"What's troubling you at all? You're not looking yourself to-day,"
said Padna Dan to his friend Micus Pat, as he cut a switch from a
blackthorn tree on the road to Mallow on a May morning.
"There's many a thing that troubles a man that he doesn't like to
talk about," said Micus, "and many a thing that he talks about that
doesn't trouble him at all."
"Maybe some one died who owed you money," said Padna.
"Well, as you seem to be anxious to know, it was the way that some one
died, but the devil a ha'penny did he owe me, no more than yourself
or the Pope of Rome," said Micus.
"Was he a member of the Royal Family then, or some one born with a
silver spoon in his mouth, and no more brains in his head than you'd
find with a sparrow?"
"He was no way connected with royalty or the aristocracy, but a
decent man who always worked for a living, one Lareen, the birdcatcher
from Duhallow."
"And what's the use fretting about any one who is dead and gone? Sure
we must all die, and maybe there will be no one fretting about
ourselves."
"There is some truth in that, but we can't always be as philosophic
as we pretend to be."
"And was Lareen of such importance that you can't forget him, now
that he's gone to his reward or his deserts, as the case may be?"
"Well," said Micus, "Lareen was a Murphy on his father's side and
a Cassidy on his mother's, and both families were noted the world
over for their love of sport, black pudding, and fresh drisheens. And
Lareen, like his father and grandfather, was a birdcatcher by nature
and a shoemaker by profession, and he always made boots and shoes
for the parish priest and the minister, and he used to collect the
money at the chapel door on Sundays. There was no man in the seven
parishes who could blow the organ for vespers better than himself,
but the devil a bit he ever got for all he did for others, except that
he contracted rheumatics from walking in the rain while attending
funerals of the poor. However, that same had its compensations,
because it helped him to remember that he wasn't long for this life,
and that he had a soul to save and a wife and family to support. But to
go on with my story. One fine morning, as I was reading the newspaper
that I got the lend of from the public house opposite the pump at the
bend of the road, who should come into the house but Lareen himself,
and there and then he up and ses: 'Good morning, Micus,' ses he.
"'Good morning kindly, Lareen,' ses I. 'What's the good word?'
"'Nothing in particular,' ses he.
"'Have you no news at all?' ses I.
"'Yes, I have a little,' ses he.
"'I'd like to hear it then,' ses I.
"'Very well,' ses he. 'The King of Morocco has a corn on his big toe,
and he sent to the United States for a specialist to remove it.'
"'Is that so?' ses I. 'Sure 'twould be as cheap to send to London
or Dublin or Cork itself for a specialist as the United States,'
ses I. 'An operation like that will cost him a lot of money, anyway,
but what matter? He don't have to earn it, and the more he spends,
the more respectable the people will think he is. But nevertheless
'twould be cheaper for him to cut a piece out of his boot, or cut
his toe off altogether, than to send to America for a doctor.'
"'True,' ses he, 'and if we were all to charge as much for the little
we do as the doctors and the specialists, 'tis the way that we might
make bankrupts of each other overnight, and as a consequence we might
all die of want and privation.'
"'That's very true indeed, but is that all the news you have for
me?' ses I.
"'Well, not exactly,' ses he. 'There was a man shot in Russia last
week, the Grand Duke of Ballybrophy went to America to be lionized
by the republicans and democrats, a kangaroo died in Australia, the
King of Italy bought a new hat, and Queen Victoria gave a shilling
for the relief of the poor of Ireland.'
"'And tell me,' ses I, 'is it all to be given to the Protestants?'
"'No,' ses he, ''tis to be equally divided among the poor of all
classes.'
"'I'm glad to hear that,' ses I, 'because it denotes a fine,
broad-minded, and generous spirit. But what pleases me more than
anything else is that she has not forgotten that Ireland is still on
the map.'
"'Why,' ses he, 'Ireland will never be forgotten while there is
money to be made at politics in America, and politics, they say,
is the most popular religion in the United States.'
"'And was it to tell me what I know already that brought you here?'
"'No,' ses he. 'I wanted to tell you that I dreamt of my mother's
people last night, and that always brings me good luck. So as 'tis a
fine hard frosty day, I'd like to go birdcatching in Fingal's Glen,
and catch a dozen linnets, half a dozen finches, and maybe a couple
of blackbirds and thrushes. But I haven't the makings of a sprig of
birdlime, or a crib, or a good singing bird to bring with me,' ses he.
"'If that is all that's troubling you,' ses I, 'you have no longer
any cause to worry. I'll give you the box of birdlime that the bishop
himself made me a present of last Easter, and I'll give you the loan
of the best singing bird I have in the house, a linnet that would
put a nightingale or a prima donna to shame,' ses I.
"And with that I handed him the box of birdlime that was made by the
best cobbler in Antrim, and I took down the linnet cage from over
the half door, and gave him that also.
"And then ses I, 'Go your way and may God bless you, and if you can't
catch birds with my linnet and the bishop's birdlime, you might as
well go to America and try and convince the Irish-Americans that they
are not a bit better than the Irish at home.'
"'Wisha, bad luck to their impudence,' ses he. 'What do they know
about the Irish at home?'
"'The devil a hap'orth,' ses I. And then he put the cage under his
arm and ses: 'I wish I knew how to thank you for all your kindness,
and now I will trouble you for the loan of your topcoat, the fillings
of a pipe, and a box of matches. For 'tis frozen with the cold I'll be,
standing behind a furze bush waiting for a flock of linnets to rise,
so that I may throw myself down on my face and hands on the wet grass,
the way they wouldn't see me at all,' ses he.
"'A good birdcatcher,' ses I, 'will always find a place where he will
be able to hide without throwing himself down on the wet grass or
soft earth. However, you are welcome to the loan of my old coat, and
I will make you a present of a plug of tobacco and a box of matches.'
"So after he put on the coat, he walked away with his 'May the Lord
spare and protect you all the days of your life,' and a week passed
before he returned. I was eating my breakfast when he called, and as he
pushed open the half door with his 'God bless all here,' I up and ses:
'What luck?' ses I.
"'Don't talk to me about luck,' ses he, as he placed the overcoat,
the box of birdlime, and the cage on a chair beside him. 'I'm the
happiest man alive,' ses he.
"'I'm sorry to hear that,' ses I.
"'And why, might I ask?' ses he.
"'Well,' ses I, ''tis only selfish people who can be really
happy. Howsomever, let me hear what you have to say.'
"'I caught a linnet with a crown of gold,' ses he.
"'You did!' ses I.
"'Yes, I did,' ses he.
"'There must be a finch or a canary in the family then,' ses I.
"'Maybe both,' ses he.
"'How does he sing?' ses I.
"'Sing!' ses he. 'Why, he never stops singing at all, only when the
twilight fades and the darkness comes from east and west, and north
and south, and the blackness of the night covers up the hills and
the valleys, the trees and the rivers, and the streams and the houses
themselves,' ses he.
"'He must be a wonder,' ses I.
"'A wonder he is surely,' ses he. 'He starts at five o'clock in the
morning and sings all day.'
"'If that's so,' ses I, 'I'll be outside your door with my ear to
the keyhole at quarter to five, so that I can't miss the first note
to break the silence and tell us that day is come.'
"'And herself is going to stay up all night, lest she might miss even
the flutter of his wings, when he wakes from his sleep,' ses Lareen.
"Well, when the morrow came, I was at Lareen's door at the peep o'
day, listening to the sweetest music that was ever heard in town or
city, in lonely glen or by the cobbled seashore when the storm does be
raging and huge breakers dash themselves to pieces on the treacherous
rocks. Wonderful indeed was the song of the linnet with the crown of
gold, and musicians came from all parts of the world to hear him,
and all listened with great attention and took down in a book each
note as he uttered it. And when they returned home, they made operas,
oratorios, and symphonies from the melodies they heard in Lareen's
kitchen. And selections were made for the violin, 'cello, and organ,
and played at classical concerts where the well-fed fashionable people,
who have no more love for art or music than a tinker's donkey, pay for
being bored to death. And thus it was that the fame of Lareen's linnet
grew until the King of Spain heard all about him, and immediately he
sailed away from the shores of his native country with more money in
his pocket than all the kings of Europe could earn in ten thousand
years. And when, after a weary journey, he found himself seated by
the fire talking to Lareen, all of a sudden he up and ses: 'Lareen,'
ses he, 'I'll give you a golden guinea for every mistake you have
made since you came to the use of reason, if you will give me the
linnet with the crown of gold,' ses he.
"'And did you accept his offer?' ses I.
"'No, I did not,' ses he.
"'You damn fool,' ses I. 'Sure, if you only got a half sovereign inself
for every mistake you made since you were born, you would have been
made a millionaire on the spot.'
"'And how do you know I have made so many mistakes?' ses he.
"'Why, you omadhaun,' ses I, 'don't you know as yet that nearly
everything we do is some kind of a mistake or other, but we don't
know it until we are told so by some one else?'
"'I do not,' ses he. 'And I am just as well pleased that I don't.'
"'And what did the king say when he heard your refusal?' ses I.
"He took out his handkerchief and began to cry, and then ses he:
'I will give you your choice of a wife, and I will give you your
own way as long as you can stand it, if you will give me the linnet,
and I will make you a Knight of the Spade and Turnip besides.'
"'Thank you kindly,' ses Lareen. 'But, not for all the women that
ever made fools of their husbands would I part with the linnet with
the crown of gold.'
"So the king sailed away that night with sadness in his heart and tears
in his eyes, and 'twas said that he was never heard whistling anything
till the day he died but the song of the linnet with the crown of gold.
"And then the King of Prussia came and ses to Lareen: 'There's going to
be a great war one day,' ses he, 'and if you will give me the linnet
with the golden crown, I will give you half of France, the whole of
Belgium, and maybe the Tower of London as well, when the war is over.'
"'Don't count your chickens before they are hatched,' ses Lareen,
'and remember the gentleman who went to live on St. Helena after the
battle of Waterloo.'
"'Oh, the spalpeen!' ses he. 'He was bound to be caught anyway,
because he overestimated his own importance.'
"'Just like a good many more people who don't know it,' ses Lareen.
"'So you won't give me the linnet?' ses the king.
"'No,' ses Lareen. And with that the king shook his head and went
his way.
"The next to come was the King of Japan. And he up and ses: 'There's
going to be great ructions on the other side of the Atlantic another
day, and if you will give me the linnet with the golden crown, I will
give you your choice of New York or Boston when the war is over.'
"'And how are you going to land an army, might I ask?' ses Lareen.
"'With the aid of the navy,' ses the king, with a smile.
"'Bedad, I wonder if that ever occurred to America,' ses Lareen.
"'I don't know, and what's more, I don't care,' ses the king.
"'There's too much old talk about peace, I'm thinking,' ses Lareen.
"'That's so,' ses the king. 'And talk by itself never did
anything. Why, man alive, there is no such thing as peace in the
world. The very people who advocate peace are always at cross-purposes
with some one else. Sure every thing that's alive fights, from the fish
in the sea to the birds of the air, and those who are not prepared
always gets the worst of it. A man with a gun is better than a man
with a blackthorn stick in his fist at any time, even though he might
be an Irishman inself,' ses he.
"'And a small dog often leathered the devil out of a large dog when
he caught him unawares,' ses Lareen.
"'Now you're talking sense,' ses the King. 'And 'tis only after a
fight that you can tell who is the better man. Life itself is a fight
from beginning to end, and when we cease fighting, well,' ses he,
'that's the end of us. But be all that as it may, what about giving
me the linnet?'
"'I wouldn't part with him,' ses Lareen, 'for all the money in
the world.'
"'Well,' ses the King, ''tis a great pity that you don't know you are
so foolish.' And with that he put on his hat, curled his moustache,
and walked out the door.
"And every day brought some mighty monarch or other to Lareen's
cottage, and each and every one tried their very best to persuade
him to part with the linnet, but they all went as they came, because
Lareen was determined that he would never part with him until the
day of his death."
"And what happened in the end?" said Padna.
"One day, after the King of the Ballyallen Islands came and offered
all his wealth and possessions for the loan of the linnet to entertain
some of his wife's people at the Royal Palace during the Christmas
holidays, a large grey cat from the police sergeant's house across the
road tumbled the cage from the wall, opened the door, and golloped up
the linnet, with less ceremony than if he was a mouse or a cockroach."
"And what happened then?"
"Lareen killed the cat and made a fur cap with its skin and sent it
to the Czar of Russia to remind him to be kind to the poor musicians,
because there's nothing finer in the country than its music, except
its literature, of course," said Micus.
"Lareen was a fool not to sell the linnet when he got the first good
offer. Any man who leaves opportunity slip between his fingers, so
to speak, is a fool, and the man who doesn't know what he likes is
the greatest fool of all. 'Pon my word, I don't know what to think
of half the people I hear about," said Padna.
"Neither do I, but while the song of a bird and a sense of duty means
more for some than either money or glory, there's hope for the world,"
said Micus.
"Bedad, I don't doubt but there is," said Padna.