JUDY'S SECRET.
Be strong to _hope_, oh, Heart!
Though day is bright,
The stars can only shine
In the dark night.
Be strong, oh, Heart of mine,
Look towards the light!
--ADELAIDE PROCTOR.
The next morning Judy was down specially early to breakfast.
Her cheeks were slightly more flushed than usual, and her eyes, to
anyone who watched them closely, had a determined, almost hard,
expression in them. Hilda, however, was too much occupied with her own
sad thoughts to take any special notice of the child.
"You look well, Judy," she said, giving a quick glance at her. "Now come
to breakfast, dear, I've a good deal to do afterward."
"Are you going out, Hilda?" asked Judy.
"No, I'm going to be busy all the morning over my accounts; they've got
into the most disgraceful muddle, and I want to put them straight. I
shall be in the drawing room, for I keep all my household books in the
davenport there. I mean to give you a holiday, Judy, but perhaps you
won't mind reading some of your history to yourself, and doing a few
sums this morning."
"Of course not," said Judy brightly. "Shall I make you some toast,
Hilda? This in the toast-rack is so soft and flabby--do let me, Hilda."
"If you like, dear, you may. It is lucky there is a fire, but I must
tell cook to discontinue them, the weather is getting so warm."
Judy was an adept at making toast, and it was an old fashion at the
Rectory that Hilda's toast should be made by her, on those blissful
red-letter days when the elder sister had tea with the little ones in
the nursery.
Judy wondered as she delicately browned that toast, and scorched her own
little cheeks, if Hilda would remember the old days, and the toast which
she used to make her; but Mrs. Quentyns seemed to be in a sort of brown
study that morning, and thanked the child absently when the crisp hot
toast was put on her plate.
"Jasper will be home quite early to-day, won't he, Hilda?" inquired
Judy.
"I don't know, Judy--yes, I suppose so."
"I'm sure he'll be home early," repeated Judy with confidence; "perhaps
he'll take you to the play to-night, and perhaps you'll be awfully
happy."
"Oh, don't talk about it, Judy," said Hilda, in a weary voice; "we must
all make up our minds to face the fact that there's a great deal _more_
than mere happiness in the world. What is happiness? It's only a small
part of life."
"I don't think it is going to be a small part of your life, Hilda; but
now I'm not going to idle you any more, for you want to get to your
accounts."
Judy ran out of the room. As she was going slowly upstairs, she paused
once to say softly to herself:
"It's all happening beautifully; I ought to be glad. Of course I am
glad. '_He that taketh not up his cross._' I'm glad that text keeps
running in my head, it makes me so nice and strong."
Susan was doing out Judy's room when the little girl ran into it. Judy
was fond of Susan, and Susan of her, and the girl stopped her work now
to listen to the child's eager words.
"Susan, do you think Mrs. Quentyns would let you come out with me for a
little this morning, for about an hour or an hour and a half?"
"Well, miss," said Susan, "it aint Monday, which is the day to get ready
for the laundry, nor yet Wednesday, when I turns out the drawing room,
nor Friday, which is silver day--there's nothing special for Thursday; I
should think I could go with you, Miss Judy, and it will be a treat to
take you about. Is it Mme. Tussand's you has a hankerin' for, Miss?"
"No, no, Susan, I'm not going to any exhibition; it's a secret--I'll
tell you when we're out."
"The Dore Gallery, perhaps?" suggested Susan.
"No, it's nothing of that sort; I'll tell you when we're out."
"Very well, miss, I'm proud to be at your service whatever it is."
"I'll run down now and ask my sister if you may come with me, Susan."
Judy threw her arms round Hilda as she was coming up from the kitchen
premises.
"Hilda, the day is so fine!"
"No, Judy, you mustn't tempt me to go out. I really have to get those
accounts straight, they quite weigh on my mind."
"So you shall, Hilda darling; but I was wondering if after I've read my
history and done my sums, and a little bit of writing I want to get
through, if you'd let Susan--if you'd let Susan take me out."
"Susan!" repeated Hilda, "but I can go with you myself this afternoon."
"I know, only I do so want a run on this fine morning, and Susan says
it's not laundry day, nor drawing-room day, nor silver day; it's
Thursday, which is nothing special; she can come, may she, Hilda?--do
say yes."
"It's not like you, Judy," said Hilda, "to be in this impatient state. I
would rather you did not propose plans to the servants without first
consulting me, darling, it rather puts them out of their place; but as
you have done it, and as you are the best of dear little girls, I
suppose I must say 'yes' on this occasion. If Susan hurries with her
work, she may take you out: but of course you won't be very long, will
you?"
To this question Judy made no reply. She gave Hilda a tight clasp and a
fierce kiss, and rushed away.
"Susan, you're to hurry with your work, for you may come," she shouted,
almost boisterously, to the parlor-maid, and then she ran down to the
dining room and shut the door behind her.
"It's happening beautifully," she murmured again; "how lucky that I
never spent godmother's sovereign. And now to write my letter to Hilda.
I'm not going to waste my time crying, there'll be time enough for that
by and by--that's if I want to cry, perhaps I shan't. When I think of
how very happy Hilda will be, perhaps my heart will sing. But now for
the letter--Hilda mustn't find it too soon; I'll put it under her
pin-cushion, then perhaps she won't see it for some hours after I've
gone, but now I must write it."
Judy took out her own little blotting-book, placed a sheet of paper
before her, and began laboriously, with little fingers which rapidly got
ink-stained, to put a few words on the paper.
"DARLING HILDA,
"You'll be s'prised when you get this. I'm going home. I'm quite
well now, and I'm not going to fret, but I'm going to be
_really_ happy. Good-by, Hilda; I love you awfully.
"Your
"JUDY."
This little note was put into an envelope, and sealed with some precious
red wax, and before she left the house Judy found an opportunity to put
it under Hilda's pin-cushion.
"It doesn't tell her a bit what I think, nor what I feel," murmured the
poor child. "But it's best for her just to suppose that I _want_ to go
home. She'll be happy all the sooner if she thinks that."
Susan was rather elated at escaping housework, and at being allowed to
go out so early in the morning. She was especially fond of Judy, and
would do anything in the world for her. Now, therefore, principally on
Judy's account, but also in the hope that the baker might happen to see
her as she passed his shop, she put on her very smartest hat and her
very best jacket, and patiently waited in the front hall for Judy's
appearance.
Hilda came out of the drawing room to see the two as they went off.
"You had better take an omnibus, and get out at Kensington Gardens," she
said to the maid. "I shall expect you back in time to get lunch ready,
Susan. Judy pet, give me a kiss before you go."
Judy had lost her roses now, her face was pale, and there were dark
shadows under her big eyes. Her little voice, however, had a very stout,
determined tone about it.
"Good-by, Hilda," she said; "one kiss--two, three kisses, Hilda; it is
good of you to let us out,--and we are going to be so jolly. Good-by,
darling Hilda."
"Good-by, Judy," said Hilda.
She kissed the child, but in a pre-occupied manner--the cloud which
weighed on her heart was oppressing her, and dulling her usually keen
perceptions where Judy was concerned.
"It's all the better," thought the little girl, "it's easier to say
good-by when she's not extra loving."
Hilda went back to her accounts, and Judy and Susan walked down the
terrace, and turning the corner were lost to view.
They had gone on a little way, and Susan was about to hail a passing
omnibus, when Judy suddenly put her hand on the servant's arm.
"Susan," she said, "I am going to tell you the secret now. You'll be
_sure_ to keep it?"
"Well, of course, miss, I'll do my best--I hope I aint one of the
blabbing sort."
"I don't think you are, Susan--you look as if a person could trust you.
I'm going to trust you with a most important thing."
"Very well, miss--I'll be proud I'm sure; but hadn't we better stop that
'bus--there's the conductor looking at us."
"Does that 'bus go in the direction of Waterloo Station?" asked Judy.
"Waterloo--bless you, Miss Judy--I don't know whether it do or not. I
don't s'pose so for a quarter of a minute. Waterloo is miles from
here--that I do know. But it's nothing to us where Waterloo is, miss,
it's to Kensington Gardens we're going, and the 'bus has gone on now, so
there's no good our worrying ourselves about it. Another will pass us in
a minute. There are plenty half empty at this hour of the day."
"I wish you would stop talking, Susan, and let me explain what I mean,"
said Judy, almost fretfully. "It's to Waterloo I want to go, not to
Kensington Gardens. Do you hear me--do you understand what I'm saying?"
"I suppose you're joking me, Miss Judy. My missis said we were to go to
Kensington Gardens."
"Please, Susan, stop for a minute. I want to say something very
important. _I am going home._ That's the secret. I am going home to Aunt
Marjorie and to father, and my little sister Babs, and the way home is
by Waterloo, so I must get there. Now do you understand? That's the
secret--I am going home to-day."
Judy's face was so pale, and her words so intensely earnest, that Susan
saw at last that the secret was no joking matter, but something real and
hard to bear.
"Now I wonder what the little dear is up to," she said under her breath.
"You know, Miss Judy, pet," she replied aloud in as soothing a voice as
she could command, "that you don't really mean to run away like
that,--for it is running away to go back to your home, and never say a
word to Mrs. Quentyns, and she so wrapped up in you, and your room
furnished so prettily and all."
Judy had to gulp down a sob before she answered Susan.
"I didn't expect you to understand me," she said with a dignity which
made a deep impression on the maid. "I'm not running away, and I'm doing
right not wrong. You don't suppose it's always very pleasant to do
right, but sometimes one can't think about what's pleasant. I wouldn't
have asked you to help me at all, Susan, but I don't know how to get to
Waterloo Station. Of course I came from there with my sister, but I
didn't notice the road we took, nor anything about it. I know we were a
long time in a cab, so I suppose the station is a good way from Philippa
Terrace. What you have got to do now, Susan, is to obey me, and not to
ask any questions. I really know what I'm about, and I promise that you
shan't get into any trouble."
But to Judy's surprise Susan was firm.
"I won't have hand nor part in the matter," she said; "I was told to
take you to Kensington Gardens, miss, and it's there we've got to go,
or we'll turn round and go back to Philippa Terrace."
For a moment or two Judy felt afraid that all her plans were in
jeopardy. She might of course call a cab on her own account, and trust
the driver to take her safely to her destination; but brave as she was,
she had scarcely courage for this extreme step; besides, the driver of
the hansom might take it into his head to listen to Susan's strong
objections, and even if he did obey Judy, Susan would go back to
Philippa Terrace, and tell Hilda everything, and then Hilda would follow
Judy to Waterloo, and prevent her going home at all.
The strongest feeling in the child's mind was a desire to be safe back
in the Rectory before Hilda knew anything about her determination.
"Then she can't do anything," thought Judy. "She'll have nothing for it
but to make herself quite happy with Jasper again."
Suddenly an idea came to her.
"I won't argue with you any more, Susan," she said. "I suppose you
_think_ you are doing right, and if you do, of course I can't expect you
to act in any other way. If you knew everything that is in my heart, I
am quite sure you would help me; but as you don't, I must think of
something else. You know Mr. Rivers, don't you--the gentleman who dined
at Philippa Terrace two nights ago?"
"Yes, miss, of course."
"My sister and I took lunch with him yesterday," continued Judy. "He is
a very nice gentleman; he's a great friend of Mr. Quentyns."
"Oh, yes, miss, I'm aware," replied the maid.
"He lives in chambers," continued Judy. "I don't in the least know what
chambers means; but he asked me to go and see him some day and have
lunch with him. He wrote his address on a piece of paper and gave it to
me, and I have it in my purse. My sister said I might certainly lunch
with Mr. Rivers. Now, Susan, I intend to go to him to-day. So please
call a hansom, and I shall drive there at once. You can come or not as
you please. If you prefer it you can go home; but of course I'd rather
you came with me."
Susan deliberated. Certainly Miss Judy was in a very queer condition,
and it would be as much as her place was worth to take her to Waterloo;
but to drive with her to the chambers of that nice gentleman who was,
she knew, one of her master's greatest friends, seemed a shifting of
responsibility which was quite a way out of the dilemma, for not for
worlds would Susan do anything really to hurt the child's feelings.
"All right, miss," she said after a pause; "even that seems queer
enough, but Mr. Rivers can explain matters himself to my missis. Here's
a nice 'ansom with a steady horse. Stop, driver, please, stop! Draw up
here by the lamp-post. Now, miss, shall I get in first and give you a
hand?"
"No, Susan; I can get into a hansom without anyone helping me."
"Drive to No. 10 Johnson's Court, Lincoln's Inn Fields," said Judy, in a
clear voice to the man; and then she and Susan found themselves bowling
away farther and farther from West Kensington, from Judy's pretty
bedroom, from Hilda and her love.
In an incredibly short space of time they arrived at their destination;
the driver pulled up his horse at No. 10 Johnson's Court, with an
_esprit_ which Judy would have much admired had her thoughts been less
pre-occupied.
She jumped out with alacrity, declining Susan's assistance, and asked
the man what his fare was. He named a sum which Susan took into her head
to consider exorbitant, and which she loudly objected to Judy's paying;
but the little girl gave it without a moment's hesitation, and the next
instant was running up the stairs to Rivers' chambers.
What might have happened had that gentleman been out no one can say;
Judy's heroic impulse might after all have come to nothing, and Jasper
might still have had to complain of that three, which means trumpery,
invading his house; but it so happened that Rivers was in, and, busy man
that he was, comparatively disengaged. When Judy inquired for him he was
standing in his clerk's room, giving some directions. At the sound of
her voice he looked up, and with a start and smile of delight came
forward to welcome her.
"I am very glad to see you," he said; "how kind of you to remember your
promise."
Then, seeing by her face that Judy's poor little heart was very full, he
took her into his private room, and desired Susan to wait in the clerk's
room.
"Now, Jack the Giant Killer, what is it?" said Rivers; "what's the
matter?"
"I told you," said Judy; "I told you yesterday, that _perhaps_ I was
going to stop being a mutineer. Well, I have stopped. I thought you'd
like to know."
"So I do, Judy," said Rivers. "I am proud to be acquainted with a
little girl who has such immense control over herself. I should like to
hear how you have contrived to get out of the state of rebellion into
the state of submission. I know of course that you have been killing a
giant, but I am interested in the process."
"I'm killing the giant by going home," said Judy, standing very erect by
Rivers' table, and pushing back her shady hat from her white forehead.
"I am going home, back to Little Staunton Rectory. I see what you mean,
that it's better--better for Jasper and Hilda, to be without--without
_me_. I pretended not to understand you the other night, but I don't
pretend any longer now; and yesterday evening, when Hilda and I were all
alone, for Jasper had gone away down to Richmond, I--I made up my mind.
Hilda doesn't know anything about it."
"Sit down, Judy," said Rivers. "I cannot tell you how I respect you."
[Illustration: "I'D RATHER STAND, PLEASE." P. 222.]
"I'd rather stand, please," said Judy. "Hilda doesn't know," she
continued, "and she _mustn't_ know until I am safe back at Little
Staunton Rectory. Susan--you know Susan, she's Hilda's parlor-maid;
well, Susan came out with me this morning, and I coaxed her very hard to
take me to Waterloo, but she refused. I don't quite know how to get
there by myself, so now I want to know if you will take me?"
"Certainly I will," said Rivers. "What is more, I'll go with you to the
Rectory. I have nothing special to do to-day, and it will be quite a
pleasure to spend a little time in your company. Do you know anything
about the trains, and what is the name of the station we have to go to?"
Judy named the one nearest to the Rectory.
"You had better sit down for a moment," pursued Rivers. "I have an 'A B
C' here, so I can tell you in a moment which is the best train to take.
Now, what is the matter?"
"Only, Mr. Rivers, Hilda must not know anything--anything about it until
I am safe home. Can this be managed?"
"I have very little doubt that it can. I shall go out now and speak to
Susan and send her away. Thank you, Judy, for coming to me; I would do
anything for you, because you are brave, and I respect and admire all
brave people."