I AM OVER HEAD AND EARS IN TROUBLE ABOUT A LADY'S EAR-RING--COMMIT
MYSELF SADLY, AND AM VERY NEARLY COMMITTED.
I must say, that I was much annoyed at this intelligence. The
money-lenders would not be satisfied unless they knew where my estates
were, and had examined the will at Doctors' Commons; then all would be
exposed to the major, and I should be considered by him as an impostor.
I walked down Pall Mall in a very unhappy mood, so deep in thought, that
I ran against a lady, who was stepping out of her carriage at a
fashionable shop. She turned round, and I was making my best apologies
to a very handsome woman, when her ear-rings caught my attention. They
were of alternate coral and gold, and the facsimile in make to the chain
given by Nattee to Fleta. During my last visit, I had often had the
chain in my hand, and particularly marked the workmanship. To make more
sure, I followed her into the shop, and stood behind her, carefully
examining them, as she looked over a quantity of laces. There could be
no doubt. I waited till the lady rose to go away, and then addressed
the shopman, asking the lady's name. He did not know--she was a
stranger; but perhaps Mr H--, the master, did, and he went back to
answer the question. Mr H-- being at that moment busy, the man stayed
so long, that I heard the carriage drive off. Fearful of losing sight
of the lady, I took to my heels, and ran out of the shop. My sudden
flight from the counter, covered with lace, made them imagine that I had
stolen some, and they cried out, "Stop thief," as loud as they could,
springing over the counter, and pursuing me as I pursued the carriage,
which was driven at a rapid pace. A man perceiving me running, and
others, without their hats, following, with the cries of "Stop thief,"
put out his leg, and I fell on the pavement, the blood rushing in
torrents from my nose. I was seized, roughly handled, and again handed
over to the police, who carried me before the same magistrate in
Marlborough Street.
"What is this?" demanded the magistrate.
"A shoplifter, you worship."
"I am not, sir," replied I; "you know me well enough, I am Mr Newland."
"Mr Newland!" replied the magistrate, suspiciously; "this is strange, a
second time to appear before me upon such a charge."
"And just as innocent as before, sir."
"You'll excuse me, sir, but I must have my suspicions this time. Where
is the evidence?"
The people of the shop then came forward, and stated what had occurred.
"Let him be searched," said the magistrate.
I was searched, but nothing was found upon me. "Are you satisfied now,
sir?" inquired I.
"By no means. Let the people go back and look over their laces, and see
if any are missing; in the mean time I shall detain you, for it is very
easy to get rid of a small article, such as lace, when you are caught."
The men went away, and I wrote a note to Major Carbonnell, requesting
his attendance. He arrived at the same time as the shopman, and I told
him what had happened. The shopman declared that the stock was not
correct; as far as they could judge, there were two pieces of lace
missing.
"If so, I did not take them," replied I.
"Upon my honour, Mr B--," said the major, to the magistrate, "it is
very hard for a gentleman to be treated in this manner. This is the
second time that I have been sent for to vouch for his respectability."
"Very true, sir," replied the magistrate; "but allow me to ask Mr
Newland, as he calls himself, what induced him to follow a lady into the
shop?"
"Her ear-rings," replied I.
"Her ear-rings! why, sir, the last time you were brought before me, you
said it was after a gentleman's nose--now it appears you were attracted
by a lady's ears; and pray, sir, what induced you to run out of the
shop?"
"Because I wanted particularly to inquire about her ear-rings, sir."
"I cannot understand these paltry excuses; there are, it appears, two
pieces of lace missing, I must remand you for further examination, sir;
and you also, sir," said the magistrate, to Major Carbonnell; "for if he
is a swindler, you must be an accomplice."
"Sir," replied Major Carbonnell, sneeringly, "you are certainly a very
good judge of a gentleman, when you happen by accident to be in his
company. With your leave, I will send a note to another confederate."
The major then wrote a note to Lord Windermear, which he despatched by
Timothy, who, hearing I was in trouble, had accompanied the major. And
while he was away, the major and I sat down, he giving himself all
manner of airs, much to the annoyance of the magistrate, who at last
threatened to commit him immediately. "You'll repent this," replied the
major, who perceived Lord Windermear coming in.
"You shall repent it, sir, by God," cried the magistrate in a great
passion.
"Put five shillings in the box for swearing, Mr B--. You fine other
people," said the major. "Here is my other confederate, Lord
Windermear."
"Carbonnell," said Lord Windermear, "what is all this?"
"Nothing, my lord, except that our friend Newland is taken up for
shoplifting, because he thought proper to run after a pretty woman's
carriage; and I am accused by his worship of being his confederate. I
could forgive his suspicions of Mr Newland in that plight; but as for
his taking me for one of the swell mob it proves a great deficiency of
judgment; perhaps he will commit your lordship also, as he may not be
aware that your lordship's person is above caption."
"I can assure you, sir," said Lord Windermear, proudly, "that this is my
relative, Major Carbonnell, and the other is my friend, Mr Newland. I
will bail them for any sum you please."
The magistrate felt astonished and annoyed, for, after all, he had only
done his duty. Before he could reply, a man came from the shop to say
that the laces had been found all right. Lord Windermear then took me
aside, and I narrated what had happened. He recollected the story of
Fleta in my narrative of my life, and felt that I was right in trying to
find out who the lady was. The magistrate now apologised for the
detention, but explained to his lordship how I had before made my
appearance upon another charge, and with a low bow we were dismissed.
"My dear Mr Newland," said his lordship, "I trust that this will be a
warning to you, not to run after other people's noses and ear-rings; at
the same time, I will certainly keep a look out for those very ear-rings
myself. Major, I wish you a good morning."
His lordship then shook us both by the hand, and saying that he should
be glad to see more of me than he latterly had done, stepped into his
carriage and drove off.
"What the devil did his lordship mean about ear-rings, Newland?"
inquired the major.
"I told him that I was examining the lady's ear-rings as very
remarkable," replied I.
"You appear to be able to deceive everybody but me, my good fellow. I
know that you were examining the lady herself." I left the major in his
error, by making no reply.