"Sure. Aside from the fact we could smash his ship and it wouldn't
inconvenience us unless it hit the dome, not a very large part of the
total surface, what else can he do? Come close and try to send out men
in space suits? We veer off and leave them stranded until he picks them
up. If he wants to we'll play tag half way across the galaxy with him."
"So he can't land," said Webber, gaining assurance. "Why didn't I think
of the reasons?"
"Because one man can't figure out everything," said Jeriann. "If there
was just Nona we'd still be back in the solar system. Or Docchi by
himself, or Jordan, or Anti. Together we get the answers."
So far--but it might not always hold true. Docchi was worried by
the general's lack of concern. He hadn't expected to contact the
accidentals but when they'd got in touch with him he wasn't startled.
He knew what to do because he had been told. He wasn't a fast thinker
who could improvise, his specialty was carrying out a plan.
But if Judd was not at first disconcerted he'd made up for it when he
became aware they weren't using conventional communication. Docchi
would have given a lot to see the chart the general had. He'd tried to
provoke the officer but the ruse hadn't been effective. The general
knew the distance between the ship and the asteroid, but he hadn't
revealed it.
Webber walked noisily to the scanner, peering into the circuits. "The
general's communication experts will be working overtime for a while,"
he remarked.
"For the rest of the voyage. They'll know the scanner's a gravity
device but that won't help them." It was another count against them.
Communication at practically unlimited range was not a prize easily
given up.
But what they really wanted was Nona. Indirectly she'd given them back
the gravity drive, and now this. And they would think, rightly, that
there was more where these inventions came from.
He wished Anti were here to advise them. Docchi looked around to ask
Jordan about her but he was already gone. Cameron was standing quietly
in a corner with Nona, talking to her in a low voice while she smiled
and smiled. Webber was still looking into the scanner.
Only Jeriann was waiting for him. Now that the general had mentioned
it, Docchi wondered if she really was waiting for him--and for how long.
12
Anti looked up at the dome. It was all she could see with comfort.
Stars changed less than she would have believed. The patterns were
substantially the same as on Earth. Brightness varied with rotation,
that was the main difference. Now those overhead were brilliant and
that meant she was facing the direction they were travelling. She
wondered which was Alpha and which Proxima Centauri. She never had been
able to recognize them.
She extended one arm, splashing acid. Lately there were times she had
to keep moving if she didn't want to freeze. It wasn't pleasant but she
could endure it for the sake of walking some day. There were degrees of
helplessness and no one else, even here, was completely immobilized,
confined completely to a specialized environment. She had forgotten
much of the past and couldn't see far into the future. Perhaps it
wasn't worth looking into.
"Quiet, you'll scare the fish."
She paddled around until she could see Jordan. "If you find fish who
can live in this, throw them in. I'll welcome any kind of company."
"Maybe Cameron can mutate fish to stand the cold," suggested Jordan.
"Or if that fails he can always transfer the fungus to them."
"I don't wish it on anything, even a fish."
"It wouldn't hurt. Besides, it might make them immortal."
"Thanks. I like fish, but not as playmates. They're better on a plate."
"Barbaric," said Jordan. "I prefer scientific food, synthetics. Wholly
removed from the taint of the living creature. Something that didn't
die in quick agony so that you could smack your lips. Germ free,
compounded of balanced elements."
"Came from nature myself," said Anti. "Uncivilized though it is, I
prefer nutrition from the same source."
"You're confusing yourself," commented Jordan. "Synthetics contain
everything necessary for life. When was the last time Jeriann ate?"
"Longer than she cares to remember. Besides you're quibbling. She gets
concentrates, which is not the same as synthetics."
"A minor point," conceded Jordan, coming closer. "However I didn't
intend to talk about food."
"I don't care what it is as long as you talk. I need conversation too."
"There's Nona," began Jordan.
"Exceptions, exceptions. What do I care except that I get tired of
staring up at nothing? Sometimes I wish they'd planted the tank at the
entrance to the hospital. People'd have to stop and talk."
"For a while I was thinking of that."
"No you don't," said Anti. "There are useful things that have to be
done."
"I abandoned the idea when I considered what your viewpoint would be.
But we did move the tank once."
"Never again. Anyway geepees are scarce and who else could do it?"
"I could," said Jordan. He added quickly: "It's a joke." He swung along
the tank until he was as close as he could get without toppling in.
"Instead of something you'd forget once I left, I brought a gift."
"What is it? I can't see from this angle."
"It's a belt."
"You doll. It's beautiful."
"No it's not--merely wonderful."
"I know. Save it for me, till later. It will go swoosh if acid touches
it."
"It positively will not react. I took care of that. There are some
metals that are just about inert. It wasn't easy to cover it but I did."
"You made it for me. You shouldn't have."
Jordan puzzled himself with it. He hadn't much to do with it. At
the most he'd made a protective covering for it. Nona was solely
responsible for the way it functioned. And there was no doubt whom she
intended it for; that was why he hadn't hesitated taking it. And yet,
why hadn't she turned it over to Anti? It was working perfectly the
first time he saw it.
The logical answer was that it wasn't in operating condition, that she
couldn't make it work and had laid it aside for further inspiration.
But this led to nonsensical conclusions involving the repair robot.
He refused to accept the conclusions. "Let's say I didn't make it
entirely. I added to what was existing." He swung the belt out to her.
"Are you sure it will fit? I'm quite big."
"Originally it wouldn't. I had to make it longer."
Anti examined the belt at length. "Hammered link effect. Primitive but
striking."
Jordan blushed. "I thought it was a pretty smooth job. I had to do it
by hand."
"It is," exclaimed Anti. "You have a strong unconscious sense of
design." With trepidation she lowered it in the acid and when nothing
happened she fastened it. "There," she said in triumph. "The first
piece of jewelry in years. I feel like a new woman."
"You are, Anti. Believe me, you are."
She laughed giddily. "It's silly, but I do believe it. It's amazing
what jewelry will do for a woman."
"It's not exactly jewelry." Jordan tried to think of how to explain
it. Anti was unscientific, or better--prescientific. "Think of it as a
complicated machine that's remotely connected to your mind."
"My mind? Am I supposed to be telepathic now? Is that what it is? Can I
talk with anyone, no matter at what distance they are?"
"No, you're not telepathic except well maybe in a certain way."
Jordan was silent, trying to sort the explanation. It never occurred
to her that machines operated at different levels, many of them
simultaneously, electrical or electromagnetic, others more subtle.
Jordan gave up. "Think of what you'd most like to do."
"It's no use, Jordan. I won't torment myself. I know how long it's
going to take."
He should have kept it and demonstrated. That would have convinced
her. He would never forget the first time he had worn it--and nearly
frightened himself off the ceiling. He cast about for other ways but
nothing else was necessary. Anti was thinking of what she'd forbidden
herself to contemplate.
"There," said Jordan, his voice rough with pride. "I knew you'd get the
hang of it."
"Why didn't you say so?" said Anti. "The gravity computer. My mind and
_that_ mind."
For a prescientific person she'd grasped the essentials quickly.
"Jordan, maybe you should keep it," she called. "You can use it as well
as I can."
"I don't need it," he said. "Nobody's heard me complaining. And you
can't, or couldn't move." He gazed at her in alarm. "Come on down," he
shouted. "You can't catch the stars by yourself."
"You think I can't?" said Anti. "I'll come closer to it than anyone who
ever lived."
Nevertheless she obeyed his instructions, sinking slowly until her feet
touched the ground. The grass crackled and smouldered, though it was
green, bursting into flame where she walked as the acid dripped down.
And it was walking, though her legs carried only a fraction of her real
weight. The rest of the weight was destroyed for her convenience by
the gravity computer as it responded continually and repeatedly to her
unspoken commands.
"The doctor will be surprised," muttered Jordan.
"Not as much as I am," said Anti. "I can fly if I want, but do you
know, I'd rather walk."
* * * * *
Docchi teetered on the chair. Not much; if he fell he had no way of
stopping himself, and there was the devil's own time getting up. "I'm
speechless," he said.
"So was Cameron," said Anti.
"I imagine. He didn't expect his prognosis to be disproved so soon."
Docchi righted the chair. "This is the thing Jordan's been working on."
"He said he didn't have much to do with it. He would." Anti moved
warily. The acid soaked robe had stopped dripping but there was enough
left to react with subdued violence if she came into contact with the
wrong substance. "The best is I'm already stronger--using my muscles
more. I don't have an exact way of knowing since there aren't gadgets
and dials in my mind but it seems to me I can support a lot more of my
weight. Maybe I can walk unaided at quarter gravity."
Docchi let the calls, of which there were several, go unattended.
It was the first big personal victory for any accidental and it was
heartening amidst the general uncertainties. "Fine, fine. But how long
can you continue? Won't you revert?"
"Cameron says I won't. He made several tests which indicate the
virulence of the fungus. He says the body conquers."
And for her it had. The biological mechanism had reached the point of
strength wherein it could contain the attenuated invasion with little
outside help. After some indefinite period the menace would be reduced,
finally vanquished, utterly and forever. The body conquered.
"Cameron says it will be enough to sleep in the tank. I don't mind,
though I won't get much sleep. I feel the cold now, though not as much
as anyone else would.
"For the rest I'll increase the weight on my legs as much as I can.
It's almost automatic; no buttons to push except mentally. If I get
tired I think myself lighter."
The mechanism couldn't be improved on. It was a portable null gravity
field that fit neatly around her and touched nothing else. And if
Anti had reported Jordan's views correctly, it was impossible to
build another like it because they didn't have the parts. It was an
excellent device but not of great importance except to Anti. Jordan
could use one too and so could a number of others though they wouldn't
get it. It replaced legs and was more efficient in all respects save
appearance.
There was nothing, however, that was a substitute for hands.
"Now that you're up and moving, what do you want to do?" he said. "You
must be anxious to get busy."
"It's a funny thing but I'm not," she said. "It sounds queer but I want
to look around. I haven't seen anything except what I could glimpse
from the tank."
Docchi rocked back; he'd always thought of her as knowing more about
the asteroid than anyone else. In a personal sense she did, having been
there longer than anyone he could name. It was said she may even have
been responsible for the building of the asteroid, so they'd have some
place to put her. It might be true. "Go ahead. Jordan will show you
around. You don't have to be in a hurry to take a job."
Anti rose a few inches to show that she could. "First I want to visit
the laboratory Nona has. I want to see the ship that's after us. I know
they haven't given up just because they can't land."
He felt so too though he hadn't figured out what they could do. "Let me
know if anything occurs to you."
When she left, walking by preference, the responsibilities came back,
Maureen and other deficients with various degrees of disability, the
ship with undetermined resources behind them, stars and planets ahead
of them, unknown or vaguely guessed at, mysterious. They'd reach their
goal but all of the accidentals might not survive.
Anti alone was better off but there were others who were not. It was
depressing at times, so much freedom and so little to show for it.
Docchi went back to work but the image of the ship kept rising up out
of the countless important and unimportant decisions he had to make.
What did they plan to do?
Late the following day Anti returned. She marched in determinedly and
sat down. It was no longer remarkable that a few chairs would fit her.
She'd never be mistaken for someone else, but her bulk had diminished
considerably and her weight was whatever she wanted. That the chair
didn't collapse in a soggy mass or burst into flame was an indication
that Jordan had found a way to neutralize the acid that clung to her
without reducing the medical effectiveness. "Nice place we have," she
remarked. "Didn't realize it was so pretty."
"There are others who disagree."
"They don't really see it. The only thing I don't like is the ship."
"Neither do I. What do you think?"
"Well----" Anti hesitated. "What did it look like to you?"
He described it as he remembered, answering the questions with which
she kept interrupting. After he finished she was silent, nodding to
herself as if he wasn't there. "You know what I think," she said. "You
saw it three quarters, from the front. When I looked it was flatter.
They're gaining."
Docchi glanced out the window. "Anti, they can't land here unless we
let them--and we won't. What else can they do?"
"It's a military ship. They've got the force to stop us."
"Not without shattering the dome, or blowing the place apart. And they
won't. You don't cure a sick person by killing him, and for their own
peace of mind they've convinced themselves that we're sick."
"So we're safe there," commented Anti dubiously. "They figured at first
they'd sneak up and land before we knew it. The scanner squashed that.
But they had other plans from the very beginning, what they'd do if we
discovered them in time." She nodded and nodded. "Well, if it was me
and I couldn't stop somebody, I'd try to get where they're going before
they did. It ties right in, doesn't it? They don't want us to contact
aliens. All they have to do is get there first."
Of course. It was very plain, but anxiety had prevented his seeing it.
Fearfulness was often next door to stupidity. Whoever got there first
controlled the situation even more than Anti realized. He began to
suspect the depth of preparation that was against them, the intense
fury and careful planning they had to overcome. Mankind was capable of
more hatred for its own kind than it ever expended against outsiders.
Methodically Docchi began kicking open switches.
"You're right, Anti," he said. "But I think there are ways to see that
they don't get there first." He was lying blithely, perhaps as much
because he didn't want to face what he foresaw. "If those don't work,
and there's a chance they won't, we have an unexpected ally."
"Who?"
"Not who, what. Distance." It was a most preposterous untruth. "If we
don't get there in time we'll let them have both of the Centauris.
We'll go on to the next star."
"You can always think of some way out," said Anti as tiny lights began
to flash on the panel. The flickering confusion there matched his
emotions.
"Jordan?" he said urgently when the latter appeared on the screen. And
after that there was Webber and anyone else who knew something about
electronics or could be taught with a minimum of instruction. They were
willing to drive themselves to exhaustion but there was no substitute
for technical superiority.
"Now don't worry," said Anti after he'd finished summoning everyone who
could help. "I have a feeling they can't stop us no matter what they
do."
"That so?" he said. "Which toe tells you that, or is it an ache in your
bones? Think it will rain tomorrow?"
"Don't laugh," said Anti, rising and leaving with him as he hurried
out. "I have confidence in what we're able to do together."
It was a good thing someone did.
* * * * *
"Maureen's getting worse," said Jeriann. "I need more power." There was
a tiny bead of sweat on her temple, the first Docchi had seen since
ordinarily she didn't perspire.
"How much worse? I'd like to see her."
Jeriann made a final adjustment on the machine but didn't straighten up
immediately as if it disturbed her to contemplate what went on in her
own mind. She snapped the synthesizer on and turned around, brushing
the hair away from her eyes. "Do you think your diagnosis is better
than Cameron's?"
"I wasn't doubting his ability."
"You'll have to take our word for it. I can see her because I'm a woman
and she hardly reacts to me. Cameron can visit her because she's been
conditioned to accept him. Even so he has to take precautions. The
hypnotics control only the surface of her mind."
"What precautions?"
"Sprays that plasticize his skin. By now her senses are far keener than
ours. The doctor has a cosmetic technician recreate his face, something
impersonal with which she had no association."
"I'll take your word for it. I don't want to see her under those
conditions. But you didn't answer my question: how much worse?"
The smock was clearly a laboratory garment to protect the wearer from
chemical irritation and the chemicals from human contamination. It
was only incidental there was a certain light in which it was almost
transparent. Jeriann became aware she was standing in such a light and
swished the smock angrily around her and moved out of the illumination.
"I can tell you this: neither Cameron nor I will be responsible for
keeping her alive longer than three weeks, _unless I get that power_."
"Is this what Cameron said?"
"It's my own idea. I know more about this machine than he does. But you
can ask him. He'll back me up."
Docchi didn't doubt her but there was more to think of than the fate of
one individual. "You're just guessing, aren't you? There's a chance, if
you experiment wildly enough, you'll find the right compounds."
"Please," said Jeriann. "It will only be for a few weeks. Less than
that if it works the way I think it will."
"What about the other deficients? They need biologicals too."
"They can wait and Maureen can't."
Reluctantly he gave consent. "Then you can have all the power you need,
for the next few days anyway. After that we'll see."
"You're a dear." Jeriann walked through the lab, inspecting it
critically from every angle. "Of course I'll need help. Part of the
trouble is that we can't get enough power to the machine, we're not
using it to the full capacity. With larger power connections we'll be
able to turn out stuff we haven't touched on before."
He shook his head. "That wasn't in the bargain. You can have all the
power the existing lines will take. But we can't spare men to install
new lines. The technicians we have are busy elsewhere."
"It's such a little thing," she coaxed. "The machine's not a sledge
hammer that smashes molecules apart and then crushes them into a new
chemical alignment. It's a keen instrument, an ultramicrosize knife
that slits delicately here and there and then slides the separated
atoms together to form a different molecule."
"I'm not arguing about power," he said adamantly. "I said you can have
it and you can. Trained men you can't. I'll see if I can spare them
after what they're working on is finished."
She stopped as if she'd stumbled into a taut wire she hadn't noticed.
She looked at him thoughtfully and strolled back to the synthesizer,
under the light that shone down and provocatively through the smock.
She wore other clothing but that too seemed almost to vanish. "For me,
won't you? Just a few men for a few days. It means a lot to Maureen."
"I can't let you have technicians now," he said obstinately.
She glanced at him curiously, sauntering closer as if to get a better
look. "I forgot. Cameron has Nona, hasn't he? They're going to get
married as soon as he can figure out a simple ceremony. And now you
hate women, don't you? That's why you won't give Maureen the same
chance you'd give a man."
He rocked back under the cold hatred. He had no idea she was capable of
such venom. "You're reading into my emotions something that was never
there. I'm glad Nona found someone she can respond to. But why are you
so concerned with Maureen? You never liked her."
"What rationalization," she said bitterly. "It makes no difference what
I thought about her. She's going to die if I don't help her, and I
will. I'd expect the same from anyone else."
"Jeriann," he said but she was gone, tearing the smock off and
thrusting it on a hook, leaving him alone beside a machine that
alternately hummed and purred in oily accents. He stared at it with
complete lack of interest as the cycle changed. The synthesizer
grunted with satisfied pride and three drops of a colorless fluid were
discharged into a retort.
If there was no other way they could save Maureen by contacting the
expedition behind them. They had the supplies Jeriann was trying vainly
to duplicate. But that was surrender and the only alternative was to go
ahead as planned.
Docchi left the laboratory, taking the long way around to avoid the
doctor's office. Cameron wouldn't put the same pressure on him that
Jeriann had--no one could. Why did she have to think he was responsible?
13
The dimensions of the place were fear, panic and loneliness. It was
no-time or all-time, the endless instant of survival--or less. It was
light or it wasn't, the illumination of the closed mind, the intellect
turned in on itself, perception curled backward while it reached for
the outside world. It was a universe which neither existed nor would
ever quite vanish.
And there wasn't a sound. To the distorted senses, wavering and
uncertain, sounds could be masculine. "Yes?" said Maureen poutingly.
"Where are you now?" But she couldn't hear what she said. So she
stopped speaking.
It was forbidden.
The bloodstream left her heart and had no path but to return deviously.
It travelled darkly with many branches, pounding, flushed with oxygen
from the lung machines. The mind was turned inward. The body was turned
inward. Life had no place to go. It was out of balance.
Her feet touched the floor and she got out of bed. The flesh was heavy.
The tube in her chest whistled with exertion. There was oxygen, too
much of it, but there was no substitute for the regulative substances
her body didn't have. She was falling apart, pulled apart by the wild
dissimilar tendencies of all her cells.
She kept on walking until she lunged against a wall. Her nose splayed
to one side but her veins weren't ready to bleed. There was nothing to
tell them to let out the red drops. She fell down and got up, walking
on, banging against the wall.
She could never find anyone she knew. After a while she realized the
person she missed most was herself.
Why was it light without being light and dark with no darkness? Her
eyes had forgotten they were supposed to see. She sat down in the
middle of the floor and began plucking at the hospital gown, pulling it
apart thread by thread. Her mind said she didn't feel what she touched
but she didn't believe everything. She practiced playing tricks on her
thoughts. There were so many tricks to play and such few thoughts.
She sat there, pretending to listen to something that nobody said. She
waved her fingers languidly and closed her eyes with deep regret, lips
curved for the kiss that wasn't given.
Cameron came in and hurried out after one glimpse, calling for Jeriann.
The deterioration was proceeding more rapidly than he expected. There
were not three weeks left. It might be less than three days.
* * * * *
Webber nodded and went on working, aware that Anti was watching the
coordination of his dissimilar arms and legs. It didn't disturb the
rhythm of his movements. Anti moved to the other side to get a better
view of what he was doing and as she did so remembered what she'd come
for.
"So that's why I couldn't get a book. What's wrong?"
"Nothing. We're tearing it down to move it."
"Why move it? This is where the books are."
He bent over the mechanism, disconnecting it. "I don't know. You'll
have to ask Docchi."
He knew but was too engrossed to stop. Jordan could tell her but he
wasn't here. She wandered through the library but found no one who
could or would give her information. What made it worse was, with the
librarian torn apart, there wasn't a book available.
She was curiously perturbed. She knew where she could find Docchi, at
gravity center where he had taken over the quarters formerly occupied
by Vogel. More and more the asteroid was beginning to resemble a ship
and if there was a definite control area it was located in gravity
center.
The first thing she saw when she entered the low structure--most of the
gravity installation was underground--was the scanner. It had changed;
the last trace of the makeshift origin had disappeared. It was metal
encased and dials and switches replaced connections formerly made by
hand. These alterations were Nona's but bringing it here was Docchi's
idea. Anti frowned contemplatively; it wasn't far in straight distances
from where Nona had originally constructed it, but the labor involved
in carrying it through miles of tunnels and then overland to where it
was now standing--that was considerable effort. It didn't square with
what Jeriann had told her.
She found Docchi a few stories below the entrance level, somewhere near
the actual gravity computers. He looked up and then wriggled his head
out of the harness. "Have you come to help, Anti?"
"Nope. I've got a complaint."
His smile wasn't appreciative. "The headquarters for that are in the
other division."
She ignored the reference to Jeriann. "I'd help if I could but I'm
ignorant. And you're keeping me from learning."
"The library?"
"Of course. I can't get a single book."
He looked at the design he'd been working on and then reluctantly
stepped out of the machine which enabled him to put his ideas on paper.
"Don't stop drawing because of me," said Anti.
"It was nearly done. Jordan can carry on from there." He sat down while
Anti remained standing, balancing an imaginary basket of fruit on her
head. The years in the tank had ruined her posture.
"I'm sorry we had to take the librarian but you can still get books.
I've figured out a formula."
"First I have to be a mathematician and then I've got to crawl back in
the stacks? There must be places no one can get to, especially tapes
and music."
"That's the way it is. We'll have to go over the whole setup, relocate
the stacks and train human librarians."
"Seems like a waste when what we had was working perfectly."
"We had to do it if we want to get to Centauri before they do." He
jerked his head to indicate out there.
"But what good is it? The librarian is just a----" She closed her mouth.
"Just a memory system? That's what we need to duplicate the drive they
have. Of course the librarian remembers the wrong thing but we're
changing that."
"Can't we do it in some other way?"
"Not in time with the facilities we have. Maybe Nona could but the rest
of us are just humans."
"Well, what's wrong with her?"
"Nothing. If you can get her interested in building a control unit I'll
step aside."
"Why build it? She _is_ the control."
"Now she is, but there are a number of reasons why a mechanical control
is better. For one thing we don't know how much of her attention it
requires. The drive may not function at all when she isn't consciously
thinking about it."
"But the gravity never stops."
"True, but does it apply to acceleration? We can't measure that."
"You're working on a lot of suppositions--it may do this--it may not do
that."
"We don't have to guess at one thing, Anti. The expedition is gaining
on us. And _they_ are using a mechanical control."
Anti looked over at the drawing Docchi had made. A bunch of squiggles.
"You know more about it than I do. If it's your opinion that this is
what we should have, then we ought to. To me it seems that another kind
of control won't make much difference."
"Review what we have. A nuclear pile that supplies all the power, a set
of gravity coils, and three computers. One computer figures the gravity
for the asteroid. Another calculates the propulsive force. The third,
we think, actuates the scanner. Nona may rotate the duties among the
computers and the unit we're building will do the same.
"But this is what we can do that Nona doesn't: we'll cut everything
to a minimum except the drive. Gravity, light, heat, all the personal
conveniences will be cut to the least we can stand."
Anti rose a few inches and thought herself back to the floor. "This is
what you'll do if it works the way you imagine."
"It will, Anti." Docchi's face was set. "Nona's too considerate. As
long as she has it she won't impose the sacrifices we're glad to make
ourselves. We're taking it out of her hands."
If they needed somebody to make hard decisions, Docchi was the man. It
was a crusade with him and he was willing to drive everyone the same as
himself. Anti looked at his face and decided against the question she'd
come to ask. "Sounds grim, but you're right. We're willing if there's a
chance we'll get there first. What can I do to help?"
"Reorganize the library. Get assistants to reach in the places too
small for you. Collect the medical texts first. Cameron may need them."
"A thankless job," muttered Anti. "I started out to _read_ a book."