I COME OUT UNDER A FIRST-RATE CHAPERON, AND AT ONCE AM ESTABLISHED INTO
THE REGIONS OF FASHION--PROVE THAT I AM DESERVING OF MY PROMOTION.
"I beg your pardon, Newland," said the major, returning from his
dressing-room, resplendent with chains and bijouterie; "but I must have
your Christian name."
"It's rather a strange one," replied I; "it is Japhet."
"Japhet! by the immortal powers, I'd bring an action against my
godfathers and godmothers; you ought to recover heavy damages."
"Then I presume you would not have the name," replied I, with a knowing
look, "for a clear ten thousand a year."
"Whew! that alters the case--it's astonishing how well any name looks in
large _gold_ letters. Well, as the old gentleman, whoever he might have
been, made you compensation, you must forgive and forget. Now where
shall we go?"
"With your permission, as I came to town in these clothes, made by a
German tailor--Darmstadt's tailor, by-the-by--but still if tailor to a
prince, not the prince of tailors--I would wish you to take me to your
own: your dress appears very correct."
"You show your judgment, Newland, it _is_ correct; Stulz will be
delighted to have your name on his books, and to do justice to that
figure. _Allons donc_."
We sauntered up Saint James's Street, and before I had arrived at
Stulz's, I had been introduced to at least twenty of the young men about
town. The major was most particular in his directions about the
clothes, all of which he ordered; and as I knew that he was well
acquainted with the fashion, I gave him _carte blanche_. When we left
the shop, he said, "Now, my dear Newland, I have given you a proof of
friendship, which no other man in England has had. Your dress will be
the _ne plus ultra_. There are little secrets only known to the
initiated, and Stulz is aware that this time I am in earnest. I am
often asked to do the same for others, and I pretend so to do: but a
wink from me is sufficient, and Stulz dares not dress them. Don't you
want some bijouterie? or have you any at home?"
"I may as well have a few trifles," replied I.
We entered a celebrated jeweller's, and he selected for me to the amount
of about forty pounds. "That will do--never buy much; for it is
necessary to change every three months at least. What is the price of
this chain?"
"It is only fifteen guineas, major."
"Well, I shall take it; but recollect," continued the major, "I tell you
honestly I never shall pay you."
The jeweller smiled, bowed, and laughed; the major threw the chain round
his neck, and we quitted the shop.
"At all events, major, they appear not to believe your word in that
shop."
"My dear fellow, that's their own fault, not mine. I tell them honestly
I never will pay them; and you may depend upon it, I intend most
sacredly to keep my word. I never do pay anybody, for the best of all
possible reasons, I have no money; but then I do them a service--I make
them fashionable, and they know it."
"What debts do you pay then, major?"
"Let me think--that requires consideration. Oh! I pay my washerwoman."
"Don't you pay your debts of honour?"
"Debts of honour! why I'll tell you the truth; for I know that we shall
hunt in couples. If I win I take the money: but if I lose--why then I
forget to pay; and I always tell them so before I sit down to the table.
If they won't believe me, it's not my fault. But what's the hour?
Come, I must make a few calls, and will introduce you."
We sauntered on to Grosvenor Square, knocked, and were admitted into a
large, elegantly-furnished mansion. The footman announced us--"My dear
Lady Maelstrom, allow me the honour of introducing to you my very
particular friend, Mr Newland, consigned to my charge by my Lord
Windermear during his absence. He has just arrived from the Continent,
where he has been making the grand tour."
Her ladyship honoured me with a smile. "By-the-by, major, that reminds
me--do me the favour to come to the window. Excuse us one moment, Mr
Newland."
The major and Lady Maelstrom walked to the window and exchanged a few
sentences, and then returned. Her ladyship holding up her finger, and
saying to him as they came towards me, "Promise me now that you won't
forget."
"Your ladyship's slightest wishes are to me imperative commands,"
replied the major, with a graceful bow.
In a quarter of an hour, during which the conversation was animated, we
rose to take our leave, when her ladyship came up to me, and offering
her hand said, "Mr Newland, the friendship of Lord Windermear, and the
introduction of Major Carbonnell, are more than sufficient to induce me
to put your name down on my visiting list. I trust I shall see a great
deal of you, and that we shall be great friends."
I bowed to this handsome announcement, and we retired. As soon as we
were out in the square, the major observed, "You saw her take me on one
side--it was to _pump_. She has no daughters, but about fifty nieces,
and match-making is her delight. I told her that I would stake my
honour upon your possessing ten thousand a year; how much more I could
not say. I was not far wrong, was I?"
I laughed. "What I may be worth, major, I really cannot say; but I
trust that the event will prove that you are not far wrong. Say no
more, my dear fellow."
"I understand--you are not yet of age--of course, have not yet come into
possession of your fortune."
"That is exactly the case, major. I am now but little more than
nineteen."
"You look older; but there is no getting over baptismal registries with
the executors. Newland, you must content yourself for the two next
years in playing Moses, and only peep at the promised land."
We made two or three more calls and then returned to Saint James's
Street. "Where shall we go now? By-the-by, don't you want to go to
your banker's?"
"I will just stroll down with you, and see if they have paid any money
in," replied I, carelessly.
We called at Drummond's, and I asked them if there was any money paid
into the credit of Mr Newland.
"Yes, sir," replied one of the clerks: "there is one thousand pounds
paid in yesterday."
"Very good," replied I.
"How much do you wish to draw for?" inquired the major.
"I don't want any," replied I. "I have more money than I ought to have
in my desk at this moment."
"Well, then, let us go and order dinner; or perhaps you would like to
stroll about a little more; if so, I will go and order the dinner.
Here's Harcourt, that's lucky. Harcourt, my dear fellow, know Mr
Newland, my very particular friend. I must leave you now; take his arm,
Harcourt, for half an hour, and then join us at dinner at the Piazza."
Mr Harcourt was an elegant young man of about five-and-twenty. Equally
pleased with each other's externals, we were soon familiar: he was
witty, sarcastic, and well bred. After half an hour's conversation he
asked me what I thought of the major. I looked him in the face and
smiled. "That look tells me that you will not be his dupe, otherwise I
had warned you: he is a strange character; but if you have money enough
to afford to keep him, you cannot do better, as he is acquainted with,
and received by, everybody. His connections are good; and he once had a
very handsome fortune, but it was soon run out, and he was obliged to
sell his commission in the Guards. Now he lives upon the world; which,
as Shakspeare says, is his oyster; and he has wit and sharpness enough
to open it. Moreover, he has some chance of falling into a peerage;
that prospect, and his amusing qualities, added to his being the most
fashionable man about town, keeps his head above water. I believe Lord
Windermear, who is his cousin, very often helps him."
"It was Lord Windermear who introduced me to him," observed I.
"Then he will not venture to play any tricks upon you further than
eating your dinners, borrowing your money, and forgetting to pay it."
"You must acknowledge," said I, "he always tells you beforehand that he
never will pay you."
"And that is the only point in which he adheres to his word," replied
Harcourt, laughing; "but, tell me, am I to be your guest to-day?"
"If you will do me that honour."
"I assure you I am delighted to come, as I shall have a further
opportunity of cultivating your acquaintance."
"Then we had better bend our steps towards the hotel for it is late,"
replied I; and we did so accordingly.