DEAR COUSIN FRED,--What a mine of information you are! I touch
a spring and out comes Primus Postumus Petherton. The name
conjures up visions of grey church towers, monumental urns
and the eulogies in verse beloved of Georgian poets. I wonder
whether Possy was a great letter-writer and kept poultry.
By the way, what a lot of good things begin with a "P," and,
talking of poultry, I notice yours are laying, or should be.
They are certainly in full song these mornings.
I'm so glad that you're so glad that I'm a relation. When I
was at the Record Office again yesterday I searched for more
information about my new-found relatives. In fact I dug up
the Petherton allotment thoroughly and unearthed Priscilla
and Anne, both of CHARLES I.'s time, and Marmaduke of the
Restoration.
I couldn't exhume a complete family tree, or no doubt I should
have found all these worthies hanging on their respective
branches, though Marmaduke might have dropped off, as he
appears to have been a bit over-ripe from what I could gather
from the records.
How are the Food Regulations suiting you? Judging from your
last letter I'm afraid you are not taking enough starch.
Of course I know it's gone up fearfully in price lately.
Personally I've taken to wearing soft collars.
Your affectionate Cousin, H.F.
Aren't you pleased that potatoes have come in again? (Another
good thing beginning with a P.)
Petherton ground his teeth for a last bout, and bade me come on.
SIR (he wrote),--I'm glad you've taken to soft collars. They
will suit your soft head. As for food, I'm afraid you're not
taking enough arsenic. A slight touch of relationship to my
family has evidently turned your brain. I cannot say how
sorry I am that you should have discovered the one flaw in
my pedigree.
Yours faithfully,