No enthusiasm attended the recent revival of the curious May Day
custom of dancing round the snow man.
***
Since the Muzzling Order, says a weekly paper, fewer postmen in the
West End have been bitten by dogs. We are asked by the Dogs' Trade
Union to point out that this is not due to the Muzzling Order, but
to the fact that just at present there is a fine supply of dairy-fed
milkmen in that district.
***
A negress has just died in South America, aged 136. It is supposed
that the exodus of so many of her descendants to London on account
of the great demand for Jazz-band players was largely responsible for
hastening her end.
***
According to a local paper an American officer refused to stay at
a seaside hotel during Easter-time because a flea hopped on to the
visitors' book whilst he was in the act of signing it. We agree that
it is certainly rather alarming when these unwelcome intruders adopt
such methods of espionage in order to discover which room one is about
to occupy.
***
The Society of Public Analysts declares that it is impossible to tell
what animal or what part of it is contained in a sausage. We gather
that it all depends on whether the beast is backed into the machine or
enticed into it with a sardine.
***
The British people still feel themselves the victors, so Mr. RAMSAY
MACDONALD told the _Vossische Zeitung_. Not Mr. MACDONALD'S fault, of
course.
***
London butchers have protested against being compelled to sell
Chilian, Brazilian, Manchurian _and other_ beef. A simple way to
distinguish "other beef" from Manchurian beef is to offer it to the
cat. If it eats it, it is neither.
***
The Board of Agriculture claims that since 1914 eleven thousand
persons have been taught to make cheese. It is admitted, however, that
as the result of inexperience the mortality among young cheeses has
been enormous.
***
The Labour Party are submitting a Motion in the House of Commons
for the reduction of railway fares. An alternative suggestion that
passengers should be allowed to pay the extra shilling or two and buy
the train outright will probably be put forward.
***
The sum of £15,650 has just been paid for the lease of a West End
flat, says a contemporary. If this includes use of the bath, it seems
a bit of a bargain.
***
We gather from an American newspaper that shooting for the new Mexican
Presidency has commenced.
***
An East End fishmonger is reported to have sold fish at one penny a
pound. The controlled price being much higher, several trade rivals
have offered to bear the expense of a doctor for this man as they feel
that something may be pressing on his brain.
***
A Berlin message indicates that the man who shot KURT EISNER has again
been assassinated by the Spartacists. This, of course, cannot be the
end of the business. The last and positively final execution of the
man still rests with the German Government.
***
There has never been a case of rabies in Scotland, says _The Evening
News_. This speaks well for the bagpipes as a defensive weapon.
***
According to a Boston message some Americans gave Admiral WOOD, U.S.
Navy, a very cool reception the other day. In shaking hands with him
they only broke seven small bones.
***
We are pleased to be able to say that the recently demobilised
soldier who accidentally swallowed some "plum and apple" in a London
restaurant is well on the road to recovery.
***
The number of hot-cross-bun specialists who, since Easter, have
been in receipt of unemployment pay has not yet been disclosed for
publication.
***
A dog has returned to its home at Walsworth after being absent for two
months. It is feared that he has been leading a double life.
***
"Throughout the country," says a well-known daily paper, "the
hedges and trees are now budding forth into green leaves." This, we
understand, is according to precedent.
***
"Is your rent raised?" asks a contemporary. With difficulty, if he
_must_ know.
***
Newcastle Justices have extinguished eight licences for redundancy.
There is no reason for supposing that the offence was intentional.
***
The report that the prehistoric flint axe recently found at Ascot had
been claimed by Sir FREDERICK BANBURY, M.P., is denied. Sir FREDERICK,
it appears, merely expressed warm approval of it.
***
The Manchester Parks Committee is considering the question of opening
the Municipal Golf Links for Sunday play. It is contended that the
more anti-Sabbatarian features of the game could be eliminated by
allowing players to pick out of a bunker without penalty.
***
Much advice has recently appeared in the Press regarding the treatment
of bites received from mad dogs, and in consequence there is a
movement on foot among Missionaries to obtain some information
regarding the best method of treating the bite of a cannibal.
***
A Chicago woman has been charged with attempting to shoot her husband
with a jewelled and gold-handled revolver. We are pleased to note that
the American authorities are determined to put down such ostentation.
***
It has come to our ears that a certain Conscientious Objector now
feels so ashamed of his refusal to fight that he has practically
decided to take boxing lessons by post.
* * * * *
[Illustration: "WHAT'S THAT THING YOU'VE GOT ON, ALBERT?"
"TRENCH COAT."
"BUT YOU'VE NEVER BEEN IN THE TRENCHES."
"I KNOW. THAT'S THE IDEA."]
* * * * *