He hath as fine a hand at picking a pocket as a woman, and is as
nimble-fingered as a juggler. If an unlucky session does not cut the
rope of his life, I pronounce he will be a great man in history.
_Beggar's Opera_.
"It is an old proverb that `one half of the world do not know _how_ the
other half live.' Add to it, nor _where_ they live, and it will be as
true. There is a class of people, of whose existence the public are too
well aware; but of whose resorts, and manners, and customs, among their
own fraternity, they are quite as ignorant now as they were one hundred
years back. Like the Chinese and the castes of the East, they never
change their profession, but bequeath it from father to son, as an
entailed estate from which they are to derive their subsistence. The
class to which I refer, consists of those members of the community at
large, who gain their livelihood by inserting their hands into the
pockets of other people,--not but that all the world are doing the same
thing, and have, since the creation; but then it is only as _amateurs_--
the class that I refer to, do it _professionally_, which, you must
observe, makes a wide difference. From this class I am lineally
descended; and, at an early age, was duly initiated into all the
mysteries of my profession. I could filch a handkerchief as soon as I
was high enough to reach a pocket, and was declared to be a most
promising child.
"I must do my father and mother the justice to acknowledge, that while
they initiated me in the mysteries of my future profession, they did not
attempt to conceal that there were certain disagreeable penalties
attached to `greatness;' but, when prepared from our earliest years, we
look forward to our fate with resignation: and, as I was invariably
told, after my return from some daring feat, that my life would be a
short and a merry one, I was not dismayed at the words of my prophetic
mother, who observed, `Patrick, my boy, if you don't wish to bring my
grey hairs with sorrow to the grave, promise me to confine yourself to
picking pockets; you will then only be transported: but if you try your
hand at higher work, you'll be hung before you're twenty.' My father,
when I returned with a full assorted cargo, and emptied my pockets into
his hands, with as much rapidity as I had transferred the contents of
others into my own, used to look at me with a smile of pride and
satisfaction, and, shaking his head, would exclaim--`Pat, you'll
certainly be hung.'
"Accustomed, therefore, from my infancy, to consider twenty summers,
instead of threescore years and ten, as the allotted space of my
existence, I looked forward to my exit from this world, by the new drop,
with the same placidity as the nobleman awaits the time appointed for
the entrance of his body into the vault containing the dust of his
ancestors. At the age of eleven years, I considered myself a full-grown
man, dared all that man could do, and was a constant, but unwilling
attendant upon the police office, where my youth, and the promises of my
mother that I should be reformed, assisted by showers of tears on her
part, and by apparent ingenuousness on mine, frequently pleaded in my
favour with the prosecutors.
"I often lamented, when at that early age, that my want of education
prevented me from attempting the higher walks of our profession; but
this object of my ambition was gained at last. I had taken a
pocket-book from a worthy Quaker, and, unfortunately, was perceived by a
man at a shop window, who came out, collared, and delivered me into the
hands of the prim gentleman. Having first secured his property, he then
walked with me and a police officer to Bow-street. My innocent face,
and my tears, induced the old gentleman, who was a member of the
Philanthropic Society, not only not to prefer the charge against me, but
to send me to the institution at Blackfriars-road.
"I made rapid progress under their tuition, and after three years' close
application on my part, and continual inculcation, on the part of my
instructors, of the distinction between _meum_ and _tuum_, I was
considered not only a very clever boy, but a reformed character. The
Quaker gentleman, who had placed me in the institution, and who was
delighted with the successful results of his own penetration, selected
me as his servant, and took me home."
"Well, I'm glad you were so soon reformed," said Debriseau. "Where the
devil's my handkerchief?"
"Oh, I've not got it," answered McElvina, laughing. "But you are as
much mistaken now as the Quaker was at that time. A wild beast may be
tamed, and will remain so, provided he be not permitted again to taste
blood. Then all his ferocious propensities will reappear, and prove
that his education has been thrown away. So it was with me. At first,
I felt no desire to return to my old employment; and had not my master
trusted me too much, I might have remained honest. You often hear
masters exclaiming against the dishonesty of servants. I know it to be
a fact, that most of them have been made dishonest by the carelessness
of their employers, in having allowed temptations to lie in their way,
which were too strong to be resisted. My master used to send me up to
his bureau, for small sums which he required, out of a yellow canvas
bag, full of gold and silver. I am convinced that he frequently used to
give me the key, when in company with his friends, in order that, after
I had left the room, he might tell my history, and prove the beneficial
effects of the Society. One day the yellow bag and I both disappeared.
"I threw off the modest grey coat in which I was equipped, and soon
procured more fashionable attire. I looked in the glass, and scarcely
knew myself; I had, therefore, no fear of being recognised by my former
master. Not wishing to be idle, I hired myself out as tiger and valet
to a young nobleman, who was spending ten thousand pounds a year upon an
allowance of seven hundred. He was a complete _roue_, and I must
gratefully own that I learnt a great deal from him, independently of the
secret of tying my neckcloth correctly;--but we soon parted."
"How was that?" said Debriseau, knocking the ashes out of his pipe.
"Why, he had several diamond rings, and as he only wore two or three at
a time, I sported the others at our parties. A malicious fellow, who
was envious of the dash I cut, observed in my hearing that it was
impossible to tell real stones from good paste. I took the hint, and
one by one the diamonds vanished, and paste usurped their places.
Shortly after, the creditors, not being able to touch my master's money
or his person, seized his effects, and the diamond rings were almost the
only articles which escaped. My master, who always looked out for a
rainy day, had collected these rings as a sort of stand-by, to `raise
the wind' when required. By ill luck, he took them to the same jeweller
who had been employed by me to substitute the paste, and to whom I had
sold the real stones. He came home in a great rage, accused me of
dishonesty, and sent for a constable. I told him that I did not
consider his conduct to be that of a gentleman, and wished him good
morning. I had indeed intended to quit him, as he was _done up_, and
only waited his return to tell him so. I had moved my trunks,
accordingly, before he was out of bed. I believe a few of his suits,
and some of his linen, were put in with mine, in my extreme haste; but
then he owed me wages.
"When I wished his lordship good morning, I certainly imagined that I
had little more to learn; but I must acknowledge that I was mistaken. I
knew that there was a club established for servants out of place, and
had been a subscriber for two years,--as there were many advantages
arising from it, independently of economy. I was now a member by right,
which, as long as I was in place, I was not. To this club I repaired,
and I soon found that I, who fancied myself perfect, was but a _tyro_ in
the profession. It was a grand school certainly, and well organised.
We had our president, vice-president, auditors of accounts,
corresponding members, and our secretary. Our seal was a bunch of green
poplar rods, with `_Service is no inheritance_' as a motto.
"But not to weary you with a life of adventures which would fill
volumes, I shall merely state, that I was in place, out of place,
following up my profession in every way, with great credit among our
fraternity, until, one day, I found myself, after a tedious confinement
in Newgate, decorated with a yellow jacket, and pair of fetters, on
board of a vessel of three hundred tons burthen, bound to New South
Wales. We sailed for Sydney, where I had been recommended, by the
gentleman in a large wig, to remain seven years for change of air. The
same night that the vessel came into the cove, having more liberty than
the rest of my shipmates (from my good behaviour during the passage), I
evaded the sentry, and slipping down by the cable into the water, swam
to a ship lying near, which, I had been informed, was to sail on the
ensuing day for India.
"The captain being very short of hands, headed me up in a cask; and,
although the vessel was not permitted to sail until very strict search
had been made for me, I was not discovered, and it was supposed that I
had been drowned in making the attempt. Aware that it would not be good
for my health to return previously to the expiration of the seven years,
I determined to learn a new _profession_--that of a sailor, for which I
always had a predilection; besides, it quieted my conscience as to the
impropriety of not submitting to the just punishment of the law, as you
will acknowledge that seven years at sea, and seven years'
transportation, are one and the same thing. From Batavia I went to
Calcutta, and worked before the mast in the country vessels to Bombay
and the Persian Gulf, for four years, when I thought myself capable of
taking higher rank in the service, if I could get it; especially as I
had picked up sufficient navigation to be able to work the ship's
reckoning.
"At Calcutta, I obtained a situation as second mate of a fast-sailing
schooner employed in the smuggling of opium into China, and, after three
voyages, rose to the office of chief mate. Had I remained another
voyage I should have been captain of the vessel; but my seven years were
out, and I was anxious to return to England, and look the _Robin Red
Breasts_ boldly in the face. I had saved enough money to pay my
passage, and was determined to go home like a gentleman, if I had not
exactly gone out in that character. What little cash remained after my
passage was paid, I lost at play to an army officer, who was returning
in the same ship.
"When I landed at Portsmouth, I retained a suit of `long togs,' as we
call them, and, disposing of all the rest of my stock to the Jews, I
started for London. On my arrival I found that my father and mother
were both dead, and I was meditating upon my future course of _life_,
when an accident determined me. I picked up a pocket-book,"--(here
Captain Debriseau eyed him hard)--"I know what you mean, continued
McElvina, but it _was_ on the pavement, and not _in a pocket_, as you
would imply by your looks. It was full of slips and scraps of paper of
all sorts, which I did not take the trouble to read. The only available
articles it contained, were three one-pound notes. The owner's name and
address were written on the first blank leaf. I cannot tell what
possessed me, but I had an irresistible desire to be honest once in my
life, and the temptation to be otherwise not being very great, I took
the pocket-book to the address, and arrived at the house, just as the
old gentleman to whom it belonged was giving _directions_ to have it
advertised. He was in evident perturbation at his loss--and I came just
at the fortunate moment. He seized his book with rapture, examined all
the papers, and counted over the bills and notes.
"`Honesty is a scarce commodity, young man,' said he, as he passed the
leathern tongue of the book through the strap. `You have brought me my
book without waiting till a reward was offered. I desired my clerk to
offer twenty guineas in the advertisement--I will now give you a larger
sum.' He sat down, opened a cheque-book, and wrote me a draft on his
banker. It was for one hundred pounds! I was profuse in my
acknowledgments, while he replaced his book in his inside-pocket, and
buttoned up his coat. `Honesty is a scarce commodity, young man,'
repeated he; `call here to-morrow at one o'clock, and I will see if I
can be of any further service to you.'
"I returned to my lodgings in a very thoughtful mood. I was astonished
at the old man's generosity, and still more at my having honestly
obtained so large a sum. I went to bed, and reflected on what had
passed. The words of the old gentleman still rang in my ears--`Honesty
is a scarce commodity.' I communed with myself. Here have I been
nearly all my life, exercising all my talents, exerting all my energies
in dishonest practices, and when did I, even at the most successful hit,
obtain as much money as I have by an honest act? I recalled the many
days of anxious waiting that I had found necessary to accomplish a
scheme of fraud--the doubtful success--the necessity of satisfying my
associates--the inability of turning into ready money the articles
purloined until the hue and cry was over--the trifling sum which I was
obliged to take from the purchasers of stolen articles, who knew that I
was at their mercy--the destitute condition I occasionally was in--and
the life of constant anxiety that I had led. These reflections forced
the truth upon my mind, that there was more, in the end, to be gained by
honesty than by roguery.
"Once convinced, I determined to lead a new life, and from that moment I
assumed as my motto, `Honesty is the best policy.' Do you hear,
youngster?--`always be honest.'"