The moment after, I began to respire 20 quarts of unmingled nitrous
oxide. A thrilling extending from the chest to the extremities was
almost immediately produced. I felt a sense of tangible extension
highly pleasurable in every limb; my visible impressions were dazzling
and apparently magnified, I heard distinctly every sound in the room
of my situation.[219] By degrees as the pleasurable and was perfectly
aware sensations increased, I lost all connection with external things;
trains of vivid visible images rapidly passed through my mind and
were connected with words in such a manner, as to produce perceptions
perfectly novel. I existed in a world of newly connected and newly
modified ideas. I theorised; I imagined that I made discoveries.
When I was awakened from this semi-delirious trance by Dr. Kinglake,
who took the bag from my mouth, Indignation and pride were the first
feelings produced by the sight of the persons about me. My emotions
were enthusiastic and sublime; and for a minute I walked round the room
perfectly regardless of what was said to me. As I recovered my former
state of mind, I felt an inclination to communicate the discoveries
I had made during the experiment. I endeavoured to recall the ideas,
they were feeble and indistinct; one collection of terms, however,
presented itself: and with the most intense belief and prophetic
manner, I exclaimed to Dr. Kinglake, “_Nothing exists but thoughts!—the
universe is composed of impressions, ideas, pleasures and pains!_”
[219] In all these experiments after the first minute, my cheeks became
purple.
About three minutes and half only, had elapsed during this experiment,
though the time as measured by the relative vividness of the
recollected ideas, appeared to me much longer.
Not more than half of the nitrous oxide was consumed. After a minute,
before the thrilling of the extremities had disappeared, I breathed
the remainder. Similar sensations were again produced; I was quickly
thrown into the pleasurable trance, and continued in it longer than
before. For many minutes after the experiment, I experienced the
thrilling in the extremities, the exhilaration continued nearly two
hours. For a much longer time I experienced the mild enjoyment before
described connected with indolence; no depression or feebleness
followed. I ate my dinner with great appetite and found myself lively
and disposed to action immediately after. I passed the evening in
executing experiments. At night I found myself unusually cheerful and
active; and the hours between eleven and two, were spent in copying
the foregoing detail from the common-place book and in arranging the
experiments. In bed I enjoyed profound repose. When I awoke in the
morning, it was with consciousness of pleasurable existence, and this
consciousness more or less, continued through the day.
Since December, I have very often breathed nitrous oxide. My
susceptibility to its power is rather increased than diminished. I
find six quarts a full dose, and I am rarely able to respire it in any
quantity for more than two minutes and half.
The mode of its operation is somewhat altered. It is indeed very
different at different times.
I am scarcely ever excited into violent muscular action, the emotions
are generally much less intense and sublime than in the former
experiments, and not often connected with thrilling in the extremities.
When troubled with indigestion, I have been two or three times
unpleasantly affected after the excitement of the gas. Cardialgia,
eructations and unpleasant fulness of the head were produced.
I have often felt very great pleasure when breathing it alone, in
darkness and silence, occupied only by ideal existence. In two or three
instances when I have breathed it amidst noise, the sense of hearing
has been painfully affected even by moderate intensity of sound. The
light of the sun has sometimes been disagreeably dazzling. I have once
or twice felt an uneasy sense of tension in the cheeks and transient
pains in the teeth.
Whenever I have breathed the gas after excitement from moral or
physical causes, the delight has been often intense and sublime.
On May 5th, at night, after walking for an hour amidst the scenery of
the Avon, at this period rendered exquisitely beautiful by bright
moonshine; my mind being in a state of agreeable feeling, I respired
six quarts of newly prepared nitrous oxide.
The thrilling was very rapidly produced. The objects around me were
perfectly distinct, and the light of the candle not as usual dazzling.
The pleasurable sensation was at first local and perceived in the
lips and about the cheeks. It gradually however, diffused itself
over the whole body, and in the middle of the experiment was for a
moment so intense and pure as to absorb existence. At this moment, and
not before, I lost consciousness; it was however, quickly restored,
and I endeavoured to make a by-stander acquainted with the pleasure
I experienced by laughing and stamping. I had no vivid ideas. The
thrilling and the pleasurable feeling continued for many minutes;
I felt two hours afterwards, a slight recurrence of them, in the
intermediate state between sleeping and waking; and I had during
the whole of the night, vivid and agreeable dreams. I awoke in the
morning with the feeling of restless energy, or that desire of action
connected with no definite object, which I had often experienced in
the course of experiments in 1799.
I have two or three times since respired nitrous oxide under similar
circumstances; but never with equal pleasure.
During the last fortnight, I have breathed it very often; the effects
have been powerful and the sensations uncommon; but pleasurable only in
a slight degree.
I ought to have observed that a desire to breathe the gas is always
awakened in me by the sight of a person breathing, or even by that of
an air-bag or an airholder.
I have this day, June 5th, respired four large doses of gas. The
first two taken in the morning acted very powerfully; but produced
no thrilling or other pleasurable feelings. The effects of the third
breathed immediately after a hearty dinner were pleasant, but neither
intense or intoxicating. The fourth was respired at night in darkness
and silence after the occurrence of a circumstance which had produced
some anxiety. This dose affected me powerfully and pleasantly; a slight
thrilling in the extremities was produced; an exhiliration continued
for some time, and I have had but little return of uneasiness. 11 P. M.
From the nature of the language of feeling, the preceding detail
contains many imperfections; I have endeavoured to give as accurate an
account as possible of the strange effects of nitrous oxide, by making
use of terms standing for the most similar common feelings.
We are incapable of recollecting pleasures and pains of sense.[220] It
is impossible to reason concerning them, except by means of terms which
have been associated with them at the moment of their existence, and
which are afterwards called up amidst trains of concomitant ideas.
[220] Physical pleasure and pain generally occur connected with a
compound impression, i. e. an organ and some object. When the idea left
by the compound impression, is called up by being linked accidentally
to some other idea or impression, no recurrence, or the slightest
possible, of the pleasure or pain in any form will take place. But when
the compound impression itself exists _without_ the physical pleasure
or pain, it will awaken ideal or intellectual pleasure or pain, i. e.
hope or fear. So that physical pleasure and pain are to hope and fear,
what impressions are to ideas. For instance, assuming no accidental
association, the child does not fear the fire before he is burnt. When
he puts his finger to the fire he feels the physical pain of burning,
which is connected with a visible compound impression, the fire and his
finger. Now when the compound idea of the fire and his finger, left
by the compound impression are called up by his mother, saying, “_You
have burnt your finger_,” nothing like fear or the pain of burning is
connected with it. But when the finger is brought near the fire, i. e.
when the compound impression again exists, the ideal pain of burning or
the passion of fear is awakened, and it becomes connected with those
very actions which removed the finger from the fire.
When pleasures and pains are new or connected with new ideas, they can
never be intelligibly detailed unless associated during their existence
with terms standing for analogous feelings.
I have sometimes experienced from nitrous oxide, sensations similar to
no others, and they have consequently been indescribable. This has been
likewise often the case with other persons. Of two paralytic patients
who were asked what they felt after breathing nitrous oxide, the first
answered, “_I do not know how, but very queer._” The second said, “_I
felt like the sound of a harp._” Probably in the one case, no analogous
feelings had ever occurred. In the other, the pleasurable thrillings
were similar to the sensations produced by music; and hence, they were
connected with terms formerly applied to music.