CLAUDIA'S WOE
Ay, lady, here alone
You may think till your heart is broken,
Of the love that is dead and done,
Of the days that with no token,
For evermore are gone.
Weep, if you can, beseech you!
There's no one by to curb you:
His heart cry cannot reach you:
His love will not disturb you:
Weep?--what can weeping teach you?
--_Meredith_.
Sifting within the recess of the dormer window, soothed by the gathering
darkness of the quiet, starlight night, and by the gentle cadences of
Bee's low, melodious voice, as she sung her baby sister to sleep,
Ishmael remained some little time longer, when suddenly Bee's song
ceased, and he heard her exclamation of surprise:
"Claudia, you up here! and already dressed for dinner! How well you
look! How rich that maize-colored brocade is! And how elegant that spray
of diamonds in your hair! I never saw you wear it before! Is it a new
purchase?"
"It is the viscount's present. I wear it this evening in his honor."
"How handsome you are, Lady Vincent! You know I do not often flatter,
but really, Claudia, all the artist in me delights to contemplate you. I
never saw you with such brilliant eyes, or such a beautiful color."
"Brilliant eyes! beautiful color! Ha! ha! ha! the first frenzy, I think!
The last--well, it ought to be beautiful. I paid ten dollars a scruple
for it at a wicked French shop in Broadway! And I have used the scruple
unscrupulously!" she cried, with a bitter laugh as of self-scorn.
"Oh, Claudia--rouged!" said Bee, in a tone of surprise and pain.
"Yes, rouged and powdered! why not? Why should the face be true when the
life is false! Oh, Bee," she suddenly broke forth in a wail of anguish;
"lay that child down and listen to me! I must tell someone, or my heart
will break!"
There was a movement, a low, muffling, hushing sound, that told the
unwilling listener that Bee was putting her baby sister in the bed.
Ishmael arose with the intention of leaving his room, and slipping out
of hearing of the conversation that was not intended for his ears; but
utterly overcome by the crowding emotions of his heart, he sank back in
his chair.
He heard Bee return to her place. He heard Claudia throw herself down on
the floor by Bee's side, and say:
"Oh, let me lay my head down upon your lap, Bee!"
"Claudia, dear Claudia, what is the matter with you? What can I do for
you?"
"Receive my confidence, that is all. Hear my confession. I must tell
somebody or die. I wish I was a Catholic, and had a father confessor who
would hear me and comfort me, and absolve my sins, and keep my secrets!"
"Can any man stand in that relation to a woman except her father, if she
is single, or her husband, if she is married?" asked Bee.
"I don't know--and I don't care! Only when I passed by St. Patrick's
Church, with this load of trouble on my soul, I felt as if it would have
done me good to steal into one of those veiled recesses and tell the
good old father there!"
"You could have told your heavenly Father anywhere."
"He knows it already; but I durst not pray to him! I am not so impious
as that either. I have not presumed to pray for a month--not since my
betrothal."
"You have not presumed to pray. Oh, Claudia!"
"How should I dare to pray, after I had deliberately sold myself to the
demon--after I had deliberately determined to sin and take the wages of
sin?"
"Claudia! Oh, Heaven! You are certainly mad!"
"I know it; but the knowledge does not help me to the cure. I have been
mad a month!" Then breaking forth into a wail of woe, she cried: "Oh,
Bee! I do not love that man! I do not love him! and the idea of marrying
him appalls my very soul!"
"Good Heaven, Claudia, then why--" begun Bee, but Claudia fiercely
continued:
"I loathe him! I sicken at him! His first kiss! Oh, Bee! the cold,
clammy touch of those lips struck all the color from my face forever, I
think! I loathe him!"
"Oh, Claudia, Claudia, why, in the name of all that is wise and good,
do you do yourself, and him, too, such a terrible wrong as to marry
him?" inquired the deeply-shocked maiden.
"Because I must! Because I will! I have deliberately determined to be a
peeress of England, and I will be one, whatever the cost."
"But oh! have you thought of the deadly sin--the treachery, the perjury,
the sacrilege; oh! and the dreadful degradation of such a loveless
marriage?"
"Have I thought of these things--these horrors? Yes; witness this
tortured heart and racked brain of mine!"
"Then why, oh, why, Claudia, do you persevere?"
"I am in the vortex of the whirlpool, and cannot stop myself!"
"Then let me stop you. My weak hand is strong enough for that. Remain
here, dear Claudia. Let me go downstairs and report that you are ill, as
indeed and in truth you are. The marriage can be delayed, and then you
can have an explanation with the viscount, and break it off altogether."
"And break my plighted faith! Is that your advice, young moralist?"
"There was no faith in your plighted word, Claudia. It was very wrong to
promise to marry a man you could not love; but it would be criminal to
keep such a promise. Speak candidly to his lordship, Claudia, and ask
him to release you from your engagement. My word on it he will do it."
"Of course, and make me the town talk for the delight of all who envy
me."
"Better be that than an unloving wife."
"No, Bee! I must fulfill my destiny. And, besides, I never thought of
turning from it. I am in the power of the whirlpool or the demon."
"It is the demon--the demon that is carrying you down into this
whirlpool. And the name of the demon is Ambition, Claudia; and the name
of the whirlpool is Ruin."
"Yes! it is ambition that possesses my soul. None other but the sins by
which angels fell would have power to draw my soul down from heaven--for
heaven was possible to me, once!" And with these last words she melted
into tears and wept as if the fountains of her heart were broken up and
gushing through her eyes.
"Yes," she repeated in the pauses of her weeping. "Heaven was possible
for me once! Never more, oh, never, never more! Filled with the
ambition of Lucifer I have cast myself out of that heaven. But alas!
alas! I have Lucifer's ambition without his strength to suffer."
"Claudia, dear Claudia!"
"Do not speak to me. Let me speak, for I must speak, or die! It is not
only that I do not love this viscount, but, oh, Bee!" she wailed in the
prolonged tones of unutterable woe, "I love another! I love Ishmael!"
There was a sudden movement and a fall.
"You push me from you! Oh, cruel friend! Let me lay my head upon your
lap again, Bee, and sob out all this anguish here. I must, or my heart
will burst. I love Ishmael! His love is the heaven of heavens from which
Ambition has cast me down. I love Ishmael! Oh, how much, my reason,
utterly overthrown, may some time betray to the world! This love fills
my soul. Oh, more than that, it is greater than my soul; it goes beyond
it, into infinitude! There is light, warmth, and life where Ishmael is;
darkness, coldness, and death where he is not! To meet his eyes,--those
beautiful, dark, luminous eyes, that seem like inlets to some perfect
inner world of wisdom, love, and pure joy; or to lay my hand in his, and
feel that soft, strong, elastic hand close upon mine,--gives me a moment
of such measureless content, such perfect assurance of peace, that for
the time I forget all the sin and horror that envelopes and curses my
life. But to be his beloved wife--oh, Bee! I cannot imagine in the life
of heaven a diviner happiness!"
A low, half-suppressed cry from Bee. And Claudia continued:
"It is a love that all which is best in my nature approves. For oh, who
is like Ishmael? Who so wise, so good, so useful? Morally,
intellectually, and physically beautiful! an Apollo! more than that, a
Christian gentleman! He is human, and yet he appears to me to be
perfectly faultless."
There was a pause and a low sound of weeping, broken at last by Claudia,
who rustled up to her feet, saying:
"There, it is past!"
"Claudia," said Bee solemnly, "you must not let this marriage go on; to
do so would be to commit the deadliest sin!"
"I have determined to commit it, then, Bee."
"Claudia, if I saw you on the brink of endless woe, would I not be
justified in trying to pluck you back? Oh, Claudia, dear cousin, pause,
reflect--"
"Bee, hush! I have reflected until my brain has nearly burst. I must
fulfill my destiny. I must be a peeress of England, cost what it may in
sin against others, or in suffering to myself."
"Oh, what an awful resolution! and what an awful defiance! Ah, what have
you invoked upon your head!"
"I know not--the curse of Heaven, perhaps!"
"Claudia!"
"Be silent, Bee!"
"I must not, cannot, will not, be silent! My hand is weak, but it shall
grasp your arm to hold you back; my voice is low, but it shall be raised
in remonstrance with you. You may break from my hold; you may deafen
yourself to my words; you may escape me so; but it will be to cast
yourself into--"
"Lawyer Vivian's 'gulf of perdition'! Is that what you mean? Nonsense,
Bee. My hysterics are over now; my hour of weakness is past; I am myself
again. And I feel that I shall be Lady Vincent--the envy of Washington,
the admiration of London, the only titled lady of the republican court,
and the only beauty at St. James!" said Claudia, rustling a deep
courtesy.
"Claudia--"
"And in time I shall be Countess of Hurstmonceux, and perhaps after a
while Marchioness of Banff; for Vincent thinks if the Conservatives come
in his father will be raised a step in the peerage."
"And is it for that you sell yourself? Oh, Claudia, how Satan fools you!
Be rational; consider: what is it to be a countess, or even a
marchioness? It is 'distance lends enchantment to the view.' Here in
this country, where, thank the Lord, there is no hereditary rank,--no
titles and no coronets,--these things, from their remoteness, impress
your imagination, and disturb your judgment. You will not feel so in
England; there, where there are hundreds and thousands of titled
personages, your coveted title will sink to its proper level, and you
will find yourself of much less importance in London as Lady Vincent,
than you are in Washington as Miss Merlin. There you will find how
little you have really gained by the sacrifice of truth, honor, and
purity; all that is best in your woman's nature--all that is best in
your earthly, yes, and your eternal life."
"Bee, have you done?"
"No. You have given me two reasons why I think you ought not to marry
the viscount: first, because you do not love him, and secondly, because
you do love--someone else. And now I will give you two more reasons why
you should not marry him--viz., first, because he is not a good man,
and, secondly, because he does not love you. There!" said Beatrice
firmly.
"Bee, how dare you say that! What should you know of his character? And
why should you think he does not love me?"
"I feel that he is not a good man; so do you, I will venture to say,
Claudia. And I know that he marries you for some selfish or mercenary
motive--your money, possibly. And so also do you know it, Claudia, I
dare to affirm."
"Have you anything more to say?"
"Only this: to beg, to pray, to urge you not to sin--not to debase
yourself! Oh, Claudia, if loving Ishmael as you profess to do, and
loathing the viscount as you confess you do, and knowing that he cares
nothing for you, you still marry him for his title and his rank, as you
admit you will--Claudia! Claudia! in the pure sight of angels you will
be more guilty, and less pardonable than the poor lost creatures of the
pavement, whose shadow you would scarcely allow to fall across your
path!"
"Bee, you insult, you offend, you madden me! If this be so--if you speak
the truth--I cannot help it, and I do not care. I am ambitious. If I
immolate all my womanly feelings to become a peeress, it is as I would
certainly and ruthlessly destroy everything that stood in my way to
become a queen, if that were possible."
"Good heavens, Claudia! are you then really a fiend in female form?"
exclaimed the dismayed girl.
"I do not know. I may be so. I think Satan has taken possession of me
since my betrothal. At least I feel that I could be capable of great
crimes to secure great ends," said Claudia recklessly.
"And, oh, Heaven! the opportunity will be surely afforded you, if you do
not repent. Satan takes good care to give his servants the fullest
freedom to develop their evil. Oh, Claudia, for the love of Heaven, stop
where you are! go no further. Your next step on this sinful road may
make retreat impossible. Break off this marriage at once. Better the
broken troth--better the nine days' wonder--than the perjured bride, and
the loveless, sinful nuptials! You said you were ambitious. Claudia!"
here Bee's voice grew almost inaudible from intense passion--"Claudia!
you do not know--you cannot know what it costs me to say what I am about
to say to you now; but--I will say it: You love Ishmael. Well, he loves
you--ah! far better than you love him, or than you are capable of loving
anyone. For you all his toils have been endured, all his laurels won.
Claudia! be proud of this great love; it is a hero's love--a poet's
love. Claudia! you have received much adulation in your life, and you
will receive much more; but you never have received, and you never will,
so high an honor as you have in Ishmael's love. It is a crown of glory
to your life. You are ambitious! Well, wait for him; give him a few
short years and he will attain honors, not hereditary, but all his own.
He will reach a position that the proudest woman may be proud to share;
and his wife shall take a higher rank among American matrons than the
wife of a mere nobleman can reach in England. And his untitled name,
like that of Cæsar, shall be a title in itself."
"Bee! Bee! you wring my heart in two. You drive me mad. It cannot be, I
tell you! It can never be. He may rise--there is no doubt but that he
will! But let him rise ever so high, I cannot be his wife--his wife!
Horrible! I came of a race of which all the men were brave, and all the
women pure! And he--"
"Is braver than the bravest man of your race! purer than the purest
woman!" interrupted Bee fervently.
"He is the child of shame, and his heritage is dishonor! He bears his
mother's maiden name, and she was--the scorn of his sex and the reproach
of ours! And this is the man you advise me, Claudia Merlin, whose hand
is sought in marriage by the heir of one of the oldest earldoms in
England, to marry! Bee, the insult is unpardonable! You might as well
advise me to marry my father's footman! and better, for Powers came at
least of honest parents!" said Claudia, speaking in the mad, reckless,
defiant way in which those conscious of a bad argument passionately
defend their point.
For a few moments Bee seemed speechless with indignation. Then she burst
forth vehemently:
"It is false! as false as the Father of Falsehood himself! When thorns
produce figs, or the deadly nightshade nectarines; when eaglets are
hatched in owls' nests and young lions spring from rat holes, then I may
believe these foul slanders of Ishmael and his parents. Shame on you,
Claudia Merlin, for repeating them! You have shown me much evil in your
heart to-night; but nothing so bad as that! Ishmael is nature's
gentleman! His mother must have been pure and lovely and loving! his
father good and wise and brave! else how could they have given this son
to the world! And did you forget, Claudia, when you spoke those cruel
words of him, did you forget that only a little while ago you admitted
that you loved him, and that all which was best in your nature approved
that love?"
"No, I did not and do not forget it! It was and it is true! But what of
that? I may not be able to help adoring him for his personal excellence!
But to be his wife--the wife of a--Horrible!"
"Have you forgotten, Claudia, that only a few minutes ago you said that
you could not conceive of a diviner happiness than to be the beloved
wife of Ishmael?"
"No, I have not forgotten it! And I spoke the truth! but that joy which
I could so keenly appreciate can never, never be mine! And that is the
secret of my madness--for I am mad, Bee! And, oh, I came here to-night
with my torn and bleeding heart--torn and bleeding from the dreadful
battle between love and pride--came here with my suffering heart; my
sinful heart if you will; and laid it on your bosom to be soothed; and
you have taken it and flung it back in my face! You have broken the
bruised reed; quenched the smoking flax; humbled the humble; smitten the
fallen! Oh, Bee, you have been more cruel than you know! Good-by!
Good-by!" And she turned and flung herself out of the room.
"Claudia, dear Claudia, oh, forgive me! I did not mean to wound you; if
I spoke harshly it was because I felt for both! Claudia, come back,
love!" cried Bee, hurrying after her; but Claudia was gone. Bee would
have followed her; but little Lu's voice was heard in plaintive notes.
Bee returned to the room to find her little sister lying awake with
wide-open, frightened eyes.
"Oh, Bee! don't do! and don't let she tome bat. She stares Lu!"
"Shall Bee take Lu up and rock her to sleep?"
"'Es."
Bee gently lifted the little one and sat down in the rocking-chair and
began to rock slowly and sing softly. But presently she stopped and
whispered:
"Baby!"
"'Es, Bee."
"Do you love cousin Claudia?"
"'Es, but she wates me up and stares me; don't let she tome adain, Bee."
"No, I will not; but poor Claudia is not happy; won't you ask the Lord
to bless poor Claudia? He hears little children like you!"
"'Es; tell me what to say, Bee." And without another word the little one
slid down upon her knees and folded her hands, while Bee taught the
sinless child to pray for the sinful woman.
And then she took the babe again upon her lap, and rocked slowly and
sung softly until she soothed her to sleep.
Then Bee arose and rustled softly about the room, making her simple
toilet before going to the saloon to join the guests.