[Day the First]
AN HONEST MAN, WITH A CHANCE PLEASANTRY, PUTTETH TO SHAME
THE PERVERSE HYPOCRISY OF THE RELIGIOUS ORDERS
Emilia, who sat next after Fiammetta,--the courage of the marchioness
and the quaint rebuke administered by her to the King of France having
been commended of all the ladies,--began, by the queen's pleasure,
boldly to speak as follows: "I also, I will not keep silence of a
biting reproof given by an honest layman to a covetous monk with a
speech no less laughable than commendable.
There was, then, dear lasses, no great while agone, in our city, a
Minor friar and inquisitor of heretical pravity, who, for all he
studied hard to appear a devout and tender lover of the Christian
religion, as do they all, was no less diligent in enquiring of who had
a well-filled purse than of whom he might find wanting in the things
of the Faith. Thanks to this his diligence, he lit by chance upon a
good simple man, richer, by far in coin than in wit, who, of no lack
of religion, but speaking thoughtlessly and belike overheated with
wine or excess of mirth, chanced one day to say to a company of his
friends that he had a wine so good that Christ himself might drink
thereof. This being reported to the inquisitor and he understanding
that the man's means were large and his purse well filled, ran in a
violent hurry _cum gladiis et fustibus_[53] to clap up a right
grievous suit against him, looking not for an amendment of misbelief
in the defendant, but for the filling of his own hand with florins to
ensue thereof (as indeed it did,) and causing him to be cited, asked
him if that which had been alleged against him were true.
[Footnote 53: _i.e._ with sword and whips, a technical term of
ecclesiastical procedure, about equivalent to our "with the strong arm
of the law."]
The good man replied that it was and told him how it chanced;
whereupon quoth the most holy inquisitor, who was a devotee of St.
John Goldenbeard,[54] 'Then hast thou made Christ a wine-bibber and
curious in wines of choice, as if he were Cinciglione[55] or what not
other of your drunken sots and tavern-haunters; and now thou speakest
lowly and wouldst feign this to be a very light matter! It is not as
thou deemest; thou hast merited the fire therefor, an we were minded
to deal with thee as we ought.' With these and many other words he
bespoke him, with as menacing a countenance as if the poor wretch had
been Epicurus denying the immortality of the soul, and in brief so
terrified him that the good simple soul, by means of certain
intermediaries, let grease his palm with a good dose of St. John
Goldenmouth's ointment[56] (the which is a sovereign remedy for the
pestilential covetise of the clergy and especially of the Minor
Brethren, who dare not touch money), so he should deal mercifully with
him.
[Footnote 54: _i.e._ a lover of money.]
[Footnote 55: A notorious drinker of the time.]
[Footnote 56: _i.e._ money.]
This unguent, being of great virtue (albeit Galen speaketh not thereof
in any part of his Medicines), wrought to such purpose that the fire
denounced against him was by favour commuted into [the wearing, by way
of penance, of] a cross, and to make the finer banner, as he were to
go a crusading beyond seas, the inquisitor imposed it him yellow upon
black. Moreover, whenas he had gotten the money, he detained him about
himself some days, enjoining him, by way of penance, hear a mass every
morning at Santa Croce and present himself before him at dinner-time,
and after that he might do what most pleased him the rest of the day;
all which he diligently performed.
One morning, amongst others, it chanced that at the Mass he heard a
Gospel, wherein these words were chanted, 'For every one ye shall
receive an hundred and shall possess eternal life.'[57] This he laid
fast up in his memory and according to the commandment given him,
presented him at the eating hour before the inquisitor, whom he found
at dinner. The friar asked him if he had heard mass that morning,
whereto he promptly answered, 'Ay have I, sir.' Quoth the inquisitor,
'Heardest thou aught therein whereof thou doubtest or would question?'
'Certes,' replied the good man, 'I doubt not of aught that I heard,
but do firmly believe all to be true. I did indeed hear something
which caused and yet causeth me have the greatest compassion of you
and your brother friars, bethinking me of the ill case wherein you
will find yourselves over yonder in the next life.' 'And what was it
that moved thee to such compassion of us?' asked the inquisitor.
'Sir,' answered the other, 'it was that verse of the Evangel, which
saith, "For every one ye shall receive an hundred." 'That is true,'
rejoined the inquisitor; 'but why did these words move thee thus?'
'Sir,' replied the good man, 'I will tell you. Since I have been used
to resort hither, I have seen give out every day to a multitude of
poor folk now one and now two vast great cauldrons of broth, which had
been taken away from before yourself and the other brethren of this
convent, as superfluous; wherefore, if for each one of these cauldrons
of broth there be rendered you an hundred in the world to come, you
will have so much thereof that you will assuredly all be drowned
therein.'
[Footnote 57: "And every one that hath forsaken houses or brethren or
sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands for my name's
sake shall receive an hundredfold and shall inherit everlasting
life."--Matthew xix. 29. Boccaccio has garbled the passage for the
sake of his point.]
All who were at the inquisitor's table fell a-laughing; but the
latter, feeling the hit at the broth-swilling[58] hypocrisy of himself
and his brethren, was mightily incensed, and but that he had gotten
blame for that which he had already done, he would have saddled him
with another prosecution, for that with a laughable speech he had
rebuked him and his brother good-for-noughts; wherefore, of his
despite, he bade him thenceforward do what most pleased him and not
come before him again."
[Footnote 58: Syn. gluttonous (_brodajuola_).]