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_Thursday, 7 February, 1895._
My good Lucie:
On Sunday I received a package of fifteen letters all dated before
Sunday, January 27. Thank all the members of the family for their warm
affection, which I have never doubted. I am still without news of you
for more than ten days. To tell you my tortures is impossible.
To find myself thus confronted by soldiers whom yesterday I was so proud
to command, whom I am as worthy to command to-day, and who see in me the
lowest of wretches--oh, it is appalling! At the very thought my heart
stops its beating.
My story is too horrible, my brain can bear no more.
I have been able to resist thus far because my heart, honest and pure,
told me that it was my duty; that my innocence, so complete and so
absolute, must soon be made manifest; but this long-continued outrage is
heart-breaking.
I would rather have stood before the execution squad; at least then
there could have been no possible discussion, and you could afterward
have rehabilitated my memory.
But do not fear that I shall ever attempt to take my life. I have
promised you never to do it, and you know that I have but one word.
Therefore do not be anxious in regard to that. But how far will my
strength carry me, how long will my heart continue to beat in this
atmosphere of scorn, I, so proud of my stainless honor, I, so haughty,
that is what I cannot tell!
Ah, if there were nothing worse than bodily torture to be borne, if it
were only that I must suffer, waiting for the truth, I should be strong
enough to bear this appalling martyrdom. But to bear scorn, ... and for
so long, ... it is horrible!
I do not believe that there has ever been an innocent man who has
endured tortures to be compared to mine.
As for you, my poor and well-beloved wife, you must keep all your
courage and all your energy. It is in the name of our profound love that
I beg you to do this, for you must be there to wash away from my name
the stain with which it has been sullied. You must be there to bring up
our children to be brave and honorable. You must be there to tell them,
one day, what their father was--a brave and loyal soldier, crushed by an
appalling fatality.
Shall I have news of you to-day? When shall I be told that I may have
the pleasure and the joy of embracing you? Each day I hope it, and
nothing comes to lighten the burden of my horrible agony.
Courage, my darling, you need so much of it--so much! You all need it,
all of our two families. You have not the right to let yourself break
down, for you have a great mission to fulfill, no matter what may become
of me. Give them all my love; embrace our two poor darlings tenderly for
me, and receive for yourself the tenderest kisses of him who loves you
so dearly.