We were discussing vacations and Sammy, who is eleven years old going on
twelve, listened nervously to his father. Finally Sammy spoke up:
"I won't go," he bristled. "No, I won't if I gotta tell the conductor I'm
under five. I ain't going."
Sammy's father coughed with some embarrassment.
"Sha!" said Feodor Mishkin, removing his attention from the bowl of fruit,
"I see it takes more than naturalization papers to change a
_landsmann_ from Kremetchuk." And he fastened a humorous eye upon
Sammy's father.
"It's like this," continued the Falstaffian one from Roosevelt Road: "In
Russia where my friend here, Hershela comes from, that is in Russia of the
good old days where there were pogroms and ghettos and _provocateurs_--ah,
I grow homesick for that old Russia sometimes--the Jews were not always so
honest as they might be. Don't interrupt me, Hershela. My friend here I
want to tell a story to is a journalist and he will understand I am no
'antishemite' if I explain how it is that you want your son Sammy to tell
the conductor he is under five."
* * * * *
Turning to me Mishkin grinned and proceeded.
"The Jews, as you know, are great travelers," he said. "They have traveled
more than all the other peoples put together. And yet, they don't like to
pay car fare, in Russia, particular. I can remember my father, who was a
good rabbi and a holy man. Yes, but when it came time to ride on the train
from one city to another he would fold up his long beard and crawl under
the seat.
"It was only on such an occasion that my father would talk to a woman. He
would actually rather cut off his right hand than talk to a woman in
public that he didn't know. This was because Rabbi Mishkin, my father, was
a holy man. But he was not above asking a woman to spread out her skirts
so that the inspector coming through the train couldn't see him under the
seat.
"Of course, you had to pay the conductors. But a ruble was enough, not ten
or twenty rubles like the fare called for. And the conductors were always
glad to have Jews ride on their train because it meant a private revenue
for them. I remember that the conductors on the line running through
Kremetchuk had learned a few words of Yiddish. For instance, when the
train would stop at a station the conductor would walk up and down the
platform and cry out a few times--_mu kennt_. This meant that the
inspector wasn't on the train and you could jump on and hide under the
seats. Or if the inspector was on the train the conductor would walk up
and down and yell a few times, _Malchamovis_! This is a Hebrew word
that means Evil Angel and it was the signal for nothing doing.
"The story I remember is on a train going but of Kiev," said Mishkin.
"Years ago it was. I was sitting in the train reading some Russian papers
when I heard three old Jews talking. They had long white beards and there
were marks on their foreheads from where they laid twillum. Yes, I saw
that they were holy men and pretty soon I heard that they were upset about
something. You know what? I'll tell you.
"For a religious Jew in the old country to pass an evening without a
minyon is a sin. A minyon is a prayer that is said at evening. And to make
a minyon there must be ten Jews. And they must stand up when they pray. Of
course, if you are somewhere where there are no ten Jews, then maybe it's
all right to say it with three or four Jews only.
"So these holy men on the train were arguing if they should have a minyon
or not because there were only three of them. But finally they decided
after a theological discussion that it would be all right to have the
minyon. It was dark already and the train was going fast and the three
Jews stood up in their place at the end of the car and began the prayer.
"And pretty soon I began to hear voices. Yes, from under nearly every
seat. Voices praying. A mumble-bumble that filled the car. I didn't know
what to make of it for a few minutes. But then I remembered. Of course,
the car was full of rabbis or at least holy men and they were as usual
riding with their beards folded up under the seats.
* * * * *
"So," smiled Mishkin, "the prayer continued and some of the passengers who
were listening began to smile. You can imagine. But the three Jews paid no
attention. They went on with the minyon. And now, listen, now comes the
whole story You will laugh. But it is true. I saw it with my own eyes.
"The prayer, like I told you, must be said standing up. At least it is a
sin to say the last part of the prayer, particularly the 'amen,' without
standing up. So as the prayer came towards its finish imagine what
happened. From under a dozen seats began to appear old Jews with white
beards. They crawled out and without brushing themselves off stood up and
when the 'amen' finally came there were eleven Jews standing up in a group
and praying. Under the seats it was completely vacant.
"And just at this moment, when the 'amen' filled the car, who should come
through but the inspector in his uniform with his lantern. When he saw
this whole car full of passengers he hadn't seen before he stopped in
surprise. And the finish of it was that they all had to pay their
fare--extra fare, too.
* * * * *
"It is a nice story, don't you think, Hershela" Mishkin laughed. "It shows
a lot of things, but principally it shows that a holy man is a holy man
first and that he will sacrifice himself to an inquisition in Madrid or a
train inspector in Kiev for the simple sake of saying his 'amen' just as
he believed it should be said and just as he wants to say it."
Sammy's father shrugged his shoulders.
"I don't see how what you say has anything to do with what my son said,"
he demurred. "Sammy looks user more than five and what harm is there in
saving $15 if--"
Sammy interrupted with a wail.
"I won't go," he cried. "No, if I gotta tell the conductor I'm under five
I better stay home. I don't wanna go. He'll know I'm 'leven going on
twelve."
"All right, all right," sighed Sammy's father. "But you see," he added,
turning to Mishkin, "it ain't on account of wanting to have a minyon that
my son has such high ideas."