_The king hears Barbarsa and Yaccombourse discourse on the plot--They
are impeached by Peter at a moucherait--Condemned and executed--Nicor
submits, and is released._
I HAD now several important irons in the fire, and all to be struck
whilst hot; there was the securing religion, sowing sedition amongst the
enemy, tripping up the heels of two ministers and a she-favourite, and
transporting artillery in the air some hundred leagues; either of which
failing might have been of exceeding bad consequence; but as the affair
of the ministers now lay next at hand, I entered upon that in the
following manner.
The king coming to me the next day, as by appointment, and having
assured me he had hinted nothing to any one, no, not to Barbarsa or
Yaccom-bourse, told me that Barbarsa had given orders for stopping
Nasgig and his men; and had persuaded him not to be in such haste in
suffering me to do as I pleased, but to show his authority and keep me
under. Says I, "Your majesty's safety is so near my heart, that even
want of confidence in me shall not make me decline my endeavours to
serve you. But have you suffered him to stop Nasgig?"--"No," says he,
"Nasgig was gone some time before he sent."--"Oh, sir!" says I, "you do
not half know the worth of that man! but you shall hereafter, and will
reward him accordingly. But now, sir," says I, "to what we meet upon;
if you will, as I told you, but comply with me for three days, without
asking questions, I will show you the greatest traitors in your
dominions, and put them into your power too." He promised me again he
would. "Then, sir," says I, "you must not send to Yaccombourse to sup
with you to-night."--"Nor lie with me?"--"No," says I.--"Pray, what
hurt can arise to my affairs from her?" says he.--"Sir," says I, "you
promised me to ask no questions."--"Agreed, agreed!" says he.--"Then,"
says I, "please to meet me at Nasgig's lodgings without being perceived,
if you can; at least without notice taken."--"Good," says he.--"And when
you are there, see or hear what you will, you must not say a word till
you are retired again." All which the king engaging to perform, we
parted till evening.
I called Maleck, and asked if he knew the way to Nasgig's lodging. He
told me, very well: and, the time being come, he conducted me thither,
where I had not waited long before the king came, most of the court
being in bed. I desired the king to stay in the outer room till I went
into the bedchamber two or three times, and I thought we must have put
it off till another night: but listening once again, I found they were
come, so I called the king, and led him to the place, entreating him,
whatever he heard, to keep his patience or he would ruin all. We first
heard much amorous discourse between Barbarsa and Yaccombourse, and then
the ensuing dialogue.
_Yac_. My dearest Barbarsa, what was all that uproar at the moucheratt
the other day?
_Bar_. Nothing, my love, but that mad fellow Peter, who sets up for a
conjuror, and wants us all to dance to his pipe.
_Yac_. I heard he overcame the ragans at an argument about the Image.
_Bar_. Why, I don't know how that was, but it was the doating old ragan
did their business; and truly the king's fingers itched to be on
Peter's side, but I gave him a judicious nod, and you know he durst not
displease so dear a friend as I am; ha, ha, ha! Am not I a sad fellow,
my love, to talk so of my king?
_Yac_. He that wants but one step to a throne, is almost a king's fellow
_Bar_. And that but a short one too, my dear Yaccee; but I must get rid
of that Nasgig, though I think I have almost spoiled him with the king,
too. I don't love your thinking rascals: that fellow thinks more than I
do, Yaccee.
_Yac_. He'll never think to so good purpose, I believe. But how goes
cousin Harlokin on? I find Gauingrunt is gone over.
_Bar_. And so shall Bazin, Istell, Pezele, and Ginkatt too, my dear; for
I am at work there. And then good-night, my poor King Georigetti; thou
shalt be advised to fly, and I'll keep the throne warm for thee.--I
don't see but King Barbarsa and Queen Yaccombourse sound much better
than Georigetti. Well, my dear, whenever we come to sovereignty, which
now cannot be long, if Nicor has but played his part well, for I have
not had an account of his success yet; I say, when we come into power,
never let us be above minding our own affairs, or suffer ourselves to be
led by the nose, as this poor insignificant king does. For, in short,
he may as well be a king of mats, as a king of flesh, if he will not use
his faculties, but suffer me to make a fool of him thus; and I should
be a fool indeed to neglect it, when he thinks it the greatest piece of
service I can do him.
_Yac_. Come, come, my dear! let us enjoy ourselves like king and queen
till we come to the dignity.
Finding a pause, the king, who had admirably kept his temper, even
beyond imagination, stole into the outer room. "Peter," says he,
"I thank you; you have shown me myself. What fools are we kings! In
endeavouring to make others happy, how miserable do we make ourselves!
How easily are we deceived by the designing flattery of those
below us!--Ungrateful villain!--Degenerate strumpet!--I hate you
both.--Peter," says he, "give me your sword; I'll destroy them both
immediately."
"Hold, sir," says I, "your majesty has heard sufficient to found a true
judgment upon; but kings should not be executioners, or act by passion
or revenge; but as you would punish that in others, so carefully avoid
it yourself. You who are in so exalted a station, as always to have
it in your power to punish a known crime in individuals, have not that
necessity to prompt you to a violent act that private persons have, to
whom it may be difficult to obtain justice. Therefore my advice is, that
you summon the colambs to-morrow, when Barbarsa and Nicor cannot fail
to attend; and I would also desire Yaccombourse to be there, you having
great proposals to make to the states which you shall want her to hear.
I will in the meantime prepare the servants under Quilly, and order
Maleck with another posse to attend, as by your command, to execute
your orders given by me, and I myself will impeach those bad persons in
public; and Nicor, if he will not ingenuously confess what commission
he was charged with from Barbarsa, shall be put to the torture I direct,
till he discovers it."
The king was very well pleased with this method; so I ordered Quilly, as
from the king, to bring all my servants to the assembly, appointing him
his place, and Maleck to select me fifty stout persons and to wait to
execute my orders on a signal given. So soon as the assembly met, I told
them, since I had concerned myself in their affairs, I had made it my
business to search into the cause of their calamities; and finding some
of the traitors were now approached, not only near to, but even into the
capital city, his majesty had therefore ordered me to ask their advice,
what punishment was adequate, in their judgments, to the crime
of conspiring against him and the State, and holding treasonable
correspondence with his enemies under the show of his greatest friends.
I stopped, and looked at Barbarsa; he turned as pale as ashes and was
rising to speak, when the senior colamb declared, if any such thing
could be made appear, the common punishment of Crash-doorpt was too
trivial; but they deserved to be dropped alive either to hoximo or Mount
Alkoe. The several colambs all declaring the same to be their judgment,
and even those to be too mild for their deserts, I then stepped up to
Barbarsa, who sat at the king's left hand, as did Yaccombourse at his
right, and telling them and Nicor they were all prisoners of state, I
delivered Barbarsa and Yaccombourse in custody to Quilly and his men,
and Nicor to Maleck and his men, ordering them into separate apartments,
with strict commands that neither should speak to the other upon pain of
the last pronounced judgment.
Barbarsa would have spoke, and called out to the king, begging him not
to desert so faithful a servant for the insinuations of so vile a man
as Peter; but the king only told him the vile man could be made appear
presently, and he hoped he would meet his deserts.
I then stood up and told the assembly the whole of what we heard, how
it first came to be discovered, and that the king himself had been an
ear-witness of it, which the king confirming, the whole assembly rang
with confusion, and revenge and indignation appeared in every face.
I then proposed, as we yet knew not what that secret commission was
which Nicor was charged with, having enough against the rest, that
Nicor might be brought forth; and upon refusal to answer, be put to the
torture.
Nicor appearing before the assembly, I told him I was commanded by the
king to ask him what commission he was charged with by Barbarsa, and
to whom. I told him the safest way for his life, his honour, and his
country, was to make a true confession at first, or I had authority to
put him to the torture; for, as for slitting and banishment, as they
were too slight to atone for this offence, he might rest satisfied his
would be of another sort, if he hesitated at delivering the thing in its
full truth.
My prelude terrifying him, he openly confessed that his last commission
was to several towns, as from the king, and with his gripsack, to order
their submission to Harlokin, the king not being in any condition to
relieve them; and that as soon as they had submitted, Harlokin would be
let into this city, which could not stand against him.
He also declared that it had been agreed, and the boundaries settled,
how far Barbarsa, who was to be declared king and marry Yaccombourse,
should govern, and how far Harlokin; that Barbarsa was to be styled King
of the East, and Harlokin King of the West; and that either of them, on
the other's dying childless, was to inherit the whole monarchy.
The king declaring this to be all true, and that by my procurement
he heard it all mentioned but the last night between Barbarsa and
Yaccombourse as they were solacing themselves in bed, the whole assembly
ordered them to be brought out, carried with cords about their necks,
and precipitated into Mount Alkoe.
I then begged they might be suffered to speak for themselves before
execution; and acquainting them severally with the evidence, I first
asked Barbarsa what he had to say against his sentence. He declared his
ambition, and the easiness of his master's temper, had instigated him
to attempt what had been charged upon him; having, as he thought, a fair
opportunity of so doing.--I then asked Yaccombourse the same question;
she answered me, her ambition had been her sole governor from a child,
and I had done my worst in preventing the progress of that; and whatever
else I could do was not worth her notice; "But to have reigned,"
says she, with some emotion, "was worth the lives of millions, and
overbalanced everything!"
I pleaded hard for Nicor, as I perceived him to be only the favourite's
favourite, and not in the scrape for his own views, more than what he
might merit from his new master; and as he had declared the truth, and
I believed I might make further use of him, I obtained that he might
be only committed to me, and that I might have liberty of pardoning or
slitting as I saw fit; and, as I expected, he afterwards proved very
useful to me and my designs, and I pardoned him.
Before the assembly rose, a party of the natives of Mount Alkoe were
ordered to convey Yaccombourse and Barbarsa to the mountain, slip their
graundees, and drop them there; and thus ended the lives of these two
aspiring persons.
When I came home, I called Nicor before me. "You know," says I, "Nicor,
you are obliged to me for this moment of your life; but I don't remind
you of it for any return I want to myself; but as you are sensible my
endeavours are to serve this State, I offer you life and freedom upon
condition you employ your utmost diligence to repair your past conduct,
by a free declaration of everything in your power that may be for the
benefit of the kingdom, as you know the springs by which all these bad
movements have been set at work; and I desire your opinion how best to
counteract the schemes formed, and redress the evils."
Nicor being fully convinced of his error, and having lost his patron,
was very submissive; and declared he believed none of the provinces
would have gone over to Harlokin, unless they had thought it was the
king's order Barbarsa had acted by, which, by bearing his gripsack, they
made no doubt of. He advised to send expresses with the king's gripsack
to such places as had lately submitted, and to such as were about it,
to put a stop to them. I told him I had done that; "But not by the
gripsack," says he, "and unless they see and hear that, they will give
no credit to the message." He then gave me some particular hints in other
affairs of no mean consequence; and seeing him truly under concern, and,
to my thinking, sincere in what he said, I told him I was an absolute
enemy to confinement, and if any person of repute would engage he should
be forthcoming upon all occasions that I might have recourse to him, I
would let him have his liberty.
Poor Nicor, as it commonly happens to great men in disgrace, finding
himself abandoned by all his friends, after trying everybody, dropping
some tears, told me next morning he was highly sensible of what a dye
his offences had been, for that not one amongst all his former friends
would even look upon him in his present circumstances, wherefore he must
submit to fate.
Nicor having borne a good character before seduced by Barbarsa, and
knowing that an obliged enemy often becomes the sincerest friend, I
pressed him again to try his friends. He told me everybody was shy of
engaging in such an affair; and that he had rather suffer himself, than
meanly to entreat any one into an unwilling compliance.--"Come, Nicor,"
says I, "will you be your own security to me? May I take your own
word?"--He said he could not expect that; for as the terror of slitting
lay over him, and in my hands too, he could not answer but he might
deceive me in case he should conceive I had a design against him; which
I myself, too, might have from a mistaken motive.
"Why, then, Nicor," says I, "you are free; now use your own discretion.
I think you will never cause my judgment to be impeached for what I have
done; but if you do, I can't condemn myself for it, and hope I shall
have no reason to repent it."
Nicor fell at my feet, embraced them, and was so overcome with my
generosity to him, that I could with difficulty prevail on him to rise
again; saying he was now more than ever ashamed to see my face. I told
him I had not done with him, but would use him henceforth as my
friend, and ordered him to call upon me daily, for I might have several
occasions for him; and, truly, next to Nasgig, he proved the usefullest
man in the kingdom.
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