“The voice which I did more esteem
Than music on her sweetest key;
Those eyes which unto me did seem
More comfortable than the day;
Those now by me, as they have been,
Shall never more be heard or seen;
But what I once enjoyed in them,
Shall seem hereafter as a dream.
“All earthly comforts vanish thus;
So little hold of them have we;
That we from them, or they from us,
May in a moment ravished be.
Yet we are neither just nor wise
If present mercies we despise,
Or mind not how these may be made
A thankful use of what we had.”
--Wither.
“Up springs at every step to claim a tear
Some youthful friendship form'd and cherish'd here.”
--Rogers.
“Time flies away fast!
The while we never remember--
How soon our life here
Grows old with the year
That dies with the next December.”
--Herrick.
AS I was undressing that night Coleman came into my room, and grasping
my hand with his own shook it warmly, saying: “I could not go to sleep,
Frank, without coming to thank you for the noble way in which you risked
your own life to save mine to-day. I laughed it off before Lawless and
the rest of the fellows, for when I feel deeply, I hate to show it; but
indeed,” (and the tears stood in his eyes while he spoke), “indeed I am
not ungrateful.”
“My dear Freddy,” returned I, “do not suppose I thought you so for a
moment; there, say no more about it; you would have done the same thing
for me that I did for you, had our positions been reversed.”
“I am not so sure of that,” was his reply; “I should have wished to
do so; but it is not every one who can act with such promptitude and
decision in moments of danger.”
~107~~“There is one request I should like to make,” said I.
“What is it?” replied he quickly.
“Do not forget to thank Him, whose instrument I was, for having so
mercifully preserved your life.”
A silent pressure of the hand was the only answer, and we parted for the
night.
Owing, probably, to over-fatigue, it was some little time before I went
to sleep. As I lay courting the fickle goddess (or god as the case may
be, for, mythologically speaking, I believe Somnus was a _he_), I
could not help contrasting my present feelings with those which I had
experienced on the first night of my arrival. Then, overcome by the
novelty of my situation, filled with a lively dread of my tutor, bullied
and despised by my companions, and separated for what I deemed an
interminable period from all who were dear to me, my position was far
from an enviable one.. Now, how different was the aspect of affairs!
With my tutor, who, from an object of dread, had become one of esteem
and affection, I had every reason to believe myself a favourite; I was
on terms of the closest friendship with those of my companions whose
intimacy was best worth cultivating; while with the others I had
gained a standing which would effectually prevent their ever venturing
seriously to annoy me; and, above all, I had acquired that degree of
self-confidence, without which one is alike impotent to choose the good
or to refuse the evil. And it was with an honest pride that I reflected,
that this improvement in my position was mainly owing to a steady
adherence to those principles, which it had been the constant aim of my
dear parents to instil into me from my childhood. I fell asleep at last,
endeavouring to picture to myself the delight of relating my adventures
on my return home; how my mother and sister would shudder over the
dangers I had escaped, while my father would applaud the spirit which
had carried me through them. The vision was a bright and happy one:
would it ever be realised?
To our surprise, we learned the next morning that Dr. Mildman had
arrived by the last coach the previous evening, having fortunately met
with Cumberland's uncle at his house of business in town, and delivered
his nephew into his safe custody without further loss of time. The
breakfast passed over without the Doctor making any inquiry how we had
amused ourselves during his absence, nor, as may easily be believed,
did we volunteer information on the subject. On returning to the pupils'
room I found a letter, in my sister's handwriting, lying ~108~~on the
table. With a feeling of dread for which I could not account, I hastened
to peruse it. Alas! the contents only served to realise my worst
apprehensions. My father's illness had suddenly assumed a most alarming
character, inflammation having attacked the lungs with such violence
that the most active measures had failed to subdue it, and the
physician, whom my mother had summoned on the first appearance of
danger, scarcely held out the slightest hope of his recovery. Under
these circumstances my mother wished me to return home without loss of
time, as my father, before he became delirious, had desired that I might
be sent for, expressing himself most anxious to see me; and the letter
concluded with a line in my mother's handwriting, exhorting me to make
every exertion to reach home without delay, if I wished to find him
alive. For a minute or two I sat with the letter still open in my hand,
as if stunned by the intelligence I had received; then, recollecting
that every instant was of importance, I sprang up, saying, “Where's Dr.
Mildman? I must see him directly.”
“My dear Frank, is anything the matter? you are not ill?” inquired
Oaklands anxiously.
“You have received some bad news, I am afraid,” said Coleman.
“My father is very ill, dying perhaps,” replied I, while the tears,
which I in vain endeavoured to restrain, trickled down my cheeks. After
giving way to my feelings for a minute or two, the necessity for action
again flashed across me.
“What time is it now?” inquired I, drying my eyes.
“Just ten,” replied Oaklands, looking at his watch.
“There is a coach which starts at the half-hour, is there not?”
“Yes, the Highflyer, the best drag on the road,” returned Lawless;
“takes you to town in five hours, and does the thing well too.”
“I must go by that then,” replied I.
“What can I do to help you?” asked Coleman.
“If you would put a few things into my bag for me, while I speak to the
Doctor,” rejoined I.
“I will go and get a fly for you,” said Lawless, “and then I can pick
out a nag that will move his pins a bit; that will save you ten minutes,
and you have no time to lose.”
On acquainting Dr. Mildman with the sad intelligence I had received,
and the necessity which existed for me to depart immediately, he at once
gave me his permission 109~~to do so; and, after speaking kindly to
me, and showing the deepest sympathy for my distress, said he would not
detain me longer, as I must have preparations to make, but should like
to see me the last thing before I started, and wish me good-bye.
I found, on reaching my own room, my carpet-bag already packed:
Coleman and Thomas (whose honest face wore an expression of genuine
commiseration) having exerted themselves to save me all trouble on that
head. Nothing, therefore, remained for me to do, but to take leave of
my fellow-pupils and Dr. Mildman. After shaking hands with Lawless and
Mullins (the former assuring me, as he did so, that I was certain not
to be late, for he had succeeded in securing a trap, with a very spicy
little nag in it, which would have me there in no time) I hastened to
take leave of my tutor. The kindhearted Doctor inquired whether I had
sufficient money for my journey, and, begging me to write him word how I
got home, shook me warmly by the hand, saying, as he did so, “God bless
you, my boy! I trust you may find your father better; but if this should
not be the case, remember whose hand it is inflicts the blow, and strive
to say, 'Thy will be done'. We shall have you among us again soon, I
hope; but should anything prevent your return, I wish you to know that I
am perfectly satisfied with the progress you have made in your studies;
and, in other respects, you have never given me a moment's uneasiness
since you first entered my house. Once more, good-bye; and remember, if
ever you should want a friend, you will find one in Samuel Mildman.”
The fly-horse proved itself deserving of Lawless's panegyric, and
I arrived at the coach-office in time to secure a seat outside the
Highflyer. After taking an affectionate leave of Oaklands and Coleman,
who had accompanied me, I ascended to my place; the coachman mounted his
box, exactly as the clock chimed the halfhour the horses sprang forward
with a bound, and ere ten minutes had elapsed Helmstone lay at least a
couple of miles behind us.
I accomplished my journey more quickly than I had deemed possible, and
had the melancholy satisfaction of reaching home in time to receive my
father's blessing. The powerful remedies to which they had been obliged
to have recourse had produced their effect; the inflammation was
subdued; but the struggle had been protracted too long, and his
constitution, already enfeebled by a life of constant labour and
self-denial, was unable to rally.
~110~~Having given me a solemn charge to cherish and protect my mother
and sister, he commended us all to the care of Him who is emphatically
termed “the God of the fatherless and widow”; and then, his only earthly
care being ended, he prepared to meet Death, as those alone can do to
whom “to die is gain”. When the last beam of the setting sun threw a
golden tint around the spire of the little village church those lips
which had so often breathed the words of prayer and praise within its
sacred walls were mute for ever, and the gentle spirit which animated
them had returned to God who gave it!
In regard to this portion of my career, but little more remains to
be told. My father's income being chiefly derived from his church
preferment, and his charities having been conducted on too liberal a
scale to allow of his laying by money, the funds which remained at my
mother's disposal after winding up his affairs, though enough to secure
us from actual poverty, were not sufficient to allow of my continuing an
inmate of an establishment so expensive as that of Dr. Mildman. On being
informed of this change of circumstances the Doctor wrote to my mother
in the kindest manner; speaking of me in terms of praise which I will
not repeat, and inquiring what were her future views in regard to
me; expressing his earnest desire to assist them to the utmost of his
ability. At the same time I received letters from Oaklands and Coleman
full of lamentations that I was not likely to return; and promising, in
the warmth of their hearts, that their respective fathers should
assist me in all ways, possible and impossible. Mr. Coleman, senior, in
particular, was to do most unheard-of things for me; indeed, Freddy more
than hinted that through his agency I might consider myself secure
of the Attorney-Generalship, with a speedy prospect of becoming Lord
Chancellor. I also found enclosed a very characteristic note from
Lawless, wherein he stated, that if I really was likely to be obliged
to earn my own living, he could put me up to a dodge, by which all
the disagreeables of having so to do might be avoided. This infallible
recipe proved to be a scheme for my turning stage-coachman! After citing
numerous examples of gentlemen who had done so (amongst whom the name
of a certain baronet stood forth in high pre-eminence), he wound up by
desiring me to give the scheme my serious attention, and, if I agreed
to it, to come and spend a month with him when he returned home at
midsummer; by the end of which time he would engage to turn me out as
finished a “Waggoner” as ever handled the ribbons.
~111~~To these letters I despatched suitable replies, thanking the
writers for their kindness, but refusing to avail myself of their
offers, at all events for the present; and I finished by expressing a
hope, that, be my fate in life what it might, I should still preserve
the regard and esteem of the friends whose affection I prized so highly.
For some months after my father's death I continued to live at the
rectory; Mr. Dalton, the new incumbent, who had been his curate, and was
unmarried, kindly allowing my mother to remain there till her plans for
the future should be so far arranged as to enable her to determine in
what part of the country it would be advisable for her to reside. It had
been my father's wish and intention, when I should have attained a fit
age, to send me to one of the universities: a wish my mother was most
anxious to carry into effect. In order to accomplish this wish with her
reduced means, it would have been necessary for her, not only to have
practised the strictest economy, but also, in great measure, to have
sacrificed my sister's education, as she would have been utterly unable
to afford the advantage of masters. To this, of course, I would not
consent; after much discussion, therefore, the idea of college was
reluctantly given up, and, as a last resource, my mother applied to an
uncle of hers, engaged in the West India trade, begging him to endeavour
to procure for me a clerkship in some mercantile establishment. She
received a very kind reply, saying that, although he considered me too
young at present to be chained to a desk, he should advise me to apply
myself diligently to the study of French and book-keeping; and ending
by offering me a situation in his own counting-house when I should
be eighteen. As my only alternative lay between accepting this offer
(however little suited to my taste), or remaining a burden upon my
mother, it may easily be imagined that I lost no time in signifying my
desire to avail myself of his kindness; and, ere a couple of months had
elapsed, I had plunged deeply into the mysteries of book-keeping, and
could jabber French with tolerable fluency. I was still working away at
“Double Entry,” and other horrors of a like nature, when one morning I
received a large business-like letter, in an unknown hand, the contents
of which astonished me not a little, as well they might; for they proved
to be of a nature once more entirely to change my prospects in life. The
epistle came from Messrs. Coutts, the bankers, and stated that they
were commissioned to pay me the sum of four hundred pounds per annum,
in quarterly payments, for the purpose ~112~~of defraying my expenses at
college; the only stipulations being, that the money should be used for
the purpose specified, that I did not contract any debts whatsoever,
and that I made no inquiries, direct or indirect, as to the source
from which the sum proceeded. In the event of my complying with these
conditions, the same allowance was to be continued to me till I should
have taken my degree.
The immediate consequence of this most unexpected communication was, our
devoting the greater part of a morning to vain speculations as to the
possible source from which this liberal offer might have proceeded.
After guessing every one we could think of, likely or unlikely, we
ended, as is usual in such cases, by becoming decidedly more puzzled
than when we began. The only person with whom I was acquainted,
possessing both the will and the power to do such a thing, was Sir John
Oaklands; but he had already, in the kindest manner, tried to persuade
my mother to allow me to accompany Harry to Trinity College, Cambridge,
begging to be permitted to defray the expenses of my so doing himself;
an offer which she (not choosing to place herself under so heavy an
obligation to a comparative stranger) had, with many expressions of
gratitude, declined. After consulting with our friend Mr. Dalton, it was
decided that I should signify to Messrs. Coutts my readiness to comply
with the required conditions, begging them to convey my best thanks to
my mysterious benefactor, and to inform him that it was my intention
(subject to his approval) to enter my name at Trinity without loss of
time. In answer to this I received the following laconic epistle:--
“Messrs. Coutts beg to inform Mr. Frank Fairlegh, that, in reply to his
favour of the 21st ult., they are desired to state, that the sum of
four hundred pounds per annum will be placed at his disposal whenever he
applies for it”.
I now resumed my studies under the superintendence of Mr. Dalton, who
had taken a good degree at Cambridge; and, alike delighted at my escape
from the counting-house, and anxious to do credit to my benefactor's
liberality, I determined to make the best use of my time, and worked
_con amore_. In this manner the next year and a half passed away
without anything worthy of remark occurring. I was happy to perceive
a ~113~~gradual improvement taking place in my mother's health and
spirits, while Fanny was developing into a very pretty and agreeable
girl.
Towards the expiration of this period Mr. Dalton saw fit to take unto
himself a wife, a circumstance which induced my mother to accept the
offer of a cottage belonging to Sir John Oaklands, which was suited to
her limited means. It was situated within the park gates, about a
mile from Heathfield Hall, and, though small, appeared well-built, and
exceedingly pretty.
This was an arrangement of which I highly approved, as it enabled me
to renew my intercourse with Harry, who, having left Dr. Mildman's,
was spending a few months at home with his father previous to his
matriculation at Trinity. I found him but little altered in any respect,
save that he had become more manly-looking. For the rest, he was just as
good-tempered, kind-hearted, and, alas! indolent as ever. He informed
me that Lawless also was going to Cambridge, and that Coleman, when
he learned what a party of us there would be, had been most anxious to
accompany us; but his father, unfortunately, did not approve, and he was
now articled to a solicitor, with a view to his succeeding eventually to
his father's practice.
Time rolled on, and another three months beheld us duly installed in our
rooms at Trinity, and dividing our time between reading (more or less,
in accordance with our various idiosyncrasies), boating on the Cam,
billiard-playing at Chesterton, _et hoc genus omne_.
Of the details of my college life I shall say but little, a piece of
forbearance for which I consider myself entitled to the everlasting
gratitude of my readers, who, if they have not had their curiosity
on that subject more than satisfied by the interminable narrations of
“Peter Priggins,” and his host of imitators, must indeed be insatiable.
Suffice it then to say, that, having from the first determined, if
possible, to obtain a good degree, I made a resolute stand against the
advances of Lawless (who, in consequence of his father's having, for
some reason best known to himself and the Premier, received a peerage,
had now become an “honourable”) and the “rowing set,” amongst whom, by a
sort of freemasonry of kindred souls, he had become enrolled
immediately on his arrival. After several fruitless attempts to shake my
determination, they pronounced me an incorrigible “sap,” and, leaving me
to my own devices, proceeded to try their powers upon Oaklands. They met
with but little ~114~~success in this quarter, however; not that with
him they had any indomitable love of study to contend with, but that
“all that sort of thing was too much trouble; he really didn't believe
there was a single fellow among the whole lot who had the slightest
appreciation of the _dolce far niente_”. When, however, they found out
that upon an emergency Harry could excel them all--whatever might be the
nature of the feat to be performed--and that I could cross a country,
pull an oar, or handle a bat with the best of them, they set us down
as a pair of eccentric geniuses, and as such admitted us to a kind of
honorary membership in their worshipful society; and thus, 'twixt
work and play, the first two years of my residence at Cambridge passed
happily enough.