I went back to my tent directly after, glad to lie down and think of my
position, and to try and work out some course to follow when the rajah
came back, as I felt convinced he would in a very few days.
I felt that he must like me. His manners proved that; but the liking
might be very shallow, while beneath it all the reasons--the true
reasons--were very deep.
This, then, was why he had brought me here, and had me so carefully
nursed back to life. It was because I was young, and could easily weld
myself into the life of those about me, and with my knowledge, and
whatever adaptability and knowledge I possessed as a gunner, I was to be
henceforth devoted to his service--to use his expression--to make him
strong.
I don't think I was vain, for my thoughts had agreed here, as I said to
myself that I was clever as an artilleryman. No, it was not vanity, for
I was strong in my drill, for the simple reason that I was ready to ride
anywhere at anything, when I joined, and because I was so devoted to my
profession, and thoroughly gloried in keeping those with whom I had to
do perfect in every evolution they had to perform.
And as I lay there--a mere boy, suddenly called upon to undertake such a
tremendous task, I calmly said to myself--
"Yes; I suppose I could drill up a lot of his men, who can ride, into
decent gunners in time; and it would be very pleasant to be a great man,
and the rajah's favourite; but it is impossible. I could not undertake
it. I should deserve to have the lace stripped from my uniform before
all the men, and then to be kicked out of the service.
"What shall I do?" I said, as I lay there. "He will try first to
persuade me; then he will threaten, in spite of his smooth way, for he
can be fierce enough, that's plain. If he does, shall I have strength
enough to hold out, and refuse to promise; or shall I, at last, quite in
despair, give way and act as he wishes?"
I lay, going over it all, for a long while, and at last came to the
despairing conclusion that there was only one way out of the difficulty,
for, in my position, I doubted my powers of holding out--only one way,
and that was to escape.
This idea roused me for a few minutes, but I felt despondent again very
soon, as I recalled all that he had said about the white man being
driven from the land; and I asked myself, as I thought of escaping,
"Where to?"
Hope came directly after, and I knew enough of the eastern character to
say that these people exaggerated and talked in flowery language; and
why should not the rajah, Ny Deen, be acting in the same way?
"It isn't true," I said half aloud. "He thinks it is, or wishes it may
be; but England will not give up like that. She is too strong, and has
too much at stake. He cannot tell. For aught he knows, poor Brace may
be a few miles away with our brave lads ready to knock his palace about
his ears, and make him prisoner in turn."
I was just thinking that I should not like him to be made prisoner in
turn, for I knew that it meant death, and I was beginning to plan how I
should set about making my escape as soon as I felt sufficiently strong,
when the heat and my weakness combined to send me off into a heavy
sleep, one of the many that I indulged in during those days, not from
idleness, for I suppose it was natural while my nerves and muscles were
slowly building themselves up once more.