[Illustration: THE PUNSTERS POCKET BOOK
R. Cruikshank--dol. G. Bonner Sc.
Bernard Blackmantle.]
THE
PUNSTER'S POCKET-BOOK,
OR
The art of Punning
_ENLARGED._
BY
BERNARD BLACKMANTLE, ESQ.
AUTHOR OF THE ENGLISH SPY, ETC. ETC. ETC.
[Illustration:
"Give me the man, when all is done,
That wisely cracks a jest or pun."
_Martial._]
ILLUSTRATED WITH
Numerous Original Designs
BY ROBERT CRUIKSHANK.
LONDON:
PUBLISHED BY SHERWOOD, GILBERT, AND PIPER,
PATERNOSTER-ROW.
1826.
LONDON:
PRINTED BY THOMAS DAVISON, WHITEFRIARS.
TO
His Most Gracious Majesty,
KING GEORGE THE FOURTH,
THE ARBITER ELEGANTIARUM,
THE PATRON,
THE LOVER,
AND THE JUDGE OF WIT,
_THIS LITTLE VOLUME IS DEDICATED_,
WITH THE MOST FERVENT LOYALTY,
THE MOST SINCERE ADMIRATION,
AND THE MOST PROFOUND RESPECT,
BY HIS DEVOTED SERVANT,
AND FAITHFUL SUBJECT,
[Illustration: Signature: Bernard Blackmantle]
[Illustration]
A
WORD
TO
THE WITTY AND THE WISE.
Wit led the way--with sportive jest,
Next, Humour, most fantastic drest;
The Graces, eldest of the Nine,
Followed--collecting from each shrine,
Where Genius shed a ray of light,
Which might improve, instruct, delight.
MESSIEURS THE PUNSTERS,
I may with great propriety contend, that under such merry designation, I
am addressing a very large portion of the British public. If, beneath
your patronage, this little work should prove as successful as the
flattering anticipations of some friendly adepts in the art of punning
have induced me to expect, it is my intention to collect and publish,
annually, all the choicest _Morceaux_ and Vagaries relating to punning
that can be obtained from the wits and witty works of our own times: for
which purpose I solicit communications of _original_ Puns and Epigrams,
directed to my Publishers. In arranging the present work, I have
endeavoured to bring together all that was important to a proper
understanding of the Merry Art; to which are annexed examples by the
most celebrated Punsters of their day; many of which now, for the first
time, appear in print. Illustrated by fourteen original and appropriate
designs, from that mirth-inspiring graphic humourist, Robert Cruikshank.
For mine own whims, scattered here and there through the work, they
will, I have no doubt, be easily discovered, by their very humble
pretensions to any right of admission into the phalanx of great names in
whose company they are now associated. But, Wits and Critics, as ye are
powerful, be merciful; and remember, that taste and industry for such a
task are the great requisites of a compiler, and that it is not
essentially necessary for a _good_ collector to be a _great_ artist.
=BERNARD BLACKMANTLE,=
_Author of the English Spy, Editor of The Spirit of
the Public Journals, &c. &c._
THE FRONTISPIECE.
Portrait of his Majesty George the Fourth.
DRAWN FROM THE LIFE BY WAGEMAN, AND ENGRAVED
BY WOLNOTH.
_Explanation of the Emblematic Border to the Portrait of the King,
containing an Epitome of British Sovereignty._
The Genius of Ancient Britain is represented by a Druidical head
encircled by a wreath of oak; the face is partly hidden behind the
blazonry of modern achievement. The head, supported by the Roman eagle
and the Saxon horse, is inclosed in the involutions of the scroll which
proceeds from it, and which next embraces the devouring eagle of
Scandinavia, and the warlike lion of Normandy. Following these are
emblems of the contests of the houses of York and Lancaster, surrounded
by the rival roses. The Scriptures opened are appropriate to the Tudor
family; and their national emblem, the thistle, is considered most
emblematical of the Stuart race. A lion, with the cap of liberty,
denotes the benefits England has derived from their successors, the
Prince of Orange; and the unicorn chained to the scroll is indicative of
Hanover attached to the sovereignty of Great Britain. The imperial crown
of Charlemagne, which surmounts Brunswick, is nearly obscured and lost
behind the crown and sceptre of a British sovereign, George the Fourth,
WHOM GOD PRESERVE.
[Illustration]
PROLEGOMENA ON PUNNING.
RESPECTFULLY ADDRESSED
TO PUNSTERS IN GENERAL.
LITERARY FIREWORKS.
What are Puns, and Jests, and Quirks?
But Literary _Fireworks_.
Here are _squibs_ for dull November;
_Crackers_, too, for gay December;
_Rockets_, charged with wit and fun;
_Wild-fires_ made to touch and run;
_Blue-lights_ from the Em'rald Isle;
_British-balls_, to chase the bile;
_Roman fires_, and _jeux d'esprits_;
From Vatican, and Thuilleries;
And here's Blackmantle--punning elf--
To personate Guy Vaux himself.
It will doubtless be the opinion of many a reader that a Prefatory Essay
on such a subject as _Punning_ can possess little of interest, and
nothing of novelty. I would, however, request any one entertaining this
idea to suspend his judgment till he has given the matter ampler
consideration.
In addressing these preliminary remarks to punsters in general, I think
I have taken effectual means to render them of universal interest. When
a certain author, who had dedicated one of his volumes "_to those who
think_," was charged with want of judgment in catering for such a
limited number of individuals, he justified his discernment by
observing, that, however little numerous the body of _thinking people_
might be, every reader would at least rank himself in that class. Our
question can stand on much broader ground; for we assert, without fear
of contradiction, that of the many judicious persons who, without doubt,
will peruse and patronise these pages, not one will be found who is not
only, _se judice_, a punster, but who has not, probably "many a time and
oft," exhibited among his boon companions whatever portion of talent he
may possess in that line of wit. It has been asked by a well-known
writer, "Did any man of liberal education ever go through his teens
without perpetrating the crime of making verses?" I am contented to wave
the narrow distinction, by which uneducated persons would be excepted,
and, with respect to the nobler and far more generally diffused art of
punning, would inquire, Does any one, whatever be his rank or
attainments, reach his twentieth year, without (we will not speak so
inaccurately as to say, _perpetrating the crime_, but) contributing one
or more puns to the common stock? Certainly not. What the ancients
rather hyperbolically asserted of writing (for the many, who were
uninstructed in the mechanical part of that art, could not by
possibility have exercised it), _Scribimus indocti doctique_, is
literally true as applied to punning: lettered and unlettered, all alike
pun away. From the humble son of Crispin, who, having nothing but one of
his sutorial weapons at hand wherewith to despatch his _cotelette de
bœuf_, remarked that _his all was at stake_, to the gifted Sheridan,
who discovered that Doctors' Commons was the greatest thoroughfare in
England, in virtue of the old adage, "where there is a WILL there is a
WAY," each man sports his _calembourg_.
Still, as it frequently happens that what is most generally practised,
is far from being best understood, so is it with punning. It has been
too much the case to treat it with levity and inconsiderateness; to
regard it as mere trifling; to view it at best as a feeble missile from
the armoury of wit, only adapted for the "puny (query _punny_?)
whipster," and which those who are qualified to wield more valuable
weapons would scarcely deign to employ. I trust that, in the course of
these introductory observations, I shall effectually dispel all such
erroneous prejudices, and shall satisfactorily assert the true dignity
of the art, so that my readers may join with me in exclaiming,
"_Punica_ se quantis attollet gloria _rebus_!"
and may perceive, that it is not only venerable from its antiquity, and
supported by the authority of persons of taste and learning, who have
invariably cultivated it, but is likewise highly beneficial to the
bodily health, moral feeling, and intellectual improvement of the
community.
With respect to its antiquity, we find it treated of by the most eminent
writers upon rhetoric among the ancients, who not only class it among
the beauties of language, but have stamped it with the dignity of a
distinct figure of speech, assigning to it an appropriate name. I make
no observations upon the injudicious attempts of some modern
commentators to ally it to the _paranomasia_, it being evidently the
_antanaclasis_ of the rhetoricians. The great Aristotle (Rhet. ch. 11.)
enumerates two or three different species of παραγραμματα, the
name he gives to puns, in his remarks upon this figure, and cites
examples of each kind, with expressions of commendation, from some of
the most celebrated Greek authors. In Cicero's treatise on Oratory, a
variety of instances of the _antanaclasis_ are quoted, and highly
praised by him for their wit. His own puns, with which his works abound,
are more distinguished for their number than their excellence: humour
does not appear to have been his forte, but his frequent attempts at
punning sufficiently evince the high estimation in which it was held by
himself and his contemporaries. The ancient poets, strange as it may
appear, were not, in general, adepts in this art, if we except
Aristophanes among the Greeks, and Ovid and Martial among the Latins.
From the two last mentioned writers (the former of whom indeed would
readily furnish a cento of puns) I beg leave to select two examples. The
one is where Ovid makes Leander say, "Posito _cum veste timore_;" the
other is the well-known epigram by Martial on the emperor Nero:
"_Quis negat Æneæ natum de stirpe Neronem?_
Sustulit _hic matrem_, Sustulit ille patrem."
I adduce these examples, because Addison, after erroneously defining a
pun to be merely "a conceit arising from the use of two words that
agree in the sound, but differ in the sense," goes on to inform us that
if translated into a different language, it will vanish in the
experiment; in fact he would represent it as _vox et præterea nihil_, a
sound, and nothing but a sound. Unquestionably there are a multitude of
puns that might answer this description, but it is far from being
applicable to all. In the two instances I have just brought forward, the
words _posito_ and _sustulit_ can be exactly translated into English,
and both the sense and the pun retained. The truth is, that Addison,
like many more who have thought proper to be very severe on the talents
of the punning fraternity, was evidently not very accurately acquainted
with the nature of what he was attacking.
If the plea of antiquity can thus be justly advanced in favour of
punning, the continued adherence of all nations in all periods to the
practice, may likewise with reason be urged in its support. Nor are its
ramifications of slight importance. It may be considered as the origin
of technical terms, most of which, if properly analysed, will prove to
be virtual puns or conundrums; as the parent of _double entendre_ of
every description; and even as containing the germs of that _slang_
formerly confined to the lower walks of life, but, in our more
enlightened days, emulously studied even among the Corinthian pillars of
polished society.
The number of final letters, which among the French are mere ciphers in
pronunciation, has always given them a decided advantage in puns of mere
words over every other nation. Their writings and conversation are alike
replete with them; but they are almost invariably of that kind alluded
to by Addison, which are lost if clothed in any but their native dress.
Indeed this is almost a necessary consequence of the very circumstance
already alluded to, which ensures them such superior facility in the
production of puns. A brace of these I shall present my readers with,
both as exhibiting a strong confirmation of what I have above said, and
as being of modern date, and, in my opinion, of sterling excellence. The
first of these is the reply made by a Parisian wit, to a person who
asked him what was the true distinction between a flea and a louse. He
answered that they were only disciples of different philosophers: the
lice being followers of Epictetus (_des pique-têles_), and the fleas of
Epicurus (_des piqueurs_). The other is an epigram, much talked off at
the time of its appearance in the French metropolis, written by some
wag, under a picture of Louis XVIII. painted by _Le Gros_, and placed
in one of the public exhibitions. The striking resemblance of the head
and neck of that monarch to those of a rabbit is well known; and of this
circumstance the malicious epigrammatist thus happily avails himself in
the pasquinade referred to:
Le Gros l'a peint! (_le gros lapin!_)
Le Gros l'a peint!
Notre bon souverain.
De la peinture admirez la magie:
Tout le monde à la fois s'écrie,
Le Gros l'a peint!
Le Gros l'a peint!
As I have assumed the privilege in these remarks of being as desultory
and digressive as I please, I shall here notice what I term _macaroni
punning_, effected by a fictitious _mélange_ of different languages.
Sometimes this will arise from the inspection of a single word. Who, for
instance, can forbear smiling at the curious orthoepical coincidence by
which an accommodating fair one is in Latin designated _meretrix_? This,
however, is the simplest effort of the _macaroni_ class, and far from
implying that ingenuity visible in higher flights of the same kind,
which are frequently conspicuous for their wit and pithiness. Lord
Erskine's inscription on his tea chest, _Tu doces_, is of great merit in
its way. Lord Norbury, I believe, has the reputation of having observed,
upon seeing some young fellow vain of his personal attractions almost in
tears at contemplating the manner in which the nocturnal attacks of a
band of _jumpers_ had disfigured his face, "_Fle-bit_, he will weep."
His countryman Curran's reply to his rival counsel Egan, will not easily
be forgotten. The latter, coming out of court, and observing on Curran's
coat a certain _disgrace to the poll_, addressed him in the words of
Virgil:
"Dic mihi, Damœta, cujum pecus? an Melibœi?"
Curran immediately replied by completing the passage:
"Non, verum Ægonis: nuper mihi tradidit Ægon."
Probably, however, Swift's impromptu quotation on seeing a Cremona
violin swept off a table by a lady's mantua:
"_Mantua_, væ! miseræ nimium vicina _Cremonæ_,"
will always stand at the head of puns of this class.
I own that I am particularly delighted with a good _macaroni_ pun. It
necessarily implies, not only superior wit, but a considerable fund of
learning, on the part of the punster. And what is still better, it shows
that this learning is free from the rust of pedantry, tending to enliven
those around him, and not to create in him a repulsive conceit, and a
haughty estrangement from society. His candle is not hidden under a
bushel, but freely and cheerfully dispenses its light: His treasure is
not kept in the form of useless hoarded bullion, but is converted into a
valuable circulating medium, the coin being liberally and extensively
distributed by its owner.
The inmates of universities have usually been remarked for their
attachment to punning. The men of Cambridge, in particular, have ever,
from their foundation, been distinguished by their excellence as
paragrammatists. It surely not a little exalts this noble art, that
those who have enjoyed peculiar opportunities of justly appreciating
every thing connected both with abstruse and polite literature, should
have sedulously cultivated it. And I think I may be allowed to say, in
contradiction to the reiterated attempts of prejudice and stupidity to
undervalue it, that I never met with a person incapable of some degree
of excellence in punning, who was remarkable for any species of wit
above the practical jokes of a merry-andrew.
But it is not only on its high antiquity, its extensive diffusion, or
the distinguished authorities that can be adduced in support of it, that
the claims of punning are founded. The philosopher who defined man to be
το ζωον γελων, certainly selected the only characteristic
besides that of speech, which particularly and exclusively distinguishes
man from the brute creation.
"'Twas said of old, deny it now who can,
The only laughing animal is man.
The bear may leap, its lumpish cubs in view,
Or sportive cat her circling tail pursue;
The grin deep-lengthen pug's half-human face,
Or prick'd up ear confess the simp'ring ass:
In awkward gestures awkward mirth be shown,
Yet, spite of gesture, man still laughs alone."
Now to the exercise of this high and distinguished prerogative of our
nature, what is a more certain stimulant than a pun? If it be good, you
laugh at the pun; if bad, at the punster; and in either case, he is
almost certain to laugh himself. Moreover, the punster is one of all
others, "_quem jocus risusque circumvolat_;" not only witty himself, but
the cause of wit in others; for it is rarely, indeed, in the social
circle, that one pun is not the signal for a series of others. The cards
are generally played after the first is led, till the suit is fairly
out.
But laughter is not only one of the principal faculties which
distinguish man from inferior animals; it likewise contributes greatly
to the promotion and preservation of health. "Laugh and grow fat," is a
very old and a very wise adage.
And observe, the fat which thus increaseth the ribs is wholesome, good,
firm fat, bearing no resemblance whatever to the adipose envelope of the
bloated and corpulent. Those who are clothed with laughter-begotten fat
are, moreover, in general, of humour frank and free, cordial, cheerful,
and enterprising; as dissimilar to the indolent, arthritic, or the
selfish gourmand, as to the cadaverous, saturnine, acetous beings who
stalk about like so many skeletons, galvanised into temporary motion,
and presenting a _memento mori_ to all they meet. And if such be the
genial, the beneficial, effects of laughter, can we laud too highly the
practice of punning, that most apt and prompt instrument of promoting
it?
In another point of view, too, this art doth not a little contribute to
the advancement and improvement of moral feeling. How often have the
asperities incident to conversation been instantly softened down by the
means of a well-timed pun? How many a rising storm of colloquial debate
and controversial wrath has been dispelled by the same salutary agency,
when wisdom would have failed to convince, or mediation to conciliate?
The able punster has perhaps more frequent opportunities than any other
character, of securing the blessing pronounced upon the peace-maker.
The pious Dr. Watts, in his Introduction to Logic, has commented on the
moral as well as literary evils arising from the number of equivocal and
the comparative paucity of univocal words. Now the knowledge of a
disease being half its cure, who is so likely to be exempt from the
evils arising from the above-mentioned sources as the punster? Every
fresh touch of his art may be considered as a discovery of some more of
these dangerous equivocals, and indeed his whole life may be regarded as
a philanthropic voyage in quest of them, combining the double advantage
of exciting mirth by their timely production, and affording a salutary
warning to the hearer against the employment of such Proteus terms in
grave and serious discussion. Thus again we see the paragrammatist
enabled to contribute in a high degree to the social enjoyment, literary
improvement, and moral amelioration of his fellow creatures.
If wit consists principally, as the first of modern philosophers has
affirmed, in the unexpected association of ideas apparently far removed
in their nature from each other, punning must, in its very essence,
claim to rank in the highest class of wit. And how must the frequent
exercise of searching for such associations, and bringing them however
recondite to light, sharpen the intellect of the individual engaged in
it! We have already adverted to the general practice of this art among
the members of our universities; we may likewise observe that the
learned body of the law, a body distinguished perhaps beyond any other
for their superior shrewdness, and extent of general information, are
universally partial to it. The barrister who pleads, and the judge who
directs, are alike ambitious to display their excellence in this highly
prized art; and justice herself, though for the sake of her character
she must needs be blind, is rarely found deaf to the sallies of the
punster.
_Ohe! jam satis est._ Sufficient, we are persuaded, has been said to
satisfy all persons of the value and excellence of punning, except
indeed the obstinately incredulous; and such, as a just punishment, we
would excommunicate for ever from the enjoyment of puns, and the society
of punsters. Can we pronounce a severer doom?
But as the best of things are the most liable to abuses, so has the
cause of punning suffered much from the want of judgment evinced by many
of its votaries. Anxious, as far as possible, to contribute to
maintaining this noble art in the possession of its well-merited
reputation, we venture a few words of caution to some of its professors
on the errors too frequently committed by them.
Imprimis, a pun, like an epigram, is worth little indeed if the point
can be anticipated. Hence proper names, though they have in some few
instances been successfully worked upon, are in general bad materials
for the punster. The attempt to pun upon Black, White, Green, Brown,
Scott, England, and _id genus omne_, if productive of any laughter, is
of that only which is excited by the imbecility and empty pretensions of
him who makes it. In justice to our contemporary John Bull, we must
observe that on this very dangerous ground, he is almost the only person
who has had the singular felicity of uniformly appearing with success.
For the same reason that we object to proper names, we need scarcely
observe that all trite puns are detestable. There are a number of words,
such as _heart_, _love_, _soul_, _last_, _grave_, and a host of others,
that have been fairly worn thread-bare in the service. Let him whose wit
is not competent to discover some other sources than these hackneyed
ones, be a listener, but by no means a speaker in a circle of punsters.
_Decies repetita placebit_, however just it may be as the criterion of
merit in a poem, will never do for a pun, one of whose chief
excellencies is novelty,--nay, which often, however rich at the moment
of its utterance, will not successfully admit of repetition, even to
those who have never before heard it, at another time and under
different circumstances.
A pun can rarely be considered very good, which involves a difference of
orthography. It appears like a descent from its true dignity to the
level of a common conundrum.
Lastly, let every punster bear in mind, that punning is only the sauce
of conversation, and that he who thinks to entertain by introducing it
continually into his discourse, resembles a man who should present me
with a dish of Cayenne pepper alone by way of a meal. It may likewise be
observed, that what is usually called an inveterate, is never a good
punster. The constant desire of display, by accustoming himself to be
contented with mediocrity, or something below it, almost disqualifies
him from uttering any thing above it. We may say with justice, "a pun
spoken in good season, how good is it!" Time, and place, and persons
too, must be regarded. The punster, while he enlivens conversation, is
one of the greatest acquisitions to a company; when he only interrupts
it, he is one of its greatest nuisances. Much more could we add
concerning both the theory and practice of this art, but we would not
willingly become tedious. Gentle reader, whosoever thou art, receive in
good part what we have here written; imbue thyself with such a love of
punning, and such a sense of its dignity, that thy efforts may exalt and
not degrade it: so shalt thou merit the good wish which, with a sincere
heart, we now bestow upon thee: Mayest thou become one of the warmest
admirers of punning, and shine as one of the first of punsters!
[Illustration: Signature: Bernard Blackmantle]
[Illustration]
THE ORIGIN OF PUNNING:
FROM PLATO'S SYMPOSIACKS.
BY DR. SHERIDAN.
Once on a time in merry mood,
Jove made a Pun of flesh and blood:
A double two-faced living creature,
Androgynos, of two-fold nature,
For back to back with single skin
He bound the male and female in;
So much alike, so near the same,
They stuck as closely as their name.
Whatever words the male exprest,
The female turn'd them to a jest;
Whatever words the female spoke,
The male converted to a joke:
So, in this form of man and wife
They led a merry punning life.
The gods from heaven descend to earth,
Drawn down by their alluring mirth;
So well they seem'd to like the sport,
Jove could not get them back to court.
Th' infernal gods ascend as well,
Drawn up by magic puns from hell.
Judges and furies quit their post,
And not a soul to mind a ghost.
'Heyday!' says Jove: says Pluto too,
'I think the Devil's here to do;
Here's hell broke loose, and heaven's quite empty;
We scarce have left one god in twenty.
Pray what has set them all a-running?--
'Dear brother, nothing else but punning.
Behold that double creature yonder
Delights them with a double _entendre_.'
'Odds-fish,' says Pluto, 'where's your thunder?
Let's drive, and split this thing asunder!'
'That's right,' quoth Jove; with that he threw
A bolt, and split it into two;
And when the thing was split in twain,
Why then it punn'd as much again.
''Tis thus the diamonds we refine,
The more we cut, the more they shine;
And ever since your men of wit,
Until they're cut, can't pun a bit.
So take a starling when 'tis young,
And down the middle slit the tongue,
With groat or sixpence, 'tis no matter,
You'll find the bird will doubly chatter.
'Upon the whole, dear Pluto, you know,
'Tis well I did not slit my Juno!
For, had I done't, whene'er she'd scold me,
She'd make the heavens too hot to hold me.'
The gods, upon this application,
Return'd each to his habitation,
Extremely pleas'd with this new joke;
The best, they swore, he ever spoke.
[Illustration]
ARS PUN-ICA, SIVE FLOS LINGUARUM;
THE
ART OF PUNNING,
OR,
THE FLOWER OF LANGUAGES:
_IN SEVENTY-NINE RULES_:
FOR THE FURTHER IMPROVEMENT OF CONVERSATION,
AND HELP OF MEMORY.
BY THE
_LABOUR AND INDUSTRY OF TOM PUN-SIBI._
"Ex ambiguâ dictâ vel argutissima putantur; sed non semper in
joco, sæpe etiam in gravitate versantur. Ingeniosi enim
videtur, vim verbi in aliud atque cæteri accipiant, posse
ducere."
_Cicero, de Oratore, Lib. ii. § 61, 2._
TO
THE RIGHT HONOURABLE
SIR JOHN SCRUB, BART.
AND WINE-MERCHANT,
THIS DEDICATION IS HUMBLY PRESENTED BY THE
AUTHOR.
Your honour's character is too well known in the world to stand in need
of a dedication; but I can tell you, that my fortune is not so well
settled but I stand in need of a patron. And therefore, since I am to
write a dedication, I must, for decency, proceed in the usual method.
First, I then proclaim to the world your high and illustrious birth:
that you are, by the father's side, descended from the most ancient and
celebrated family of Rome, the Cascas; by the mother's, from Earl Percy.
Some indeed have been so malicious as to say, your grandmother
_kill'd-her-kin_: but, I think if the authors of the report were found
out, they ought to be _hampered_. I will allow that the world exclaims
deservedly against your _mother_, because she is _no friend to the
bottle_; otherwise they would deserve a _firkin_, as having no
_grounds_ for what they say. However, I do not think it can sully your
_fine_ and _bright_ reputation; for the _credit_ you gained at the
battle of _Hogshed_, against the Duke of _Burgundy_, who felt no
_sham-pain_, when you _forced_ him to sink beneath your power, and gave
his whole army a _brush_, may in time turn to your account; for, to my
knowledge, it put his highness upon the _fret_. This indeed was no less
_racking_ to the king his master, who found himself _gross-lee_ mistaken
in catching a _tartar_. For the whole world allowed, that you brought
him a _peg_ lower, by giving him the _parting-blow_, and making all his
_rogues in buckram_ to _run_. Not to mention your great _a-gillity_,
though you are past your _prim-age_; and may you never _lack-age_, with
a _sparkling_ wit, and _brisk_ imagination! May your honour also _wear_
long, beyond the common _scantling_ of human life, and constantly
proceed in your musical diversions of _pipe_ and _sack-but_, hunting
with _tarriers_, &c. and may your good humour in saying, "_I
am-phor-a-bottle_," never be lost to the joy of all them that drink your
_wine_ for nothing, and especially of,
Your humble servant,
TOM PUN-SIBI.
A SPECIMEN;
_A SPICE I MEAN_.
PREFACE.
_Hæe nos, ab imis Pun-icorum annalibus
Prolata, longo tempore edidimus tibi._ Fest.
I've raked the ashes of the dead, to show
Puns were in vogue five thousand years ago.
The great and singular advantages of Punning, and the lustre it gives to
conversation, are commonly so little known in the world, that scarce one
man of learning in fifty, to their shame be it spoken, appears to have
the least tincture of it in his discourse. This I can impute to nothing
but that it hath not been reduced to a _science_; and indeed Cicero
seemed long ago to wish for it, as we may gather from his second book de
Oratore[1], where he has this remarkable passage: "Suavis autem est et
vehementer sæpe utilis jocus et facetiæ cum ambiguitate--in quibus tu
longè aliis meâ sententiâ, Cæsar, excellis: quo magìs mihi etiam testis
esse potes, aut nullam esse artem salis, aut, si qua est, eam nos tu
potissimum docebis." "Punning is extremely delightful, and oftentimes
very profitable; in which, as far as I can judge, Cæsar, you excel all
mankind; for which reason you may inform me, whether there be any art of
Punning; or, if there be, I beseech you, above all things, to instruct
me in it." So much was this great man affected with the art, and such a
noble idea did he conceive of it, that he gave Cæsar the preference to
all mankind, only on account of that accomplishment!
[1] Lib. ii. § liv.
Let critics say what they will, I will venture to affirm, that Punning,
of all arts and sciences, is the most extraordinary: for all others are
circumscribed by certain bounds; but this alone is found to have no
limits, because to excel therein requires a more extensive knowledge of
all things. A Punner must be a man of the greatest natural abilities,
and of the best accomplishments: his wit must be poignant and fruitful,
his understanding clear and distinct, his imagination delicate and
cheerful; he must have an extraordinary elevation of soul, far above all
mean and low conceptions; and these must be sustained with a vivacity
fit to express his ideas, with that grace and beauty, that strength and
sweetness, which become sentiments so truly noble and sublime.
And now, lest I should be suspected of imposing upon my reader, I must
entreat him to consider how high Plato has carried his sentiments of
this art (and Plato is allowed by all men to have seen farther into
Heaven than any Heathen either before or since). Does not he say
positively, in his Cratylus, "Jocos et Dii amant," the gods themselves
love Punning? which I am apt to believe from Homer's ἂσβεστος γἑλως,
unextinguished laughter; because there is no other motive could cause
such continued merriment among the gods.
As to the antiquity of this art, Buxtorf proves it to be very early
among the Chaldeans; which any one may see at large, who will read what
he says upon the word זדיצ Pun, Vocula est Chaldæis
familiarissima, &c. "It is a word that is most frequently in use among
the Chaldeans," who were first instructed in the methods of punning by
their magi, and gained such reputation, that Ptolemæus Philo-punnæus
sent for six of those learned priests, to propagate their doctrine of
puns in six of his principal cities; which they did with such success,
that his majesty ordered, by public edict, to have a full collection of
all the puns made within his dominions for three years past; and this
collection filled one large apartment of his library, having this
following remarkable inscription over the door:
ἹκτϚειον ψυχης,
"The shop of the soul's physic[2]."
[2] Vide Joseph. Bengor. Chronic. in Edit. Georg. Homedidæ. Scriem
Godoliæ Tradit. Hebraic. Corpus Paradoseon Titulo Megill. c. i. § 8.
Chronic. Samarit. Abulphetachi. Megillat. Taanit.
Some authors, but upon what ground it is uncertain, will have Pan, who
in the Æolic dialect is called Pun, to be the author of Puns, because,
they say, Pan being the god of universal nature, and Punning free of all
languages, it is highly probable that it owes its first origin, as well
as name, to this god: others again attribute it to Janus, and for this
reason--Janus had two faces; and of consequence they conjectured every
word he spoke had a double meaning. But, however, I give little credit
to these opinions, which I am apt to believe were broached in the dark
and fabulous ages of the world; for I doubt, before the first Olympiad,
there can be no great dependence upon profane history.
I am much more inclined to give credit to Buxtorf; nor is it improbable
that Pythagoras, who spent twenty-eight years at Egypt in his studies,
brought this art, together with some arcana of philosophy, into Greece;
the reason for which might be, that philosophy and punning were a mutual
assistance to each other: "For," says he, "puns are like so many
torch-lights in the head, that give the soul a very distinct view of
those images, which she before seemed to grope after as if she had been
imprisoned in a dungeon." From whence he looked upon puns to be so
sacred, and had such a regard to them, that he left a precept to his
disciples, forbidding them to eat beans, because they were called in
Greek πυννοι. "Let not," says he, "one grain of the seeds be
lost; but preserve and scatter them over all Greece, that both our
gardens and our fields may flourish with a vegetable, which, on account
of its name, not only brings an honour to our country, but, as it
disperses its effluvia in the air, may also, by a secret impulse,
prepare the soul for punning, which I esteem the first and great
felicity of life."
This art being so very well recommended by so great a man, it was not
long before it spread through all Greece, and at last was looked upon
to be such a necessary accomplishment, that no person was admitted to a
feast who was not first examined, and if he were found ignorant of
punning, he was dismissed with Ἑκἁς ἑϚε, βἑζηλοι, "Hence,
ye profane!"
If any one doubts the truth of what I say, let him consult the
apophthegms of Plutarch, who, after he had passed several encomiums upon
this art, gives some account of persons eminent in it; among which (to
shorten my preface) I choose one of the most illustrious examples, and
will entertain the courteous reader with the following story: "King
Philip had his collar-bone broken in a battle; and his physician
expecting money of him every visit, the king reproved him with a pun,
saying he had the key in his own hands." For the word λἑεις,
in the original, signifies both a key and a collar-bone[3].
[3] Vide Plut. Apophth. p. 177.
We have also several puns recorded in Diogenes Laertius's "Lives of the
Philosophers;" and those made by the wisest and gravest men among them,
even by Diogenes the cynick, who, although pretending to withstand the
irresistible charms of punning, was cursed with the name of an abhorrer
Yet, in spite of all his ill-nature and affectation (for he was a
tub-preacher), he made so excellent a pun, that Scaliger said, "He would
rather have been author of it, than king of Navarre." The story is as
follows: Didymus (not Didymus the commentator upon Homer, but a famous
rake among the ladies at Athens) having taken in hand to cure a virgin's
eye that was sore, had this caution given him by Diogenes, "Take care
you do not corrupt your pupil." The word κὁρα signifies both
the pupil of the eye and a virgin[4].
[4] See Laërtius.
It would be endless to produce all the authorities that might be
gathered, from Diodorus Siculus, Herodotus, Proconosius, Bergæus,
Dionysius Halicarnassensis, Lycophron, Pindar, Apollonius, Menander,
Aristophanes, Corinthus Cous, Nonnus, Demosthenes, Euripides,
Thucydides, Plato, Aristotle, &c.; from every one of which I should have
produced some quotations, were it not that we are so unfortunate in this
kingdom not to have Greek types sufficient for such an undertaking[5]:
for want of which, I have been put to the necessity, in the word
κὁρα, of writing an _alpha_ for an _éta_.
[5] Though it is no uncommon thing for a country printer to be without
Greek types, this could scarcely be a serious complaint at Dublin in
1719.
However, I believe it will not be amiss to bring some few testimonies,
to show in what great esteem the art of punning was among the most
refined wits at Rome, and that in the most polite ages, as will appear
from the following quotations.
Quinctilian says[6], "Urbanitas est virtus quædam, in breve dictum,
verum sensu duplici, coacta, et apta ad delectandos homines," &c. Thus
translated, "Punning is a virtue, comprised in a short expression, with
a double meaning, and fitted to delight the ladies."
[6] Institut. Orator. lib. vi. p. 265.
Lucretius also,
Quò magìs æternum da dictis, Diva, leporem.
"Goddess, eternal puns on me bestow."
And elsewhere,
Omnia enim lepidi magìs admirantur, amántque
Germanis quæ sub verbis latitantia cernunt:
Verbaque constituunt simili fucata sonore,
Nec simili sensu, sed quæ mentita placerent.
"All men of mirth and sense admire and love
Those words which like twin-brothers doubtful prove;
When the same sounds a different sense disguise,
In being deceived the greatest pleasure lies."
Thus Claudian:
Vocibus alternant sensus, fraudisque jocosæ,
Vim duplicem rident, lacrymosaque gaudia miscent.
"From word to word th' ambiguous sense is play'd;
Laughing succeeds, and joyful tears are shed."
And Martial:
Sit mihi, Cinna, comes, salibus dictisque facetus,
Qui sapit ambiguos fundere ab ore sonos.
"Cinna, give me the man, when all is done,
That wisely knows to crack a jest and pun."
Petronius likewise will tell you,
Dicta, sales, risus, urbana crepundia vocum,
Ingenii facilis quæ documenta dabunt.
"Jokes, repartees, and laugh, and pun polite,
Are the true test to prove a man is right."
And Lucan:
Illi est imperium risus, qui fraude leporis
Ambigua fallens, humeros quatit usque solutis
Nexibus, ac tremuli trepidant curvamina dorsi,
Et jecur, et cordis fibras, et pandit anhelas
Pulmonis latebras--
"He's king of mirth, that slightly cheats our sense
With pun ambiguous, pleasing in suspense;
The shoulders lax become, the bending back
Upheaved with laughter, makes our ribs to crack;
E'en to the liver he can joys impart,
And play upon the fibres of the heart;
Open the chambers of _longues_[7], and there
Give longer life in laughing, than in air."
[7] Potius _lungs_, as a Dutch commentator would observe.
But to come nearer home, and our own times; we know that France, in the
late reign, was the seat of learning and policy; and what made it so,
but the great encouragement the king gave punners above any other men:
for it is too notorious, to quote any author for it, that Lewis le Grand
gave a hundred pistoles for one single pun-motto, made upon an abbot,
who died in a field, having a lily growing out of his a--:
"Habe mortem præ oculis.
Abbé mort en prez au culiz."
Nor was his bounty less to Monsieur de Ferry de Lageltre the painter
(though the pun and the picture turned against himself), who drew his
majesty shooting, and at some distance from him another man aiming at
the same fowl, who was withheld by a third person, pointing at the king,
with these words from his mouth,
"Ne voyez vous le Roy tirant?"
Having now, from the best authorities, plainly proved the antiquity and
excellence of the art of punning, nothing remains but to give some
general directions as to the manner how this science is to be taught.
1. Let the husband teach his wife to read it.
2. Let her be appointed to teach her children.
3. Let the head servant of the family instruct all the rest,
and that every morning before the master and mistress are up.
4. The masters and misses are to repeat a rule every day, with
the examples; and every visiting-day be brought up, to show the
company what fine memories they have.
5. They must go ten times through the book, before they be
allowed to aim at a pun.
6. They must every day of their lives repeat six synonymous
words, or words like in sound, before they be allowed to sit
down to dinner,--such as
Assent, Ascent.
A Lass, Alas.
Bark, Barque.
Alter, Altar.
A Peer, Appear.
Barbery, Barberrie.
They are all to be found in metre, most laboriously compiled by
the learned author of "The English School-master," printed anno
1641, London edit. p. 52.
7. If any eldest son has not a capacity to attain to this
science, let him be disinherited as _non-compos_, and the
estate given to the next hopeful child.
----Si quid novisti rectius istis,
Candidus imperti: si non, his utere mecum[8].
"If any man can better rules impart,
I'll give him leave to do't with all my heart!"
[8] Hor. Ep. I. i. 67.
A
PARAGRAPH OF THE FIRST PREFACE
THAT WAS OMITTED,
WHICH THE READER (ACCORDING TO HIS JUDGMENT OR
DISCRETION) MAY INSERT WHERE HE PLEASES.
There is a remarkable passage in Petronius Arbiter, which plainly
proves, by a royal example, that punning was a necessary ingredient to
make an entertainment agreeable. The words are these: "Ingerebat
nihilominus Trimalchio lentissima voce, Carpe. Ego, suspicatus ad
aliquam urbanitatem toties iteratam vocem pertinere, non erubui eum qui
supra me accumbebat hoc ipsum interrogare. At ille qui sæpius ejusmodi
ludos spectaverat, Vides, inquit, illum qui obsonium carpit, Carpus
vocatur. Itaque quotiescunque dicit Carpe, eodem verbo et vocat et
imperat." And it is further remarkable, that every day of his life he
made the same pun at dinner and supper.
[Illustration]
A SECOND PREFACE.
Lest my modesty should be called in question, for venturing to appear in
print, in an age so famous for politeness and ingenuity, I think I am
bound to say this in my own defence, that these few sheets were not
designed to be made public, as being written for my own private use: but
what will not the importunity of friends conquer? they were no sooner
discovered in my study, but my merry friend George Rochfort, my learned
acquaintance Patrick Delany, and my much honoured patron Jonathan Swift,
all unanimously agreed, that I should do my own reputation and the world
that justice, as to send "such a treasure of knowledge" (as they were
pleased to express themselves) to the press. As for the work itself, I
may venture to say, it is a work of time and experience, and entirely
unattempted before. For which reason, I hope the candid reader will be
favourable in his judgment upon it, and consider that all sciences in
their infancy have been weak and feeble. The next age may supply where I
have been defective; and the next perhaps may produce a Sir Isaac in
punning. We know that logicians first spun out reason in categories,
predicaments, and enunciations; and at last they came to wind up their
bottoms in syllogisms, which is the completing of that science.
The Chaldeans began the mathematics, in which the Egyptians flourished.
Then these, crossing the sea by the means of Thales the Milesian, came
into Greece, where they were improved very much by Pythagoras,
Anaxagoras, and Œnopides of Chios. These were followed by Briso,
Antipho, Hippocrates, &c. But the excellence of the algebraic art was
begun by Geber, an Arabian astronomer (whence as is conceived the word
_algebra_ took its rise), and was much since improved by Cardanus,
Tartaglia, Clavius, Stevinus, Ghetaldus, Herigenius, Fran. Van Schooten,
Florida de Beaune, &c.
But to return to the Art of Punning again; the progress and improvement
of which, I hope, will be equal to the sciences I have mentioned; or to
any superior to them, if there be such: reader, I must trespass a little
longer on your patience, and tell you an old maxim, _Bonum quo
communius, eo melius_, "Good, the more common, the better it is." You
see, I have in imitation of the industrious bee gathered my honey from
various flowers; but yet I cannot say, without some diminution and loss
to the persons from whom I have taken the examples to my rules, who are
likely never to use their puns again.
And here to avoid the imputation of ingratitude, I must declare to the
world, that my worthy friend Dr. R----, who is singularly remarkable for
his unparalleled skill in punning, and a most industrious promoter of
it, has been a very great instrument in bringing this work to light, as
well by animating me to proceed in it, as by endeavouring to procure a
good letter for the impression.
The favourable acceptance that my puns have met with in some private
companies, makes me flatter myself, that my labours therein will be
candidly accepted, as they have been cordially intended to serve my
native country.
TOM PUN-SIBI.
_From my Study, up one Pair of
Stairs, ill-contrived Streetwards,
August 9th, 1719._
THE
ART OF PUNNING.
"Punnata dicuntur, id ipsum, quod sunt, aliorum esse dicuntur, aut alio
quovis modo ad aliud referuntur."
Puns, in their very nature and constitution, have a relation to
something else; or, if they have not, any other reason why will serve as
well.
_The Physical Definition of Punning, according to Cardan._
Punning is an art of harmonious jingling upon words, which, passing in
at the ears, and falling upon the diaphragma, excites a titillary motion
in those parts; and this being conveyed by the animal spirits into the
muscles of the face, raises the cockles of the heart.
_The Moral Definition of Punning._
Punning is a virtue that most effectually promotes the end of good
fellowship, which is laughing.
N.B. I design to make the most celebrated punners in these kingdoms
examples to the following rules.
Rule 1. The capital Rule. He that puns, must have a head for it; that
is, he must be a man of letters, of a sprightly and fine imagination,
whatever men may think of his judgment; like Dr. Swift[9], who said,
when a lady threw down a Cremona-fiddle with a frisk of her mantua,
"Mantua væ miseræ nimium vicina Cremonæ!"
[9] In the early editions of the tract, this admirable pun is ascribed
to Dr. Delany.
Or if you would have a more obvious reason, St. Dennis never made a pun
after his head was cut off. Vid. Popish Legend, tom. lxxviii. p. 15,000.
R. 2. The rule of Forehead. He must have good assurance, like my Lord
B----, who puns in all companies.
R. 3. The Brazen Rule. He must have better assurance, like Brigadier
C----, who said, 'That, as he was passing through a street, he made to a
country fellow who had a hare swinging on a stick over his shoulder,
and, giving it a shake, asked him whether it was his own _hair_, or a
perriwig?' whereas it is a notorious Oxford jest.
R. 4. The Rule of Impudence. He must have the best assurance, like Dr.
D----, who, although I had in three fair combats worsted him, yet had
the impudence to challenge me a fourth time.
R. 5. Any person may pun upon another man's puns about half an hour
after he has made them; as Dr. E---- and Mr. F---- frequently do.
I remember one day I was in company with them, and upon Major G----
saying, 'That he would leave me the gout for a legacy,' I made answer,
and told the company,' I should be sorry to have such a _leg as he_.'
They both snapped it up in their turns, and had as much applause for the
pun as I had.
R. 6. The Rule of Pun upon Pun. All puns made upon the word pun are to
be esteemed as so much old gold. _Ex. gr._ suppose two famous punsters
should contend for the superiority, and a man should wittily say, 'That
is a _Carthaginian_ war:'
Q. How, sir?
A. Why, sir, it is a _Pun-ick_ war.
R. 7. The Socratic Rule is, to instruct others by way of question and
answer.
Q. Who was the first drawer?
A. _Potiphar._
Q. Which is the seat of the spleen?
A. The _hips_.
Q. Who were the first bakers?