_First Luncher._ Waiter, bring me the bill, please.
_Waiter._ Yes, Sir.
_Second Luncher._ No, I say, old man, this is mine. Waiter, bring the
bill to me.
_W._ Yes, Sir.
_F. L._ No, waiter, it's mine.
_S. L._ My dear old chap----
_F. L._ Yes, it's mine. Get it, waiter.
_W._ Yes, Sir.
_S. L._ But I asked you.
_F. L._ No, I asked you.
_S. L._ Yes, but I asked you first.
_F. L._ That doesn't matter.
_S. L._ Of course it does. And I've been doing all the ordering too.
_F. L._ That's all right. I'm glad you have. You do it very well.
_S. L._ Well, I want to pay.
_F. L._ Oh, no, my dear fellow. It's my lunch. I've been feeling like
the host all the time.
_S. L._ So have I. I haven't felt like a guest at all. It's my bill.
_F. L._ I couldn't hear of it. You came here to lunch with me.
_S. L._ Upon my soul, I thought you were lunching with me. I asked you,
you know.
_F. L._ You can't deny I asked you; I said, "We'll lunch together next
Thursday," didn't I?
_S. L._ That's all right, but I swear I asked you first. It was because
I had asked you that you said what you said.
_F. L._ Well, I look on it as my lunch, anyway.
_S. L._ Then why did you let me order the things and send back that
wine?
_F. L._ That's all right, old man. You've been lunching with me to-day.
Next time I'll lunch with you.
_S. L._ I'm not satisfied with it. I consider this my lunch.
_F. L._ No, no. It's mine. Here's the waiter.
_S. L._ Waiter, let me have that.
_F. L._ No, waiter, give it to me.
_S. L. (snatching the bill, glancing at it, and hastily slamming down a
sovereign)._ That's all right, waiter. Keep the change.
_W._ Yes, Sir; thank you, Sir.
_F. L._ Waiter, don't take that money. This is my affair.
_W._ Yes, Sir.
_S. L._ It's all over now, old chap. It's paid. Come along. (_Gets up._)
_F. L. (producing a sovereign)._ That's for the bill, waiter. I don't
know anything about that other money.
_S. L._ But it's paid. It's done with.
_F. L._ Oh, no. You mustn't do that. It's my lunch. I asked you, you
know. Why, I told my wife this morning that you were lunching with me
to-day.
_S. L._ I asked you first, you know.
_F. L._ I don't think so, old chap; I don't indeed.
_S. L._ I assure you I never had a shadow of doubt about it. I took it
for granted that you knew you were lunching with me and I was the host.
Otherwise should I have made that fuss about the omelette? Should I now?
_F. L._ I was very glad you did. I felt that you felt at home.
_S. L._ It puts me in such an awkward position. Really, I should take it
as a personal favour if you'd let me pay.
_F. L._ No, no. No, no. This is my affair. I asked you.
_S. L._ I asked you first.
_F. L._ No, no. No, no. Come along. Here's your sovereign.
_S. L._ Well, I consent, but under protest. Next time you really lunch
with me.
_F. L._ Right-o. I'd love to.
* * * * *
"Lines of an alliterative character will occur to anyone who has
read much poetry. There is a notable example in Shelley's
'Skylark.'
'Singing still dost roar, and roaring ever singest.'"
_Dublin Sunday Independent._
A man we know does this much better than any skylark.
* * * * *
_The Daily Chronicle_ (of Kingston, Jamaica) informs its readers that
"According to Theopompus, a waiter of the fourth century B.C., the
Epirots were divided into fourteen independent tubes." The waiters of
Epirus must have found this a great convenience when ordering meals from
the kitchen.
* * * * *