A PATRIOT'S MANNERS AND MORALS
Manners are the happy way of doing things. . . . Give
a boy address and accomplishments, and you give him the
mastery of palaces and fortunes. . . . The moral
equalizes all; enriches, empowers all.--EMERSON.
A THOUGHTFUL writer upon American customs recently remarked, "The morals
of America are better than those of any other nation, but their manners
are the worst."
A certain mother once said, "I was always so fearful that my children
would become bad men and women that I devoted all my attention to making
them good. Then I was shocked to find, when they had grown up, that
though their morals were satisfactory their manners were not."
Perhaps most American mothers are like her. And that may be the reason
why we have the reputation of being the worst-mannered of all the
so-called "civilized" peoples.
Still, the outlook is encouraging. Observing critics have been heard to
say that the children now growing up, in spite of many exceptions, have
better manners than those who have preceded them. The public schools are
more careful regarding such matters than they used to be, and so are
parents. In fact, if it were not for our numerous importations from the
countries which most severely criticize us, our American manners, on the
whole, might be called pretty good.
Have you not noticed how many laboring men remove their hats when
apologizing to you, or offering a seat in a street-car? Or say, "Excuse
me?" when it is proper. Instead of staring at a cripple or a deformed
person, as people used almost invariably to do, in very many cases
lately it has been remarked that eyes have been politely turned away and
an effort apparently made to appear unconscious of the misfortune.
Parents are teaching their children to eat more gracefully. More hands
are neatly manicured. In fact, perhaps we are going almost too far in
this direction. In one of the "Country Contributor's" interesting
articles in the _Ladies' Home Journal_, she says, "Don't let anybody
tell you that a lady or gentleman must have nice hands. It isn't true."
She means, of course, that useful work, which often spoils the beauty of
the hands, must be considered far more important than the keeping of
them immaculate.
Quarrelsome and ill-bred children are still to be found among us, even
in pretty good families; but in spite of the large class always present,
who are chronic complainers of the decadence of the times,--a sure sign
of approaching senility,--it must be acknowledged that the manners of
the children one meets nowadays are better than those of the last
generation.
It would be a confession of the impotence of effort if this were not so.
Thousands of women's clubs and scores of women's periodicals have been
hammering at "the bringing up of children," for, lo, these many years.
Add to these, the thunderings of the pulpit and of the lecture-platform,
and we must admit that the best ways that we know of imparting
information and inspiration are useless, unless there has been within
the last quarter-century an improvement in the behavior of our children.
We must remember that civilization is a slow process, and one cannot
readily believe that, even in the millennium, there will not be some
silly mothers and some naughty children.
It is said that we behave better, so far as outward signs go, when we
wear our best clothes. Without fostering the love of dress, which is
likely to be fully developed without help, especially among our girls,
it cannot be too strongly impressed upon our children that they must
never appear before others without being neatly and properly dressed. A
principal of a famous Normal School used to instruct his students that
they must always dress as well as they could afford.
"It will have a good effect upon your pupils," he said, "and it will
help to establish the dignity of your profession."
One of the few compliments which foreign visitors generally paid us
(before the war) was that we were a well-dressed people.
Perhaps this has had more effect upon their estimation of us as a
nation than have some of our more solid virtues. Perhaps it is really a
sign of the possession of solid virtues.
But, again, it is example which counts more than precept in the case of
manners, as in everything else. If you wish your children to treat your
wife with respect, you must treat her so yourself. If you rise when she
enters the room; if you hasten to place a footstool for her; if you
apologize for passing in front of her; if you hasten to help her up and
down the rough places; then your children will do it. Otherwise, all of
her and your injunctions will have small influence. There are good
citizens and good soldiers who are uncouth and awkward in their manners,
but a graceful courtesy clothing the more substantial qualities will
give them far more weight in the community.
One impatient boy complained to his fastidious mother, who was bound to
make him a gentleman in manners, no matter what else he might become,
"Oh, mother, it is nothing but 'Thank you,' and 'I beg your pardon,' and
jumping up to give people your seat, from morning to night--and I get so
sick of it! When I grow up, I'm never going to say them or do them any
more!"
Courtly and polished manners are said to be impossible among the mass
of the people in a republic. Let us try to show the world that this is
false. Distinction of manner is not one of the great qualities of a
nation, but if we wish to impress upon a somewhat incredulous world the
glory and beauty of our institutions, we shall find the cultivation of
beautiful manners a great help.
Dr. Lyman Beecher once said, "What a pity that so many of our finest and
most self-sacrificing Christians have had rough manners! They have
robbed their example of half its force."
The current ambition that our nation should be courteous as well as
brave, is shown plainly in the questions which come by the hundred to
the "household departments" of our periodicals, especially from mothers
and young people. Points of good behavior and etiquette are expounded
there so fully and so often that there would seem to be no excuse for
any ignorance among us of the proper conduct in any situation.
The printed answers to these questions do not always commend themselves
to the judgment of the judicious; but, on the whole, they are
satisfactory, especially when we consider that opinions of just what
constitutes a lady or a gentleman have differed even among the best
authorities.
Thus, the old English social doctrine was that a gentleman is born, not
made, and that no amount of training could graft the gentleman on one of
humble lineage.
Our own Admiral Sampson used to say that "certain specific advantages
of training and education were needed to make a gentleman,"--implying
that gentlemanliness is an acquired art; and so the famous, but
profoundly immoral Chesterfield, would have defined it, though he
considered good blood essential also.
Steele, in the "Tatler," observed that the appellation of "gentleman" is
never to be affixed to a man's circumstances, but to his behavior in
them. Old Chaucer puts the matter thus: "He is gentil that doth gentil
dedes."
The outside likeness to a gentleman or lady amounts to little, unless
there is a kind heart behind it, for affectation and insincerity are in
themselves bad manners. Huxley expressed it well when he said:
"Thoughtfulness for others, generosity, modesty and self-respect are the
qualities which make a real gentleman or lady, as distinguished from the
veneered article which commonly goes by that name."
Thackeray gives the best definition of all, though his own manners were
harshly criticized by some of his contemporaries. It was, "to be a
gentleman is to be brave, to be honest, to be gentle, to be generous, to
be wise, and, possessing all these qualities, to exercise them in the
most graceful manner."
There are laws which forbid us to teach in our schools any particular
religion, but there are no laws, as has already been said in this book,
against the teaching of morals. Let us quote again Horace Mann's strong
words: "Morals should be systematically taught in our schools, and not
left for merely casual and occasional mention."
Few text-books in morals are as yet supplied in our public schools, and
little time is provided in the daily schedules for lectures upon them;
but one great avenue to their understanding and attainment is still
open. In many schools there is a story-telling hour at intervals, and,
as Miss McCracken and her co-laborers have proved, patriotism and every
other virtue can be deeply impressed upon the youthful mind by stories.
For instance, one of the most necessary qualities for the development
of a strong and noble personality is courage. Now courage is not merely
not being afraid, as Miss McCracken shows, and as many of the anecdotes
of the present war prove. It is going ahead and doing your duty, even
when you are afraid,--as almost every human being is, when exposed to
danger. Every one must have noticed, in reading the innumerable
war-stories in our books and periodicals, how many times the soldier
confesses, "My whole frame trembled and my heart was like water, but I
kept right on,"--and in several such cases we are told that some deed of
extraordinary bravery was done by the faltering but determined man,
which earned for him some medal or cross of merit.
To go forward, no matter how the body may rebel, is the great test of
courage. This advice is especially needed by our girls. Upon women and
girls have fallen many of the men's tasks in these days, and great moral
and physical courage is needed to meet them. Among the other inspiring
words of Robert Gair are some to fit these new circumstances.
"Most of you have more quality than you know," he said. "Do not fear to
put your ability to the test."
Governor Whitman of New York, in a recent address at Mount Holyoke
College, quoted these beautiful words of Phillips Brooks, "Do not pray
for easy lives. Pray to be stronger. Do not pray for tasks equal to your
powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks."
Our great task is to preserve this nation and its splendid ideals, so
sacredly handed down to us by martyr-heroes. Our children must be taught
that the task is great, whether peace or war befall us, but that God can
impart the wisdom and courage to perform it, and hand it down unimpaired
to their descendants.
Frederick the Great was brought up to be courageous, but his was
chiefly the courage of battle.
"Frederick the Great," said Mr. James W. Gerard, our late Ambassador to
Germany, in a recent address, "is the hero and model of Germany. His
example, coupled with the teaching of Germany's leading philosophers,
has built up that ideal of force and dominion which has been the undoing
of that great nation. This ideal must be entirely demolished before they
can ever resume that place in the brotherhood of nations, to which their
gifts and attainments entitle them."
As a model, Frederick the Great is repugnant to the soul of America.
We may not all be Christians, but the claim that we are a Christian
nation is justified by the fact that our ideals are the ideals of
Christianity,--of justice toward all, of the love of mercy, of equality
of opportunity for all, and of fraternity among men, of all races and
creeds. Peace is one of the grandest things on earth; but, as Dean
Howard Robbins reminds us, it is only a means to an end,--namely, this
end: the coming of the kingdom of God. If war is required for this end,
then we must for a time sacrifice peace.