[Illustration: _Sultan Addison (his mind on the house famine)._ "TELL
ME THE STORY OF THE PALACE BUILT IN A SINGLE NIGHT."]
_Monday, April 7th_.--The FIRST COMMISSIONER OF WORKS is determined
that there shall be no slack time in the furniture-removing industry.
To that end he is arranging that the business-premises in Kingsway
now being vacated by the Government shall be filled by the Commission
Internationale de Ravitaillement, that the Commission's old premises
shall then be occupied by the Air Ministry, and that the Hotel Cecil
shall then be restored to its original owners--unless, of course, it
should be wanted by the Department lately housed in Kingsway. "Musical
chairs," muttered Colonel WEDGWOOD.
That was not the hon. and gallant Member's only contribution to the
gaiety of the proceedings. He essayed to move the adjournment in order
to discuss the situation of our troops in Russia, but was reminded
that there was already a motion on the Order Paper dealing with that
subject and standing in his own name. An attempt to perform the
difficult manoeuvre of getting out of his own light was frustrated by
the SPEAKER, who, to the argument that the motion on the Paper
dealt with a wider subject, replied "_Majus in se minus continet_."
Overwhelmed by this display of erudition, the victim murmured "_Der
Tag!_" and collapsed.
In moving the Second Reading of the Housing Bill Dr. ADDISON thought
it necessary to disclaim any intention of posing as "an Oriental
potentate," modestly adding, "I do not look the part." He has,
however, one characteristic of the Eastern ruler, namely, a delight in
long stories. It took him two hours to tell the House in melancholy
monotone all about the defects of our present system and his proposals
for removing them. Unfortunately he has not the Oriental gift of
transforming slums into palaces in a single night, but hopes to
produce a similar effect by treating the local authorities with a
judicious mixture of subsidies and ginger.
_Tuesday, April 8th_.--Congratulations to Lord ASKWITH on taking his
seat in the House of Lords and condolences (in advance) to those
foreign journals which will inevitably announce that the ex-PRIME
MINISTER has overcome his objections to taking a peerage.
Lord BUCKMASTER'S futile attempt to resist the passage of the Military
Service Bill was chiefly remarkable for his epigrammatic description
of the present SECRETARY OF STATE FOR WAR--"a man of great capacity, a
man of most restless and versatile energy and unconquerable will,
and of the most vivid and most illimitable and elusive vision of
any politician of recent time." Several public schoolmasters, I
understand, have already noted its possibilities as a suitable extract
for translation into Tacitean Latin.
Lord CURZON hastened to assure Lord BUCKMASTER that, though deprived
of his co-operation, the present Cabinet thought itself equal
to coping with Mr. CHURCHILL. As for the Bill, there were still
storm-clouds over Europe that might break at any moment; and every
threatened nationality was uttering the same cry, "Send us British
troops." Although we could not respond to all these appeals, we must
have the power to give aid when the circumstances required it.
Some of our warriors are already experiencing the horrors of peace.
Mr. CHURCHILL has promised searching inquiry into the case of the
officer who sent a hundred-word telegram--at Government expense--about
a dog; and Mr. CHAMBERLAIN, on his attention being called to the
forty-three motorcars still in use by the War Office, gave an answer
which implied an impending slump in joy-rides.
Sir MARTIN CONWAY'S anxiety that an "archaeologically-qualified
official" should be entrusted with the duty of protecting the ancient
monuments of Mesopotamia was relieved by Mr. FISHER. Such an official
had already been sent out--not from the War Office, where all the
"archaeologically qualified" are presumably too busy--but from the
British Museum. Part of his work had been kindly done for him by the
German scientists, who had collected ninety cases of specimens, now in
our hands. The removal of bricks or other antiquities had long been
forbidden--rather a blow to Dr. ADDISON, who in the present shortage
of building material is very envious of the new Bavarian Government
with a bricklayer at its head.
_Wednesday, April 9th_.--In the Commons Dr. MACNAMARA announced that
the Admiralty did not propose to perpetuate the title "Grand Fleet"
for the principal squadron of His Majesty's Navy. The Grand Fleet is
now a part of the history that it did so much to make.
On the Third Reading of the Ministry of Health Bill Mr. J.H. THOMAS
made a rather ungracious allusion to the Local Government Board. _De
moribundis nil nisi bonum_ should have been his motto, especially as
the old Department has done splendid work (and never better than in
recent times under Sir HORACE MONRO) for the health and comfort of His
Majesty's lieges.
If words were as effective as bullets the Bolshevist Government in
Russia would have but a brief existence. The rumour that LENIN had
made overtures to the Allies moved Mr. CLEM EDWARDS to a display of
virtuous vituperation that Mr. BOTTOMLEY found difficult to equal,
though he did his best. Even Colonel WEDGWOOD, though he evidently
thinks we ought to make peace with LENIN, indignantly repudiated the
suggestion that he himself is a Bolshevist. Towards the close of the
evening the HOME SECRETARY declared that no proposals from LENIN had
reached our delegates in Paris--a statement which, if made a few hours
earlier, would have rendered the debate superfluous. In his opinion
the proposals, whatever they may be, had been "made in Germany" and
should be excluded as goods of enemy origin. His statement that he was
deporting Bolshevists every day was satisfactory so far as it went,
but left the House wondering how they had been permitted to get here.
_Thursday, April 10th_.--The House does not feel quite the same
without its BONAR, who has once more flown off to Paris. Question
after Question was "postponed" for his return. We were informed,
however, that the delay in releasing Charles the First from internment
was due to the necessity of repairing sundry damages to his fabric,
due, I understand, not to Zeppelins or Gothas, but to the corroding
tooth of Time.
Several Questions regarding an explosive magazine at Dinas Mawddwy
have lately been addressed to the Ministry of Munitions. Hitherto
they have received rather cryptic replies, no one in the Department
apparently being prepared to pronounce the name. But this afternoon
Mr. HOPE, after a few preliminary sentences to get his voice into
condition, boldly blurted out, "Dinnus Mouthwy," and received the
tribute which the House always pays to true courage.
[Illustration: MODIFIED MOTOR FACILITIES.