_Shewing how the method of educating |daughters,| makes it
difficult for them to enter into the spirit of Christian
humility. How miserably they are injured and abused by such
an education. The spirit of a better education, represented
in the character of |Eusebia|._
1. THAT turn of mind which is taught and encouraged in the education
of _daughters_, makes it exceeding difficult for them to enter into
such a sense and practice of humility, as the spirit of Christianity
requireth.
*The right education of this _sex_ is of the utmost importance. For
tho’ _women_ don’t carry on the _trade_ and _business_ of the world;
yet as they are _mothers_ and _mistresses_ of families, that have
for some time the care of the education of their children, they are
entrusted with that which is of the greatest consequence to human life.
For this reason, _good_ or _bad_ women are likely to do as much good
or harm in the world, as good or bad men in the greatest business.
*For as the _health_ and _strength_, or _weakness_ of our bodies, is
much owing to _their methods_ of treating us when we were young; so
the _soundness_ or _folly_ of our minds is not less owing to these
_first tempers_ and ways of thinking, which we eagerly received from
the _love_, _tenderness_, _authority_, and constant _conversation_ of
our mothers.
*As we call our first language our _mother-tongue_, so we may as
justly call our first tempers our _mother-tempers_; and perhaps it
may be found more easy to forget the _language_, than to part entirely
with those _tempers_ which we learnt in the _nursery_.
2. It is therefore much to be lamented, that this _sex_, who have the
first forming both of our _bodies_ and _minds_, are not only educated
in _pride_, but in the _silliest_ and most _contemptible_ part of it.
*They are not indeed suffered to dispute with us the proud _prizes_ of
_arts_ and _sciences_; but we turn them over to the study of _beauty_
and _dress_, and the whole world conspires to make them think of
nothing else. _Fathers_ and _mothers_, _friends_ and _relations_, seem
to have no other wish towards the _little girl_, but that she may have
a _fair skin_, _a fine shape_, _dress well_, and _dance_ to admiration.
Now if a fondness for our _persons_, a desire of _beauty_, a love of
_dress_, be a part of pride (as surely it is a most contemptible part
of it) the first step towards a _woman’s humility_, seems to require a
_repentance_ of her education.
For it must be owned, that, generally speaking, good parents are never
more fond of their daughters, than when they see them _too fond_ of
themselves, and _dressed_ in such a manner, as is a great reproach to
the gravity and sobriety of the Christian life.
3. The _church_ has formerly had _eminent saints_ in that sex; and it
may reasonably be thought, that it is purely owing to their _poor_ and
_vain_ education, that this honour of their sex is for the _most part_
confined to _former_ ages.
*The corruption of the world indulges them in great vanity, and
mankind seem to consider them in no other view, than as so many
_painted idols_, that are to allure and gratify their passions; so
that if many women are _vain_, _light_, _gewgaw_ creatures, they
have this to excuse themselves, that they are not only such as their
_education_ has made them, but such as the _generality_ the world
_allows_ them to be.
*But then they should consider, that the _friends_ to their _vanity_
are no friends of theirs; that they are to live for _themselves_;
that they have as great a share in the _rational nature_ as men have;
that they have as much _reason_ to pretend, and as much _necessity_ to
aspire after the _highest accomplishments_ of Christian virtue, as the
_gravest_ and _wisest_ among Christian _philosophers_.
*They should consider, that they are _abused_, and _injured_, and
_betrayed_ from their _only perfection_, whenever they are taught,
that any thing is an _ornament_ in them, that is not an ornament in
the _wisest_ among mankind.
4. *It is generally said, that _women_ are naturally of _little_ and
_vain minds_; but this I look upon to be as _false_, as to say, that
_butchers_ are naturally _cruel_: for as their cruelty is not owing to
their _nature_, but to their _way_ of life; so whatever _littleness_
and _vanity_ is in the minds of women, it is like the cruelty of
_butchers_, a temper that is wrought into them by that life which they
are _taught_ and _accustomed_ to lead.
And if it were true, that they were thus naturally vain and light,
then how much more blameable is that education, which seems contrived
to _strengthen_ and _increase_ this folly and weakness of their
minds?
For if it were a virtue in a woman to be proud and vain of herself,
we could hardly take better means to raise this passion in her, than
those that are now used in their education.
5. *_Matilda_ is a fine woman, of good _breeding_, and great _sense_.
She has three daughters that are educated by herself. She will not
trust them with any one else, or at any _school_, for fear they should
learn any thing ill. She stays with the _dancing-master_ all the time
he is with them, because she will hear every thing that is said to
them. She has heard them read the scriptures so often, that they can
repeat great part of it without book: and there is scarce a good book
of _devotion_, but you may find it in their _closets_.
Had _Matilda_ lived in the first ages of Christianity, she had in all
probability been one of the greatest saints. But as she was born in
corrupt times, where she hardly ever saw a piety higher than her own;
so she has many defects, and communicates them all to her daughters.
6. _Matilda_ never was _meanly_ dressed in her life; and nothing
pleases her in _dress_, but that which is very _rich_, and _beautiful_
to the eye.
Her daughters see her great zeal for religion, but then they see
an equal earnestness for all sorts of _finery_. They see she is not
negligent of her _devotion_; but then they see her more careful to
preserve her _complexion_, and to prevent those changes which time
and age threaten her with.
They are afraid to meet her, if they have missed the _church_; but
then they are more afraid to see her, if they are not _laced_ as
_straight_ as they can possibly be.
She often shews them her _own picture_, which was taken when their
father fell in love with her. She tells them how _distracted_ he was
with passion at the _first sight_ of her; and that she had never had
so _fine_ a _complexion_, but for the diligence of her good mother,
who took exceeding care of it.
The children see so plainly _the temper_ of their mother, that they
affect to be _more pleased_ with dress, than they really are.
They saw their eldest sister once brought to her _tears_, and her
_perverseness_ severely reprimanded, for presuming to say, that she
thought it was better to cover the _neck_, than to go so _far naked_
as the modern dress requires.
7. She stints them in their _meals_, and is very scrupulous of what
they eat and drink, and tells them how many _fine shapes_ she has seen
spoiled in her time for want of such care.
Whenever they begin to look _sanguine_ and _healthful_, she calls in
the assistance of the _doctor_; and if _physic_, or _issues_, will
keep the complexion from inclining to _coarse_ or _ruddy_, she thinks
them well employed.
By this means they are _poor_, _pale_, _sickly_, _infirm_ creatures,
_vapoured_ through want of spirits, _crying_ at the smallest accidents,
_swooning_ away at any thing that frights them, and hardly able to
bear the _weight_ of their best cloaths.
The eldest daughter lived as long as she could under this discipline,
and died in the twentieth year of her age.
When her body was opened, it appeared that her _ribs_ had grown into
her _liver_, and that her other _entrails_ were much hurt, by being
_crushed_ together with her _stays_; which her mother had ordered to
be twitched so strait, that it has often brought tears into her eyes,
whilst the maid was dressing her.
Her youngest daughter is run away with a _gamester_, a man of great
beauty, who in _dressing_ and _dancing_ has no superior.
_Matilda_ says, she should die with grief at this accident, but that
her _conscience_ tells her, she has contributed nothing to it herself.
She appeals to their _closets_, to their books of devotion, to testify
what care she has taken to establish her children in piety.
8. Now, tho’ I don’t intend to say, that no daughters are brought
up in a _better way_ than this; yet thus much may be said, that the
greater part of them are not brought up so well, or accustomed to so
much religion.
Their minds are turned as much to the care of their beauty and dress,
without having such rules of devotion to stand against it. So that if
_solid_ piety is much wanted in that sex, it is the plain consequence
of a corrupt education.
And if they are often ready to receive the first _fops_, _beaux_, and
fine _dancers_, for their husbands, ’tis no wonder that they should
like that in men, which they have been taught to admire in themselves.
Some people will perhaps say, that I am exercising too great a
severity against the sex.
But reasonable persons will observe, that I spare the _sex_, and only
arraign their _education_; that I not only spare them, but plead their
_interest_, assert their _honour_, and only condemn that _education_
which is so _injurious_ thereto.
Their education I cannot spare; but the only reason is, because it
is their _greatest enemy_, because it deprives the world of so many
_blessings_, and the church of so many _saints_.
If it should here be said, that I even charge _too high_ upon their
_education_, and that they are not so _much_ hurt by it, as I imagine.
It may be answered, that tho’ I don’t pretend to state the _exact
degree_ of mischief that is done by it, yet its plain and natural
tendency to do harm, is sufficient to justify the most _absolute_
condemnation of it.
9. But how possible it is to bring up daughters in a more excellent
way, let the following character declare.
*_Eusebia_ is a pious widow, well born, and well bred, and has a good
estate for five daughters, whom she brings up as one entrusted by
God, to fit five virgins for the kingdom of heaven. Her family has
the same regulation as a _religious house_, and all its orders tend
to the support of a constant regular devotion.
She loves them as her spiritual children, and they reverence her
as their spiritual mother, with an affection far above that of the
fondest friends.
She has divided part of her estate among them, that every one may be
charitable out of their own stock, and each of them take it in their
turns to provide for the _poor_ and _sick_ of the parish.
_Eusebia_ brings them up to all kinds of labour that are proper
for women, as _sewing_, _knitting_, _spinning_, and all other parts
of _housewifery_; not for their _amusement_, but that they may
be serviceable to themselves and others, and be saved from those
temptations which attend an idle life.
She tells them, she had rather see them reduced to the necessity
of maintaining themselves by their own work, than to have riches to
excuse themselves from labour. For tho’, says she, you may be able to
assist the poor without your labour, yet by your labour you will be
able to assist them more.
10. If _Eusebia_ has lived as free from sin as it is possible for
human nature, it is because she is always watching and guarding
against _all instances_ of pride. And if her virtues are stronger and
higher than other peoples, ’tis because they are all founded in a deep
_humility_.
My children, says she, when your father died, I was much pitied by my
friends, as having all the care of a family, and the management of an
estate fallen upon me.
But my own grief was founded upon another principle: I was grieved to
see myself deprived of so faithful a friend; and that such an eminent
example of Christian virtues should be taken from the eyes of his
children, before they were of an age to love and follow it.
But as to worldly cares, which my friends thought so heavy upon me,
they are most of them of our own making, and fall away as soon as we
_know ourselves_.
If a person in a _dream_ is disturbed with strange appearances, his
trouble is over as soon as he is _awake_, and sees that it was a dream.
Now, when a right knowledge of ourselves enters into our minds, it
makes as great a change in all our thoughts and apprehensions, as when
we _awake_ from the _wandrings_ of a dream.
We acknowledge a man to be _mad_ or _melancholy_, who fancies himself
to be _glass_, and so is afraid of stirring; or taking himself to be
_wax_, dares not let the _sun_ shine upon him.
But, my children, there are things in the world which pass for
_wisdom_, _politeness_, _grandeur_, _happiness_, and _fine breeding_,
which shew as great _ignorance_ of ourselves, and might as justly pass
for _thorough madness_, as when a man fancies himself to be _glass_ or
_ice_.
A woman that dares not appear in the world without _fine cloaths_,
that thinks it is a happiness to have a face _finely coloured_, to
have a skin _delicately fair_, that had rather die than be reduced to
poverty, and be forced to work for a maintenance, is as ignorant of
herself to the full, as he that fancies himself to be _glass_.
11. For this reason, all my discourse with you, has been to acquaint
you with yourselves, and to accustom you to such books, as might best
instruct you in this greatest of all knowledge.
You would think it hard, not to know the family into which you was
born, what ancestors you were descended from, and what estate was to
come to you; but, my children, you may know all this with exactness,
and yet be as ignorant of yourselves, as he that takes himself to be
_wax_.
For tho’ you were all of you born of my body, and bear your father’s
name, yet you are all of you _pure spirits_. I don’t mean that you
have not bodies; ♦but that _all_ which deserves to be called _you_,
is nothing else but _spirit_. A being spiritual and rational in its
nature; that is as contrary to all corporeal beings, as _life_ is
contrary to _death_; that is made in the image of God, to live for
ever, never to cease any more, but to enjoy _life_, and _reason_, and
_knowledge_, and _happiness_ in the presence of God, and the society
of angels, and glorious spirits, to all eternity.
♦ ‘hut’ replaced with ‘but’
Every thing that you call yours, besides this spirit, is but like your
_cloathing_; something that is only to be used for awhile, and then to
end, and die, and wear away, and to signify no more to you than the
_cloathing_ and _bodies_ of other people.
12. But, my children, you are not only in this manner _spirits_,
but you are _fallen_ spirits, that began your life in a state of
corruption and disorder, full of tempers and passions, that blind
and darken your reason, and incline you to that which is hurtful.
Your bodies are not only poor and perishing like your cloaths, but
they are like ill _infected cloaths_, that fill you with ill diseases,
which oppress the soul with sickly appetites, and vain cravings.
So that all of us are like two beings, that have, as it were, two
hearts within us; with the one we see, and taste, and admire reason,
and holiness; with the other we incline to pride, and vanity, and
sensual delights.
If you would know the one thing necessary to all the world, it is this,
to preserve and perfect all that is _rational_, _holy_, and _divine_
in our nature, and to mortify, remove, and destroy all _vanity_,
_pride_, and _sensuality_.
Could you think, my children, when you look at the world, and see
what _customs_, and _fashions_, and _pleasures_, and _troubles_, and
_projects_, employ the hearts and time of mankind, that things were
thus?
But don’t you be affected at these things; the world is in a great
_dream_, and but few people are awake in it.
We fancy that we fall into darkness, when we die; but alas, we are
most of us in the dark till then; and the eyes of our souls only then
begin to see, when our bodily eyes are closing.
13. You see then your state, my children; you are to improve and
perfect the spirit that is within you; you are to prepare it for the
kingdom of heaven, to nourish it with the love of God, to adorn it
with good works, and to make it as holy and heavenly as you can. You
are to preserve it from the errors and vanities of the world; to save
it from the corruptions of the body, from those false delights and
sensual tempers which the body tempts it with.
You are to nourish your spirits with pious readings, and holy
meditations, with watchings, fastings, and prayers, that you may
relish that eternal state which is to begin when this life ends.
As to your bodies, you are to consider them as _poor_, _perishing_
things, that are corrupt at present, and will soon drop into common
dust; you are to watch over them as _enemies_, that are always trying
to betray you, and so never follow their counsel; you are to consider
them as the _place_ and _habitation_ of your souls, and so keep
them _clean_, and _decent_; you are to consider them as the servants
and instruments of action, and so give them _food_, and _rest_, and
_raiment_, that they may be strong and healthful to do the duties of
a charitable, useful, pious life.
Whilst you live thus, you live like yourselves; and whenever you have
less regard to your souls, or more regard to your bodies; whenever you
are more intent upon adorning your persons, than upon perfecting your
souls, you are much more beside yourselves, than he that had rather
have a _laced coat_, than an healthful body.
14. For this reason, my children, I have taught you nothing that was
dangerous for you to learn: I have kept you from every thing that
might betray you into _weakness_ and _folly_; or make you think any
thing fine, but a _fine mind_; any thing happy, but the favour of God;
or any thing desirable, but to do all the good you possibly can.
Instead of the vain, immodest entertainment of _plays_ and _operas_,
I have taught you to delight in visiting the _sick_ and _poor_. What
♦_music_, and _dancing_, and _diversions_ are to many in the world,
that prayers and devotions, and psalms are to you. Your hands have not
been employed in plaiting the hair, and adorning your persons; but in
making cloaths for the naked. You have not wasted your fortunes upon
yourselves; but have added your labour to them, to do more good to
other people.
♦ ‘musick’ replaced with ‘music’
Instead of forced _shapes_, _genteel airs_, and _affected motions_,
I have taught you to conceal your bodies with _modest garments_, and
let the world have nothing to view of you, but the _plainness_, and
_sincerity_, and _humility_ of all your behaviour.
15. You know, my children, the _high perfection_, and the _great
rewards_ of virginity; you know how it frees from worldly cares and
troubles, and furnishes means and opportunities of higher advancements
in the divine life. Therefore love, and esteem, and honour virginity:
bless God for all that glorious company of holy virgins, that from
the beginning of Christianity have, in the several ages of the church,
renounced the cares and pleasures of matrimony, to be perpetual
examples of contemplation and prayer.
But as every one has their proper gift from God, as I look upon you
all to be so many great blessings of a married state; so I leave to
your choice, either to do as I have done, or to aspire after higher
degrees of perfection in a virgin state.
I press nothing upon you, but to make the most of human life, and to
aspire after perfection in whatever state you chuse.
Never therefore consider yourselves as persons that are to be _seen_,
_admired_, and _courted_ by men; but as _poor sinners_, that are to
save yourselves from the vanities and follies of a miserable world.
Learn to live for your own sakes, and the service of God; and let
nothing in the world be of any value with you, but that which you can
turn into a service to God, and a means of your future happiness.
16. Whether married therefore, or unmarried, consider yourselves as
mothers and sisters, as friends and relations to all that want your
assistance; and never allow yourselves to be idle, whilst others are
in want of any thing that your hands can make for them.
This useful, charitable, humble employment of yourselves, is what I
recommend to you with great earnestness; and besides the good you will
thereby do to other people, your own heart will be improved by it.
For next to _reading_, _meditation_, and _prayer_, there is nothing
that so secures our hearts from foolish passions, as some _useful_,
_humble_ employment of ourselves.
Never therefore consider your labour as an _amusement_, that is to
get rid of your time, and so may be as trifling as you please; but
consider it as something that is to be serviceable to yourselves and
others, that is to serve some sober ends of life, to save and redeem
your time, and make it turn to your account, when the works of all
people shall be tried by fire.
If there is any good to be done by your labour, if you can possibly
employ yourselves usefully to other people, how silly is it, how
contrary to the wisdom of religion, to make that a _mere amusement_,
which might as easily be made an exercise of the _greatest
charity_?
What would you think of the wisdom of him, that should employ his time
in distilling of waters, and making liquors which no body could use,
merely to amuse himself with the variety of their colour, when, with
less labour and expence, he might satisfy the wants of those who have
nothing to drink?
Yet he would be as wisely employed, as those that are amusing
themselves with such tedious works as they neither need, nor hardly
know how to use when they are finished; when, with less labour and
expence, they might be doing as much good, as he that is _cloathing_
the naked, or _visiting_ the sick.
Be glad therefore to know the wants of the poorest people, and let
your hands be employed in making such things for them, as their
necessities require. By thus making your labour a gift and service to
the poor, your ordinary work will be changed into a holy service, and
made as acceptable to God as your devotions.
This will make you true disciples of your meek Lord and Master, who
_came into the world not to be ministered unto, but to minister_; and
tho’ he was Lord of all, and among the creatures of his own making,
yet was among them _as one that serveth_.
17. Christianity has then had its effect upon your hearts, when it has
removed pride from you, and made you delight in humbling yourselves
beneath the lowest of all your fellow creatures.
Live therefore, my children, as you have begun your lives, in humble
labour for the good of others; not in ceremonious visits and vain
acquaintances. Contract no foolish friendships, or vain fondnesses
for particular persons; but love them most, that most turn your love
towards God, and your compassion towards all the world.
But above all, avoid the conversation of _fine-bred fops_ and _beaux_,
and hate nothing more than the idle discourse, the flattery and
compliments of that sort of men; for they are the _shame_ of their
own _sex_, and ought to be the _abhorrence_ of yours.
When you go abroad, let humility, modesty, and a decent carriage, be
all the _state_ you take upon you; and let tenderness, compassion, and
good-nature, be all the _fine breeding_ you shew in any place.
If evil _speaking_, _scandal_, or _backbiting_, be the conversation
where you happen to be, be as much grieved as if you was amongst
cursing and swearing, and retire as soon as you can.
Tho’ you intend to marry, yet let the time never come, till you find
a man that has those perfections which you have been labouring after
yourselves; who is likely to be a friend to all your virtues, and with
whom it is better to live, than to want the benefit of his example.
18. Love _poverty_, and reverence _poor people_; as for many reasons,
so particularly for this, because our blessed Saviour was one of the
number.
Visit and converse with them frequently; you will often find
_simplicity_, _innocence_, _patience_, _fortitude_, and great piety
amongst them.
Rejoice at every opportunity of doing an humble action; whether it be,
as the scripture expresses it, in _washing the saints feet_, that is,
in waiting upon, and serving those that are below you, or in bearing
with the haughtiness and ill manners of those that are your equals,
or above you. For there is nothing better than humility; it is the
fruitful soil of all virtues, and every thing that is kind and good,
naturally grows from it.
Therefore, my children, pray for, and practise, humility; and reject
every thing in _dress_, or _carriage_, or _conversation_, that has any
appearance of pride.
Strive to do every thing that is praise-worthy, but do nothing in
order to be praised; nor think of any reward for your labours of love,
till Christ cometh with all his holy angels.
19. And above all, my children, have a care of vain thoughts of your
own virtues. For as soon as ever people live different from the common
way of the world, the devil represents to their minds the height of
their perfections; and is content they should excel in good works,
provided he can make them proud of them.
Therefore watch over your virtues with a jealous eye, and reject every
vain thought, as you would reject the most wicked imaginations; and
think what a loss it would be to you, to have the fruit of all your
good works devoured by the vanity of your minds.
Never therefore allow yourselves to despise those who do not follow
your rules, but love them, and pray to God for them; and let humility
be always _whispering_ in your ears, that you yourselves would fall
from those rules to-morrow, if God should leave you to your own
strength and wisdom.
When therefore you have spent days and weeks well, do not suffer your
hearts to contemplate any thing as your own, but give all the glory to
God, who has carried you thro’ such rules of holy living, as you were
not able to observe by your own strength; and take care to begin the
next day, not as proficients in virtue, that can do great matters, but
as _poor beginners_, that want the daily assistance of God to save you
from the _grossest sins_.
20. Your dear father was an humble, watchful, pious, wise man. Whilst
his sickness would suffer him to talk with me, his discourse was
chiefly about your education. He knew the benefits of humility, he saw
the ruins which pride made in our sex; and therefore he conjured me
with the tenderest expressions, to renounce the _fashionable ways_ of
educating daughters in _pride_ and _softness_, in the care of their
_beauty_ and _dress_; and to bring you all up in the _plainest_,
_simplest_ instances of an humble, holy, and industrious life.
He taught me an admirable rule of humility, which he practised all
the days of his life; which was this, to let no morning pass, without
thinking upon some _frailty_ and _infirmity_ of our own, that may
put us to _confusion_, make us _blush inwardly_, and entertain a mean
opinion of ourselves.
Think therefore, my children, that the soul of your good father, who
is now with God, speaks to you through my mouth; and let the double
desire of your father, who is gone, and me, who am with you, prevail
upon you to love God, to study your own perfection, to practise
humility, and, with innocent labour, to do all the good you can to
all your fellow creatures, till God calls you to another life.
*Thus did the pious widow educate her daughters. And a very ordinary
knowledge of the _spirit_ of _Christianity_, may convince us, that
no education can be of true advantage to young women, but that which
trains them up in _humble industry_, in _great plainness_ of life, in
_exact modesty_ of _dress_, _manners_ and _carriage_, and in _strict
devotion_. For what should a Christian woman be, but a _plain_,
_unaffected_, _modest_, _humble_ creature, averse to every thing in
her _dress_ and _carriage_, that can draw the eyes of beholders, or
gratify the passions of lewd and amorous persons?
21. *These considerations may teach you to let no day pass, without
a serious application to God, for the _whole spirit_ of humility:
fervently beseeching him to fill every part of your soul with it; to
make it the ruling, constant habit of your mind, that you may not only
feel it, but feel all your other tempers arising from it; that you
may have no thoughts, no desires, no designs, but such as are the true
fruits of an humble, meek, and lowly heart.
That you may always appear poor, and little, and mean in your own eyes,
and fully content that others should have the same opinion of you.
That the whole course of your life, your _expence_, your _house_, your
_dress_, your manner of _eating_, _drinking_, _conversing_, and doing
_every thing_, may be so many continual proofs of the humility of your
heart.
That you may look for nothing, claim nothing, resent nothing; that
you may go thro’ all the actions of life calmly and quietly, as in
the presence of God, looking wholly unto him, acting wholly for him;
neither seeking applause, nor resenting neglects, or affronts, but
doing and receiving every thing in the meek and lowly spirit of our
Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.