclamation of
concern, and then she knew no more.