them all Farewel till tomorrow, and so prances off. Here let us leave
the Father and Daughter as busy for the Credit of the Cause, as may be
imagined, making all suitable Provision for tomorrow's Entertainment;
the Kitchin, and Pantry, the Bed-Chamber, and the Court-Cubboard, must
all appear in Splendour extraordinary.
And now to return to our Traveller: Heaven knows he had the misfortune
to miss his way, for he never found _Hereford_, nor Sister. His Barb
too found another Chapman than the Collonel of the Guards; for both
Horse and Accoutrements all embargoed, and the dismounted Cavalier
slipt into a Frize-Coat of his Man _Tom's_ providing, who waited his
coming, The Master, Page, and _Tom_, in a small prepared Vessel,
troul'd down the _Severn_ as fast as Tide and good Speed could carry
them.
As we thunder'd down the _Severn_, one of our Strollers being at
present useless, our Page (well rewarded for playing his part in the
_Farse_) is dropt at _Worcester_, from whence we continue our Voyage to
_Bristol_. Arrived there pretty late in a Summers Evening, 'tis not
thought convenient to appear in any Dress whatever had been seen before
at _Ludlow_, nor indeed to expose his Face, lest any Inquiry might be
made there about him as a Sherry-Merchant, and so trunking up all his
best Rayment, he gets himself new rigged at a Salesman's in a genteel
Garb, but something modester than his _Ludlow_ Bravery, and _Tom_ and
he next morning move off to _Bath_.
It fortunes here, that he Quarters at one of the great Inns, it being
the beginning of the Summer, just before _Bath_ time, where was a brisk
Daughter of the house, about half way stage between 20 and 30. and
consequently much inclinable manwards. A Girl that had had the Honour
of many a slap cross the Mouth, and chuck under the Chin by Lords and
Earls in her time, her Fathers honourable Guests at _Bath_ season. Our
most constant Lover of every new face, feels the old Itch again.
Business he finds will thicken upon him, and therefore flusht with his
late Successes, he resolves to throw out his winning hand as far as it
will run.
But now to know what Portion this Damsel had, for without a spill of
yellow Boys, naked White and Red has but indifferent Charms with him.
This Intelligence was quickly made, without asking the question; for
there was a Jest in the Family of one of the Drawers being Suitor
there, who belike wanted a tite sum of 80_l._ to set up withal (a small
Portion of hers formerly left her by a Grandfather, and now at use.)
This Drawer forsooth was a Rival, but not an over-formidable one. For
truly our Inn-keepers Daughter had so often been tickled with the
Addresses of Quality, that (_Foh!_) her Fathers Drawer was scarce
worthy to hold up her Train. A Gentleman, or nothing for her. Nay, if
she has not the happiness to strike in for a Lease for Life at Bed and
Board with some honourable Person, rather than dye in ignorance, keep a
stale Maiden-head, and so lead Apes, she has long since resolved not to
stand out at a lower game, and en'e admit a Tenant at Will to an Inmate
of Fashion and Quality; and was grosly suspected she had tried the
Constitution of her Body, under a load of Honour long before her
present year of twenty five. But true or false, that's a small Blot, in
her Scutchion.
Our _Don John_ is absolutely captivated, and plies her home with all
the Rhetorick that Love can afford. Our man _Tom_ in the meanwhile but
very modestly, is whispering amongst his Mates, the lower Tire of the
Family, the Servants, what a Worthy Gentleman his Master is, being a
Rich _Norfolk_ Gentleman (a pretty large stride from _Bathe_) of 500 a
year. This Narrative passes pretty well amongst the shallower pates,
the Chamberlain, the Tapster, the Hostler, and the rest of the inferior
Domesticks; but our hardfaith'd young Mistress of the house, whither
bit before, or naturally not over-credulous, does as good as declare,
That her Principles are to look before she leaps. Our _Norfolk_ Suitor
finds his Addresses very acceptable, but still with a reserve, Provided
he be the Man he appears. He plainly sees, that the Girl, upon good
Grounds is very pliable, but she's a little past the years of being
dandled and kist out of her Reason: He or any man else (any Tooth good
Barber) with Honour and Estate may go far with her; but Demonstration
is the only Argument that must carry her Cause. As many years as she
has lived (or at least past for) a Maid, she is not so hard set, but
she can tarry till Substantial Testimony (as far off as _Norfolk_ lies)
can make out the Lands and Tenements, before she consents to an
Inclosure. Our Spark therefore put to his last Trumps, finds this last
a craggier and more difficult Enterprize than any he had ever yet
encountred; however, thinking it a very great scandal to his Wit, to
lie down before her, and shamefully for want of Ammunition, be forced
to raise the Siege, he sets all his Brains at work for one last Mine to
blow her up; or if that take not, he is resolved to quit the Field. In
a day or two after, he begins to be Melancholly and indisposed; during
this fit, he is very cold in his Love, and applies him to Religious
Books, talks much of very odd Dreams he has had, till at last he takes
his Bed. Physitians are sent for, whether they found any real
indications of sickness or no, or acquiesced to his own Declaration of
the Pains he felt, no Medicinal Application was wanting. His Distemper
increasing, he desires a Man of Law to be sent for, accordingly a
Scrivener of the Town is called, who draws up his Will, in which he
gives away about Three Thousand pounds in several Legacies, leaving his
Nephew his full and sole Executor. The Will is sealed up, and delivered
to his Man _Tom_; and all the cognizance taken of his Mistress, is only
10_l._ to buy her Mourning. Next a Man of God is sent for, and all the
necessary preparations for a Man of another World are made. His
Conscience setled, and his Viaticum for his long Journey most devoutly
furnisht. But it pleases Fate, or the Sick man rather, in some few days
after, to give some small symptoms of amendment, and to shorten the
matter, in Eight or Ten days time he is pretty well recovered, and the
next talk is of fancying his own Native _Norfolk_ Air for perfecting
his Health; all this while the young Damsel, who, tho not call'd to the
Will-making, knew all the Contents of it, and finding from all hands,
the great uprightness and devotion of her humble Servant, could not
fancy that so much Religion and Piety could be an Impostor, and
therefore she doubted not in the least, but the Estate in _Norfolk_ was
unquestionable; and tho indeed her Prudence would still incline her to
a full inquiry and satisfactory account, yet 'tis now too late, her
cooling Admirer talks of speeding to _London_; and tho he professes he
will leave his heart behind with her, She is afraid that new Faces and
better Fortunes will soon shake her hold there, and therefore taking
her Pillow upon the business, she resolves not to slip so favourable an
opportunity, but to lay hold of the forelock, and take a good offer
whilst she may have it: For with all her natural Pride, she considers
her self but the Lees of a Tap; and 'tis not every Rich Gudgeon will
bite at a Bait so blown, and so stale.
Her departing Lover still pressing for his Journey, the good-natur'd
Girl watches the next amorous sally of her Gallant, and takes him at
his word, and without asking advice, thinks her own wit sufficient, and
in two days time enters into _for better, for worse_. The Town-Bells
soon rung All Joy; and the best Hogshead in Daddy's Cellar run
_Claret_. His Honourable Guest and Son-in-Law was the little Idol of
all the Virgins of the Town, and the envied preferment of sweet Mrs.
_Betty_ had fill'd all Tongues; and scarce a Prayer offered up for a
Husband, but Mrs. _Betty_'s felicity was made the Pattern of their
Devotion.
But now, as the Devil would have it, our dignified Bride is for having
her Dear Spouse, by all means, doing her and her Father the honour of
staying out the whole Bathe Season (now coming on) amongst 'em, and
nothing can divert her from that resolution. This is a very unwelcome
proposal; for the multitude of Faces from all quarters of the Kingdom,
may not only be very dangerous to his circumstances, but likewise his
_Norfolk_ Abilities, long before that time, may be examin'd too
narrowly; and therefore not being able to make any harsh refusal of his
fair Brides request, lest it should look like design, and to marry a
young Girl, and be ashamed of her parentage, would appear so unkind,
that he has no Artifice to wean her from _Bathe_, and drill her out of
Town, but by pretending a small relapse of his Indisposition, which he
acted so well, that he denied himself the very pleasures of Love, and
fell off even from Family-Duties. This Curtain-failure began to
moderate her passion for staying at _Bathe_, for her tame Bedfellow
still preaching up the virtues of his own Native _Norfolk_ Air, his
poor defeated Bride could not but have a womanly longing for so
necessary a Restorative, and thereupon for so important a Medicine to
her feeble Yokemate, she consented to go along with him.
All her fine Cloaths were Boxed up, together with several Bed and
Table-Linnen, _&c._ (for she had pretty good Moveables, all the
Legacies of Deceased Aunts and Grannies, and other good Kin) and all
sent by her Man _Tom_ to the Carriers, and two days after places took
in the flying Coach for their speeding to _London_.
But one main thing was almost forgotten. She had call'd in her Portion,
which for a Guinies Gratification the Scrivener had ready at an Hours
warning, having at that time some other peoples Money by him
undisposed, and hers being out upon Mortgage, the Owners were very well
pleas'd to make an Exchange upon the same security. This Money was not
to be trusted by the Waggon, but to be carryed up with her in the Coach
box, for which her Man _Tom_ beg'd her acceptance of a little Gilt
leather'd Trunk that happen'd to be just small enough to go into the
Coach-box. The Day of setting out being the Morrow, her thoughtful
Spouse had nicely consider'd that the Coach would be in _London_ half a
day before the Carrier, which for some Reasons you'll find in the
sequel was not altogether for his convenience, and therefore he made a
shift to put off the Journey till next Coach-day.
Against that time the Gilt-leather'd Trunk, and the Key to it was
deliver'd her, (tho by the by he had got two Keys) and the 80_l._ some
Broad pieces, a Caudle-Cup, half a dozen of Silver Spoons, and some
other Toys were all stowed in it; and the Kind Couple are trundling
away for _London_, with the Man well mounted riding by.
Now as a Man of his Estate, he had freely given her all her own
Portion, a small Privy Purse to buy her Pins with, having Marryed her
only for Beauty, and much disdaining the addition of so small a sum to
his plentiful Fortune. The first stage being done (for they had but one
Night to lye by the way) the small Cabinet of Treasure was carefully
taken out of the Coach, and lodged in a Closet in the Chamber, and next
Morning deliver'd to _Tom_ to see safely laid in the Coach-box as
before.
The next Night arriving both at _London_, (whither _Tom_ about
_Brenford_ was commanded by his Master to speed a little before to
prepare for their Reception) a very fair Lodging near St. _James_'s was
ready to entertain her, but no _Tom_ had been there; and coming to open
the Trunk, instead of the Gold and Silver Entrayls there was nothing
but a Bag of Stones, and a piece of a Brickbat to supply their places,
enclosed in a few Rags that stuft up the Trunk. This amazing sight
threw the poor Lady into a most violent Distraction, and 'twas very
hard to hold her from falling into a Fit, her Husband seeming as much
amazed as her self, and joining in the complaint as loud as she. But to
abate her Rage, he told her the wicked Rogue should not so scape, he
had very sufficient security from able Friends for his honest and
faithful service, and their Purses should make her Reparation, till
when the Loss should be made up out of his own Pocket. Nor would he
sleep till he had made her some farther satisfaction, and therefore
beg'd her Excuse but for one half Hour till he took Coach, and made
that search and quest that perhaps would bring her some considerable
Light into the Villany. Her Zeal for her Loss never look'd any farther,
and accordingly well pleas'd with the Kind Motion, she took leave of
him for the half Hour aforesaid.
But, alas, a long half Hour, for half the Evening, nay the whole Night
was gone, and neither Man nor Master to be heard of. So Husband and
Portion all departed, she thought fit to secure her Goods and Cloaths
at the Carriers, but the same Calamity attended there likewise, for
_Tom_ had been there too, and swept all.
To describe the Distress and Anguish of our present Female Sufferer, or
either of her two foregoing Sisters in Affliction, being a work beyond
our power, we shall e'ne do as the Painter did of old, that is, draw a
Vail before the Face of sorrow, the Lineaments of true Grief being
above the Pen or Pencils skill.
And now to follow our Libertine through all his Rambles and Exploits in
this wide Town of _London_, (for there lyes his next Scene) being
matter we have not yet fully been inform'd in, we dare not venture to
play the Historian any farther than certain Intelligence (which yet we
have not received) can guide us, being resolved not to load our Rambles
with Romance or Fiction, his Life being furnisht with matter
sufficiently voluminous without the addition of Flourish or Fancy.
Let it suffice that some time after all these three successive
Adventures, the poor _Ludlow_ VVife comes up to _London_, being the
last place she has to make her quest after this Impostor and Monster,
for those are the gentlest Names her Sufferings and Resentments can
give him. She has a great Opinion that _Newgate_ or _Newgate_ Roll, or
some other such Chronicles of his Renown will give her some light into
his Life and Fortune, and perhaps the Justice of Heaven afford her a
sight of him at least, if not a power to execute Heavens and her just
Vengeance on so egregious a Reprobate.
Her Inn being at _Holborn_ Bridge, she lights into the Company of a
good Motherly VVoman just come from _Oxfordshire_; the sorrow in so
young a Face, and the swoln Eyes which were not yet dryed, the Fountain
being indeed inexhaustible, the Curiosity of the Elder Traveller made
bold to ask her the cause of so doleful a look, &c. The young one (who
now had no Reserves) plainly told her whole sufferings, to which the
Matron replyed, Alas young VVoman, what are your griefs to mine? I have
been many years the VVife of the most Infamous Miscreant that the Earth
ever bore; deserted and abandoned by the wickedest of Men, after long
years of Honest and Loyal Fidelity to his Bed, and exposed to perish
(which you, thanks to able Friends, need not fear) _&c._ with a great
deal more bitter Invectives against him. Till at last upon further
conferring of Notes, and describing of Characters and Persons they came
to jump together, and found 'emselves both abused by the very same
Monster, the eldest being indeed his old _Banbury_ Wife. What Amazement
this Accident produced may easily be conjectured, it will be enough to
tell you that the Anguish of both their Souls, and the Bitterness of
Gall on each side made 'em Swear an inviolable Friendship, determining
to search (if possible) the whole World, to hunt down this Devil.
Accordingly they take a Lodging a little higher in _Holborn_, where
making no secret of both their hard cases, they open their whole Souls
to their new Landlady to engage her assistance in the Quarrel. The
Landlady Transported at both their Narrations fell upon her Knees, and
blest God he had sent 'em to her House, for this _Lucifer_ they had
described, was certainly the very Man that next Week was to Marry her
Daughter. This surprize put 'em all into new Confusion, and the
Daughter being called to the Council, it was evident that this very
Fellow had made Love to the Daughter of the House, the day of Marriage
concluded, the Ring and Wedding Cloaths preparing, &c. This last
Deliverance made the poor old Woman, and the Daughter no less, melt
into Tears at this happy Discovery.
Well, 'tis agreed between 'em all, that they shall not stir till he
comes thither, which will be in twenty four Hours at most; and all
their united Vengeance, Constables, Warrants, and what not, shall be
prepar'd for his Reception.
This Resolution was heartily fix'd amongst 'em; only the _Banbury_ Wife
would that Evening take a walk to a Cozens, a Citizen, where she had
some important Affairs, but nothing should stay her abroad above an
Hour; she had not walk'd half a Furlong but Destiny or some other
ruling Power threw her full in the Mouth of her Husband; her Passion at
sight of him rose so high, that at first it could not find vent for
words, which he perceiving desired her to walk into a Tavern which was
just before 'em, and there recover her Confusion. You may conceive she
was very ready to accept the Invitation, her Stomach being so full,
that 'twas the only thing she wanted to have her full swing at him. The
Discourse of her part you may well guess at; but his Answer was so
tender, and his Confession so open, that at last she grew patient
enough to hear him out. He plainly told her all he had done, or at
least the greatest part: that it was only the Effects of his Wants and
Necessities, that now he had rais'd enough to re-establish him in the
World, that the Hony Moon of Love had been almost over between them,
and that if he had made any Lapse in Disloyalty to her Marriage Right,
it was not Infidelity but Interest that had enforced him to all. And so
showing her handfuls of Gold and Silver, he humbly intreated a
Reconciliation betwixt 'em. Which good Words and Address at last so
perfectedly obtained, that he perswaded her to send for all her
Houshold Goods, and to live with him somewhere in the Liberties of
_Westminster_, where disguising his Name, and amending his Faults,
he doubted not through his practice to recover a plentiful Being, and
maintain her like a Woman.
The poor Creature absolutely mollified, promises Fidelity to him, and
never returning to her new Lodgings, takes him along with her,
defeating the whole Vengeance that was hatching against him, and not
stirring from him till all her Goods were come up from _Banbury_, and a
new House furnisht with 'em. She had not lived there three days, till
finding a Gossiping Errand for her to keep her from home a whole day,
at her Return at Night to Bed, she finds neither Husband nor Goods, Bed
to lye, or Stool to sit upon; the whole House being utterly dismantled,
and nothing but nakedness and empty Walls to receive her.
This last Cruelty of her Barbarian made her almost run stark Mad, and
returning to her _Holborn_ Lodging to own her frailty in believing an
Infidel, and the Just Judgment that had befaln her upon it, she found
the poor _Ludlow_ Mourner departed, and all her Relief left was to
return to _Banbury_ to live upon the Alms of the Parish.
This Libertine Life of our Renegade did not long continue till found at
last by the _Ludlow_ Wife he was thrown into _Worcester_ Jail; from
thence by _Habeas Corpus_ (at the Charge of a Parson in _Southwark_
whose Daughter he had likewise Married) removed to _Newgate_, & upon an
Indictment of six Wives appearing against him, being then Tryed by the
Name of _Morrel_ alias _Bowyer_ (a Name of a Worthy Person of Quality,
for personating of whom he had stood in the Pillory) he pleaded Guilty
to those six and twelve more, and thereby received only the punishment
of a Squeeze in the Fist.
After this Escape of a Halter, what his following Adventures have been
we are not informed: 'tis to be believed his Will was no ways wanting,
though his power of managing such hardy Exploits might undoubtedly be a
little retrencht: and therefore we have reason to conclude he fell into
smaller Games, in which his Walks have lain something more obscure, and
thereupon by reason of our unacquaintance with the Truth of that part
of his Life, we shall over-leap some years, and bring him to his
Conclusion.
Some few days before _Christmas_ he came to one Mr. _Cullens_ a Baker
in the _Strand_ to seek him a Lodging, his Habit but indifferent, and
his Stock not above Two Shillings, pretending himself to be a Person of
Worth and Honour, _viz. Humphrey Wickham_ of _Swaclift_ in the County
of _Oxon_ Esq; a Person whose Name and Reputation was well known to
Mrs. _Cullen_, being Born not far from him, which contributed much to
the swallowing of the Imposture. His pretence for leaving his Family in
the Countrey, and living here _Incognito_ was occasion'd (he said) to
avoid the payment of 500_l._ which he stood engaged for, and for which
the principal had left him in the lurch; and which he had made a rash
Vow he would not pay.
Mr. _Cullen_'s Family thus imposed upon supplied all his wants, and
paid him the due Respects to the Quality he Personated, till falling
sick, on the 28th of _December_ he made a Will, as follows.
His WILL.
In the name of God, Amen. _I_ Humphrey Wickham _of_ Swatclift, _in the
County of_ Oxon _Esquire; being sick and weak in Body, but of sound
Mind and Memory, do make this my last WILL and TESTAMENT, revoking all
Wills by me formerly made: And as touching such Worldly Estate as God
hath been pleased to bless me withal, I do hereby give and bequeath the
same in manner following._
Imprimis, _I do give, devise, and bequeath, to my Kinsman_ William
Wickham, _of_ Gazington, _in the County of_ Oxon, _all that my Mansion
House of_ Swaclift _aforesaid; and all the Lands, Tenements, and
Hereditaments thereunto belonging, to hold unto him the said_ William
Wickham, _and his Heirs for ever_.
Item, _I give and bequeath unto_ John Cullin, _Son of_ Thomas Cullin,
_of the Parish of St._ Clement Danes, _in the County of_ Middlesex,
_Baker, all that my impropriated Personage of_ Sowgrate, _in the County
of_ Northampton, _with the Rents, Issues, and Profits thereof_.
Item, _I give unto Anne Cullin_, _Sister of the said_ John Cullin, _the
Summ of Two hundred and fifty Pounds_.
Item, _I give unto_ Thomas Cullin, _Son of the said_ Thomas Cullin,
_the Sum of Three hundred Pounds_.
Item, _I give unto_ Dorothy Halford _of_ Halford, _in the County of_
Warwick, _the Sum of two hundred Pounds_.
Item, _I give unto_ Richard Davis, _Son of_ William Davis _of the said
Parish of St._ Clement Danes, _the Sum of Four hundred Pounds_.
Item, _I give unto_ William Davis, _Son of the said_ William Davis,
_the Summ of Two hundred Pounds_.
Item, _I give unto_ Anne Fowkes, _for her Care and Diligence in Looking
after me in my Sickness, the Sum of one hundred pounds_.
Item, _I give unto_ Robert Croker, _Son of_ William Croker _of_
Sanford, _in the said County of_ Oxon _(being my God-son) the Sum of
Five hundred Pounds_.
Item, _I give unto the said_ William Croker, _the Sum of Five hundred
Pounds_.
Item, _I give unto_ Robert Penniston, _Son of Sir_ Thomas Penniston,
_and younger Brother to Sir_ Farmalis Penniston _of_ Cornhill, _in the
said County of_ Oxon _the Sum of Three hundred Pounds_.
Item, _I give unto Mrs._ Jane Penniston, _Sister of the said Mr._
Robert Penniston, _the Summ of Two hundred Pounds_.