I AM CONDEMNED TO BE HUNG BY THE NECK UNTIL I AM DEAD, AND TO GO OUT OF
THE WORLD WITHOUT FINDING OUT WHO IS MY FATHER--AFTERWARDS MY INNOCENCE
IS MADE MANIFEST, AND I AM TURNED ADRIFT A MANIAC IN THE HIGH ROAD.
It may appear strange to the reader that I sent for the above-mentioned
articles, but habit is second nature, and although, two days before,
when I set out on my pilgrimage, I had resolved to discard these
superfluities, yet now in my distress I felt as if they would comfort
me. That evening, after rectifying a few mistakes on the part of the
good-tempered gaoler, by writing down what I wanted on the paper which
he had procured me, I obtained all that I required.
The next morning he informed me that the grand jury had found a true
bill against me, and that on the Saturday next the assizes would be
held. He also brought me the list of trials, and I found that mine
would be one of the last, and would not probably come on until Monday or
Tuesday. I requested him to send for a good tailor, as I wished to be
dressed in a proper manner, previous to appearing in court. As a
prisoner is allowed to go into court in his own clothes instead of the
gaol dress, this was consented to; and when the man came, I was very
particular in my directions, so much so, that it surprised him. He also
procured me the other articles I required to complete my dress, and on
Saturday night I had them all ready; for I was resolved that I would at
least die as a gentleman.
Sunday passed away, not as it ought to have passed, certainly.
I attended prayers, but my thoughts were elsewhere--how, indeed, could
it be otherwise? Who can control his thoughts? He may attempt so to
do, but the attempt is all that can be made. He cannot command them. I
heard nothing, my mind was in a state of gyration, whirling round from
one thing to the other, until I was giddy from intensity of feeling.
On Monday morning the gaoler came and asked me whether I would have
legal advice. I replied in the negative. "You will be called about
twelve o'clock, I hear," continued he; "it is now ten, and there is only
one more trial before yours, about the stealing of four geese, and half
a dozen fowls."
"Good God!" thought I, "and am I mixed up with such deeds as these?" I
dressed myself with the utmost care and precision, and never was more
successful. My clothes were black, and fitted well. About one o'clock
I was summoned by the gaoler, and led between him and another to the
court-house, and placed in the dock. At first my eyes swam, and I could
distinguish nothing, but gradually I recovered. I looked round, for I
had called up my courage. My eyes wandered from the judge to the row of
legal gentlemen below him; from them to the well-dressed ladies who sat
in the gallery above; behind me I did not look. I had seen enough, and
my cheeks burnt with shame. At last I looked at my fellow-culprit, who
stood beside me, and his eyes at the same time met mine. He was dressed
in the gaol clothes, of pepper and salt coarse cloth. He was a rough,
vulgar, brutal-looking man, but his eye was brilliant, his complexion
was dark, and his face was covered with whiskers. "Good heavens!"
thought I, "who will ever imagine or credit that we have been
associates?"
The man stared at me, bit his lip, and smiled with contempt, but made no
further remark. The indictment having been read, the clerk of the court
cried out, "You, Benjamin Ogle, having heard the charge, say, guilty or
not guilty?"
"Not guilty," replied the man, to my astonishment.
"You, Philip Maddox, guilty or not guilty?"