NEWS FROM HOME NOT VERY AGREEABLE, ALTHOUGH THE READER MAY LAUGH--WE
ARRIVE AT PORTSMOUTH, WHERE I FALL IN WITH MY OLD ACQUAINTANCE, MRS.
TROTTER--WE SAIL WITH A CONVOY FOR THE BALTIC.
I had written to my sister Ellen, giving her an account of all that had
passed, and mentioning the character of the captain, and his apparent
intimacy with my uncle. I received an answer from her, telling me that
she had discovered, from a very communicative old maiden lady, that
Captain Hawkins was an illegitimate son of my uncle, by a lady with whom
he had been acquainted, about the time that he was in the army. I
immediately conceived the truth, that my uncle had pointed me out to him
as an object of his vengeance, and that Captain Hawkins was too dutiful,
and too dependent a son, not to obey him. The state of my father was
more distressing than ever, but there was something very ludicrous in
his fancies. He had fancied himself a jackass, and had brayed for a
week, kicking the old nurse in the stomach, so as to double her up like
a hedgehog. He had taken it into his head that he was a pump; and with
one arm held out as a spout, he had obliged the poor old nurse to work
the other up and down for hours together. In fact, there was a string
of strange conceptions of this kind that had accumulated, so as to drive
my poor sister almost mad: and sometimes his ideas would be attended
with a very heavy expense, as he would send for architects, make
contracts, etcetera, for building, supposing himself to have come to the
title and property of his brother. This, being the basis of his
disease, occurred frequently. I wrote to poor Ellen, giving her my best
advice; and by this time the brig was again ready for sea, and we
expected to sail immediately. I did not forget to write to O'Brien, but
the distance between us was so great, that I knew I could not obtain his
answer, probably, for a year, and I felt a melancholy foreboding, how
much I required his advice.
Our orders were to proceed to Portsmouth, and join a convoy collected
there, bound up the Baltic, under the charge of the _Acasta_ frigate,
and two other vessels. We did not sail with any pleasure, or hopes of
gaining much in the way of prize-money. Our captain was enough to make
any ship a hell; and our ship's company were composed of a mutinous and
incorrigible set of scoundrels, with, of course, a few exceptions. How
different did the officers find the brig after losing such a captain as
O'Brien, and so fine a ship's company! But there was no help for it,
and all we had to do was to make the best of it, and hope for better
times. The cat was at work nearly every day, and I must acknowledge
that, generally speaking, it was deserved; although sometimes a report
from the sergeant of marines of any good man favoured by me, was certain
to be attended to. This system of receiving reports direct from an
inferior officer, instead of through me, as first lieutenant, became so
annoying, that I resolved, at all risk to expostulate. I soon had an
opportunity, for one morning the captain said to me, "Mr Simple, I
understand that you had a fire in the galley last night after hours."
"It's very true, sir, that I did order a stove to be lighted; but may I
inquire whether the first lieutenant has not a discretionary power in
that point? and further, how is it that I am reported to you by other
people? The discipline of this ship is carried on by me, under your
directions, and all reports ought to come through me; and I cannot
understand upon what grounds you permit them through any other channel."
"I command my own ship, sir, and shall do as I please in that respect.
When I have officers I can confide in, I shall, in all probability,
allow them to report to me."
"If there is anything in my conduct which has proved to you that I am
incapable, or not trustworthy, I would feel obliged to you, sir, if you
would, in the first place, point it out;--and, in the next, bring me to
a court-martial if I do not correct it."
"I am no court-martial man, sir," replied he, "but I am not to be
dictated to by an inferior officer, so you'll oblige me by holding your
tongue. The sergeant of marines, as master-at-arms, is bound to report
to me any deviation from the regulations I have laid down for the
discipline of the ship."
"Granted, sir; but that report, according to the custom of the service,
should come through the first lieutenant."
"I prefer it coming direct, sir;--it stands less chance of being
garbled."
"Thank you, Captain Hawkins, for the compliment."
The captain walked away without further reply, and shortly after went
down below. Swinburne ranged up alongside of me as soon as the captain
disappeared.
"Well, Mr Simple, so I hear we are bound to the Baltic. Why couldn't
they have ordered us to pick the convoy off Yarmouth, instead of coming
all the way to Portsmouth? We shall be in to-morrow, with this slant of
wind."
"I suppose the convoy are not yet collected, Swinburne; and you
recollect, there's no want of French privateers in the Channel."
"Very true, sir."
"When were you up the Baltic, Swinburne?"
"I was in the old _St. George_, a regular old ninety-eight; she sailed
just like a hay-stack, one mile ahead and three to leeward. Lord bless
you, Mr Simple, the Cattegat wasn't wide enough for her; but she was a
comfortable sort of vessel after all, excepting on a lee shore, so we
used always to give the land a wide berth, I recollect. By-the-bye, Mr
Simple, do you recollect how angry you were because I didn't peach at
Barbadoes, when the man _sucked the monkey_?"
"To be sure I do."
"Well, then, I didn't think it fair then, as I was one of them. But now
that I'm a bit of an officer, I'll just tell you that when we get to
Carlscrona, there's a method of _sucking the monkey_ there, which, as
first lieutenant, with such a queer sort of captain, it is just as well
that you should be up to. In the old _St. George_ we had seventy men
drunk one afternoon, and the first lieutenant couldn't find it out
nohow."
"Indeed, Swinburne, you must let me into that secret."
"So I will, Mr Simple. Don't you know there's a famous stuff for cuts
and wounds, called balsam?"
"What, Riga balsam?"
"Yes, that's it; well, all the boats will bring that for sale, as they
did to us in the old _St. George_. Devilish good stuff it is for
wounds, I believe; but it's not bad to drink, and it's very strong. We
used to take it _inwardly_, Mr Simple, and the first lieutenant never
guessed it."
"What! you all got tipsy upon Riga balsam?"
"All that could; so I just give you a hint."
"I'm much obliged to you, Swinburne; I certainly never should have
suspected it. I believe seamen would get drunk upon anything."
The next morning we anchored at Spithead, and found the convoy ready for
sea. The captain went on shore to report himself to the admiral, and,
as usual, the brig was surrounded with bum-boats and wherries, with
people who wished to come on board. As we were not known on the
Portsmouth station, and had no acquaintance with the people, all the
bum-boats were very anxious to supply the ship; and as this is at the
option of the first lieutenant, he is very much persecuted until he has
made his decision. Certificates of good conduct from other officers
were handed up the side from all of them: and I looked over the books at
the capstan. In the second book the name struck me; it was that of Mrs
Trotter, and I walked to the gangway, out of curiosity, to ascertain
whether it was the same personage who, when I was a youngster, had taken
such care of my shirts. As I looked at the boats, a voice cried out,
"Oh, Mr Simple, have you forgot your old friend? don't you recollect
Mrs Trotter?" I certainly did not recollect her; she had grown very
fat, and, although more advanced in years, was a better looking woman
than when I had first seen her, for she looked healthy and fresh.
"Indeed, I hardly did recollect you, Mrs Trotter."
"I've so much to tell you, Mr Simple," replied she, ordering the boat
to pull alongside; and as she was coming up, desired the man to get the
things in, as if permission was quite unnecessary. I did not
counter-order it, as I knew none of the others, and, as far as honesty
was concerned, believed them all to be much on a par. On the strength,
then, of old acquaintance, Mrs Trotter was admitted.
"Well, I'm sure, Mr Simple," cried Mrs Trotter, out of breath with
climbing up the brig's side; "what a man you've grown,--and such a
handsome man, too! Dear, dear, it makes me feel quite old to look at
you, when I call to mind the little boy whom I had charge of in the
cockpit. Don't you think I look very old and ugly, Mr Simple?"
continued she, smiling and smirking.
"Indeed, Mrs Trotter, I think you wear very well. Pray how is your
husband?"
"Ah, Mr Simple, poor dear Mr Trotter--he's gone. Poor fellow, no what
with his drinking, and his love for me--and his jealousy--(do you
recollect how jealous he was, Mr Simple?)--he wore himself out at last.
No wonder, considering what he had been accustomed to, after keeping
his carriage and dogs with everybody, to be reduced to see his wife go a
_bumming_. It broke his heart, poor fellow! and, Mr Simple, I've been
much happier ever since, for I could not bear to see him fretting.
Lord, how jealous he was--and all about nothing! Don't you want some
fresh meat for the gun-room? I've a nice leg of mutton in the boat, and
some milk for tea."
"Recollect, Mrs Trotter, I shall not overlook your bringing spirits on
board."
"Lord, Mr Simple, how could you think of such a thing? It's very true
that these very common people do it, but the company I have kept, the
society I have been in, Mr Simple! Besides, you must recollect, that I
never drank anything but water."