Thus in a moment was this man thrown from the summit of affluence to the
lowest indigence. He had been habituated to independence and ease. This
reverse, therefore, was the harder to bear. His present situation was
much worse than at his father's death. Then he was sanguine with youth
and glowing with health. He possessed a fund on which he could commence
his operations. Materials were at hand, and nothing was wanted but skill
to use them. Now he had advanced in life. His frame was not exempt from
infirmity. He had so long reposed on the bosom of opulence, and enjoyed
the respect attendant on wealth, that he felt himself totally
incapacitated for a new station. His misfortune had not been foreseen.
It was embittered by the consciousness of his own imprudence, and by
recollecting that the serpent which had stung him was nurtured in his
own bosom.
It was not merely frugal fare and a humble dwelling to which he was
condemned. The evils to be dreaded were beggary and contempt. Luxury and
leisure were not merely denied him. He must bend all his efforts to
procure clothing and food, to preserve his family from nakedness and
famine. His spirit would not brook dependence. To live upon charity, or
to take advantage of the compassion of his friends, was a destiny far
worse than any other. To this therefore he would not consent. However
irksome and painful it might prove, he determined to procure hit bread
by the labour of his hands.
But to what scene or kind of employment should he betake himself? He
could not endure to exhibit this reverse of fortune on the same theatre
which had witnessed his prosperity. One of his first measures was to
remove from New York to Philadelphia. How should he employ himself in
his new abode? Painting, the art in which he was expert, would not
afford him the means of subsistence. Though no despicable musician, he
did not esteem himself qualified to be a teacher of this art. This
profession, besides, was treated by his new neighbours with general,
though unmerited contempt. There were few things on which he prided
himself more than on the facilities and elegances of his penmanship. He
was besides well acquainted with arithmetic and accounting. He concluded
therefore to offer his services, as a writer in a public office. This
employment demanded little bodily exertion. He had spent much of his
time at the book and the desk: his new occupation, therefore, was
further recommended by its resemblance to his ancient modes of life.
The first situation of this kind for which he applied he obtained. The
duties were constant, but not otherwise toilsome or arduous. The
emoluments were slender, but my contracting, within limits as narrow as
possible, his expenses, they could be made subservient to the mere
purposes of subsistence. He hired a small house in the suburbs of the
city. It consisted of a room above and below, and a kitchen. His wife,
daughter, and one girl, composed its inhabitants.
As long as his mind was occupied in projecting and executing these
arrangements, it was diverted from uneasy contemplations. When his life
became uniform, and day followed day in monotonous succession, and the
novelty of his employment had disappeared, his cheerfulness began
likewise to fade, and was succeeded by unconquerable melancholy. His
present condition was in every respect the contrast of his former. His
servitude was intolerable. He was associated with sordid hirelings,
gross and uneducated, who treated his age with rude familiarity, and
insulted his ears with ribaldry and scurrilous jests. He was subject to
command, and had his portion of daily drudgery allotted to him, to be
performed for a pittance no more than would buy the bread which he daily
consumed. The task assigned him was technical and formal. He was
perpetually encumbered with the rubbish of law, and waded with laborious
steps through its endless tautologies, its impertinent circuities, its
lying assertions, and hateful artifices. Nothing occurred to relieve or
diversify the scene. It was one tedious round of scrawling and jargon; a
tissue made up of the shreds and remnants of barbarous antiquity,
polluted with the rust of ages, and patched by the stupidity of modern
workmen into new deformity.
When the day's task was finished, jaded spirits, and a body enfeebled by
reluctant application, were but little adapted to domestic enjoyments.
These indeed were incompatible with a temper like his, to whom the
privation of the comforts that attended his former condition was
equivalent to the loss of life. These privations were still more painful
to his wife, and her death added one more calamity to those tinder which
he already groaned. He had always loved her with the tenderest
affection, and he justly regarded this evil as surpassing all his former
woes.
But his destiny seemed never weary of persecuting him. It was not enough
that he should fall a victim to the most atrocious arts, that he should
wear out his days in solitude and drudgery, that he should feel not only
the personal restraints and hardships attendant upon indigence, but the
keener pangs that result from negligence and contumely. He was
imperfectly recovered from the shock occasioned by the death of his
wife, when his sight was invaded by a cataract. Its progress was rapid,
and terminated in total blindness.
He was now disabled from pursuing his usual occupation. He was shot out
from the light of heaven, and debarred of every human comfort. Condemned
to eternal darkness, and worse than the helplessness of infancy, he was
dependant for the meanest offices on the kindness of others; and he who
had formerly abounded in the gifts of fortune, thought only of ending
his days in a gaol or an almshouse.
His situation however was alleviated by one circumstance. He had a
daughter whom I have formerly mentioned, as the only survivor of many
children. She was sixteen years of age when the storm of adversity fell
upon her father's house. It may be thought that one educated as she had
been, in the gratification of all her wishes, and at an age of timidity
and inexperience, would have been less fitted than her father for
encountering misfortune; and yet when the task of comforter fell upon
her her strength was not found wanting. Her fortitude was immediately
put to the test. This reverse did not only affect her obliquely, and
through the medium of her family, but directly, and in one way usually
very distressful to female feelings.
Her fortune and character had attracted many admirers. One of them had
some reason to flatter himself with success. Miss Dudley's notions had
little in common with those around her. She had learned to square her
conduct, in a considerable degree, not by the hasty impulses of
inclination, but by the dictates of truth. She yielded nothing to
caprice or passion. Not that she was perfectly exempt from intervals of
weakness, or from the necessity of painful struggles, but these
intervals were transient, and these struggles always successful. She was
no stranger to the pleadings of love from the lips of others, and in her
own bosom; but its tumults were brief, and speedily gave place to quiet
thoughts and steadfast purposes.
She had listened to the solicitations of one not unworthy in himself,
and amply recommended by the circumstances of family and fortune. He was
young, and therefore impetuous. Of the good that he sought, he was not
willing to delay the acquisition for a moment. She had been taught a
very different lesson. Marriage included vows of irrevocable affection
and obedience. It was a contract to endure for life. To form this
connection in extreme youth, before time had unfolded and modelled the
characters of the parties, was, in her opinion, a proof of pernicious
and opprobrious temerity. Not to perceive the propriety of delay in this
case, or to be regardless of the motives that would enjoin upon us a
deliberate procedure, furnished an unanswerable objection to any man's
pretensions. She was sensible, however, that this, like other mistakes,
was curable. If her arguments failed to remove it, time, it was likely,
would effect this purpose. If she rejected a matrimonial proposal for
the present, it was for reasons that might not preclude her future
acceptance of it.
Her scruples, in the present case, did not relate to the temper or
person, or understanding of her lover; but to his age, to the
imperfectness of their acquaintance, and to the want of that permanence
of character, which can flow only from the progress of time and
knowledge. These objections, which so rarely exist, were conclusive
with her. There was no danger of her relinquishing them in compliance
with the remonstrances of her parents and the solicitations of her
lover; though the one and the other were urged with all the force of
authority and insinuation. The prescriptions of duty were too clear to
allow her to hesitate and waver; but the consciousness of rectitude
could not secure her from temporary vexations.
Her parents were blemished with some of the frailties of that character.
They held themselves entitled to prescribe in this article, but they
forbore to exert their power. They condescended to persuade, but it was
manifest that they regarded their own conduct as a relaxation of right;
and had not the lever's importunities suddenly ceased, it is not
possible to tell how far the happiness of Miss Dudley might have been
endangered. The misfortunes of her father were no sooner publicly
known, than the youth forbore his visits, and embarked on a voyage which
he had long projected, but which had been hitherto delayed by a superior
regard to the interests of his passion.
It must be allowed that the lady had not foreseen this event. She had
exercised her judgment upon his character, and had not been deceived.
Before this desertion, had it been clearly stated to her apprehension,
she would have readily admitted it to be probable. She knew the
fascination of wealth, and the delusiveness of self-confidence. She was
superior to the folly of supposing him exempt from sinister influences,
and deaf to the whispers of ambition; and yet the manner in which she
was affected by this event convinced her that her heart had a larger
share than her reason in dictating her expectations.
Yet it must not be supposed that she suffered any very acute distress on
this account. She was grieved less for her own sake than his. She had
no design of entering into marriage in less than seven years from this
period. Not a single hope, relative to her own condition, had been
frustrated. She had only been mistaken in her favourable conceptions of
another. He had exhibited less constancy and virtue than her heart had
taught her to expect.
With those opinions, she could devote herself with a single heart to the
alleviation of her parent's sorrows. This change in her condition she
treated lightly, and retained her cheerfulness unimpaired. This happened
because, in a rational estimate, and so far as it affected herself, the
misfortune was slight, and because her dejection would only tend to
augment the disconsolateness of her parents, while, on the other hand,
her serenity was calculated to infuse the same confidence into them. She
indulged herself in no fits of exclamation or moodiness. She listened
in silence to their invectives and laments, and seized every opportunity
that offered to inspire them with courage, to set before them the good
as well as the ill to which they were reserved, to suggest expedients
for improving their condition, and to soften the asperities of his new
mode of life, to her father, by every species of blandishment and
tenderness.
She refused no personal exertion to the common benefit. She incited her
father to diligence, as well by her example as by her exhortations;
suggested plans, and superintended or assisted in the execution of them.
The infirmities of sex and age vanished before the motives to courage
and activity, flowing from her new situation. When settled in his new
abode and profession, she began to deliberate what conduct was incumbent
on herself, how she might participate with her father the burden of the
common maintenance, and blunt the edge of this calamity by the resources
of a powerful and cultivated mind.
In the first place, she disposed of every superfluous garb and trinket
She reduced her wardrobe to the plainest and cheapest establishment. By
this means alone she supplied her father's necessities with a
considerable sum. Her music, and even her books were not spared,--not
from the slight esteem in which these were held by her, but because she
was thenceforth to become an economist of time as well as of money,
because musical instruments are not necessary to the practice of this
art in its highest perfection, and because books, when she could procure
leisure to read, or money to purchase them, might be obtained in a
cheaper and more commodious form, than those costly and splendid volumes
with which her father's munificence had formerly supplied her.
To make her expenses as limited as possible was her next care. For this
end she assumed the province of cook, the washing of house and clothes,
and the cleaning of furniture. Their house was small; the family
consisted of no more than four persons, and all formality and
expensiveness were studiously discarded; but her strength was unequal to
unavoidable tasks. A vigorous constitution could not supply the place of
laborious habits, and this part of her plan must have been changed for
one less frugal. The aid of a servant must have been hired, if it had
not been furnished by gratitude.
Some years before this misfortune, her mother had taken under her
protection a girl, the daughter of a poor woman, who subsisted by
labour, and who dying, left this child without friend or protector.
This girl possessed no very improvable capacity, and therefore could not
benefit by the benevolent exertions of her young mistress so much as the
latter desired; but her temper was artless and affectionate, and she
attached herself to Constantia with the most entire devotion. In this
change of fortune she would not consent to be separated; and Miss
Dudley, influenced by her affection for her Lucy, and reflecting that on
the whole it was most to her advantage to share with her at once her
kindness and her poverty, retained her as her companion. With this girl
she shared the domestic duties, scrupling not to divide with her the
meanest and most rugged, as well as the lightest offices.
This was not all. She in the next place considered whether her ability
extended no farther than to save. Could she not by the employment of her
hands increase the income as well as diminish the expense? Why should
she be precluded from all lucrative occupation? She soon came to a
resolution. She was mistress of her needle; and this skill she conceived
herself bound to employ for her own subsistence.
Clothing is one of the necessaries of human existence. The art of the
tailor is scarcely less use than that of the tiller of the ground! There
are few the gains of which are better merited, and less infurious to the
principles of human society. She resolved therefore to become a
workwoman, and to employ in this way the leisure she possessed from
household avocations. To this scheme she was obliged to reconcile not
only herself but her parents. The conquest of their prejudices was no
easy task, but her patience and skill finally succeeded, and she
procured needlework in sufficient quantity to enable her to enhance in
no trivial degree the common fund.
It is one thing barely to comply with the urgencies of the case, and to
do that which in necessitous circumstances is best. But to conform with
grace and cheerfulness, to yield no place to fruitless recriminations
and repinings, to contract the evils into as small a compass as
possible, and extract from our condition all possible good, is a task of
a different kind.
Mr. Dudley's situation required from him frugality and diligence. He was
regular and unintermitted in his application to his pen. He was frugal.
His slender income was administered agreeably to the maxims of his
daughter: but he was unhappy. He experienced in its full extent the
bitterness of disappointment.
He gave himself up for the most part to a listless melancholy. Sometimes
his impatience would produce effects less excusable, and conjure up an
accusing and irascible spirit. His wife, and even his daughter, he would
make the objects of peevish and absurd reproaches. These were moments
when her heart drooped indeed, and her tears could not be restrained
from flowing. These fits were transitory and rare, and when they had
passed, the father seldom failed to mingle tokens of contrition and
repentance with the tears of his daughter. Her arguments and soothings
were seldom disappointed of success. Her mother's disposition was soft
and pliant, but she could not accommodate herself to the necessity of
her husband's affairs. She was obliged to endure the want of some
indulgences, but she reserved to herself the liberty of complaining, and
to subdue this spirit in her was found utterly impracticable. She died a
victim to discontent.
This event deepened the gloom that shrouded the soul of her father, and
rendered the task of consolation still more difficult. She did not
despair. Her sweetness and patience was invincible by any thing that had
already happened, but her fortitude did not exceed the standard of
human nature. Evils now began to menace her, to which it is likely she
would have yielded, had not their approach been intercepted by an evil
of a different kind.
The pressure of grief is sometimes such as to prompt us to seek a refuge
in voluntary death. We must lay aside the burden which we cannot
sustain. If thought degenerate into a vehicle of pain, what remains but
to destroy that vehicle? For this end, death is the obvious, but not the
only, or morally speaking, the worst means. There is one method of
obtaining the bliss of forgetfulness, in comparison with which suicide
is innocent.
The strongest mind is swayed by circumstances. There is no firmness of
integrity, perhaps able to repel every species of temptation, which is
produced by the present constitution of human affairs, and yet
temptation is successful, chiefly by virtue of its gradual and
invisible approaches. We rush into danger, because we are not aware of
its existence, and have not therefore provided the means of safety, and
the daemon that seizes us is hourly reinforced by habit. Our opposition
grows fainter in proportion as our adversary acquires new strength, and
the man becomes enslaved by the most sordid vices, whose fall would, at
a former period, have been deemed impossible, or who would have been
imagined liable to any species of depravity, more than to this.
Mr. Dudley's education had entailed upon him many errors, yet who would
have supposed it possible for him to be enslaved by a depraved appetite;
to be enamoured of low debauchery, and to grasp at the happiness that
intoxication had to bestow? This was a mournful period in Constantia's
history. My feelings will not suffer me to dwell upon it. I cannot
describe the manner in which she was affected by the first symptoms of
this depravity, the struggles which she made to counteract this dreadful
infatuation, and the grief which she experienced from the repeated
miscarriage of her efforts. I will not detail her various expedients for
this end, the appeals which she made to his understanding, to his sense
of honour and dread of infamy, to the gratitude to which she was
entitled, and to the injunctions of parental duty. I will not detail his
fits of remorse, his fruitless penitence end continual relapses, nor
depict the heart-breaking scenes of uproar, and violence, and foul
disgrace that accompanied his paroxysms of drunkenness.
The only intellectual amusement which this lady allowed herself was
writing. She enjoyed one distant friend, with whom she maintained an
uninterrupted correspondence, and to whom she confided a circumstantial
and copious relation of all these particulars. That friend is the writer
of these memoirs. It is not impossible but that these letters may be
communicated to the world, at some future period. The picture which they
exhibit is hourly exemplified and realized, though in the many-coloured
scenes of human life none surpasses it in disastrousness and horror. My
eyes almost wept themselves dry over this part of her tale.
In this state of things Mr. Dudley's blindness might justly be
accounted, even in its immediate effects, a fortunate event. It
dissolved the spell by which he was bound, and which it is probable
would never have been otherwise broken. It restored him to himself, and
showed him, with a distinctness which made him shudder, the gulf to
which he was hastening. But nothing can compensate to the sufferers the
evils of blindness. It was the business of Constantia's life to
alleviate those sufferings, to cherish and console her father, and to
rescue him by the labour of her hands from dependence on public
charity. For this end, her industry and solicitude were never at rest.
She was able, by that industry, to provide him and herself with
necessaries. Their portion was scanty, and if it sometimes exceeded the
standard of their wants, not less frequently fell short of it. For all
her toils and disquietudes she esteemed herself fully compensated by the
smiles of her father. He indeed could seldom be prompted to smile, or to
suppress the dictates of that despair which flowed from his sense of
this new calamity, and the aggravations of hardship which his recent
insobrieties had occasioned to his daughter.
She purchased what books her scanty stock would allow, and borrowed
others. These she read to him when her engagements would permit. At
other times she was accustomed to solace herself with her own music. The
lute which her father had purchased in Italy, and which had been
disposed of among the rest of his effects, at public sale, had been
gratuitously restored to him by the purchaser, on condition of his
retaining it in his possession. His blindness and inoccupation now broke
the long silence to which this instrument had been condemned, and
afforded an accompaniment to the young lady's voice.
Her chief employment was conversation. She resorted to this as the best
means of breaking the monotony of the scene; but this purpose was not
only accomplished, but other benefits of the highest value accrued from
it. The habits of a painter eminently tended to vivify and make exact
her father's conceptions and delineations of visible objects. The sphere
of his youthful observation comprised more ingredients of the
picturesque than any other sphere. The most precious materials of the
moral history of mankind are derived from the revolutions of Italy.
Italian features and landscape constitute the chosen field of the
artists. No one had more carefully explored this field than Mr. Dudley.
His time, when abroad, had been divided between residence at Rome, and
excursions to Calabria and Tuscany. Few impressions were effaced from
his capacious register, and these were now rendered by his eloquence
nearly as conspicuous to his companion as to himself.
She was imbued with an ardent thirst of knowledge, and by the acuteness
of her remarks, and the judiciousness of her inquiries, reflected back
upon his understanding as much improvement as she received. These
efforts to render his calamity tolerable, and inure him to the profiting
by his own resources, were aided by time, and when reconciled by habit
to unrespited gloom, he was sometimes visited by gleams of cheerfulness,
and drew advantageous comparisons between his present and former
situation. A stillness, not unakin to happiness, frequently diffused
itself over their winter evenings. Constantia enjoyed in their full
extent the felicities of health and self approbation. The genius and
eloquence of her father, nourished by perpetual exercise, and undiverted
from its purpose by the intrusion of visible objects, frequently
afforded her a delight in comparison with which all other pleasures were
mean.