[_A correspondent, having failed to let his property through the
ordinary channels of advertisement, falls back upon "Mr. Punch's" help,
having noticed in his pages several examples of the charm of Commercial
Candour._]
House to be Sold, with Garage--or can be let alone; detached (owing to
subsidence of soil); standing on its own ground (except for a small
portion which is lying in neighbour's yard). There are three stories:
(1) that it is haunted, (2) that it is unfit for human habitation, (3)
that it is mortgaged up to the hilt. The title is undisputed.
The house faces N. and S.--or _did_ when last inspected. It commands a
magnificent view of the back gardens of the next street, where a weekly
regatta is held every Monday. For lovers of music there is a piano next
door and five gramophones within audible distance; an organ plays every
Saturday at the house opposite.
The sky-light affords an unobstructed view of the firmament--not
surpassed in the wilds of Scotland.
The garden is small, but cannot possibly be overlooked even by the most
short-sighted and unobservant. The soil is very fertile, grass growing
readily under the feet. The presence of the early bird indicates an
abundance of ground game. There is some fine ancient timber in a corner,
possibly the remains of a bicycle shed.
On the ground floor are three sitting-rooms, each with standing room
also; every one of them is a study. There is no actual smoking-room, but
one can be improvised in a moment by lighting any of the fires. There is
a large attic suitable for a billiard-room for short men. The
wine-cellar contains fifty cubic feet of water, thus ensuring a uniform
temperature; there is a large collection of empty bottles, which could
be left. The water supply is constant, so also are the applications for
rates. The drains on the property are immense. There is gas all over the
house. Summonses are served at the door, and the tradesmen call many
times daily and wait if you are out.
The owner is obliged to go abroad for private reasons and must dispose
of the property at once. The house, being concrete, can be seen at any
time, or an abstract can be had on application to the Caretaker who is
within--or should be. If not within will be found at the "King's Arms"
next door. For particulars apply to Phibbs and Gammon, Jerry Buildings,
Wapping.
* * * * *
"Dr. A. M. Low, of Shepherd's Bush, states that he has
discovered a process by which photographs can be sent four
miles."
_Daily Express._
To show him that the discovery is an old one we are sending him ours. By
special messenger-boy process.
* * * * *
"On the concluding day Major Orman and the officers of the
battalion were At Home to the station. The ladies of the latter
assembled in their smallest frocks."--_Rangoon Gazette._
And in these days they can be very small indeed.
* * * * *