---I'll play the eavesdropper. _Richard III., Act V., Scene 3_.
James had no sooner resumed his seat at the council-board than he began
to hitch in his chair, cough, use his handkerchief, and make other
intimations that he meditated a long speech. The council composed
themselves to the beseeming degree of attention. Charles, as strict
in his notions of decorum, as his father was indifferent to it, fixed
himself in an attitude of rigid and respectful attention, while the
haughty favourite, conscious of his power over both father and
son, stretched himself more easily on his seat, and, in assuming an
appearance of listening, seemed to pay a debt to ceremonial rather than
to duty.
"I doubt not, my lords," said the Monarch, "that some of you may be
thinking the hour of refection is past, and that it is time to ask with
the slave in the comedy--_Quid de symbolo?_--Nevertheless, to do justice
and exercise judgment is our meat and drink; and now we are to pray your
wisdom to consider the case of this unhappy youth, Lord Glenvarloch, and
see whether, consistently with our honour, any thing can be done in his
favour."
"I am surprised at your Majesty's wisdom making the inquiry," said the
Duke; "it is plain this Dalgarno hath proved one of the most insolent
villains on earth, and it must therefore be clear, that if Lord
Glenvarloch had run him through the body, there would but have been
out of the world a knave who had lived in it too long. I think Lord
Glenvarloch hath had much wrong; and I regret that, by the persuasions
of this false fellow, I have myself had some hand in it."
"Ye speak like a child, Steenie--I mean my Lord of Buckingham," answered
the king, "and as one that does not understand the logic of the schools;
for an action may be inconsequential or even meritorious, _quoad
hominem_, that is, as touching him upon _whom_ it is acted; and yet most
criminal, _quoad locum_, or considering the place _wherein_ it is done;
as a man may lawfully dance Chrighty Beardie or any other dance in a
tavern, but not _inter parietes ecclesiae_. So that, though it may have
been a good deed to have sticked Lord Dalgarno, being such as he has
shown himself, anywhere else, yet it fell under the plain statute, when
violence was offered within the verge of the Court. For, let me tell
you, my lords, the statute against striking would be of no small use in
our Court, if it could be eluded by justifying the person stricken to be
a knave. It is much to be lamented that I ken nae Court in Christendom
where knaves are not to be found; and if men are to break the peace
under pretence of beating them, why, it will rain Jeddart staves
[Footnote: The old-fashioned weapon called the Jeddart staff was a
species of battle-axe. Of a very great tempest, it is said, in the south
of Scotland, that it rains Jeddart staffs, as in England the common
people talk of its raining cats and dogs.] in our very ante-chamber."
"What your Majesty says," replied Prince Charles, "is marked with your
usual wisdom--the precincts of palaces must be sacred as well as
the persons of kings, which are respected even in the most barbarous
nations, as being one step only beneath their divinities. But your
Majesty's will can control the severity of this and every other law,
and it is in your power, on consideration of his case, to grant the rash
young man a free pardon."
"_Rem acu tetigisti, Carole, mi puerule,_" answered the king; "and know,
my lords, that we have, by a shrewd device and gift of our own, already
sounded the very depth of this Lord Glenvarloch's disposition. I trow
there be among you some that remember my handling in the curious case
of my Lady Lake, and how I trimmed them about the story of hearkening
behind the arras. Now this put me to cogitation, and I remembered me
of having read that Dionysius, King of Syracuse, whom historians call
Tyrannos, which signifieth not in the Greek tongue, as in ours, a
truculent usurper, but a royal king who governs, it may be, something
more strictly than we and other lawful monarchs, whom the ancients
termed Basileis--Now this Dionysius of Syracuse caused cunning workmen
to build for himself a _lugg_--D'ye ken what that is, my Lord Bishop?"
"A cathedral, I presume to guess," answered the Bishop.
"What the deil, man--I crave your lordship's pardon for swearing--but
it was no cathedral--only a lurking-place called the king's _lugg_,
or _ear_, where he could sit undescried, and hear the converse of his
prisoners. Now, sirs, in imitation of this Dionysius, whom I took for
my pattern, the rather that he was a great linguist and grammarian, and
taught a school with good applause after his abdication, (either he or
his successor of the same name, it matters not whilk)--I have caused
them to make a _lugg_ up at the state-prison of the Tower yonder, more
like a pulpit than a cathedral, my Lord Bishop--and communicating with
the arras behind the Lieutenant's chamber, where we may sit and
privily hear the discourse of such prisoners as are pent up there for
state-offences, and so creep into the very secrets of our enemies."
The Prince cast a glance towards the Duke, expressive of great vexation
and disgust. Buckingham shrugged his shoulders, but the motion was so
slight as to be almost imperceptible.
"Weel, my lords, ye ken the fray at the hunting this morning--I
shall not get out of the trembling exies until I have a sound night's
sleep--just after that, they bring ye in a pretty page that had been
found in the Park. We were warned against examining him ourselves by the
anxious care of those around us; nevertheless, holding our life ever at
the service of these kingdoms, we commanded all to avoid the room,
the rather that we suspected this boy to be a girl. What think ye, my
lords?--few of you would have thought I had a hawk's eye for sic gear;
but we thank God, that though we are old, we know so much of such toys
as may beseem a man of decent gravity. Weel, my lords, we questioned
this maiden in male attire ourselves, and I profess it was a very pretty
interrogatory, and well followed. For, though she at first professed
that she assumed this disguise in order to countenance the woman who
should present us with the Lady Hermione's petition, for whom she
professed entire affection; yet when we, suspecting _anguis in herba_,
did put her to the very question, she was compelled to own a virtuous
attachment for Glenvarlochides, in such a pretty passion of shame and
fear, that we had much ado to keep our own eyes from keeping company
with hers in weeping. Also, she laid before us the false practices of
this Dalgarno towards Glenvarlochides, inveigling him into houses of ill
resort, and giving him evil counsel under pretext of sincere friendship,
whereby the inexperienced lad was led to do what was prejudicial to
himself, and offensive to us. But, however prettily she told her tale,
we determined not altogether to trust to her narration, but rather to
try the experiment whilk we had devised for such occasions. And having
ourselves speedily passed from Greenwich to the Tower, we constituted
ourselves eavesdropper, as it is called, to observe what should pass
between Glenvarlochides and his page, whom we caused to be admitted to
his apartment, well judging that if they were of counsel together to
deceive us, it could not be but something of it would spunk out--And
what think ye we saw, my lords?--Naething for you to sniggle and laugh
at, Steenie--for I question if you could have played the temperate and
Christian-like part of this poor lad Glenvarloch. He might be a Father
of the Church in comparison of you, man.--And then, to try his patience
yet farther, we loosed on him a courtier and a citizen, that is Sir
Mungo Malagrowther and our servant George Heriot here, wha dang the poor
lad about, and didna greatly spare our royal selves.--You mind, Geordie,
what you said about the wives and concubines? but I forgie ye, man--nae
need of kneeling, I forgie ye--the readier, that it regards a certain
particular, whilk, as it added not much to Solomon's credit, the lack
of it cannot be said to impinge on ours. Aweel, my lords, for all
temptation of sore distress and evil ensample, this poor lad never
loosed his tongue on us to say one unbecoming word--which inclines us
the rather, acting always by your wise advice, to treat this affair
of the Park as a thing done in the heat of blood, and under strong
provocation, and therefore to confer our free pardon on Lord
Glenvarloch."
"I am happy your gracious Majesty," said the Duke of Buckingham, "has
arrived at that conclusion, though I could never have guessed at the
road by which you attained it."
"I trust," said Prince Charles, "that it is not a path which your
Majesty will think it consistent with your high dignity to tread
frequently."
"Never while I live again, Baby Charles, that I give you my royal word
on. They say that hearkeners hear ill tales of themselves--by my saul,
my very ears are tingling wi' that auld sorrow Sir Mungo's sarcasms. He
called us close-fisted, Steenie--I am sure you can contradict that. But
it is mere envy in the auld mutilated sinner, because he himself has
neither a noble to hold in his loof, nor fingers to close on it if he
had." Here the king lost recollection of Sir Mungo's irreverence
in chuckling over his own wit, and only farther alluded to it by
saying--"We must give the old maunderer _bos in linguam_--something to
stop his mouth, or he will rail at us from Dan to Beersheba.--And now,
my lords, let our warrant of mercy to Lord Glenvarloch be presently
expedited, and he put to his freedom; and as his estate is likely to go
so sleaveless a gate, we will consider what means of favour we can
show him.--My lords, I wish you an appetite to an early supper--for our
labours have approached that term.--Baby Charles and Steenie, you will
remain till our couchee.--My Lord Bishop, you will be pleased to stay to
bless our meat.--Geordie Heriot, a word with you apart."
His Majesty then drew the citizen into a corner, while the counsellors,
those excepted who had been commanded to remain, made their
obeisance, and withdrew. "Geordie," said the king, "my good and trusty
servant"--Here he busied his fingers much with the points and ribbons of
his dress,--"Ye see that we have granted, from our own natural sense of
right and justice, that which yon long-backed fallow, Moniplies I think
they ca' him, proffered to purchase from us with a mighty bribe; whilk
we refused, as being a crowned king, who wad neither sell our justice
nor our mercy for pecuniar consideration. Now, what think ye should be
the upshot of this?"
"My Lord Glenvarloch's freedom, and his restoration to your Majesty's
favour," said Heriot.
"I ken that," said the king, peevishly. "Ye are very dull to-day. I
mean, what do you think this fallow Moniplies should think about the
matter?"
"Surely that your Majesty is a most good and gracious sovereign,"
answered Heriot.
"We had need to be gude and gracious baith," said the king, still more
pettishly, "that have idiots about us that cannot understand what we
mint at, unless we speak it out in braid Lowlands. See this chield
Moniplies, sir, and tell him what we have done for Lord Glenvarloch,
in whom he takes such part, out of our own gracious motion, though we
refused to do it on ony proffer of private advantage. Now, you may put
it till him, as if of your own mind, whether it will be a gracious or a
dutiful part in him, to press us for present payment of the two or three
hundred miserable pounds for whilk we were obliged to opignorate our
jewels? Indeed, mony men may think ye wad do the part of a good citizen,
if you took it on yourself to refuse him payment, seeing he hath
had what he professed to esteem full satisfaction, and considering,
moreover, that it is evident he hath no pressing need of the money,
whereof we have much necessity."
George Heriot sighed internally. "O my Master," thought he--"my dear
Master, is it then fated you are never to indulge any kingly or noble
sentiment, without its being sullied by some afterthought of interested
selfishness!"
The king troubled himself not about what he thought, but taking him by
the collar, said,--"Ye ken my meaning now, Jingler--awa wi' ye. You
are a wise man--manage it your ain gate--but forget not our present
straits." The citizen made his obeisance, and withdrew.
"And now, bairns," said the king, "what do you look upon each other
for--and what have you got to ask of your dear dad and gossip?"
"Only," said the Prince, "that it would please your Majesty to command
the lurking-place at the prison to be presently built up--the groans of
a captive should not be brought in evidence against him."
"What! build up my lugg, Baby Charles? And yet, better deaf than hear
ill tales of oneself. So let them build it up, hard and fast, without
delay, the rather that my back is sair with sitting in it for a whole
hour.--And now let us see what the cooks have been doing for us, bonny
bairns."