"How the Germans never got wind of it," writes a correspondent of the
British attack on the HINDENBURG line, "is a mystery." The failure of
certain M.P.'s to ask questions about it in Parliament beforehand may
have had something to do with it.
***
An order has been promulgated fixing the composition of horse chaff. The
approach of the pantomime season is thought to be responsible for it.
***
"We are particularly anxious," writes the Ministry of Food, "that
Christmas plum-puddings should not be kept for any length of time." A
Young Patriots' League has been formed, we understand, whose members are
bent on carrying out Lord RHONDDA'S wishes at any cost to their parents.
***
Another birthplace of ST. GEORGE has been captured in Palestine. It is
now definitely established that the sainted warrior's habit of trying to
carry-on in two places at the same time was the subject of much adverse
criticism by the military experts of the period.
***
A Camberley man charged with deserting the Navy and joining the Army
explained that he was tired of waiting for TIRPITZ to come out. We
are informed that Commander CARLYON BELLAIRS, M.P., and Admiral W.H.
HENDERSON have been asked to enlighten the poor fellow as to the true
state of affairs.
***
A skull of the Bronze Age has been found on Salisbury Plain. Several
hats of the brass age have also been seen in the vicinity.
***
Imports of ostrich feathers have fallen from £33,000 in 1915 to £182
in 1917. Ostrich farmers, it appears, are on the verge of ruin as
the result of their inability to obtain scissors and other suitable
foodstuffs for the birds.
***
"Measures are being taken to check pacifists," says Sir GEORGE CAVE.
Prison-yard measures, we hope.
***
A Stoke Newington constable has discovered a happy method of taking
people's minds off their food troubles. During the last month he has
served fifty of them with dog-summonses.
***
Five hundred pounds have been sent to the CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER
by an anonymous donor. It is thought that the man is concealing his
identity to avoid being made a baronet.
***
"What is the use of corporations if they can do nothing useful?" asks
Councillor STOCK, of Margate. It is an alluring topic, but a patriotic
Press has decided that it must be postponed in favour of the War.
***
During trench-digging on Salisbury Plain the skeleton of a young man,
apparently buried about the year 600 B.C., was unearthed. The skull was
partially fractured, evidently by a battle-axe. Foul play is suspected.
***
Sugar was sold for half-a-guinea a pound at a charity sale in the
South of England, and local grocers are complaining bitterly of unfair
competition.
***
A contemporary points out that there is a soldier in the North
Staffordshire Regiment whose name is DOUGLAS HAIG. Riots are reported in
Germany.
***
"Can Fish Smell?" asks a weekly paper headline. We can only say that in
our experience they sometimes do, especially on a Monday.
***
An employer pleading for an applicant before the Egham Tribunal stated
that he had an oil-engine which nobody else would go near. We cannot
help thinking that much might be done with a little tact, such as going
up to the engine quietly and stroking its face, or even making a noise
like a piece of oily waste.
***
Germany's new Hymn of Hate has been published. To give greater effect to
the thing and make it more fearful, Germans who contemplate singing it
are requested to grow side-whiskers.
***
It is rumoured that since his recent tirade at York against newspapers
Dr. LYTTELTON has been made an Honorary Member of the Society of
Correctors of the Press.
***
_The Evening News_ informs us that Mr. HENRY WHITE, a grave-digger of
Hellingly, has just dug his thousandth grave. Congratulations to our
contemporary upon being the first to spread the joyful news.
***
Unfortunately, says _The Daily Mail_, Lord NORTHCLIFFE cannot be in four
places at once. Pending a direct contradiction from the new Viscount
himself, we can only counsel the country to bear this announcement with
fortitude.
***
Only the other day _The Daily Chronicle_ referred to the Premier as "Mr.
George," just as if it had always been a penny paper.
***
The rush to a certain Northern suburb has died down. The rumour that
there was a polite grocer there turns out to be cruelly at variance with
the facts.
* * * * *
[Illustration: JOY-RIDING UP-TO-DATE.