["Mr. RHODES announced that it was his intention, either
with the help of his friends or by himself, to continue
the telegraph northwards, across the Zambesi, through
Nyassaland, and along Lake Tanganyika to Uganda. Nor is
this all.... This colossal _Monte Cristo_ means to cross
the Soudan ... and to complete the overland telegraph
line from Cape Town to Cairo; that is, from England to
the whole of her possessions or colonies, or 'spheres of
influence' in Africa."--_The Times._]
THE World's Seven Wonders are surely outshone!
On Marvel World's billows 'twill toss us--'twill toss us,
To watch him, Director and Statesman in one,
This Seven-League-Booted Colossus--Colossus!
Combining in one supernatural blend
Plain Commerce and Imagination--gination;
O'er Africa striding from dark end to end,
To forward black emancipation--cipation.
Brobdingnagian Bagman, big Dreamer of Dreams.
A Titan of tact and shrewd trader--shrewd trader!
A diplomat full of _finesse_ and sharp schemes,
With a touch of the pious Crusader--Crusader!
A "Dealer" with despots, a "Squarer" of Kings,
A jumper of mountain, lake, wilderness, wady,
And manager 'cute of such troublesome things
As LOBENGULA or the MAHDI--the MAHDI.
Well may ABERCORN wonder and FIFE tootle praise,
His two thousand hearers raise cheering--raise cheering.
Of wild would-be Scuttlers he proves the mad craze,
And of Governments prone to small-beering--small-beering.
Sullen Boers may prove bores to a man of less tact,
A duffer funk wiles Portuguesy--tuguesy;
But Dutchmen, black potentates, all sorts, in fact,
To RHODES the astute come quite easy--quite easy.
The British South-African Company's shares
_May_ be at a discount--(Trade-martyrs!--trade-martyrs!)--
But he, our Colossus, strides on, he declares,
Whether with or without chums or charters--or charters.
Hooray! We brave Britons are still to the front--
Provided we've someone to boss us--to boss us;
And Scuttlers will have their work cut out to shunt
This stalwart, far-striding Colossus--Colossus!
* * * * *
[Illustration:
=A HEARTY WELCOME.=
_Local Flyman_ (_who also officiates at Funerals_).
"Mornin', Sir. Glad to see you out again! Really thought
I should 'a' had the honor of drivin' you to the
cemetery, Sir!"]
* * * * *
TAXES. A HOARDING AND SAVING CLAUSE.--_À propos_ of an article in the
_Times_ on this subject, and a paragraph of _Mr. Punch's_, last week,
anent "Hoardings," we may now put a supplementary question in this form,
"As Government taxes _Savings_, would it not be quite consistent to tax
_Hoardings_?" Since the answer must, logically, be in the affirmative,
let Government begin at once with all the Hoardings displaying any kind
of hideous pictorial advertisement.
* * * * *
"HE rumbles so in his conversation," observed Mrs. R. of an orator whose
sentences were considerably involved, "that I can seldom catch the grist
of what he says."
* * * * *