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_20 March, 1895._
My dear Lucie:
My letter will be short, for I do not wish to rend your soul; moreover,
my sufferings are yours.
I cannot do more than repeat what I said in the letter that I wrote to
you the 13th of this month. The more you hasten my rehabilitation the
more you will abridge my martyrdom.
I have done for you more than the deepest love can inspire. I have
endured the worst tortures to which a man of spirit can be subjected.
Now it is your turn to do the impossible, to restore to me my honor, if
you wish me to live.
My condition here is not yet definite; I am still in close confinement.
I will not speak to you of my material life, that is indifferent to me;
physical miseries are nothing, whatever they may be. I wish for but one
thing, and of that I dream night and day; with that my brain is always
haunted; it is that they shall give me back the honor that never failed
me.
As yet they have not given me the books that I brought; they are
awaiting orders.
Always send me the reviews by the first post. Then, my darling, if you
want me to live, have my honor given back to me as soon as possible; my
martyrdom cannot be borne indefinitely. I think that I ought to tell you
the truth rather than to calm you with deceitful illusions. We must look
the situation in the face. I have been persuaded to live only because
you have inculcated in my mind the conviction that innocence always
makes itself known. My innocence must be made manifest not only for my
sake, but for the children’s, for you all.
Embrace the darlings, embrace every one for me, and a thousand kisses
for yourself.