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_8 January, 1895._
My Darling:
They have given to me to-day your letters of Sunday, also those sent to
me by R., H. and A.
Thank them all. Give them news of me. Pray them to write to me, but tell
them that it is impossible for me to answer them all. Not that the time
is lacking, alas! but I cannot abuse the time and the kindness of the
director of the prison, who is obliged to read all my letters. I am
relatively strong in this sense: that I live by hope. But I feel that
this situation cannot be prolonged. I have, and this is easy to
understand, moments of violent revolt against the injustice of my fate.
It is truly terrible to suffer as I have suffered through these long
months for a crime of which I am innocent. My brain, after all these
shocks, has moments of wandering.
I hope to see Me. Demange this evening and to beg of him to take steps
with those who have the power to grant my prayer, so that they will,
under conditions which I shall indicate, arrange to have me sent into
exile with you, to wait until light is let in upon this crime. As to
this last, I have great hope. My efforts must eventually have their
reward. But I must have air, hard physical work, your dear society, to
steady my brain, which has been shaken by so many shocks. Great God, how
little I expected them!
Pray Me. Demange, who has obtained permission to see me, to come as soon
as he can, so that I may explain to him the favor asked by an innocent
man waiting until complete justice shall be done him.
You ask me also, my darling, what I do from morning until night. I do
not want to tell you all my sad reflections. Your grief is great enough,
and it is useless to add to it. What I have said above will tell you
what at this moment I desire, exile with you in the free air, while I
await my vindication.
As to the rest I will tell it all to you by and by, when we are together
again and happy.
I will confide one thing to you, however--in the moments of my deepest
sadness, in my moments of violent crisis, a star shines all at once,
lighting up my brain and beaming upon me. It is your image, my darling,
it is your adored image that I hope soon to behold face to face. And
with that before me I can wait patiently until they give me back that
which I hold dearest in this world--my honor, my honor that has never
failed me.
Embrace them all for me. Kisses to the darlings.