_Are you in favour of Woman's Suffrage?_
This was no novelty, and was fortunately regarded by the gallant
electors present as a form of comic relief. I adopted my usual plan
under the circumstances, and said--
"I am in favour, sir, of giving a woman whatever she wants. It is always
well to make a virtue of necessity."
This homely and non-committal gibe satisfied most of the audience, and I
was about to proceed to the next question when my interlocutor, a
litigious-looking man with blue spectacles, rose in the circle and
cried--
"You are evading the question, sir! Give me an answer. Are you in favour
of Woman's Suffrage or not?"
"That's fair! Give him his answer!" came the cry from the fickle
audience.
I was quite prepared for this. I went through an oft-rehearsed and not
uneffective piece of pantomime with Kitty, and replied--
"Well, sir, I have just inquired of my wife, who is by my side----"
I paused expectantly. I was not disappointed. There were loud cheers,
during which I seized the opportunity to glance through the next few
questions. Then, as I was not quite ready--
"--As she has _always_ been, all through this arduous campaign----"
_Terrific enthusiasm, while Kitty blushes and bows very prettily; after
which the conversation proceeds on the following lines:_--
_Myself_. And she tells me that she does not want any Suffrage of any
kind whatsoever!
_"Hear, hear!" But some cries of disapproval._
_Myself_. I therefore recommend you, sir, to go home and follow my
example----
_(Perfect tornado of laughter. Apparently I have made a home-thrust.)_
--And after that, if you will come back to me and report the result of
your--er--investigations--(_yells_)--I shall be happy to go into the
matter with you more fully.
_Triumphant cheers, and the blue-spectacled man collapses._
The unfortunate espouser of the cause of the fair having thus been
derided out of court, I took up the next question. It concerned a
long-standing dispute as to the rights of the clergy of various
denominations to enter the local Board Schools,--this was in the days
far preceding the present educational deadlock,--and I felt that I must
walk warily. I talked at large about liberty of conscience and religious
toleration, but realised as I rambled on that my moderate views and want
of bigotry in one direction or the other were pleasing no one. John Bull
is a curious creature. You may get drunk and beat your wife, and he will
tolerate you; you may run amok through most of the Decalogue, and he
will still be your friend; but venture to worship your Maker in a
fashion which differs one tittle from his own, and he will put down his
pint-pot or desist from sanding the sugar and fell you to the earth. I
was glad to get away from this subject, leaving the audience far from
satisfied, and turn to the next question. It said--
_Is the Candidate aware that the important township of Spratling is
entirely without a pier or jetty of any description?_
"Certainly I am aware of it," I replied, trying hard to remember where
the place was. The audience began to titter, and I felt uneasy.
My questioner, a saturnine gentleman in the pit, rose to his feet and
continued--
"And if returned to Parliament, will you exert your influence to see
that a jetty is constructed there at the earliest opportunity?"
"Cer----" There was a very slight movement beside me. Robin was leaning
back unconcernedly in his chair, but on the table under my nose lay a
sheet of paper bearing these words in large printed capitals--