Dapper Pete Handley, the veteran con man, shook hands all around with his
old friends in the detective bureau and followed his captors into the
basement. Another pinch for Dapper Pete; another jam to pry out of. The
cell door closed and Pete composed his lean, gambler's face, eyed his
manicured nails and with a sigh sat down on the wooden cell bench to wait
for his lawyer.
"Whether I'm guilty of this or not," said Dapper Pete, "it goes to show
what a sucker a guy is--even a smart guy. This ain't no sermon against a
life of crime I'm pulling, mind you. I'm too old to do that and my sense
of humor is workin' too good. I'm only sayin' what a sucker a guy
is--sometimes. Take me."
Dapper Pete registered mock woe.
"Not that I'm guilty, mind you, or anything like that. But on general
principles I usually keep out of the way of the coppers. Especially when
there's been a misunderstanding concerning some deal or other. Well, how I
happen to be here just goes to show what a sucker a guy is--even me."
* * * * *
Pressed for the key to his self-accusation, Dapper Pete continued:
"I come straight here from Grand Island, Neb. I had a deal on in Grand
Island and worked it for a couple of months. And after I finished there
was trouble and I left. I knew there would be warrants and commotion, the
deal having flopped and a lot of prominent citizens feeling as if they had
been bilked. You know how them get-rich-quick investors are. If they don't
make 3,000 per cent profit over night they raise a squawk right away. And
wanna arrest you.
"So I lit out and came to Chicago and when I got here some friends of mine
tipped me off that there was considerable hunt for me. Well, I figured
that the Nebraska coppers had let out a big holler and I thought it best
to lay kind of low and keep out of trouble. That was only last week, you
see.
"So I get the bright idea. Layin' around town with nothin' to do but keep
out of sight ain't the cinch it sounds. You get so sick and tired of your
own company that you're almost ready to throw your arms around the first
harness bull you meet.
"But," smiled Dapper Pete, "I restrained myself."
There was time out while Pete discussed the irresponsibility, cruelty and
selfishness of policemen in general. After which he continued with his
original narrative:
"It was like this," he said. "I made up my mind that I would take in a few
of the points of interest in the city I ain't ever got around to. Being a
Chicagoan, like most Chicagoans I ain't ever seen any of our natural
wonders at all. So first day out I figured that the place no copper would
ever look for me would be like the Field Museum and in the zoo and on the
beach and like that.
"So, first of all, I join a rubberneck crowd in one of the carryalls with
a megaphone guy in charge. And I ride around all day. I got kind of
nervous owing to the many coppers we kept passing and exchanging
courtesies with. But I stuck all day, knowing that no sleuth was going
looking for Dapper Pete on a rubberneck wagon.
"Well, then I spent three days in the Field Museum, eyeing the exhibits.
Can you beat it? I walk around and walk around rubbering at mummies and
bones and--well, I ain't kiddin', but they was among the three most
interesting days I ever put in. And I felt pretty good, too, knowin' that
no copper would be thinking of Dapper Pete as being in the museums.
"Then after that I went to the zoo and, rubbered at the animals and birds.
And I sat in the park and watched comical ball games and golf games and
the like. And then I went on some of those boats that run between no place
and nowhere--you get on at a pier and ride for a half hour and get off at
a pier and have to call a taxi in order to find your way back to anywhere.
You get me?
"I'm tellin' you all this," said Dapper Pete cautiously, "with no
reference to the charges involved and for which I am pinched and
incarcerated for, see? But I thought you might make a story out of the way
a guy like me with all my experience dogin' coppers can play himself for a
sucker.
"Well, pretty soon I pretty near run out of rube spots to take in. And
then I think suddenly of the observation towers like on the Masonic Temple
and the Wrigley Building. I headed for them right away, figuring to take a
sandwich or so along and spend the day leisurely giving the city the once
over from my eerie perch.
"And when I come home that night and told my friends about it they was all
excited. They all agreed that I had made the discovery of the age and all
claimed to feel sorry they wasn't hiding out from the coppers, just for
the sake of bein' able to lay low on top of a loop building. It does sound
pretty good, even now.
"I was on my fifth day and was just walking in on the Masonic Temple
observation platform when things began to happen. You know how the city
looks from high up. Like a lot of toys crawling around. And it's nice and
cool and on the whole as good a place to lay low in as you want. And
there's always kind of comical company, see? Rubes on their honeymoon and
sightseers and old maids and finicky old parties afraid of fallin' off,
and gals and their Johns lookin' for some quiet place to spoon."
* * * * *
Dapper Pete sighed in memory.
"I am sitting there nibbling a sandwich," he went on, "when a hick comes
along and looks at me."
"'Hello, pardner,' he says. 'How's the gas mine business?'
"And I look at him and pretend I don't savvy at all. But this terrible
looking rube grins and walks up to me, so help me God, and pulls back his
lapel and shows me the big star.
"'You better come along peaceabul,' he says. 'I know you, Pete Handley,'
just like that. So I get up and follow this hick down the elevator and he
turns me over to a cop on State Street and I am given the ride to the
hoosegow. Can you beat it?"
"But who was the party with the star and why the pinch?" I asked Dapper
Pete. That gentleman screwed his lean, gambler's face into a ludicrous
frown.
"Him," he sighed, "that was Jim Sloan, constable from Grand Island, Neb.
And they sent him here about two weeks ago to find me. See? And all this
rube does is ride around in rubberneck wagons and take in the museums and
parks, having no idee where I was. He figured merely on enjoyin' himself
at Nebraska's expense.
"And he was just on the observation tower lookin' over the city in his
rube way when I have to walk into him. Yes, sir, Pete Handley, and there
ain't no slicker guy in the country, walkin' like a prize sucker right
into the arms of a Grand Island, Neb., constable. It all goes to show,"
sighed Dapper Pete, "what a small world it is after all."