I saw young 'Arry with his billycock on,
Checked trousers on his thighs, with knob stick armed,
Climb from the ground like fat pig up a pole,
And flop with such sore toil into his saddle,
As though a bran-bag dropped down from the clouds,
To turn and wind a slow "Jerusalem,"
And shock the world with clumsy assmanship.
* * * * *
'ARRY'S LATEST CONUNDRUM.--Why is a title-page like charity?--Becos it
always begins a tome. (Begins at 'ome, don'tcher see!)
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Cockney Friend._ "Good 'evins! there's a pheasant!"
_Country Friend._ "Well, what of it?"
_Cockney._ "Why, it ain't the fust of Hoctober?"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Lady Visitor (at work-girls' club, giving some advice on
manners)._ "And you know ladies never speak to gentlemen without an
introduction."
_'Liza._ "We knows yer don't, miss, an' we offen pities yer!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: AN IDYLL
_Hemma._ "Oh, 'Arry, hain't this 'eavenly! You'll promise to give me 'am
sandwiches always, when we're married, won't yer?"
_'Arry._ "'Corse I will!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _First Workman._ "Why don't yer buy yer _own_ matches,
'stead of always cadgin' mine?"
_Second Workman._ "You're uncommon mean with yer matches. I'll just take
a few"--(_helps himself to two-thirds_)--"and be hinderpendent of yer!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: ERRAND BOYS
_First Boy._ "Where are yer goin' to, Bill?"
_Second Boy._ "I've got to go right over 'Ammersmith Bridge to Barnes,
then I'se got to go to Putney and back by Fulham Road, then to 'Igh
Street, Kensington."
_First Boy._ "Why, I've got to go to 'Igh Street. You go on. I'm in a
bit of a hurry, but _I'll wait for yer_!"]
* * * * *
MOST MUSICAL, MOST MELANCHOLY.--A Cockney gentleman who had been hearing
a concert of old music, where every piece that was performed was in the
programme termed an "op.," observed, as he went out, "Well, after all
these 'ops, I vote we have some malt."
* * * * *
COCKNEYISM IN THE COUNTRY.--_1st Cockney._ I say, what sort of a 'ouse
will do for a fowl-'ouse?
_2nd Cockney._ Lor' bless yer, _hen_-ny 'ouse.
* * * * *
CONUNDRUM FOR COCKNEYS.--Which has the greater amount of animal heat,
the beaver or the otter? Why, of course, the _otter_ of the two.
* * * * *