(_By Mr. Punch's Vagrant_)
He seemed an inoffensive man
When first I saw him on the stubble;
Made on the self-same sporting plan
As those who shoot with ease or trouble!
The average men, in fact, whose skill
(A thing of luck far more than habit)
Tempts them at times to go and kill
The hare, the partridge and the rabbit.
He rushed not and he did not lag;
He kept the line when we were walking.
He had a useful cartridge-bag;
And was not prone to useless talking.
He smoked an ordinary pipe;
His guns were hammerless ejectors;
He wore a fairly common type
Of patent pig-skin leg-protectors.
He told a story now and then,
Some ancient tale of fur or feather,
That sportsmen love to smile at when
On Autumn days they come together.
In fact, he seemed to outward view
In all his gunned and gaitered glory,
Just such a man as I or you,
Except--but that's another story.
Except (I'll tell it) when he shot:
Then, then he did not care a cuss, sir;
He blazed as if he hadn't got
The least regard for life or us, sir.
Our terrors left him unafraid;
He tried for full-grown birds and cheepers,
And, missing these, he all but made
A record bag of guns and keepers.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE SINEWS OF SPORT.--_The Marquis_ (_to head keeper_).
"Now, Grandison, His Royal Highness will be tired of waiting: why don't
you send in the beaters?"
_Head keeper_ (_sotto voce_). "Beg pardon, my lord, the London train's
late this morning with the pheasants--we must have half an hour to get
'em into the coverts!"]
* * * * *
AT THE QUICKSHOT CLUB.--_First Sportsman._ Well, I killed four rabbits
with two barrels last September.
_Second Sportsman._ And I had five partridges on one drive, three coming
towards me, and two with fresh cartridges over the hill.
_Third Sportsman_ (_wearily_). But nobody comes up to my slaying of an
elephant in Assam with a pea rifle. Would you like to hear the yarn?
[_The Third Sportsman is immediately left alone._
* * * * *
Mr. Punch has pleasure in directing the attention of sportsmen of his
own limited stature to an advertisement in the _Field_ announcing the
sale of an estate, "including fifty acres of sporting woods, together
with a small gentleman's residence."
* * * * *
[Illustration: HIS FIRST BIRD
"Well, I didn't miss _that_ one, at all events!"
"No, sir. They _will_ fly into it, sometimes!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: Circumstances over which he has no control oblige the
Pater to celebrate the _glorious twelfth_ in town this year. With the
help of the poulterer, and the boys (at home for the holidays), he
enjoys such excellent sport, that he says "never no moor" will he lavish
hundreds of pounds on what he can get for next to nothing at home.]
* * * * *
[Illustration: ONE WAY OF LOOKING AT IT!--_Delinquent_ (_to his host_).
"Oh, I'm most unfortunate! Now, you're the third man I've hit to-day!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Sportsman_ (_who has just shot a duck_). "I think he'll
come down, Duncan."
_Duncan._ "Ay, sir, he'll come down--when he's hungry."]
* * * * *
[Illustration: "THE GLORIOUS FIRST"
_Young Newstyle_ (_justly indignant, to Squire Oldacres_).
"There!--'Knew how it would be when you _would_ bring out those beastly
dogs. _Always in the way, hang 'em!_"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: BROTHERLY CANDOUR.--_Jack_ (_to lady, come out to
lunch_). "Are you coming with the guns this afternoon, Miss Maud?"
_Miss Maud._ "I would, but I don't think I should like to see a lot of
poor birds shot!"
_Jack._ "Oh, if you go with Fred, your feelings will be entirely
spared!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: A RISKY PROCEEDING.--_Mr. Pipler (of Pipler & Co.) is
having his first day on his recently-acquired moor. Any amount of
shooting. Bag, absolutely--nothing._
_Master Pipler_ (_after much thought_). "Of course, they are far too
valuable to be killed and eaten, pa. But isn't it rather dangerous to
frighten them so much? I heard ma saying they cost you at least a guinea
a brace!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: TRIALS OF A NOVICE
_Old Hand._ "Now, for the last time, for goodness' sake don't shoot any
of us, or the dogs, or yourself."
_Novice_ (_sarcastically_). "What about the birds?"
_Old Hand._ "Oh, you won't hit them!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: MR. MUGGS' GROUSE MOOR
Mr. Muggs leaves for the north. Mr. M. as he appeared, half a minute
before the train started, minus half of his luggage, and with the guard
shouting to him to take his seat!]
* * * * *
[Illustration:
"Pheasant-shooting in some districts will suffer through lack of
birds. The wet weather has been fatal to the young
broods."--_Shooting Reports._
_Head Keeper_ (_on the First_). "Werry sorry, my lord, but this 'ere's
th' on'y one as we've manisht to rare. Will I put it up for your
lordship?"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Beater_ (_to hare that refuses to leave her form_). "Get
oop, ye lazy little beggar an' join in t' spoort!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: SHOOTING PROSPECTS
_Johnnie Bangs._ "I say, old man, do you mind taking these cartridges
out? I've never used a gun before, don't you know!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE END OF THE SEASON.--_Passing Friend._ "Hulloa, Jack!
Why on earth are you hiding there?"
_Jack._ "Only safe place, don't you know. Governor's giving the tenants
a day to finish the covers. They've just about finished two dogs and a
beater already!"]
* * * * *