CHANGES.
It happens now and then in life that small circumstances link
themselves on to great ones, and in this way become important, when
otherwise they might pass out of mind and be forgotten. Such was the
case with that day's naughtiness. Eyebright remembered it always, and
never without a sharp prick of pain, because of certain things that
followed soon afterward, and of which I must tell you in this chapter.
Miss Fitch's winter term opened on the 15th of September. The boys and
girls were not sorry to begin school, I think. They had "played
themselves out" during the long vacation, and it was rather a pleasant
change now to return to lessons and regular hours. Every thing seemed
new and interesting after three months' absence, the schoolhouse, the
Green, all the cubby-holes and hiding-places, just as shabby
playthings laid aside for a while come out looking quite fresh, and do
not seem like old ones at all. There was the beautiful autumn weather,
beside, making each moment of liberty doubly delightful. Day after
day, week after week, this perfect weather lasted, till it seemed as
though the skies had forgotten the trick of raining, or how to be of
any color except clear, dazzling blue. The wind blew softly and made
lovely little noises in the boughs, but there was a cool edge to its
softness now which added to the satisfaction of breathing it. The
garden beds were gay as ever, but trees began to show tips of crimson
and orange, and now and then a brown leaf floated gently down, as
though to hint that summer was over and the autumn really begun. Small
drifts of these brown leaves formed in the hollows of the road and
about fence corners. The boys and girls kicked them aside to get at
the chestnut burs which had fallen and mixed with them,--spiky burs,
half open, and showing the glossy-brown nut within. It was a great
apple-year, too, and the orchards were laden with ripe fruit. Nearly
all the Saturday afternoons were spent by the children in
apple-gathering or in nutting, and autumn seemed to them as summer had
seemed before autumn, spring before summer, and winter in its turn
before spring,--the very pleasantest of the four pleasant seasons of
the year.
With so many things to do, and such a stock of health and spirits to
make doing delightful, it is not strange that for a long time
Eyebright remained unconscious of certain changes which were taking
place at home, and which older people saw plainly. It did cross her
mind once or twice that her mother seemed feebler than usual, and
Wealthy and papa worried and anxious, but the thought did not stay,
being crowded out by thoughts of a more agreeable kind. She had never
in her life been brought very close to any real trouble. Wealthy had
spoken before her of Mrs. So-and-so as being "in affliction," and she
had seen people looking sad and wearing black clothes, but it was like
something in a book to her,--a story she only half comprehended;
though she vaguely shrank from it, and did not wish to read further.
With all her quick imagination, she was not in the least morbid.
Sorrow must come to her, she would never take a step to meet it. So
she went on, busy, healthy, happy, full of bright plans and fun and
merriment, till suddenly one day sorrow came. For, running in from
school, she found Wealthy crying in the kitchen, and was told that her
mother was worse,--much worse,--and the doctor thought she could only
live a day or two longer.
"Oh, no, no, Wealthy," was all she could say at first. Then, "Why
doesn't Dr. Pillsbury give mamma something?" she demanded; for
Eyebright had learned to feel a great respect for medicine, and to
believe that it must be able to cure everybody.
Wealthy shook her head.
"It ain't no use specylating about more medicines," she said, "your
ma's taken shiploads of 'em, and they ain't never done her any good
that I can see. No, Eyebright dear; it's got to come, and we must make
the best of it. It's God's will I s'pose, and there ain't nothing to
be said when that's the case."
"Oh, dear! how can God will any thing so dreadful?" sobbed Eyebright,
feeling as if she were brought face to face with a great puzzle.
Wealthy could not answer. It was a puzzle to her, also. But she took
Eyebright into her lap, held her close, and stroked her hair gently;
and that helped, as love and tenderness always do.
Some very sad days followed. The doctor came and went. There was a
hush over the house. It seemed wrong to speak aloud even, and
Eyebright found herself moving on tiptoe, and shutting the doors with
anxious care; yet no one had said, "Do not make a noise." Everybody
seemed to be waiting for something, but nobody liked to think what
that something might be. Eyebright did not think, but she felt
miserable. A great cloud seemed to hang over all her bright little
world, so happy till then. She moped about, with no heart to do any
thing, or she sat in the hall outside her mother's door, listening for
sounds. Now and then they let her creep in for a minute to look at
mamma, who lay motionless as if asleep; but Eyebright could not keep
from crying, and after a little while, papa would sign to her to go,
and she would creep out again, hushing her sobs till she was safely
downstairs with the door shut. It was such a melancholy time that I do
not see how she could have got through with it, had it not been for
Genevieve, who, dumb as she was, proved best comforter of all. With
her face buried in the lap of Genevieve's best frock, Eyebright might
shed as many tears as she liked, whispering in the waxen ear how much
she wished that mamma could get well, how good, how very good she
always meant to be if she did, and how sorry she was that she had ever
been naughty or cross to her; especially on that day, that dreadful
day, when she ran off into the woods, the recollection of which
rankled in her conscience like a thorn, Genevieve listened
sympathizingly, but not even her affection could pull out the thorn,
or make its prick any easier to bear.
I do not like to tell about sad things half so well as about happy
ones, so we will hurry over this part of the story. Mrs. Bright lived
only a week after that evening when Eyebright first realized that she
was so much worse. She waked up before she died, kissed Eyebright for
good-by, and said, "My helpful little comfort." These sweet words were
the one thing which made it seem possible to live just then. All her
life long they came back to Eyebright like the sound of music, and
when the thought of her childish faults gave her pain, these words,
which carried full forgiveness of the faults, soothed and consoled
her. After a while, as she grew older, she learned to feel that mamma
in heaven knew much better than mamma on earth could, how much her
little daughter really had loved her, and how it grieved her now to
remember that ever she should have been impatient or unkind.
But this was not for a long time afterward, and meanwhile her chief
pleasure was in remembering, that, for all her naughtiness, mamma had
kissed her and called her "a comfort" before she died.
After the funeral, Wealthy opened the blinds, which had been kept
tight shut till then, and life returned to its usual course.
Breakfast, dinner, and supper appeared regularly on the table, papa
went again to to the mill, and Eyebright to school. She felt shy and
strange at first, and the children were shy of her, because of her
black alpaca frock, which impressed their imaginations a good deal.
This wore off as the frock wore out, and by the time that Eyebright
had ripped out half the gathers of the waist and torn a hole in the
sleeve, which was pretty soon, the alpaca lost its awfulness in their
eyes, and had become as any common dress. In the course of a week or
two, Eyebright found herself studying, playing, and walking at recess
with Bessie, quite in the old way. But all the while she was conscious
of a change, and a feeling which she fought with, but could not get
rid of, that things were not, nor ever could be, as they had been
before this interruption came.
Home was changed and her father was changed. Eyebright was no longer
careless or unobservant, as before her mother's death, and she noticed
how fast papa's hair was turning gray, and how deep and careworn the
lines about his mouth and eyes had become. He did not seem to gain in
cheerfulness as time went on, but, if any thing, to look more sad and
troubled; and he spent much of his time at the cherry-wood desk
calculating and doing sums and poring over account-books. Eyebright
noticed all these little things, she had learned to use her eyes now,
and though nobody said any thing about it, she felt sure that papa was
worried about something, and in need of comfort.
She used to come early from play, and peep into the sitting-room to
see what he was doing. If he seemed busy, she did not interrupt him,
but drew her low chair to his side and sat there quietly, with
Genevieve in her lap, and perhaps a book; not speaking, but now and
then stroking his knee or laying her cheek gently against it. All the
time she felt so sorry that she could not help papa. But I think she
did help, for papa liked to have her there, and the presence of a love
which asks no questions and is content with loving, is most soothing
of all, sometimes, to people who are in perplexity, and trying to see
their way out.
But none of Eyebright's strokes or pats or fond little ways could
drive the care away from her father's brow. His trouble was too heavy
for that. It was a kind of trouble which he could not very well
explain to a child; trouble about business and money,--things which
little people do not understand; and matters were getting worse
instead of better. He was like a man in a thorny wood, who cannot see
his way out, and his mind was more confused and anxious than any one
except himself could comprehend.
At last things came to such a pass that there was no choice left, and
he was forced to explain to Eyebright. It was April by that time. He
was at his desk as usual, and Eyebright, sitting near, had Genevieve
cuddled in her lap, and the "Swiss Family Robinson" open before her.
"Now you're done, arn't you, papa!" she cried, as he laid down his
pen. "You won't write any more to-night, will you, but sit in the
rocking-chair and rest." She was jumping up to get the chair, when he
stopped her.
"I'm not through yet, my dear. But I want to talk with you for a
little while."
"O papa, how nice! May I sit on your knee while you talk?"
Papa said yes, and she seated herself. He put his arm round her, and
for a while stroked her hair in silence. Eyebright looked up,
wonderingly.
"Yes, dear, I'll tell you presently. I'm trying to think how to begin.
It's something disagreeable, Eyebright,--something which will make you
feel very bad, I'm afraid."
"Oh dear! what is it?" cried Eyebright, fearfully. "Do tell me, papa."
"What should you say if I told you that we can't live here any longer,
but must go away?"
"Away from this house, do you mean, papa?"
"Yes, away from this house, and away from Tunxet, too."
"Not away for always?" said Eyebright, in an awe-struck tone. "You
don't mean that, papa, do you? We couldn't live anywhere else for
always!" giving a little gasp at the very idea.
"I'm afraid that's what it's coming to," said Mr. Bright, sadly. "I
don't see any other way to fix it I've lost all my money, Eyebright.
It is no use trying to explain it to a child like you, but that is the
case. All I had is gone, nearly. There's scarcely any thing left,--not
enough to live on here, even if I owned this house, which I don't."
Not own their own house! This was incomprehensible. What could papa
mean?
"But, papa, it's _our_ house!" she ventured timidly.
Papa made no answer, only stroked her hair again softly.
"And the mill? Isn't the mill yours, papa?" she went on.
"No, dear, I never did own the mill. You were too little to understand
about the matter when I took up the business. It belongs to a company;
do you know what a 'company' means?--and the company has failed, so
that the mill is theirs no longer. It's going to be sold at auction
soon. I was only a manager, and of course I lose my place. But that
isn't so much matter. The real trouble is that I've lost my own
property, too. We're poor people now, Eyebright. I've been
calculating, and I think by selling off every thing here I can just
clear myself and come out honest but that's all. There'll be almost
nothing left."
"Couldn't you get another mill to manage?" asked Eyebright, in a
bewildered way.
"No, there is no other mill; and if there were, I shouldn't want to
take it. I'm too old to begin life over again in the place where I
started when I was a boy to work my way up. I _have_ worked,
too,--worked hard,--and now I come out in the end not worth a cent.
No, Eyebright, I couldn't do it!"
He set her down as he spoke, and began to walk the room with heavy,
unequal steps. The old floor creaked under his tread. There was
something very sad in the sound.
A child feels powerless in the presence of sudden misfortune.
Eyebright sat as if stunned, while her father walked to and fro.
Genevieve slipped from her lap and fell with a bump on the carpet, but
she paid no attention. Genevieve wasn't real to her just then; only a
doll. It was no matter whether she bumped her head or not.
Mr. Bright came back to his chair again.
"I'll tell you what I've been thinking of," he said. "I own a little
farm up in Maine. It's about the only thing I do own which hasn't got
a mortgage on it, or doesn't belong to some one else in one way or
another. It's a very small farm, but there's a house on it,--some kind
of a house,--and I think of moving up there to live. I don't know much
about the place, and I don't like the plan. It'll be lonely for you,
for the farm is on an island, it seems, and there's no one else living
there, no children for you to play with, and no school. These are
disadvantages; but, on the other hand, the climate is said to be good,
and I suppose I can raise enough up there for our living, and not run
into debt, which is the thing I care most for just now. So I've about
decided to try it. I'm sorry to break up your schooling, and to take
you away from here, where you like it so much; but it seems the only
way open. And if you could go cheerfully, my dear, and make the best
of things, it would be a great comfort to me. That's all I've got to
say."
Eyebright's mind had been at work through this long sentence. Her
reply astonished her father not a little, it was so bright and eager.
"What is the island in, papa? A lake?"
"No, not a lake. It's in the sea, but very near the coast. I think
there's some way of walking across at low tide, but I'm not sure."
"I think--I'm rather glad," said Eyebright slowly. "I always did want
to live on an island and I never saw the sea. Don't feel badly, papa,
I guess we shall like it."
Mr. Bright was relieved; but he couldn't help shaking his head a
little, nevertheless.
"You must make up your mind to find it pretty lonesome," he said,
compassionately.
"The Swiss Family Robinson didn't," replied Eyebright. "But then," she
added, "there were six of them. And there'll only be four of
us--counting Genevieve."
If Eyebright had taken the news too calmly, Wealthy made up for it by
her wild and incredulous wrath when in turn it was broken to her.
"Pity's sakes!" she cried. "Whatever is the man a-thinking about?
Carry you off to Maine, indeed, away from folks and church and every
thing civilized! He's crazy,--that's what he is,--as crazy as a loon!"
"Papa's not crazy. You mustn't say such things, Wealthy," replied
Eyebright, indignantly. "He feels real badly about going. But we've
got to go. We've lost all our money, and we can't stay here."
"A desert island, too!" went on Wealthy, pursuing her own train of
reflection. "Crocodiles and cannibals, I suppose! I've heard what a
God-forsaken place it is up there. Who's going to look after you, I'd
like to know?--you, who never in your life remembered your rubber
shoes when it rained, or knew winter flannels from summer ones, or
best frocks from common?" Words failed her.
"Why, Wealthy, shan't you come with us?" cried Eyebright, in a
startled tone.
"I? No, indeed, and I shan't then!" returned Wealthy. "I'm not such a
fool as all that. Maine, indeed!" Then, her heart melting at the
distress in Eyebright's face, she swooped upon her, squeezed her hard,
and said: "What a cross-grained piece I be! Yes, Eyebright dear, I'll
go along. I'll go, no matter where it is. You shan't be trusted to
that Pa of yours if I can help it; and that's my last word in the
matter."
Eyebright flew to papa with the joyful news that Wealthy was willing
to go with them. Mr. Bright looked dismayed.
"It's out of the question," he replied. "I can't afford it, for one
thing. The journey costs a good deal, and when she got there, Wealthy
would probably not like it, and would want to come back again, which
would be money thrown away. Beside, it is doubtful if we shall be able
to keep any regular help. No, Eyebright; we'd better not think of it,
even. You and I will start alone, and we'll get some woman there to
come and work when it's necessary. That'll be as much as I can
manage."
Of course, when Wealthy found that there were objections, her wish to
go increased tenfold. She begged, and Eyebright pleaded, but papa held
to his decision. There was no helping it, but this difference in
opinion made the household very uncomfortable for a while. Wealthy
felt injured, and went about her work grimly, sighing conspicuously
now and then, or making dashes at Eyebright, kissing her furiously,
shedding a few tears, and then beginning work again, all in stony
silence. Papa shut himself up more closely than ever with his
account-books, and looked sadder every day; and Eyebright, though she
strove to act as peacemaker and keep a cheerful face, felt her heart
heavy enough at times, when she thought of what was at hand.
They were to start early in May, and she left school at once; for
there was much to be done in which she could help Wealthy, and the
time was but short for the doing of it all. The girls were sorry when
they heard that Eyebright was going away to live in Maine, and Bessie
cried one whole recess, and said she never expected to be happy again.
Still, the news did not make quite as much sensation as Eyebright had
expected, and she had a little sore feeling at her heart, as if the
others cared less about losing her than she should have cared had she
been in their place. This idea cost her some private tears; she
comforted herself by a poem which she called "Fickleness," and which
began:
"It is wicked to be fickle,
And very, very unkind,
And I'd be ashamed"--
but no rhyme to fickle could she find except "pickle," and it was so
hard to work that in, that she gave up writing the verses, and only
kept away from the girls for a few days. But for all Eyebright's
doubts, the girls did care, only Examination was coming on, and they
were too busy in learning the pieces they were to speak, and
practising for a writing prize which Miss Fitch had promised them, to
realize just then how sorry they were. It came afterward, when the
Examination was over, and Eyebright really gone; and it was a long
time--a year or two at least--before any sort of festival or picnic
could take place in Tunxet without some child's saying, wistfully: "I
wish Eyebright was here to go; don't you?" Could Eyebright have known
this, it would have comforted her very much during those last weeks;
but the pity is, we can't know things beforehand in this world.
So, after all, her chief consolation was Genevieve, to whom she could
tell any thing without fear of making mischief or being contradicted.
"There's just one thing I'm glad about," she said to this chosen
confidante, "and that is that it's an island. I never saw any islands,
neither did you, Genevieve; but I know they must be lovely. And I'm
glad it's in the sea, too. But, oh dear, my poor child, how will you
get along without any other dolls to play with? You'll be very lonely
sometimes--very lonely, indeed--I'm afraid."