"No polite answers, please. Do you feel like work?"
"Now that you're here, no." She laughed outright at his discomfiture.
"Maybe now you'll believe me when I say I'm all right. Do you?"
She didn't wait for his answer but smoothed the covers around her.
"You're the one who found me, aren't you?"
"Jordan really. I was there."
She didn't attempt to thank him; help was expected. No one knew when
his turn would come. "I guess you're wondering what I was doing there
without my capsules."
He wasn't but he'd listen if she felt she had to talk. "It seemed
strange you'd forget something like that. But everyone was confused
then."
"Not me. I knew exactly what I was doing. I was running from some big
lunk who kept chasing me all over the dome. He knew I wasn't Nona
because I yelled for him to leave me alone. He didn't pay any attention
and I guess I lost the absorbics just before he caught me."
"You don't have to talk about it if it's painful," he said impassively.
"What do you think?" she said scornfully. "You think I'd let _him_
bother me? I told him to go away or I'd slip my face off. He got sick
right there and let go."
He smiled at her vigor. "It's a good thing he didn't take you at your
word and let you remove the disguise."
"Thank you, kind sir. Now I know I'm pretty too." Her manner overcame
the apparent sharpness. "Anyway there I was. I'd used up more energy
than usual and I had nothing to take. I didn't make it to the hospital."
"I didn't know the details but I imagined something like that. You're
lucky we found you and even more so that we were able to discover your
particular absorbics in the dispensary mess."
"Right both times--but you didn't find my absorption capsules. They
weren't there. Never are. I have to go directly to the lab to get them.
Of course I couldn't expect you to know that."
"Then what are you doing here, alive?" he asked, frowning. "The wrong
thing should have killed you."
"I'm not a true deficient, you know. It's not that my body fails
to produce glandular substances. What I lack is food and water and
anything that's composed mostly of that will do, providing it's in a
form I can assimilate. When you slapped me and held me up I saw someone
else's capsule but I knew it would do. That person has trouble with a
number of blood sugars and several fluids--not what I require for a
complete diet--but it brought me out of the hunger shock."
It was not ordinary hunger which had caused her to stumble and be
unable to get up; this was acute, a trauma which affected her whole
organism. And because it was such a constant threat, unconsciously
or not, she had prepared for it. Deficients knew each other better
than any other group. They were aware which prescription could in an
emergency be substituted for their own. It was unlikely to be used--but
that knowledge had paid off for Jeriann.
The house ticked on as he sat watching her. That was another
peculiarity of the place, aside from the lack of kitchen or any room
wherein she could eat. She didn't need it and so it hadn't been built.
She didn't feel hunger except negatively; it would be easy to die if
she should decide to do so. And so, to reinforce her will to live, a
comprehensive schedule had been imposed from above. But the most rigid
personal schedule meant nothing without time. Time took the place of
hunger, of the need for food, of all the savour in it.
There were clocks on the wall, inconspicuous dials or larger ones,
integrated in pictures and summed up in designs. There was a huge
circular chronograph on the ceiling; hourglasses and sundials were
contrived in the motif on the floor--and they all seemed actually
to function. And when she slept or whether she didn't, there were
arrangements for that too. The house vibrated, ever so softly, but the
attuned senses could hear it, feel it, in sickness and in health.
"Damn," muttered Jeriann as the vibration momentarily grew louder. She
tried to say something to Docchi but her thoughts were confused and she
couldn't concentrate. "Don't mind me," she said, smiling ruefully. "I
was conditioned to this sort of thing. They seem to think I've got to
be ready on the dot."
She could see that it wasn't very clear. "There's a clock in my head
too. Everybody has one naturally but mine has been trained. Any natural
beat will regulate the self alarm, even the pounding of my heart, even
if I don't think about it--but the house is more effective. _They_ said
I had to have it if I expected to live."
It was obvious who _they_ were, the psychotechnicians who had attended
her after her original accident. They were right but Docchi could see
that it might become annoying.
The ticking grew in volume and the house shook and though Jeriann tried
to ignore it, it would not let her be. "Time," tolled the house, though
the word was unspoken, "time time time." To Docchi it was subdued and
soft but it had a different effect on Jeriann.
"All right," she shouted to the tormenter, scrambling out of bed. She
dashed into the next room, scooping up hurriedly an absorbic capsule
that lay unnoticed on a shelf near the door. She was gone for some
time, so long that Docchi was beginning to worry before she came out.
In the interim, she had changed into street clothing and the tension
that had marked her departure was gone. "I feel better," she said
cheerfully. "Breakfast, such as it was, and a shower."
She sat opposite him. "I can see you're trying to figure out how I took
a shower when you couldn't hear water running. Special shower. Don't
ask about it."
Docchi had no intention, though he was wondering. He had his own
gadgets to help him get dressed and no one was curious about them.
"You came here for something," said Jeriann. "Thanks for being polite
and talking to the patient but now you can tell me what it is."
He was considering whether he should ask someone else. It was complex,
too difficult to explain to Nona. Anti, who would have been best, was
confined to the tank. And Jordan wouldn't do at all. That left only
Jeriann, who was capable enough, _if_ she was fully recovered. "Do you
know Maureen?" he asked.
"I do. Can I guess what she's done now?" said Jeriann dryly.
"Your guess is probably right, except that she hasn't done it yet. I
want to make certain she doesn't." He thought over Jeriann's reply.
"This isn't the first time this has happened to her?"
"Of course it isn't. She's always looking for excuses. Long ago, before
you came, I think, she managed to throw the stuff away and pretend
she'd taken it. She concealed what she'd done for three weeks, until
the doctor discovered it."
He hadn't heard this, even as a whispered legend. He'd been too busy
trying to achieve new status for the accidentals to bother with gossip.
He didn't know the people here as well as Jeriann did; he'd have to
draw on her for detailed information. "This time it's not an excuse.
The deficiency prescription isn't there for her to take."
"Nonsense," said Jeriann sharply. "I remember thinking in that split
second in the dispensary: If I were only Maureen now, the worst that
could happen to me is that I'd attract attention."
He glanced at her. She hadn't thought that at all, though it was a
reflection of another sort of bitterness. The girl didn't know how
lucky she was in comparison to others who were seriously handicapped.
"Could you go and take a look?" he asked. "Maureen said it isn't there.
I understand that they do experiment occasionally. The new consignment
might have got shoved aside in the excitement we had a while back--or
it might be there under a different formula that Maureen can't
identify." If what Jeriann said was correct, Maureen liked the idea of
becoming an all female woman. To her it might seem an anodyne, surcease
from disappointment and things that hadn't gone right.
"Sure, I'll go," said Jeriann. Her cheerfulness had diminished while he
spoke. Until now she hadn't actually realized there was no longer Earth
to signal to in event of an emergency. "It's true they experiment.
And maybe they _didn't_ send the last shipment during our mixup." She
tossed her head, recovering her buoyancy rapidly. "Oh well, I'll go and
take a look. I know the hospital pretty well."
"Good." Docchi got up.
"Wait for me," said Jeriann, going to a drawer and taking things out.
She slipped a watch on her arm; there was another in the rather wide
belt she wore. She selected a series of absorption capsules and dropped
them into pouches on the belt that appeared to be merely ornamental
until he saw what went into it. "Lunch, a drink, and an extra one for
emergency," she explained laconically.
"I should think you'd require more fluid."
She looked at him disturbingly. "I would, if I had normal metabolism.
But remember I don't need fluid for the digestive process. And then to
further reduce the intake they've included an antiperspirant in what I
do get."
He followed her to the door, where she turned around and looked back
at the place she lived in. It was a small, curious house, completely
arranged for the kind of person she was.
"Are you going to the hospital with me?" she asked.
"No, there's some work I've got to do near here."
"Well, then, thanks for saving my life." She slipped her arms around
him and kissed him, quickly but satisfactorily. Her lips were cool and
dry. Very smooth but dry; her touch was like silk. That was because of
her skin.
She smiled and opened the door. "See you," she said as they parted. She
never once looked back though he did. He was glad, because she might
have waved and it would have been impossible to return it.
Twice, now, within an hour, he thought as he went along. Maureen of
course he could dismiss since she would respond to anything that was
remotely male. It was not at all the same reaction from Jeriann, and
it pleased him that it wasn't.
Their environment had changed. Life on the asteroid had undergone a
not so subtle transformation now that there were no longer any normals
around to be compared with, to make the disastrous self-comparison to.
They could begin to behave healthily and sensibly. It was nice that
Jeriann had kissed him and liked it. It was the first installment of
freedom.
The second installment was going to be harder--to keep that freedom at
a level that meant something. He frowned heavily as he thought of what
had to be done.
He was late. Except for Anti, who was absent and always would be,
everyone he knew was there. In addition there were many others who
hardly ever attended. It was a good sign that they were coming out and
mingling; before they had seldom left their houses. Docchi spotted
Jeriann but there wasn't a vacant seat near her. He sat down toward the
rear.