daughters were up at daybreak. When I went into the breakfast-room, I
discovered that the pictures had been taken down, although there was no
chance of their being hung up for many weeks at least, and everything
was in preparation for packing up. After breakfast my wife set off for
town to order carpets and curtains, and did not come home till six
o'clock, very tired with the fatigues of the day. She had also brought
the measure of every grate, to ascertain what fenders would suit; the
measure of the bedrooms and attics, to remodel the carpets; for it was
proposed that Brompton Hall should be disposed of, the new occupier
taking at a valuation what furniture might be left. To this I appeared
to consent; but was resolved in my own mind that, if taken, it should
only be for the same term of years as my new lease. I will pass over a
month of hurry, bustle, and confusion; at the end of which I found
myself in our new habitation. It was completely furnished, with the
exception of the drawing-room carpet, which had not been laid down, but
was still in a roll tied up with packthread in the middle of the room.
The cause of this I soon understood from my wife. It was always the
custom, she said, to give a house-warming upon entering a new house, and
she therefore proposed giving a little dance. To this, as it would
please her and my daughters, I raised no objection.
I have always observed that what is proposed as a little dance
invariably ends in a great one; for from the time of proposing till the
cards are about, it increases like a snow-ball; but that arises,
perhaps, from the extreme difficulty of knowing when to draw the line
between friends and acquaintances. I have also observed that when your
wife and daughters intend such a thing, they always obtain permission
for the ball first, and then tack on the supper afterwards; commencing
with a mere stand-up affair--sandwiches, cakes, and refreshments, and
ending with a regular sit-down affair, with Gunter presiding over all.
The music from two fiddles and a piano also swells into Collinet's
band--verifying the old adage, "In for a penny, in for a pound." But to
all this I gave my consent; I could afford it well, and I liked to
please my wife and daughters. The ball was given, and this
house-warming ended in house-breaking; for just before the
supper-quadrille, as it was termed, when about twenty-four young ladies
and gentlemen were going the grand ronde, a loud noise below, with
exclamations and shrieks, was heard, and soon afterwards the whole
staircase was smothered with dust.
"What _is_ the matter?" cried my wife, who had passed to the
landing-place on the stairs before me.
"Ma'am," said one of Mr Gunter's men, shaking the lappets of his blue
coat, which were covered with white dust, "the whole ceiling of the
dining-room has come down."
"Ceiling come down!" screamed my wife.
"Yes, ma'am," replied our own servant; "and the supper and supper-tables
are all smashed flat with the weight on it."
Here was a catastrophe. My wife hastened down, and I followed. Sure
enough the weight of mortar had crushed all beneath it--all was chaos
and confusion. Jellies, blancmanges, pates, cold roasts, creams,
trifles--all in one mass of ruin, mixed up with lime, horse-hair,
plaster of Paris, and stucco. It wore all the appearance of a Swiss
avalanche in miniature.
"Good heavens, how dreadful!" exclaimed my wife.
"How much more so if there had been people in the room," replied I.
"What could be the cause of it?" exclaimed my wife.
"These new houses, sir, won't bear dancing in," observed Mr Gunter's
head man.
"So it appears," replied I.
This unfortunate accident was the occasion of the party breaking up:
they knew that there was no chance of supper, which they had looked
forward to; so they put on their shawls and departed, leaving us to
clear up the wreck at our leisure. In fact, as my daughters declared, it
quite spoiled the ball as well as the supper.
The next morning I sent for Mr Smithers, who made his appearance, and
showed him what had taken place.
"Dear me, I'm very sorry; but you had too many people above stairs--that
is very clear."
"Very clear, indeed, Mr Smithers. We had a ball last night."
"A ball, sir! Oh, then no wonder."
"No wonder! What! do you mean to say that balls are not to be given?"
"Why, really, sir, we do not build private houses for ball-rooms--we
could not, sir; the price of timber just now is enormous, and the
additional strength required would never pay us."
"What then! do you mean to say that there are no balls to be given in
London?"
"Oh no, sir!--certainly not; but you must be aware that few people do.
Even our aristocracy hire Willis's rooms for their balls. Some of the
old houses indeed, such as Devonshire House, may do for such a thing."
"But, Mr Smithers, I expect you will make this ceiling good."
"Much obliged to you sir, for giving me the preference--I will do it as
reasonable as anybody," replied Mr Smithers, bowing. "I will order my
workmen directly--they are only next door."
For a fortnight we were condemned to dine in the back dining-room; and
after that Mr Smithers sent in a bill which cost me more than the ball
and supper.
So soon as all was right again, I determined that I would hang up my
pictures; for I had been accustomed to look at them for years, and I
missed them. I sent for a carpenter and gave him directions.
"I have the middle now, sir, exactly," said the man, standing on the
high steps; "but," continued he, tapping with his hammer, "I can't find
wood."
"Can't find wood!"
"No, sir," replied the man, tapping as far as he could reach from right
to left; "nothing to nail to, sir. But there never is no wood in these
new-built houses."
"Confound your new houses!" exclaimed I.
"Well, it is very provoking, my dear!" exclaimed my wife.
"I suppose that their new houses are not built for pictures any more
than for balls," replied I; and I sighed. "What must be done?"
"I think, sir, if you were to order brass rods to be fixed from one
corner to the other, we might find means to fasten them," observed the
carpenter; "but there's no wood, that's certain."
"What the devil is the house built of then?" exclaimed I.
"All lath and plaster, sir," replied the man, tapping right and left.
At a heavy expense I procured the rods, and at last the pictures were
hung up.
The next annoyance that we had was a very bad smell, which we found to
proceed from the drains; and the bricklayers were sent for. All the
drains were choked, it appeared, from their being so very narrow; and
after having up the whole basement, at the expense of L40, that nuisance
was abated.
We now had two months' repose, and I was in hopes that things would go
on more comfortably; but one day I overheard a conversation between my
wife and daughters, as I passed by the door of the room, which I must
candidly acknowledge gave me satisfaction.
"It's really very awkward, mamma--one don't know where to put anything:
there's not a cupboard or stow-hole in the whole house--not even a
store-room."
"Well, it is so, my dear; I wonder we did not observe it when we looked
over it. What a nice set of cupboards we had at Brompton Hall."
"Oh! yes--I wish we had them here, mamma. Couldn't we have some built?"
"I don't like to speak to your papa about it, my dear; he has already
been put to such expense, what with the ceiling and the drains."
"Then don't, mamma; papa is really very good-natured."
The equinoxes now came on, and we had several gales of wind, with heavy
rain--the slates blew off and rattled up and down all night, while the
wind howled round the corner of the square. The next morning complaints
from all the attic residents; one's bed was wetted quite through with
the water dropping through the ceiling--another had been obliged to put
a basin on the floor to catch the leak--all declared that the roof was
like a sieve. Sent again for Mr Smithers, and made a complaint.
"This time, Mr Smithers," said I, with the lease in my hand, "I believe
you will acknowledge these are landlord's repairs."
"Certainly, sir, certainly," exclaimed Mr Smithers; "I shall desire one
of my men to look to it immediately; but the fact is, with such heavy
gales, the slates must be expected to move a little. Duchesses and
countesses are very light, and the wind gets underneath them."
"Duchesses and countesses very light!" exclaimed my wife; "what do you
mean?"
"It's the term we give to slates, madam," replied he; "we cannot put on
a heavy roof with a brick-and-a-half wall. It would not support one."
"_Brick-and-a-half_ wall!" exclaimed I;--"surely, Mr Smithers, that's
not quite safe with a house so high."
"Not quite safe, my dear sir, if it were a single house; but," added he,
"in a row, one house supports another."
"Thank Heaven," thought I, "I have but a three-years' lease, and sixth
months are gone already."
But the annoyances up to this period were internal; we now had to
experience the external nuisances attending a modern-built house.
"No. 1 is taken, papa, and they are getting the furniture in," said my
eldest daughter one day; "I hope we shall have nice neighbours. And
William told Mary that Mr Smithers told him, when he met him in the
street, that he was now going to fit up No. 3 as fast as he could."
The report was true, as we found from the report of the carpenters'
hammers for the next three or four weeks. We could not obtain a moment's
sleep except in the early part of the night, or a minute's repose to our
ears during the day. The sound appeared as if it was _in_ our house
instead of next door; and it commenced at six o'clock in the morning,
and lasted till seven in the evening. I was hammered to death; and,
unfortunately, there was a constant succession of rain, which prevented
me from going out to avoid it. I had nothing to do but to watch my
pictures, as they jumped from the wall with the thumps of the hammers.
At last No. 3 was floored, wainscotted and glazed, and we had a week's
repose.
By this time No. 1 was furnished, and the parties who had taken it came
in. They were a gouty old gentleman, and his wife, who, report said, had
once been his cook. My daughters' hopes of pleasant neighbours were
disappointed. Before they had been in a week, we found ourselves at
issue: the old gentleman's bed was close to the partition-wall, and in
the dead of the night we could distinctly hear his groans, and also his
execrations and exclamations, when the fit came on him. My wife and
daughters declared that it was quite horrible, and that they could not
sleep for them.
Upon the eighth day there came a note:--
"Mrs Whortleback's compliments to Mr and Mrs ----, and begs that the
young people will not play on the piany, as Mr Whortleback is very ill
with the gout."
Now, my daughters were proficients on the piano, and practised a great
deal. This note was anything but satisfactory: to play when the old
gentleman was ill would be barbarous,--not to play was to deprive
ourselves of our greatest pleasure.
"Oh dear! how very disagreeable," cried my daughters.
"Yes, my dear; but if we can hear his groans, it's no wonder that he
can hear the piano and harp: recollect the wall is only a brick and a
half thick."
"I wonder music don't soothe him," observed the eldest.
Music is mockery to a man in agony. A man who has been broken on the
wheel would not have his last hours soothed by the finest orchestra.
After a week, during which we sent every day to inquire after Mr
Whortleback's health, we ventured to resume the piano and harp; upon
which the old gentleman became testy, and sent for a man with a trumpet,
placing him in the balcony, and desiring him to play as much out of tune
as possible whenever the harp and piano sounded a note. Thus were we at
open hostility with our only neighbour; and, as we were certain if my
daughters touched their instruments, to have the trumpet blowing discord
for an hour or two either that day or the next, at last the piano was
unopened, and the harp remained in its case. Before the year closed, No.
3 became tenanted; and here we had a new annoyance. It was occupied by a
large family; and there were four young ladies who were learning music.
We now had our annoyance: it was strum, strum, all day long; one sister
up, another down; and every one knows what a bore the first lessons in
music are to those who are compelled to hear them. They could just
manage to play a tune, and that eternal tune was ringing in our ears
from morning to night. We could not send our compliments, or blow a
trumpet. We were forced to submit to it. The nursery also being against
the partition-wall, we had the squalls and noise of the children on the
one side, added to groans and execrations of the old gentleman on the
other.
However, custom reconciled us to everything, and the first vexation
gradually wore off. Yet I could not help observing that when I was
supposed not to be in hearing, the chief conversation of my wife, when
her friends called upon her, consisted of a description of all the
nuisances and annoyances that we suffered; and I felt assured that she
and my daughters were as anxious to return to Brompton Hall as I was.
In fact, the advantages which they had anticipated by their town
residence were not realised. In our situation, we were as far off from
most of our friends, and still farther from some than we were before,
and we had no longer the same amusements to offer them. At our former
short distance from town, access was more easy to those who did not keep
a carriage, that is, the young men; and those were the parties who, of
course, my wife and daughters cared for most. It was very agreeable to
come down with their portmanteaus,--enjoy the fresh air and green lanes
of the country for an afternoon,--dine, sleep, and breakfast, and return
the next morning by conveyances which passed us every quarter of an
hour; but to dine with us in ---- square, when the expense of a
hackney-coach there and back was no trifle, and to return at eleven
o'clock at night, was not at all agreeable. We found that we had not so
much society, nor were we half so much courted, as at Brompton Hall.
This was the bitterest blow of all, and my wife and daughters would look
out of the windows and sigh; often a whole day passed without one friend
or acquaintance dropping in to relieve its monotony.
We continued to reside there, nevertheless, for I had made up my mind
that the three years would be well spent if they cured my wife and
daughters of their town mania; and although anxious as I am sure they
were to return, I never broached the matter, for I was determined that
the cure should be radical. Nos. 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8, were finished the
next year, and, by the persuasions of Mr Smithers, were taken by
different parties in the spring. And now we had another nuisance.
Nothing but eternal rings at the bell. The man-servant grumbled, and was
behind with his work; and when scolded, replied that there was no time
for anything, that when cleaning his knives and plate the bell was rung,
and he was obliged to wash himself, throw on his jacket, and go up to
answer the front door; that the bell was not rung for us, but to find
out where some new-comer lived, and to ascertain this they always rang
at the house which appeared the longest inhabited. There was no end to
the ringing for some months, and we had three servants who absolutely
refused to stay in so bad a place. We had also to contend with letters
and notes in the same way, brought to us at haphazard: "Does Mr
So-and-so live here?"--"No, he does not."--"Then pray where does he?"
This was interminable, and not five minutes in the day passed without
the door-bell being rung. For the sake of not changing my servants I was
at last put to the expense of an extra boy for no other purpose but to
answer the constant applications at the door. At last we had remained
there for two years and nine months, and then my wife would occasionally
put the question whether I intended to renew the lease; and I naturally
replied that I did not like change.
Then she went upon another tack; observed that Clara did not appear well
for some time, and that she thought that she required country air; but,
in this, I did not choose to agree with her.
One day I came home, and, rubbing my hands as if pleased, said, "Well,
at last I've an offer for Brompton Villa for a term of seven years,--a
very fair offer and good tenants,--so that will now be off my hands."
My wife looked mortified, and my daughters held down their heads.
"Have you let it, papa?" said one of my daughters, timidly.
"No, not yet; but I am to give an answer to-morrow morning."
"It requires consideration, my dear," replied my wife.
"Requires consideration!" said I. "Why, my dear, the parties have seen
the house, and I have been trying to let it these three years. I
recollect when I took this house I said it required consideration, but
you would not allow any such thing."
"I'm sure I wish we had," said Clara.
"And so do I."
"The fact is, my dear," said my wife, coming round to the back of my
chair, and putting her arms round my neck, "we all wish to go back to
Brompton."
"Yes, yes, papa," added my daughters, embracing me on each side.
"You will allow, then, that I was right in not taking a lease for more
than three years."
"Yes: how lucky you were so positive!"
"Well, then, if that is the case, we will unfurnish this house, and, as
soon as you please, go back to Brompton Hall."
I hardly need observe that we took possession of our old abode with
delight, and that I have had no more applications for a change of
residence, or have again heard the phrase that we were living "out of
the world."
The Way to be Happy
Cut your coat according to your cloth, is an old maxim and a wise one;
and if people will only square their ideas according to their
circumstances, how much happier might we all be! If we only would come
down a peg or two in our notions, in accordance with our waning
fortunes, happiness would be always within our reach. It is not what we
have, or what we have not, which adds or subtracts from our felicity. It
is the longing for more than we have, the envying of those who possess
that more, and the wish to appear in the world of more consequence than
we really are, which destroy our peace of mind, and eventually lead to
ruin.
I never witnessed a man submitting to circumstances with good humour and
good sense, so remarkably as in my friend Alexander Willemott. When I
first met him, since our school days, it was at the close of the war: he
had been a large contractor with government for army clothing and
accoutrements, and was said to have realised an immense fortune,
although his accounts were not yet settled. Indeed, it was said that
they were so vast, that it would employ the time of six clerks for two
years, to examine them, previous to the balance sheet being struck. As I
observed, he had been at school with me, and, on my return from the East
Indies, I called upon him to renew our old acquaintance, and
congratulate him upon his success.
"My dear Reynolds, I am delighted to see you. You must come down to
Belem Castle; Mrs Willemott will receive you with pleasure, I'm sure.
You shall see my two girls."
I consented. The chaise stopped at a splendid mansion, and I was ushered
in by a crowd of liveried servants. Everything was on the most sumptuous
and magnificent scale. Having paid my respects to the lady of the house,
I retired to dress, as dinner was nearly ready, it being then half-past
seven o'clock. It was eight before we sat down. To an observation that I
made, expressing a hope that I had not occasioned the dinner being put
off, Willemott replied, "On the contrary, my dear Reynolds, we never sit
down until about this hour. How people can dine at four or five o'clock,
I cannot conceive. I could not touch a mouthful."
The dinner was excellent, and I paid it the encomiums which were its
due.
"Do not be afraid, my dear fellow--my cook is an _artiste
extraordinaire_--a regular _Cordon Bleu_. You may eat anything without
fear of indigestion. How people can live upon the English cookery of the
present day, I cannot conceive. I seldom dine out, for fear of being
poisoned. Depend upon it, a good cook lengthens your days, and no price
is too great to insure one."
When the ladies retired, being alone, we entered into friendly
conversation. I expressed my admiration of his daughters, who certainly
were very handsome and elegant girls.
"Very true; they are more than passable," replied he. "We have had many
offers, but not such as come up to my expectations. Baronets are cheap
now-a-days, and Irish lords are nothings; I hope to settle them
comfortably. We shall see. Try this claret; you will find it excellent,
not a headache in a hogshead of it. How people can drink port, I cannot
imagine."
The next morning he proposed that I should rattle round the park with
him. I acceded, and we set off in a handsome open carriage, with four
greys, ridden by postilions at a rapid pace. As we were whirling along,
he observed, "In town we must of course drive but a pair, but in the
country I never go out without four horses. There is a spring in four
horses which is delightful; it makes your spirits elastic, and you feel
that the poor animals are not at hard labour. Rather than not drive
four, I would prefer to stay at home."
Our ride was very pleasant, and in such amusements passed away one of
the most pleasant weeks that I ever remembered. Willemott was not the
least altered--he was as friendly, as sincere, as open-hearted, as when
a boy at school. I left him, pleased with his prosperity, and
acknowledging that he was well deserving of it, although his ideas had
assumed such a scale of magnificence.
I went to India when my leave expired, and was absent about four years.
On my return, I inquired after my friend Willemott, and was told, that
his circumstances and expectations had been greatly altered. From many
causes, such as a change in the government, a demand for economy, and
the wording of his contracts having been differently rendered from what
Willemott had supposed their meaning to be, large items had been struck
out of his balance sheet, and, instead of being a millionaire, he was
now a gentleman with a handsome property. Belem Castle had been sold,
and he now lived at Richmond, as hospitable as ever, and was considered
a great addition to the neighbourhood. I took the earliest opportunity
of going down to see him.
"Oh, my dear Reynolds, this is really kind of you to come without
invitation. Your room is ready, and bed well aired, for it was slept in
three nights ago. Come--Mrs Willemott will be delighted to see you."
I found the girls still unmarried, but they were yet young. The whole
family appeared as contented and happy, and as friendly, as before. We
sat down to dinner at six o'clock; the footman and the coachman
attended. The dinner was good, but not by the _artiste extraordinaire_.
I praised everything.
"Yes," replied he, "she is a very good cook; she unites the solidity of
the English with the delicacy of the French fare; and, altogether, I
think it a _decided improvement_. Jane is quite a treasure." After
dinner, he observed, "Of course you know I have sold Belem Castle, and
reduced my establishment. Government have not treated me fairly, but I
am at the mercy of commissioners, and a body of men will do that which,
as individuals, they would be ashamed of. The fact is, the odium is
borne by no one in particular, and it is only the sense of shame which
keeps us honest, I am afraid. However, here you see me, with a
comfortable fortune, and always happy to see my friends, especially my
old school-fellow. Will you take _port_ or claret; the port is very
fine, and so is the claret. By-the-bye, do you know--I'll let you into a
family secret; Louisa is to be married to a Colonel Willer--an
_excellent_ match! It has made us all happy."
The next day we drove out, not in a open carriage as before, but in a
chariot and with _a pair of horses_.
"These are handsome horses," observed I.--"Yes," replied he, "I am fond
of good horses; and, as I only keep a pair, I have the best. There is a
certain degree of pretension in _four horses_, I do not much like--it
appears as if you wished to overtop your neighbours."
I spent a few very pleasant days, and then quitted his hospitable roof.
A severe cold, caught that winter, induced me to take the advice of the
physicians, and proceed to the South of France, where I remained two
years. On my return, I was informed that Willemott had speculated, and
had been unlucky on the Stock Exchange; that he had left Richmond, and
was now living at Clapham. The next day I met him near the Exchange.
"Reynolds, I am happy to see you. Thompson told me that you had come
back. If not better engaged, come down to see me; I will drive you down
at four o'clock, if that will suit."
It suited me very well, and, at four o'clock, I met him according to
appointment at a livery stables over the Iron Bridge. His vehicle was
ordered out, it was a phaeton drawn by two longed-tailed
ponies--altogether a very neat concern. We set off at a rapid pace.
"They step out well, don't they? We shall be down in plenty of time to
put on a pair of shoes by five o'clock, which is _our dinner-time_. Late
dinners don't agree with me--they produce indigestion. Of course, you
know that Louisa has a little boy."
I did not; but congratulated him.